how do i deal with it
Hi
my gf has a 4yr old daughter, initially everything was smoothe, she loved it when i was around, we used to have fun together but recently this has changed, whenever myself and my gf are together she finds every excuse in the book to keep us apart, if we are sitting on the couch together she will call her mom to sit with her on the other couch or climb on top of her mom, if the 2 of them are on the couch and if i sit next to my gf she cries because she wanted to sit on that side next to her mom, if we are holding hands she will cry until we let go of each other, if we go outside the house to have a smoke, she will find an excuse to get her mom back inside or she will come and sit with us, she stays up way past her bedtime so that we have as little time as possible together. its getting to a point were i dont want to be with my gf if she is around, my gf has custody of her and she only goes to her dad for a few hours a week, he is having the similar problems in his relationship, i am really starting to get annoyed, i havent discussed this with my gf because i am not sure how to bring up this issue. i love my gf to bits and i hope that we get married one day, i will not let a 4yr old child determine the existence our relationship, i need advice on how to bring up this topic with my gf and what changes i can make to myself to have a better relationship with this 4yr old
Hi, My daughter is 5 and my
Hi, My daughter is 5 and my fiance is having the same problem with her. I notice that when im not around they have a great relationship. She likes being with him and she is nicer to him when im not there. ( i work late 2 nights a week). Maybe you should have some one on one time with your step daughter and show her than you do love her mom but you also love her. Trust me, this is hard. It took my step son A LONG time to actually start showing me some love. She will come around. Also if her bio dad is still in the picture he may be putting little thoughts in her mind. My daughter sees her bio dad like 3 times a year and she acts like he is GOD. She will come around. Hang in there, your gf will love you so much more for it. Trust me on that!!
I'm glad that your SS "came
I'm glad that your SS "came around," as you put it, but that is a rarity. From my experience, most skids never "come around." It usually gets worse over time. Good for you that it worked out, but for the average step-parent, don't hold your breath.
I am super lucky. Both step
I am super lucky. Both step kids think I am great and show me lots of love. I think this is for a couple reasons - #1 their BD often disappoints them by overpromising and underdelivering (he's still like God to them though, ugh!) and #2 BM is totally wonderful and makes sure to let them know what real love is about and how to recognize it.
Having said that, I have been dating my fiance for over 8 years, on and off. I have been overseas a lot, lived for many of those years a couple hundred miles away, but we kept coming back to each other. Her daughter, who has known me since she was less than a year old, used to say all the time "MY MOMMY!!!" and come between us. The best trick we pulled on her was when she was 4-5 and we were all at the pool. Her older brother could swim, but she could not. She was so frustrated that mommy and me were in the pool loving on each other (no PDA, just hugging and being close). Whereever we would swim, she would walk as close as she could to the edge. It was my shining moment in an otherwise mom dominated few years.
Sometime after this, it was like a switch went off. Suddenly it was not My mommy, but my daddy (she says my name, which I chose to keep anonymous). And now I could do no wrong and it was like anytime I was around, she had to get my attention. She is 9 now and it is still like this to a degree. We have a new member of the family, so that is making it a bit tough right now, but everyone is doing well. I guess what I am trying to stay is just keep showing love to both BM and SD and everything should work out right. If BD fucks up the picture, I don't know what to tell you in that case.
Good luck and know that it may get better - it's not necessarily all doom and gloom, as frustrating as it may be sometimes.
Welcome....i am not crazy
Welcome....i am not crazy YaY,
Get some parenting books for step parents....REDA THEM! you said the BD is having the same probs in his relationship where his daughter is concerned...do BD and you have a good enough relationship to have a sit down? It may help the BD understand where you are coming from and grow to know you as you may very well be SD in his daughter's life....most guys worry about the SD or BF...It would help if SD knows that the "rules" were going to be the same at both houses and it would also make it easier on SD if she had the same expectations in both places...Im sure the SO of BD feels the same as you do.....God Forbid SD becomes one of these skids who lay all over BD and sit in his lap when they are grown!
After you have done some reading and some research on this area of step kids you will be better equiped to apprach GF...reading it will give you the words to say to address this....then suggest BD and you ALL have a sit down....do not go behind GF's back and do this sit down without her knowing...that is a BAD idea.....
Skids are known to be bad.....but they ALL arent I have 2 that arent! (one PIA!!) Key is she is still young.....still able to learn and grow...
Good Luck!!
Im one that goes old
Im one that goes old fashioned. 1st is broaching the issue with your gf. When the SD is acting up & it has been getting on her nerves too is usually the best.
Yme is right on the reading up because knowledge is power brother & then togther having the sit down with BD & his SO & the two of you. Establish that the next time she does it there will be negative consequences & decide what they will be...timeout, early bed, no snack whatever & have BD doing same stuff.
Its hard to broach senstive subjects about parenting when you're just the boyfriend but if you're serious about wanting to marry her then you just have to grow a pair & do it otherwise you won't be able to when you're married either