Is this weird? Controlling? Reasonable? $$$ and BM
Forums:
I'm making much more money than my DH and so when the 1st of the month comes around, he usually has to come to me to get cash for his alimony child support payments.
Now I realize that it's all coming out of the same pot, in the end, but I've asked him to please put aside what he makes to pay his ex. That way, we can avoid the awkward conversation and visit to the ATM, which he dreads as much as I do.
He's agreed to this, but every month it turns out the same way.
Is it reasonable that I'd rather have him spend all "his" money on his ex so that I don't have to feel like "our"/"my" money is going toward her?
I know it's semantics, but I sure do feel better when I'm not pulling cash out of my bank account for her and her child....
His CS and alimony should
His CS and alimony should have been set based on his income. If he can't pay, either he needs a review because it has been calculated incorrectly, or he's spending his money on something else regardless of the fact that his CS/ alimony is supposed to be paid before anything else. Don't enable that behavior.
Okay, thanks everybody. Very
Okay, thanks everybody. Very helpful and good to know my being upset and wanting some boundaries is warranted.
So, just to be clear: even once we're married and our funds are comingled the CS and alimony should be his responsibility and his alone?
DH has his CS taken straight
DH has his CS taken straight from his check - we don't see it, he doesn't have to hand it over and what is left is our money. I think I would suggest going that route. That way there is no "budgeting" for him.
Just a thought.
Your H is enabling them and
Your H is enabling them and you are enabling him. What does he do or contribute to your life to make it better? Its not your problem that he is in over his head and you should be more than a ATM for the family. Cut him off so he can swim or drown and he is not your kd so you don't need to be taking care of him.
You didn't sleep with the
You didn't sleep with the idiot EX...you should not pay a dime in CS or alimony...if he can't afford it, he needs to get a review...
The way I saw it, my DH's CS
The way I saw it, my DH's CS obligation was his obligation alone. He had CS taken out of his paycheck, and enough $$ set aside to pay it in case he lost his job. I'm not his mother, and I was very upfront with him that I was not paying it in any way, shape or form.
Wow, thanks everybody! I feel
Wow, thanks everybody! I feel seriously empowered.
Sorry to belabor the point when you all are so clear, but here's what I'm (still) struggling with.
Let's say I make $8K/mo and he makes $2K/mo. $1500 of that goes to CS/alimony.
Should it come from his account, meaning that I'll be an ATM for everything else (rent, car, groceries, etc)?
Does it really matter where the CS/alimony comes from? His account or mine?
That's what we're trying to come to terms with.
I think it does matter. He doesn't.
If it matters to you then yes
If it matters to you then yes it matters. Is there no way for him to have it garnished from his paycheck? Otherwise, it should come from his account if it keeps you from feeling used.
He really should not quibble with you on this. He may appreciate your opinion more if you don't make that ATM run next time.
It matters because you say it
It matters because you say it matters. He needs to go to court and have the order lowered. As long as you continue to give him money each month, he will leave things as they are. Force his hand.
I'm with all the other ladies
I'm with all the other ladies on this. Think about what he would do if you were not in the pic? He would FIND a way to pay CS and what ever he had to pay that is what he would do. I refuse to pay CS as well. We make about the same but after CS and stuff I bring home more. Dh has his taken out of his check which really is the best way. It's like this it makes you feel like you are not being used and you don't have to worry about it or talk about it. We pay all our bills with dh's check then I pay for the gas and food and anything my kids need first then we do fun things IF we can.
Cs is not like a bill that you have together it is something that if you were not together that your dh would have to always pay til that kid is 18. No court would make you split that 'bill' if he was no longer with his 'new wife'.