Really wanting to get over this
DH and I just had our first baby, a little boy 10 days ago. He is the love of our lives, perfect and so sweet natured. DH has a 3yr old daughter from a past 'relationship' if you want to call it that. She hasn't seen the baby yet and I am dreading it and wish I wasn't. I know it isn't her fault that her mother and mother's family is such a bunch of f***tards, but I can't help but associate the 2 and really resent her and do not want her to see my baby. I know that's not exactly rational and ultimately know she will be seeing him, I guess I just am looking for some advice as to how to not let it bother me so much. I feel like having her around takes away from my new son, even tho DH is already 10X a better father to DS than he is to SD. I know SD saw her new cousin who is 10 days older than my son, and my idiot IL's thought it was totally fine to let her hold him on the couch by herself while they stood a few feet away and took pictures. I'm definitely not ok with that, bc I'm scared she could easily drop him. DH is backing me at this point and letting my son and I have our time in the spotlight minus SD, but I know it won't last forever. I just don't know exactly what to do to get past feeling so anxious and annoyed with having SD around my baby.
This is a normal feeling and
This is a normal feeling and very hard to explain! Dare I say jelousy is in a bit of all of us. When I was taking my second home (ours) my BD was there of course and DH was trying to get SD to rush over! I wasn't in the mood for her if you know what I mean. Why couldn't I just go home and enjoy my kids for a minute. It just felt and still feels like things revolve around SKids. This is natural; this is your baby and you do what you want! I wouldn't let her hold the baby either!! A tip: don't dwell on it - if DH is backing you - take it and run! Only push it when you don't have his support. Good luck and Congrats!!
Thanks so much! I'm glad I'm
Thanks so much! I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling that way, you're exactly right with saying it feels like things revolve around SK's. DH's family especially ALWAYS has to bring up SD, like it's an insult to her to focus on my baby or something, it just makes me resent the whole situation more. The IL's were around a lot this weekend so I just heard about it a lot it was "SD this and SD that" all the time, and it just definitely got under my skin!
Don't beat yourself up. These
Don't beat yourself up. These are normal feelings.
My SD was 3 when my little one was born. She's an attention hog as it is, and I didn't think it was so adorable that she was always trying to squeeze herself in between the baby and anyone trying to look at the baby or hold the baby. I just redirected her and told her to go find something to do, or gave her a task. It's natural for a toddler to be curious, but you're right, a baby could be dropped or hurt easily.
One thing that helped a lot when I brought my baby home was that we had gotten a set of stuff for SD with a little baby doll and a highchair and a little cradle. Some clothes and little play diapers. Toy bottles and a toy tub. When we were doing something with the baby, I would tell her to go get her "baby" and we would wash our babies and feed our babies together. It helped her get in stride with being big, a "helper" and "mommy" instead of regressing to wanting to be a baby and get that special baby treatment. Might be worth a try?