I have to apologize first, because my original post was just a total vent w/no background information, LOL!

No, we do not live together; in fact, we live 5 hours away from each other. We are rarely able to get together w/the kids, but we've been together for over 2 years, so they've been around me many times. When he brings them to visit me, or I visit during his custody time, I always end up feeling exhausted, degraded and unappreciated for the efforts I go to taking care of them, feeding them, trying to entertain them. Now, I realize this situation lends itself to the possible argument that they don't know me well enough yet for the ground rules to be established, or for me to have much of an influence. But on the flip side of that, if they REALLY didn't know me and my expectations, you would THINK (at 5 and 7 years of age) they would still fall under that umbrella of general respect by virtue of the fact that I'm an adult. I've never done anything to LOSE their respect, certainly.

His and my original "BM turning the kids against me" convo last night was via text. We talked about it later over the phone and it turned into a full-fledged blow-out. I told him that I'm sick of how he tends to side w/BM. For example, he and I were at his DD's baseball game with his mother. Kids were leaving w/BM, so as we all parted ways in the parking lot, BM said, "Okay, kids, say good-bye to Daddy and Grandma." Pardon???? What would have been wrong w/"Say good-bye to everybody."???? When I said something about that, his response was, "She's just kind of anti-social, maybe you make her uncomfortable." To ME, she may as well have said, "Okay, kids, it's okay to pretend that cat is non-existent," which then translates into "Okay, kids, you don't have to respect cat."

Then w/the thing last night, SO said that BM would "want her kids to listen to an adult." Whatever you say, honey... maybe under most circumstances, but you can bet your life she DOESN'T want them listening to ME. Meanwhile, if she "doesn't think about me," then why is her primary argument for not agreeing to joint custody-- very LAME argument, may I add-- that SO came to see me for my college graduation when it was his weekend w/the kids, and left them with his mother? Jeez Louise, of all things to split hairs over...

So anyway, the rest of the conversation was pretty unproductive. The first thing he did, NATURALLY, was get defensive about the behaviors from his kids which I brought to his attention for the sake of examples of disrespect... and then bring MY kids into the discussion.

Trust me, I spend a LOT of time thinking about what it would take for a blended family situation to work out here, and whether it's even remotely possible. Right now, it's not looking too promising-- as you can imagine, along with the potential "BM turning the kids against me situation," there is a WHOLE slew of custody/child support issues going on here. She's just that kind of trash. I can barely handle it from afar.

And yes, I have heard about the "Stepmonster" book on here many, many times, and definitely want to check it out.