i can't stand it anymore!
Hi there, I just found this place and am so glad to have found somewhere with women who understand what I'm going through. I'm not sure where to start so, I'll try and keep it as short as possible. I met my partner about four years ago,we have a two year old together, and he has a boy and a girl from a previous marrage. Up until 12 months ago both skids lived with their mother in Europe. The oldest ( the boy, now 11 ) was misbehaving for his mum who then, threatened to send him to live with us. Me being the ever optimistic person I am, added with the fact that this child is one of the most annoying individuals I have ever met, never thought it would ever happen. What mother would let there child go live in a different country whilst their sibling stayed at home? I know I wouldn't. So, now here he is, and its got to the point where I'm starting to think about ending my relationship and moving out with my daughter. My partner works night and leaves the house just after dinner, from then on this child attitude and behaviour totally changes. He becomes rude, cheeky, answers back to everything I say to him, throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get his own way and generally speaks to me like I'm something that crawled out of a hole. If I attempt to say anything back my partner accuses me of 'picking' on him! Example, remember this kid is 11, he refuses to use a knife and falk, opting to use his hands and cover my furniture with his food. When I told him how to use them and that by now he should know this perfectly normal social skill, guess who was at fault? Even my two year old tells him to 'eat properly' or 'use your falk. Its got to the point now where I can't be in the same room, look or even speak to him because I can feel my blood boil. At the moment both skids are here and I'm sarting to feel so low that I dread getting out of bed in the morning. I don't know if there is any advice out there I just needed to vent and know others have the same experience
As me because,I can't talk to my partner about it. The sun shines out of this childs rear and it just ends in us fighting.I really think it's time for me to go, but I know I'm going to be made to feel like the bad guy. And I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that right now.
lol i think i might just give
lol i think i might just give that a go, if i can handle being here any longer!
i really wish he did want to go back to his mother, but why would he when daddy gives him everything he wants and allows him to act like some kind of social retard?
he went to visit his mum a couple of weeks ago and cried like a baby because he didn't want to go.
and oh, how we all had to feel sorry for him, why was this? probably because his mother can't deal with him either. i know its awful and people say 'he's just a kid, it's not his fault' but living in this house and now that its the school holidays, spending ever waking hour with this brat and his sister is killing me.
Ugh. I can only say that I
Ugh. I can only say that I am dealing with much of the same thing. I'll bend over backwords for his son, but as soon as his father walks in the door, he runs to him and complains that he doesnn't like what I cooked for dinner, and then begins to demand a corndog. His dad doesn't know how to handle him, and feels that he needs to give in--since he doesn't think it's a big deal to make him something different--since his son deserves to eat. Wow. I'm literally pulling my hair out. If I say anything lately, he gets defensive and then I feel guilty for my feelings. I have a completely different idea of how to raise children, and that's how I've raised my own. It's touch to watch as my ss and sd do whatever they want, and complain, and kick and scream and cry to get their way. I have had so much stress lately due to holding my feelings in since trying to talk to him gets me nowhere, and the household becomes further divided.
oh i know that feeling only
oh i know that feeling only to well. my partner is exactly the same with this brat. it got to the point a few month ago, that i refused to cook for him because it would get wasted then his dad would let him fill up on junk food for the rest of the evening.
"I have had so much stress lately due to holding my feelings in since trying to talk to him gets me nowhere, and the household becomes further divided."
same here, i also find that SS seems to take pleasure in this. sometimes sitting there with a slight smile on his face looking at me, or maybe i'm going crazy and reading into it far to much lol
its hard i know, its even harder when we cant speak our minds without DH thinking god knows what and having to keep it all in. i'm just worried one of these days it's all going to come to the surface and everyone is going to get hurt.
I'd suggest getting your SS
I'd suggest getting your SS into counseling & possibly having a few family sessions...that way your DH can hear from a professional what the best way to parent is & I'm sure the counselor will be curios as to why your SS is unable to function at an age appropriate level.
It's a tough one, best of luck!
if only this would help, i am
if only this would help, i am a counselor myself. within the substance misuse field granted however, the same basic principles apply. Yet every time i try and speak to DH about the boy's behavior, complete lack of social awareness and how our two year old daughter seems to have more going on upstairs than him, i get shot down. so much so, that now whenever ss is here (about 6 weeks a year in total rest-bite when he goes to mothers)DH attitude and the way he speaks to me change, he becomes snappy and moody, yet, when ss isn't here DH is great we get on well and have fun again like we use to. i just don't get it.