Ooh I feel for you. I need a little more info from you. What is the relationship with BF and BM like? What is the relationship like with Skids and BM? I take it he does not want to do couple therapy?

It's really hard to do but you can begin to advocate for yourself. I'd consider my own health, mental and phyical, to be paramount when dealing with any step situation. An all of a sudden change will likely provoke a bad situation. Next time the kids go to their mother take a break with your son. Do you have any family nearby?
Chauvanism really never went away! Some guys were raised that way and it's so deeply ingrained in them that change never occurrs to them. It sounds like that's how he is.

One of the best tools in these situations is a smile, seriously, a smile. Also, I might suggest talking about other things with him, while you are busy engage him in conversation on an issue he likes to discuss and pass him some laundry to fold while you are talking and involve him unwittingly. I know, it's trickery, but that's what we have to do with kids who feel they are in no way obliged to help out. This man sounds like he needs some 'training' and the more subtle you can be the better. With him it would be OK to flirt a little while you are both busy and he gets rewarded too! A day out somewhere might be a good 'loosener' too, it sounds like you are worn out to the point where you are so uptight that there's just no fun any more...I'd like to read that you are creating some time just for you though, it's important. When things were so hectic for me I'd put the kids to bed and take an hour or so just to do whatever I felt like doing. If something I do is 'never right' I'd be saying then have at it buddy! I basically did just that a few years ago, the skids were old enough to be very sneaky and manipulative and I wanted no part of it. I was the scapegoat for a while, no one liked how I handled things. OK...dead easy! I just will not handle those things! It's really not quite as easy as it sounds though, I was still keeping an ear out for what was going on and I still kept an eye on things but I did nothing about them and referred them immediately to their dad when they wanted something from me that they thought their dad would say no to. I still love them all and they will still grow and learn. I feel so sorry for you right now, I think your feelings are excaserbated because you are so tired. Can you get some rest and relaxation in somewhere?

{{{{Hugs}}}}

I’m sure he loves you being the indentured servant for the family and that’s lets BM off the hook. You have all the responsibility and she gets the cake walk. Now that you are off the Zoloft you will be less tolerant of them using you and abusing you.

He expects nothing from BM and everything from you.

I hope that you went off of the zoloft because you felt YOU wanted to not b/c SO won't marry someone who is on it. You have a lot on your plate and it sounds like you don't get a whole lot of help around the house. It sounds like your SO has fairly unreasonable expectations of what your role is in HIS kids lives. BM needs to step it up and your SO needs to expect more from her and not dump on you. He should be grateful that you work your a$$ off and make a nice home all while putting in extra time to raise his children however you see fit. If your SO finds you too "flawed" to raise his kids than he can very well do it by himself. SO needs a reality check and you need a break.

Let me get this straight.

You work a full time job.
Help your SO with his business.
Take care of your child.
And do everything in the house for SO and his kids. (Laundry, cooking, homework, emotional support, childcare, cleaning, sex partner,etc)

Seems like you have made a large investment.

Go ask your SO what your return is and when your getting it because Exhausted... your at the bottom of the heap. Tell your SO your taking a vacation and do it. Arrange for a week or two off work, take your ONE child to a friend/ relatives house and park your ass. Let him DO everything and realize how much work it is. Before you return, have a come to jesus meeting with him. His kids= his responsibility!

Honestly I think he sounds like a real asshole. They are his kids, why isnt he making dr's appts for them and such? Is he too lazy? Why are you doing all the household work and helping him with his job? Who is helping you with yours? Why is it even any of his concern if you are on medication? It's not like you are getting high on it. Perhaps he should educate himself about the medication you are prescribed to take rather than making dumb comments about how he wont marry someone on it. Frankly, I dont think this guy is good enough for you.

You deserve so much better! He doesn't sound like a great man and a great daddy. He's sounds like a controlling jerk who is forcing you to mother his children alone. If he's such a great daddy, let HIM daddy them. If he's such a great BF he'd understand your need for medicine to deal with everything.

I'd tell him he either shapes up and helps you with the house and the kids or YOU'RE not marring HIM! Watch him scramble to help when he's facing hiring a nanny and housekeeper to take care of his first two kids AND paying CS to take care of your son.

From your post, I don't see where he is a great man and great daddy. YOU do all the parenting. Of course it's easy to be a "great daddy" when you just get to have fun with the kids. A great man would build you up, not tear you down. If he's not happy with something, a great man would do it himself or get some help for you. A great man would praise you and love you unconditionally. A great man would not care if you were taking medication. He would try to ease your burden.

I dated a guy like your SO for about three years. I am now married to a great man...so I know the difference. My DH is not perfect...who is...but he supports me, lifts me up, does not judge me when I'm bedbound for the day (chronic illness), picks up the slack, cooks, cleans, etc etc...AND he does not expect me to parent his kids.

When a man controls you, your self esteem goes down the toilet...I think they do this so women will not leave. Whatever the reason, you should not have to "trick" him into helping you, go off medications that help you cope, or be berated for things you're doing for HIM.

It sounds like you would benefit from seeing a therapist. They could help you sort out what's appropriate behavior from your SO and what's not. Otherwise, you WILL be a nanny/babysitter/housekeeper forever. Good luck to you. {{Hugs}}

I would see a therapist to help you sort out these confused feelings you're having,stopping the Zoloft and drinking. I think in general, women give and give to everyone, forgetting their own needs. In your situation you have given to the point that the well has been dry for sometime, with no replenishing in sight.

Giveitago is right, you need to schedule an hour or so for you everyday.Taking care of yourself first helps you to take care of others, especially YOUR child. Your child deserves to have a happy, healthy mom. If something doesn't get done and he does'nt like it...he can do it himeslf if it's that important to him. There are TWO ADULTS in the house.

SO needs to step up to the plate in taking care of HIS kids. It sounds as if BF and BM are both happy to of had these kids but not take any responsibility for them. They sound dysfunctional and unhealthy to me. You need to do what is right for you and your child.

A year ago I was interviewed by our Custody Evaluator. He asked me what do I think my role is as a step mother? My answer...I am a support system to my husband and step children. I am not THEIR parent.

There are times when I feel as if I am everything to everyone, and I forget about myself. However, I have made it clear to my husband that I need time away from everything from time to time. I need to recharge my batteries. In the beginning he took it personally as if I were rejecting his children which then he felt I was rejecting him. It's taken time for us to adjust to each other's limits and needs.

I use my bedroom as a place of refuge. I have a chair, t.v., books, journal, candles,CD/stereo etc. I go there to take mini breaks. NO kids, NO hubby allowed. I go camping when I really need to get away. I go about 2 hours away from home, near the beach. I enjoy the sounds, the breeze, the silence and it clears my head to help me think things out.

We are all given the same amount of hours in a day and one life, use them wisely.

I'm really concerned for you if you stopped Zoloft without consulting your doctor. I have had clinical depression most of my life and have learned that it's a chemical imbalance. When the chemicals in my body are not balanced, I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of my managing my emotions or thinking objectively. It's dangerous to stop anti-depressants cold turkey. Please don't let your SO or anyone else influence how you care for your health - physical or mental health.

All that said, it sounds like you have gotten the short straw in the relationship. Heck, who wouldn't want a "do-it-all" Superwoman in their home? I sure do and I gave up on that being me a long time ago. You have a different level of responsibility to your skids but your SO clearly doesn't see it that way. Personally, I maintain that I'm the Plan C in the skids lives...the bio parents are Plan A and B.

It sounds like you need to renegotiate the dynamics of the relationship with SO. And, if you can't come to agreements that will work for you long term I'd evaluate whether this is how and with whom you want to spend your life.

Please take care of your health first so that you're equipped to make sound decisions.

Just my three cents for what it's worth....

I'm sure I am about to say what everyone else already has. HE IS WRONG. His idea of what your role should be is wrong. Those kids have a mother.

His problem is that he thinks women should do all things kid related. If he is so worried about the dentist and doctors, then he needs to handle it. Not your job. Their mother should handle it, not your job.

Unfortunately, you are in for a real struggle changing this now. You have been doing this all for 4 years and letting him tell you what to do. So, he's going to hate change and scream and throw fits like a child when you force it.

Either you make a change or you remain unhappy.

Once again, you are not wrong here. He is.

Time to go sign up for a hobby or something fun once a week (at least) to get your life back. Oh, and start practicing saying "No"