Treating bio & step kids differently.
I have a daughter who is 1 and a step daughter who is 5. The 5 year old drives me nuts. She talks non stop, has serious attitude problems, she is well on her way to getting suspended from kindergarten. She has been sent home 3 times so far and it's not even winter break yet. She is a total brat to her little sister and calls her a "drooling disgusting baby." She won't play with her for the most part. When she does, she really just wants to play with her sister's toys. She doesn't want to share her own. We've (er.. I've) implemented some sharing rules, where if you want to play in the living room (shared space) you need to share your toys. If you don't want to share your toys, you need to play alone in your room.
I've definitely found myself in the role of primary disciplinarian, even though I'd rather not be. Her dad is pretty content to just continue reminding her to check her attitude every 10 seconds. Meanwhile, I'm not content to let her act the way she does and when under my care she finds herself in time out at least 20 times a day. She does her time outs just fine usually, but it doesn't seem to have any long term effect on her behavior. Last weekend she told me she needs a chair for time out because her legs were tired. I told her she should try to listen, and maybe she wouldn't find herself in so many time outs. She said "No, I just need a chair." Little turd.
Ugh. It's gotten to the point where I completely dread her coming over. I don't want to play with her because she's a brat. The only game she ever wants to play with me is cinderella, in which I'm the evil step mother, and she's cinderella. (Of course..) The first time I tried to humor her and suggested that she wash the curtains and do the laundry, and give the cat a bath or she wouldn't get to go to the ball. (She didn't.. But you can't really blame me for trying to get the laundry done, right?)
I guess I just feel like I really am the evil step mother because I don't tolerate her crap and I'm the only one who even attempts to discipline this child.
On the other hand, I seriously love my little baby. She's so laid back and isn't a total brat and I love her so much for that. You can take something she's not supposed to play with away from her and she's all, Okay. Cool. I'll play with something else. She sleeps really well. She is all smiles when she's awake. She doesn't gag and choke when I feed her and tell me everything I cook is disgusting. She totally adores her big sister (which scares me a little..) I know she hasn't learned how to talk yet.. but OMG.. I love everything about her.
I always imagined that it was possible to treat step kids and bio kids the same. But I am really really struggling with this one. oy.
Just an observation from your
Just an observation from your post about time outs. It doesnt sound like they are working. Have you tried anything else?
We take away toys, which also
We take away toys, which also has no effect, because she knows we eventually give them back.
I'm just starting to try more alone time in her room because she actually seems to care about being social with the family. No real changes in behavior yet, but at least it gives me a little "time out" to regroup. Depending on her behavior I usually send her to her room for 10-30 minutes to play quietly with her toys. I feel a little bad about this one because we only see her every other weekend and so I feel like that should be quality time with her, and not send her to her room for the whole time.
Right i get what you mean
Right i get what you mean about only having her every other, and feeling guilty about sending her to her room.
Gotta go with what works. The social thing, i understand. SS hates being discluded. But it works. We have eaten dinner, and he ate alone. We have been outside playing, and him inside.
Keep searching for what works. And remember to stay strong and consistent. EOWend or not, there are rules and behaviors expected from ALL family members to follow.
I think I do an ok job of not
I think I do an ok job of not making the older skids feel inferior, I always tell them I do have a favorite and my favorite happens to be who ever I'm looking at at any given moment and they smile cause I am looking at them. *corny I know* They seem to take it really hard when I blow up on them and unfortunatly because I bottle everything up so as not to rock the boat the short time they are with us I have blown up on them once or twice. Once I was upset at the oldest for being disrespectful to her dad and not staying on the couch where she was told, I yelled at her and she cried to her dad that she was afraid I hated her. I was so touched that she even cared if I liked her or not, I totally broke down crying I felt awful. SD9 sort of teases me and pretends to pout that "The baby is your favorite" Which is totally not true the "baby" stresses me out the most she's so loud and kind of a mean little thing, so she requires more attention. If we had full custody I know the relationship would change so I like things the way they are, brief visits.