NO NO NO, this child should absolutely NOT be going into a prison to visit her monther.

My soon to be ex husband tried to murder me (stabbing me eleven times with butcher and kitchen knives) about 3 years ago in FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN......he is of course now in prison......the kids are both suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.....he had the BALLS to try, from prison, to take me to court, to try to have his nasty ass sister take my kids, 4x a year, to visit him in prison. Of course when the court date came up, (he participated by phone from jail), the judge basically laughed him out of the courtroom and said, um....sorry but NO WAY IN HELL.

You share this story with your husband if you want, but the COURT felt that my kids should not be going into a prison, i'm sure a court would agree that your sd shouldn't be in a prison at that age either!

Good luck!!

I assume you and your DH have full custody? If that's the case I would tell your DH how you feel and put your foot down on the matter. I know if it were me I would NEVER expose a 5 year old to a jail, is that really how the child should remember her mother?

What about something in-between like talking to BM on the phone or sending her letters? How long is she in jail for?

Is your SD in any kind of counseling where you could run this by them and see what their professional take is on it?

I've been to jail and prison and seen these little kids visiting. WAIT lemme rephrase that.. I've been to jail and prison TO VISIT (not to stay) haha! I realized that first line would make you guys think I've been to jail and prison. LOL. It really dumbfounded me that parents or guardians would allow them to be there. I understand, for some, there's a strong want to see your kid but I think it's a little selfish to bring a child that young to see her mom or dad in jail. In many cases, and I've know a lot of people who went to jail, they've actually lied to the child instead of telling them they were in jail. My sister for instance was in rehab for a 2 months when my niece was younger. Before her mom left she told her daughter that she was going away to some state for job training. My niece was young so she believed her. I don't think many parents WANT their kids to know their in jail or rehab. But you're in a circumstance where the BM could care less. My niece, who is now 14, can't stand her mom but she still hopes that she'll get better and still does love her.. but she really can't stand seeing her high. In the end that is her mother and nothing can take that away. Me and my mom have to try and be "mommy's" to my 14 year old niece and have been for the past 7 years.

Personally I don't think it's right for the child to go and it is terrible that you're the one that will have to deal with hearing how she couldn't stay with her mom and all the frustrations that come with that. I would bring it up to SO that you don't think it's fair she's going for a visit in jail. It's not a place a little girl should be. Phone calls and letters would work out a lot better. Then someone could help SD write a letter back and she could also draw a picture. There would be less aggravation. But if SO still says she's going after you talk to him you'll have to prepare yourself for when SD comes home from the visit.

I am a criminal law attorney and I have spent a fair amount of time in jails visiting clients. They are frightening places even when you KNOW you get to leave. Alarms and bells going off all the time, frisking of visitors who do not have special passes, a truly horrible feeling when the door behind you closes but the other one in front of you does not immediately open. Plus you have NO control over how the other inmates are going to behave during the time she is there. I have seen horrible scenes in visiting rooms ranging from children and adults crying because of the heightened emotion to outright physical fighting.

It is rough for an adult. NO WAY would I inflict that on a child. I don't care if it is a county, state or federal - none of them are places for children. BM can have plenty of contact through letters and phone. If it costs her family a little extra for the phone privileges then that is on her. I would bet major cash that they give her money for things at the commissary like snacks and toiletries. She can spend some of that on speaking to her child.

Yes, there is "scared straight" but that is for older children - NOT preschoolers!

My stepmom used to take me to the county jail, and then to the prison, to see my mom. I think that was nice of her. She went to jail when I was a toddler, and got out before I turned 10.

I remember visiting my BioDad in places like that and I was 10.......not a good memory at all! I would not let the child go and I hope your feelings about this will be taken seriously!

Everything that is going on here is SO sad. Drug addiction should not be a crime, but a social health issue. They should be in hospitals, not jails. And just because some rich guys in congress who drink to excess, get dui's, etc. and love their alcohol decided to outlaw certain drugs, doesn't mean that people who use other drugs don't need them as much as these idiots "need" their alcohol! And the only reason we think these people are losers is because they are committing this "crime" according to our lawmakers...it's SAD. People who use drugs do so for various reasons, often self-medicating. Jailing them does absolutely nothing to help them and makes them worse when they get out. No, the child shouldn't go to the jail. That's where criminals live. Some for drugs, others for assault, murder, etc. Not where a child should be. Nor where a drug addict should be. Vent over LOL
P.S. I've NEVER taken illegal drugs (not even tried marijuana) and don't take "legal" drugs either.

I absolutely do not think the child should go, but if push ever comes to shove in this and somehow this child is forced to go then I think you and her dad should be the ones to take her, you are her constants, you are her security and no one other than yourselves should take her. That said, hell would freeze over before I would let my kids be taken to visit someone in jail. But again as I said if legally I had no option then I would have been the one to do it.