THIS IS REALLY BUGGING ME!!!! Am I overreacting?
So... DF and I had a great weekend... I finally took myself out of the picture for the majority of the time the skids are here since I get no respect and he doesn't want to discipline them... my previous posts discuss it. He ended up bringing them over SUnday because he wanted to spend time with me and my son as well... but I stood my ground the whole day on Sunday with the kids and let them know I wasn't up for bullshit and things went pretty smoothly...
THEN... I rode with DF to take the kids home.. and on the way home he calls BM1 .. I guess they had had some conversation when he picked them up that morning about SD7 bike chain having broke and needing a helmet... he just got his tax returns .. she never wants to provide her kids with anything... not even a bottle of $4 vitamins (yet she has money t smoke and spend on her new baby) but thats beside the point. So he called her in the car on our way there after SD7 reminded him she needed these things.
The conversation from the end I heard went like this: (what he was saying)
What size is her bike chain?
Well, about what size, like the bike her cosign had?
Well, can you look at it and measure the chain so I can get the right size?
Ok, well, why don't you let me look at it when I get there and I will figure it out myself?
A television? For what?
Ok... well as soon as I cash my taxes I will get one.
After he hangs up and we drop them off, he says she told him she would buy the bike stuff but that she needed a tv for the kids... the one they have works for movies and cable, but that SS8 has some video games that he has to play on their family tv or in her room on her and her DH tv because ethe kids tv doesn't have the plug ins for it... whatever... sound alike bs to me.
Conincidentally, my BS2 (not his, from a previous relationship but I have full custody) has a small tv that he watches his movies on... he probably watches a movie once a day... but I allow him to fall asleep to a special curious george episode almost every night... it helps him wind down and when I try to make him fall asleep without it he is up for hours and we have a hard time. I study a lot as a nursing student so having that TV really helps when I need an hour or two to study. Well, the tv broke this weekend, just stopped working, so we talked about needing to get a new one because it looks like it is not repairable.
So, Monday night, he came home from work and I mentioned that we really needed to get my son a new tv...
So we go to Walmart...
Of course, we just wanted something small and cheap.. and the cheapest one walmart had was $99... the only thing it didn't have was an HDMI plug in, which isn't really needed for any of these kids.. I know video games use video cords not HDMI plug ins...
He says some guy at work got a better TV that was bigger and had more plugs and HDMI for only $100... and he wanted to see if he could get one from the same place for the same deal... whatever...
So I explain to him that there is no need for those kids to need an HDMI plug in... and that we should just get 2 of these little 19 inch flat screens we are looking at for my son. He insists in waiting for his kids, which of course make sit obvious that he is planning on getting a bigger, better, more expensive TV to send to BMs house to add to her collection of furniture and assets...
This REALLY REALLY BUGS ME!!!
I understand he wants to get the kids a TV... but they don't NEED IT!!! and even if they did, why can't he get my son and his kids the same TV!!! Why does he have to help her out with this... she already didn't let him claim 2 of the kids on his taxes so that her new husband could claim them.... and now he wants to spend the little bit of money he got from his taxes all on the kids. I know he just wants the kids to think he is a good dad and gets them what they need... but I think her asking for him to buy a TV for her household, regardless of whether it is going to be in the kids room or not, is a bit ridiculous!!
Of course, Wal-marts in our area were sold out of the cheapest TV, and the next least expensive one they had was 188... but had the dvd player included and was better quality. And he wouldn't buy it... even though he knows that I could really use it.
We ended up in a huge blowup yesterday that almost led to me leaving... I never came out completely and said that I was bothered that he obviously wanted to send some great tv over to BMs house for his kids but wanted the cheapest thing he could get for my son and OUR HOUSEHOLD. But we were both on edge after this trip to the store and ended up fighting about other stuff.
I keep turing it over in my head, is it wrong for me to be jealous? Is it right for him to send a brand-new TV to BMs house for these kids... just because the one he already bought them last year isn't good enough all of a sudden.
Is it wrong for me to be hurt and jealous if indeed he spends more on a bigger, better TV for his kids.
Uggghhh.... I don't know what to think and I don't understand why I am letting this get to me so much... it REALLY GETS UNDER MY SKIN!!!
Thanks... 
In answer to your question,
In answer to your question, Yes, you are overreacting.
Why don't YOU buy YOUR son whatever television you'd like?
Then HE can buy HIS kids whatever he wants.
I can't understand why you think BF "should" buy the same TV for his kids and yours. Not to mention, your kid is TWO. I cannot fathom why you put a two year old to bed with TV every night. Not good parenting, IMO.
If you want to be "fair," let's spend the same amount on each kid. Your kid gets a $100 TV and his kids have to share a $200 TV. (I still don't get why you think he should spend his tax return on your kid. Do you not work??)
Look on Craigslist. I picked up a tv/dvd combo for $20 from a college student who was moving for our RV.
We never use it.
ETA: I guess he has THREE kids, not 2.
Are you working to support yourself and your son? Or are you just a student? If you aren't working, is your BF helping to support you? If so, I'd be grateful instead of jealous.
Why would HE be buying a big
Why would HE be buying a big ticket item for BM's house? I am assuming he IS paying CS, right??
EXACTLY!!! This is why I
EXACTLY!!! This is why I think this is wrong... its a the type of thing that you buy for your own household...
But he refuses to let his kids go without something like this... and God knows this woman won't spend any more money than absolutely necessary for these kids... she can barely afford rent and is having another baby with her hew husband already... they are borderline living in poverty.
She asks him for everything... school supplies, vitamins, shoes, clothes, jackets, hair brushes!!!!!
Seriously... whats sad is that we both know that if the kids need something and he tells her no... the kids will go without and she will tell them that he said no...
If you strip all the details
If you strip all the details away, I can understand your frustration.
BM and your DF are two separate people, two separate households that "share" the children. It is not his responsibility to FURNISH BM's household (as another poster asked, I assume he pays child support?).
My DH did that a couple of times, and then it seemed to never end. SS's need new beds... new TV... new computer desks... on and on and on. All the while my DH was faithfully paying weekly CS.
And the smart-alec part of me would tell your BM, "Well, I would have been more than happy to purchase a new TV for the kids, however because I was not able to claim MY two children on my taxes (in order to help out YOU and YOUR DH) I cannot afford to."
WTH -- first she asks him to give up his exemptions (costing him $ on his tax return) then wants him to buy a TV?
Um. No.
That what makes it even
That what makes it even worse, he only got to claim one of the kids on his taxes... she let her new husband claim 2 of DHs kids on his taxes, even though they are so low income that without his CS every month they would probably be on the street... thank god she has three kids with DH or else her and her new hubby would have to live on what he makes at his part time job at a car wash and her welfare and food stamps she gets for her new baby.
He pays her child support religiously (which she hides from welfare)... plus if he can't take the kids for even one day of the weekend he pays her an extra $50 per day... plus one of the kids SS8 isn't biologically his , they met after she got pregnant by a guy who left her and he has raised the kid as his own... buys him everything... gives her money for him... plus I am assuming she probably collects welfare and food stamps for him as well..
I don't know what she uses it for because ANYTHING and EVERYTHING these kids need she calls him asking for it... vitamins, paper for school, clothes, backpacks, toys, bikes, carseats, hairbrushes!!! I mean everything.... like what does she think the CS is for?
Is the CS court ordered? If
Is the CS court ordered? If so, she isn't getting the full amount. Since she's on welfare, the bulk of CS is going to state.
If she gets off her ass and get a job, she'd be better off. She would get all of the CS plus ber salary.
Do you work or get CS? Your
Do you work or get CS?
Your son isn't his child. He doesn't have to spend equal amounts on the 3 kids.
Thanks, Im getting the
Thanks, Im getting the general consensus that I am in the wrong to feel jealous.... and I appreciate the feedback.. it makes me feel better about it and helps me not to be so mad.
To me its more about spending more money on something that will become BMs property and will be an item in her home.. making something in the home she has for those kids better than the equivalent of what we have here for them... they use my sons TV when they are here... play in his room.. etc.
And yes, I get CS for my son, but we use that money only for daycare and necessities for my son...
I don't work, I quit my job to stay home and attend nursing school... I have talked about going back to work but then I would not be here to cook, clean, and study. My loans and grants are bough for my necessities and gas, food, etcetera. He prefers me to be home in the evenings than work so he has agreed to support me otherwise. I graduate in a year and am pretty much guaranteed a good job right out of school.... (knock on wood).
Man, I would never quit my
Man, I would never quit my job without a marriage. There is no protection for you if things don't work out.
Now that we have a little more detail, I think that it's perfectly fine to buy your two year old a cheap tv. This BF of yours sounds like he's got a LOT of financial responsibilities...
...double post
...double post
My DH would never buy a TV
My DH would never buy a TV for BM house even if it was for the kids. We buy only for our house. Bm has to buy for her own house. Let her spend her tax return on the kids tv at her house. Your DH needs to stop falling for that crap or she'll nickel and dime him to death. Dh doesn't have to be bigger is better. Its not a contest. Tell DH BM buys for her house and Ya'll buy for your house. When the kids come over they'll have all the good stuff at your house where do you think they'll want to be. Just saying
That would really bother me
That would really bother me too. I make a lot of effort to make sure that all the children are treated equally. My OH pays the BM over the odds monthly maintenance and one of the first things we discussed was how much money he spends on them because she asks for extra for Brownie uniforms and stuff like that! She asked him for £50 to buy Skids friggin WELLIES!! ..BM only got SD good ones and got SS a cheap £5 pair from asda (walmart). SD's cost £30 MAX so shes pocketed the difference too. I know in our situation we simpely cant afford to live if he gives BM more than she is owed. She can get that sort of thing from the rediculous amount of maintenance money he gives her as far as I am concerned. We also pay out for them when we do fun stuff with them and obviously feed them etc. We simpley cant afford anything extra. I'd be pretty pissed if my daughter got some cheapo telly (which the SKIDS would no doubt use when they came round) and got them something better, which we'd never see again! Expences for your household come first as long as hes paid BM what shes due no more, no less.
Thanks... that was reassuring
Thanks... that was reassuring after all the other posts... I know I am probably being a little stubborn.
2 things: 1) You said if your
2 things:
1) You said if your DH can't take the kids for one of his days during the week BM EXPECTS him to pay her another $50?
2) If your DH is going to buy a new TV for the BM's house, then take the TV that is a year old and "isn't good enough" because it doesn't have HDMI outlets and give it to your son.
Like I said before... my DH used to buy stuff for "over there" all the time, only to find out she'd sell it for the money and go buy something cheaper. One time she even took DH to the furniture store, pointed out the bedroom suites she wanted for the boys.... he paid for it and set up a delivery date. Between the time it was paid for (cash) and delivery date, she went back to the store, "returned" the TWO bedroom suites for ONE much cheaper one, then pocketed the difference.