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Just need to vent

milknosugar's picture

Submitted by milknosugar on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:22am

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Sorry but I am so tired and working so hard and I need to vent - but not to my husband.

I came home after work to find my step son in his sports gear. I asked him what he did today and he said he was at sports all day and his Mum was there.

Nice for some I thought to myself.

She lives off us. The children are with us 50% of the time and because she chooses not to work, we have to pay her 15,000 a year. So I work very hard. I can't even afford to buy my lunch.

When we said we would get her assessed for what she could earn, she took the children to their new school miles away so we just put up with it.

I hate this sometimes.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 8:45am

Um, I did that for years. BM got married when SD was 4 and because DH was paying ALL of SD's expenses, BM could be a SAHM. No money out of her pocket for SD. DH and I married when SD was 8, and BM thought that was an even better free ride. Whereas before she would occasionally fork over a bit of money to cover half of activities, etc. (we're talking 20-40 bucks here or there), she decided all of SD's expenses were 100% our responsibility because DH was her father. I still don't understand that logic.

Anyway, from ages 11 to 15 we had primary custody of SD and again, BM paid almost nothing. When Bm took primary custody of SD at age 15, she filed for and received CS, as well as half of all other expenses (activities, medical, etc.). BM had it made, and she's still a SAHM even though her other kids are in school. We paid so she could stay home with her other kids. And I do mean "we," because DH lost his job after we'd been married for only a few months and I had to shoulder the responsibility.

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 8:49am

I have all the respect and admiration in the world for so many women on this site. I have tolerated (badly) my husband spoiling my ss. It has driven me near madness.

I can't, for the life of me, imagine marrying a man who still had a financial obligation like child support. I feel for each person on this site who has to dish over their hard earned money. I feel like a whiney little bitch when I read stuff like this.

The only advice I can give is that you can leave. (sucks and stupid) or you can remember that when the days are done, you will be rewarded for it. Greatly.

milknosugar's picture

Submitted by milknosugar on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 5:14pm

Thanks for your replies. I love the way people here understand. It's hard to talk to DH because he gets defensive. He feels bad and guilty. I used to think that meant he was on her side. I see now that he isn't, he just doesn't want to bring this into my life.

I just don't understand how she thinks it is ok.

I was a single Mother of 3 for 10 years. I worked and raised them. My exH and I went halves in everything to do with school costs etc. I thought that was my responsibility and his.

I think it is creepy that she spends the day with him when he is at school. I mean he is nearly 13. He acts like he is 7. DH thinks it's creepy too.

Their children are all stuffed up because they think they need to take care of her. The oldest is nearly 15 and he has an eating disorder trying to stay looking young and not becoming that man he should be.

She still calls them her babies.

I hate her.