Would you accept an apology from SD?
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I was wondering what I would do if SD realized what a disruption she had caused with all her BS and apologized. Would I give her another chance? I really don't feel like doing so after years of backstabbing and ridicule. If I didn't accept it, would DH ever get over it and accept my decision? For now, I don't have to worry about it since I don't think such a narcissistic person could ever admit any wrong doing. Have any SM's out there gone through this scenario with success, or was it back to the same old in no time?
A lot of women would tell DH
A lot of women would tell DH they accepted the apology but then still not want to spend much time with SD simply because they have nothing in common. How could that be faulted? DH can expect civility but not faked affection.
There are times when a sorry
There are times when a sorry is too late or just isn't enough.
There are a few SMs here who are dealing with this. However, their husbands's are the ones who messed up and the step kids are saying too late.
That's right. Sometimes
That's right. Sometimes sorry is just too late. I would never trust her, in my home nor around my husband when I wasn't there. Narcissists never admit to doing anything wrong so I cant see that ever happening in our lives. They also feel that they are the "victim" and have said so in black and white. HA! My husband KNOWS that it might never be until I get to the other side of the veil. I have dug my heels in and it is just the way it is. I won't do it if I don't REALLY feel it. Hardheaded, stubborn, and just DONE with letting their drama run my life. Why am I still on here? Because maybe I can help someone else who feels like I did. The entire first year of marriage I cried more than I didn't, NO ONE should be treated like some of us have been by ANYBODY.
i agree with everyone else. a
i agree with everyone else. a sorry isn't going to make everything better. the best that could be hoped for would be for no new bullshit to happen and just be civil from then on. sd19 will make excuses for her behavior and rationalize why i shouldn't be mad, but apologizing is a foreing concept to her, so it's not something i will ever have to decide how to handle. she's never wrong, so why would she apologize? (eye roll)
DH's kid has done way to much
DH's kid has done way to much damage, on purpose and for a purpose for me to accept any apologies from her. Though I will continue to tolerate her in my life for as long as DH and I are married, I will more than likely keep my distance. Especially after she graduates from HS.
I fully encourage DH's relationship with her and don't say a damn thing when he spoils her. It's his money.
Personally, I will probably always be on high alert when she's around waiting for the next manipulation, the next story and the next stab in the back.
sd makes fake apologies all
sd makes fake apologies all the time...i felt for them for like a month or two then caught on to her evil plans.
i dont accept apologies form anyone unles they can prove they mean it. for example. if sd says something ugly to me and she gets something taken away, like tv time, and apologies to me for what she said, i will know she means it if she doesnt throw a fit about no tv. if she does then i know shejust said sorry to get tv back.
I sometimes wonder if that
I sometimes wonder if that apology will ever come...if it did, I might accept it - depending on where it was coming from. If it was sincere and heart felt, then yes I would accept and try to build a new relationship. We could never go back to where we were when things were good and I will never forget the pain that she has caused. But I don't think holding on to it would do either of us any good.
No I would not accept an
No I would not accept an apology now from SD. Years ago, I would have, but thank God she didn't give it then because as time went on I saw the REAL person this woman was and to be perfectly honest I would never want that evil back in my life. If this meant my husband could not live with my decision, then I would be more comfortable with him going to live with SD than in having that woman back in my life. I have seen a side of her that is very, very scary. Her statement she would like to see my husband and I dead, was not just idle talk, she means it. Her father as a father may forgive her one day, me, no I am not her biological parent and I could never have her near me or my grandchildren no matter how often or hard she apologized now, I know her too well and I would never trust her. An apology from her would just be her way of getting back in because she had another plan of attack. I have seen her apologise to people before because she wanted something from then, so I know first hand her apologies are just self serving.
"It's too bad people don't
"It's too bad people don't think about how their actions and words can burn bridges."
I agree with this so much. just a month ago, sd19 hinted that she's pregnant thru text. i know i bring this up a lot, but it's because it's so evil and it is the one thing that she has done that has made it impossible for me to ever care about her or move on from the past. everything else, over time i probably could have let go of, but NOT this...i told i was not going to be involved in her pregnancy. i think she expected congratulations, excitement, flowers and balloons from me, which is ridiculous. i reminded her of how insanely hateful she was to me when i was pregnant and how happy she was when i lost the baby. her response was "ouch." as if i am the one who hurt her. :O she then told me she thought the past was the past and that she was young and dumb when that happened. (not even 3 years ago, like she's so much more mature now. she couldn't even come right out and say she was pregnant, so she's still far from grown up).
it just appalls me how she thinks that should all be forgotten because it's done and overwith now. rejoicing at the death of my unborn child is NOT something i'm ever going to forgive and forget. unfuckingbelievable that she thinks that is how it works. she most definitely burned all bridges with me, but thinks because she is fdh's daughter, anything she does will be ok in the long run. if i were her, i might be a little concerned about what karma had in mind for me...
thanks, snickers. most sane
thanks, snickers. most sane people who don't go thru life with their head up their ass probably would be mortified at having acted like that. not her. because everything is about her. she doens't owe anyone an apology, because in her world, other people are just background noise, everything is centered around her.
what really gets me is how she has excuses for her behavior, but apologizing has never crossed her mind. not once has she even hinted that she is sorry. then she tries to guilt trip me for not wanting anything to do with her pregnancy and upcoming brat. i told her to just hope she never has to understand how what i went thru feels. even being pregnant she can't think about how it would feel for someone to be pissed that she's pregnant or happy that she miscarried. you would think being pregnant, she would have some idea of how much it hurt me to lose my baby, but again, everything is about HER. if it doesnt' happen to her, it doesn't matter.
Of course accept the apology,
Of course accept the apology, and freely give forgiveness, as you would want if you had done something wrong.
However, forgiveness is simply that.
Forgiveness is not the same as trust. It's not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness does not guarantee a relationship.
You have been wounded. Forgiveness does not bring about instant healing.
You can forgive her, but you need to feel safe and comfortable to set your own boundaries in any future relationship with her.
The same thing happened to
The same thing happened to me. DH had a private conversation with her after her meltdown. He looked at me with that old, "Your really going to feel ashamed" look on his face and related that SD had said, "I LIKE her!" I replied that it was BS, "She doesn't like me and I don't like her." There had never been an apology. When she was having her tirade, she refused to acknowledge that we BOTH had miscommunicated, "NO! It's all you!" So do I ever expect an apology? No. But then, if she does or doesn't apologize it makes no difference - she still won't come into my house. The thing is, I don't like her. I'm not afraid to say it, I do not care how it looks to other people, and I'm not planning on obtaining her forgiveness.
Well said. You put my
Well said. You put my thoughts into words perfectly. Thank you.
I have tried over and over
I have tried over and over again trying to be at least friends with sd and it "NEVER" works out, at least not for me!
I DO NOT WASTE MY TIME ON DH BIO DAUGHTER. If my dh doesn't like it that's toooo BAD.
SD is nothing but trouble so why ask for it?
I hear you loud and clear....
I hear you loud and clear.... The last thing we sm's want are empty insincere apologies. I actually hope my SD never apologizes so I don't have to go through the emotional roller coaster ride again. But the ladies here are correct, even is she ever does apologize it cannot erase and make me forget everything that has happened.
I really enjoy the "I'm
I really enjoy the "I'm Sorry's" that are said with attitude and absolute discust....Thoes are the ones that really mean everything - yeah right!
It is one thing to apologize, and completly different to actually change the attitude and the behavior that caused such heartache. If you apologize, but don't change anything, then you obviously aren't sorry. If you make great strides to correct bad behaviors and attitudes and apologize - then you can start working towards a cordial relationship. Never will it be the same, and that is okay, as long as you have accepted that.
"His family still thinks that
"His family still thinks that I'm a bitch. That's ok."
It is more than OK.... your inner bitch is the person who takes care of you. And if you don't take care of you, you can't take care of anyone else. Embrace the bitch!!!
http://books.google.com/books/about/Getting_In_Touch_With_Your_Inner_Bit...
Have a Terrific Tuesday!
It happened to me kind of.
It happened to me kind of. My step DIL was pretty hateful towards me for trying to help ss and her. Long story, but it's true. She stoked the flames of my ever critical MIL and they both were very angry towards me.
Anyway step DIL did apologize after some years of it. She admitted I had done nothing wrong and she was projecting her anger onto me. Now what's hard to forgive is that MIL and at times SD obviously sided with her and supported her vitriol.
I do forgive Step DIL but because she was so angry and vitriolic I would not trust her back in my life again. She had apologized once before and then proceeded with more of the same for 2 years. I really appreciate her apology and I said so. Still, I have chosen to pray for her but not have her in my life. She is too toxic to me and I do not trust at all that she wouldn't do it all again despite her good intentions.
Good for you! Forgiveness is
Good for you! Forgiveness is not trust.
Still waiting for my apology
Still waiting for my apology from 2-SDs. Hasn't happened yet. Oh wait, I get the fake apologies - with no real sincerity behind them. Been getting those from the beginning. One time DH said to teen-skids - "you are never to say "I am sorry" anymore - without specifically saying WHAT you are sorry for." Because they were so-unfelt apologies - just the word. ("sorry") Now I get the words ("I'm sorry I didn't include you")- but they are still un-felt. It was because they were trained to say it.
I know my heart has become bitter over skids and I no longer accept the apology as anything 'real' - so I say an unfelt "thank you for your apology" - like I'd say "thank you for the glass of water."
I know we're suppose to be forgiving, but sometimes it is too late for an apology. You just realize you won't see eye to eye with steps, you can be respectful and polite - and that is all.
>>>Would you accept an
>>>Would you accept an apology from SD?<<<
No. I don't care enough about her to bother with it.
SD27 apologized to me when
SD27 apologized to me when she was 21. We had a productive conversation and I shared how her actions hurt me and she did the same. In many ways, ex-DH got thrown under the bus by both of us because he facilitated the unhealthy triad of anger, resentment & jealousy.
Anyway, I accepted her apology but told her that whether or not our relationship could be repaired was entirely dependent upon how she treated me going forward and if we could rebuild the trust.
I'm happy to say that she has earned my love & trust over the years and has grown into a lovely woman. She even extended the olive branch to continue our relationship during the horrific divorce from her father. I was pleasantly surprised. She has acted with respect, grace & love and has made me very proud.
Wow doubletakex3, that's
Wow doubletakex3, that's magnificent. What do you think distinguishes your SD from others discussed on this forum? Did she live with you as a child? Was BM not too bad?
I'm with poodle.
I'm with poodle.
I'm joining you all on the
I'm joining you all on the accepting apology theme. My sd (19) has given me 8 years of lies, unacceptable behaviour, dirty personal habits, plots to split her father and I up, made accusations about me which were founded on her jumping to conclusions too quickly, drama queen behaviour and the list is endless. When she wanted to stay at Xmas I demanded her father tell her I needed an apology for her allegations about me throwing her dead mothers clothes out!!!
She apologised (4 months later) but it was reeled off her tongue like a well learnt script. It was insincere and totally with a smirk all over her pig like face. Due to the insincerity of the apology I told her it was welcomed but too late.
I do not want to build bridges with her as they were all burnt a long time ago. I don't like her and she doesn't like me.....period!!! Told her father this the other night....deal with it, you enabled her to behave like this and this is the result......
To late you know she will go
To late you know she will go back on her word