Sorry this is long and a bit all over the place. I think I am losing my mind. True.

BM is after DH. That's what I think. She turned up at our family outing alone last weekend, thinking I wasn't there and was heading our way but when she saw me she ended up just kind of hanging around at the back of the room. Then she showed up at our house thinking DH was here alone, asked me if her son was there (1/2 an hour before school finishes). They spent some time together a week before at their son's sports during the day. That's a whole other resentment I have - I was working. Someone has to earn the money to pay her for sitting around all day doing nothing. How nice would that be to spend the week at your son's sports event (SS is 14)? But back to my point.

It makes me insecure that she is after him. That's because I found out 6 months after I met DH that they were still talking about getting back together again when he met me. I watched them break up for 2 years. It was horrible. Lawyers, anger, hitting, CS, custody, counselling.. I hate how it has made me. I was happy. I checked with him before I fell in love to make sure no one was on the scene. She came to see me after a few months and told me she still thought of him as her husband. I wish I could get it out of my mind but she is always there - texting or emailing or ringing the house. And now she is turning up when she knows we are going out and she thinks DH is alone.

DH isn't talking to me today because last night I had another major episode of insecurity. He thinks it will never end. He says it is all in the past and I should get over it.

I asked him if she tried hard to get him back would he go. I know I shouldn't ask stuff like that. It makes him angry when I am insecure, which makes me more insecure. Sometimes I think my insecurity will end our marriage and yet there sometimes doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. I need to know the truth.

He says when I ask that it makes him feel bad. Like our relationship doesn't matter to him. He says if I think she could snap her fingers and he would go back, then I married the wrong person.

I guess I see what he means but I wish he would respond differently to my lack of trust. I said to him last night I was sorry I made him feel bad but that I just need to know he won't leave me and he loves me but he gets too angry to see I need his reassurance. Sometimes his replies are vague and wishy washy. Like when I asked him if he could ever feel anything for her, he said he couldn't imagine it but anything could happen - he can't predict the future.

I know if my ex wanted me back, my answer to DH (if he asked me would I go back) would be no. Never. Simple.

Ii am not sure what is destroying our marriage - my insecurity or "the love of his life and mother of his children" who left him for another man but they apparently had a happy marriage and she was the perfect wife who broke his heart.

Help!