I think you have every right to be upset. The thing is you have to decide if you trust him or not to be alone with her on the drive there. If you don't then maybe you both need to go to counselling about this.
Personally I would get very upset if my husband spent the night with his ex in the same motel room.
As rude as it is that the MIL and the son treat you this way, there is not much you can do to change the way they feel about you if you haven't been able to get on their good side by now. I know it's hard but try not to let their rude behavior cause fights between you and your husband he can't change they way they act anymore than you can.

My sil is bff with my dh's ex. The one thing that I picked up on in your vent, is that your marriage is a little rocky. First, and foremost, it is poor social boundaries for dh and ex to share a motel room together, and go some where and not invite you. I understand that step families have certain dynamics where adults are making huge sacrifices, however, my dh would never attend something w/o me, I am his wife, he is sharing HIS life w/me, and that means all of his children's milestones as well. If the ex doesn't like it, well tough shit, she shouldn't have created a split home for her kids then.

The first thing I would suggest you to do, is to get your marriage on solid soil. Which means your dh needs to make decisions that involve good social/family boundaries. My dh use to have some confusion over good social/family boundaries and a family therapists helped clear his head a little..ha ha.. mine too, I can't lie.

The second thing I would do is go. You are his wife, and you should be there, if you are good enough to go to games, school functions etc..you should be good enough for all the adult functions as well. I think you should be there.

Another thing that caught my attention in your vent is that when you bring up your feeings, it sparks a fight. Am I missing something? Does he have something to hide? I can deal with sitting next to the ex at games, or hunting on the property, but sharing a motel room? The answer is no, and if it starts a fight then there is a problem. I don't care how much money he thinks he would be saving, no sharing of a motel room...it's more than rude...it's f#cked up...

Question? Would her family have extended that same offer if you were going?

I don't think you are overreacting. Your husband is not sharing information with you about his plans. He didn't ask you to go with him, which he should.

You said his ex suggested they stay in the same hotel room. How did your husband respond to her suggestion? I would absolutely flip out if my BF stayed in a hotel room with his ex. I think just about anybody would.

You didn't mention, or maybe I just missed it, what is your relationship like with your SS?

Do you think your husband would be willing to see a therapist with you? I think that would be my first step.

I would actually be balistic if my husband was going somewhere with his ex. It would definitely be a one way trip because I would not tolerate having him back if he minimized my feelings in that way. That is just me though. What has made your marriage rocky? Have you done things to try and resurrect that relationship? I really empathize with you...I can feel the angst in your message.

I think the 1st thing you need to do is sit your husband down and tell him all the stuff that bothers you and tell him what/how you want each of the things to be from now on. If he can't support you then leave him. I just can't see how he can't grant your wishes and support you 100% on what you want, especially because you are married to each other. I too had to do this w/my husband. I told him everything that bothered me and today he is 100% supports my wishes and lets me decide everything that pertains to SS and whatever that B**** brings up. I took us 6 yrs and still working on it day by day to get our relationship be in a better position today. How can you be truly happy w/this man if he can't support your feelings?

I'm a bit bothered about what you said, how your mother in law said she is best friends w/his ex wife! What kind of mother in law would say such a thing especially to her son's new wife. I would tell your mother in law one day, that you would appreciate it if she doesn't talk about ex to you. I can't believe she has photos of ex in her home! I had to tell my husband to tell his mother to take the ex's photo off the wall when I 1st visited her house. I told him that it was an insult to leave her photo up. I guess he told her and the next time I visited, the photo is no longer up. My mother in law knows I hate the ex wife, I told her that. Tell your husband that you feel very uncomfortable about the photos at her house. See what he says. If mother in law continues to favor the ex over you, I wouldn't talk to her anymore.

Regarding the trip....I would tell your husband to drive separately, and rent a room by himself w/out ex. If he can't do that then you'll go along too w/the children! How can he not understand that you are upset about the whole thing....????

-happy mom

Top left hand corner..there's a list of things..Book reviews, forums,etc.. Go to 'Recent Posts' to see what's new...click on which one you want to read more on. Also in the middle-ish left hand corner..is 'recent comments'..it shows the most recent replies to posts...etc... Hope this helps..

Your dh is leaving tommorow and he doesn't know where they are staying? What are they going to do decide where they are going to stay once they get there? I know when I go on a vacation or away from home I plan all of that out before I leave. Also if her bf can go then why are you not invited?
gr8Scape I feel for you, there is no way I would be comfortable with this arrangement to go and see his son's Marine's Parent Day. If you need to vent over the weekend we are here.