Is this fair to me? What would you feel and do in this situation? I don't feel that I even get a say in this and that bugs me, also the fact that for the most part I can't stand ss5 and Wish him and his bm would disappear!!

Totally, All i mean ALL my blogs are about this exact thing. Its really the main issue I have in my step situation.

I have 2 bios. DH has 2 kids. BM lives less than 10 mins from us. They have 50-50 time split. But I seem to have the skids all the time.

Its grown over the last year little by little until I woke up one day from doing a few favors because I dont' know how to say no to DH without getting into a fight and I realized that I spent more time with the skids alone than DH or BM does. W T F

I work from home. So does BM. Over the last year - it started with, well can SD12 ride the bus home since you are there after school on our days. What can I say when my own bios do that. Put me in a tough position. I am here, she is 12. Reluctantly I agreed not seeing a way out. So 3-4 days a week, SD shows up at 2:50pm - which for me is the middle of my work day - she isn't needy but she is here.

Then the next favor, will you pick SS up from school at 3 on our days. BM states to anyone who will listen she hates me - she has threatened court to DH if she finds out I am alone with her kids and he isn't here - so, me thinking BM will never allow it say, I guess so, I can try but if it doesn't work out he has to go to camp after school. BM says YES - OMFG - so 3-4 days a week - in the middle of my work day - I got stuck picking up SS6 - whom I have major issues with - I am disengaged - he never listens and I stopped trying - so he treats me like a ghost and I return the favor.

Then DH starts going to the gym - 2 days a week - I ask him constantly to go on the 2 days the skids are with BM and not here - otherwise I have my 2 bios and his kids here from 3pm until he wanders in after 7 from the gym. (did I mention I work) Anyway - it pisses me off each and every day - he always seems to land his gym on either one or both when I am stuck with 4 kids.

Also, DH and I used to prepare dinner together - now that he wanders in late, I can't be feeding my kids at 9pm - so I have to make dinner, for 6, alone, almost every night - I hate cooking. Also pissing me off lately.

I tried to suggest DH change his schedule with the kids, he went off on some hero speach about how 'he doesn't want to give up any time with his kids' - well DH - you aren't using the time you have - I am, and I don't want it. Sounds like your DH here doesn't it.

I woke up one day and pretty much hit my limit.

I told him that kids must be signed into summer camp - I will not have them here full time in the summer - I was forced to sign mine in too to keep the peace - but kept them home when I could without skids. If you read my latest freakout - now DH wants me to allow SD to skip camp like I was doing with my bios on BMs day. It never ends.

My DH expected me to "babysit" his child when he worked...but I put a stop to that BEFORE I had a kid with him. Period. Unfortunately, I think many of us do things for "our boyfriends" to be nice and not rock the boat and then it's very hard to say no, although you do still have that right. I rocked my relationship at 3-4 months after living together when he expected me to do it. It brought issues between us and I wasn't sure we would make it, but I made it clear early on. Once our son was born, we didn't have these issues as he knew what I would put up with and not put up with.

Even the "celebrate a holiday on a different day" I told him ok, but made sure he understood that only applied if we did NOT have a child together...once we had a child, that was no longer an option. Again, it rocked the boat once the kiddo was born because I said no, but he understood that I had made the facts clear way before and he had agreed.

You need to start figuring out these things NOW before your baby is born, since they have not been done in the past. If you don't, as your baby grows, these things WILL impact your home and your child...and you don't want you child in the middle of this...It's much better to deal with it NOW and risk losing the relationship, thus your baby does not know living with his dad than to figure it out later and have this issue destroy your marriage after you kiddo is used to living with daddy.

Good luck.

Your dh is not parenting his kids, YOU are. It's ridiculous. Not that i havent fallen victim to the same thing-I watched my skid once for an entire freaking year while dh was in Iraq because it made dh happy.

What I learned is that this was NOT best for me. It made me overwhelmed (also caring for my 3 bios and working full time), stressed, and feeling taken advantage of. SS was/is a difficult child-very difficult-so it was extremely hard to be his primary caregiver. What I also learned it that it was NOT best for ss. The kid really wanted to be with one of his parents. Who could blame him? He certainly did not appreciate my sacrifice-he saw me as standing in the way of being with at least one of his bios. He cant stand me now. It was NOT best for dh either-my taking over the care of his kid just allowed him to be less of a father than he could have potentially been and likely prevented a truly secure bond developing between dh and ss. It was NOT best for bm-I allowed her to abdicate her responsibility to her own child and since she had less responsibilities it allowed her to be a bigger loser.

I eventually learned to set firm boundaries and limits. My boundaries are now so firm that I kicked ss out of the house last week. Nice didnt work well for me-I had to be blunt and to the point and essentially demand what I wanted.

The step child is not your responsibility, DON'T BABYSIT IF YOU DO NOT WANT TOO! I have been through this argue with my husband over and over again. I refuse to do it. While he is at work during the week my SD must go to either your grandmother's or godmother's house.

I used to have this problem, I'd look after Sd6, in the interests of good relations, one day I said I could'nt do it, I had a hospital appt on a Saturday, she called me a lier by text and said that you can't get an appt on a Saturday, well I've also been on a Sunday, then the cheeky bitch asked me to watch her on a Sunday, I did it so I could confront her, oh and by the way she was 90 mins late, no apology either, wow did I tell her off, she was well and truly beaten, now Daddy takes her back to her mothers in the morning, she has to drive Sd right over the other side of town in rush hour for school and come back all the way for university, ha ha, sorry but if you treat me with disrespect thats what you get, the last time Bf saw her, she asked how I was lol, I know this is a calculated move to get me to watch Sd again, Im not doing it, you do have a choice in wether you babysit or not, does your partner respect you? Do you have an equal say in the house? If you've said no to any of these questions then you need to have a serious talk with your partner.

In addition to what the others have said remind him that the whole point of the kid being there is to be with Daddy. If this was a one time a year emergency well you can pitch in but if he's working every Saturday or whatever then the visitation schedule has to be re-arranged or perhaps grandma would like to pitch in.