I'm pregnant and can't shake a bad feeling about SD5!
I know this will make me sound horrible.. I've told one person.. one of my sister-in-laws and she started crying about it. I'm pregnant right now with my very first baby.. 6 months along and he will be Jack the III... I love him so much and he isn't here yet. My SD5 keeps saying how she is going to show her little brother all kinds of things.. when she says this believe me it isn't cute. She is like "I'm going to show him that he can't do that because that's what big sisters do!" Well I started dwelling on this unfortunately and it makes me angry that she thinks she can show my son anything. She barely comes to visit us and when she does she is the most disrespectful brat I could imagine.. she is clearly the product of her mother. She has told me that her mom tells her how she "hates" me. This little girl is only 5 and of course she will want to feel what her mom feels. It is obviously why she treats me like I'm nothing. So.. I'm a bad person because when she talks about how she will get her baby brother to stop crying and that she will hold him.. all I wanna do is be like "UM No you are not!" I don't want her to even touch my son.. I cringe when I see her touch her tiny 8 month old baby cousin.. so how am I going to really feel when my own son gets here. I'll be playing keep-away all day long that's what I'll be doing. I won't be able to leave him in his swing for a minute because she will be right there scaring the crap out of me. These feelings made my sister-in-law cry because she said I should love both of them the same. My response to that is... IMPOSSIBLE. So what do you guys think? Am I a pos?
No you are not a POS. You
No you are not a POS. You are pregnant and your hormones are out of control right now. Also, to not feel the same about your skid as your own is very common. Nobody understands that if they aren't in the same situation.
When I had my son, I didnt' want anyone to hold him for months. I know that had there been other kids around, especially a 5yo who thinks she rules the house, that would not have gone over well. You need to come up with clear boundaries, and set her and DH straight from the start. There is nothing wrong with you letting her know that she is too young to hold your son, regardless if someone else allows her to hold theirs. Its your house, your baby and your rules. Period.
I told her she wouldn't be
I told her she wouldn't be able to hold him for a long time but it really doesn't phase her. She has a problem with listening. It's like in one ear and out the other... I'll tell her to not do something she will listen for like a minute and then go right back to doing it. I put her in timeout but that doesn't phase her either.. her BM spanks her but I'm not that kind of person plus even if I was I wouldn't dare spank her.. I'd feel like somehow she would turn that around on me and I'd be the one who did wrong. I haven't had the heart to tell my DH about these negative feelings I have with his daughter and my son so I told him that I'm already feeling stingy about Jack III so gear up for never getting to hold him. It's going to be strange to him when I only seem stingy when SD5 is here. LOL.
I understand what your
I understand what your saying. Kids that age dont always listen well. Just be consistent with her, and when the baby does come make sure you are firm with her and her boundaries. I am not sure I would tell DH your true feelings of 5yo, just say it makes you really uncomfortable to have your baby held by her, its for safety, etc. They rarely understand our feelings towards the skids, how they just are NOT our kids no matter what. We just dont feel the same usually. I would say that 5yo needs to earn your trust, you just do not feel she is mature enough to handle, hold, play with the baby for a while. Its a mothers instinct?
Maybe look up some old episodes of the Nanny show from TV with Jo whoever and get some tips for behavior with 5yo, timeouts, etc. Cant hurt.
You sister-in-law is not a
You sister-in-law is not a step mother, is she?
Only someone who isn't a
Only someone who isn't a step-mom would say that you are supposed to love them both the same. I'm actually way more concerned that your sister-in-law said that to you than I am about you being afraid to have your SD around your own baby. I think that people should keep their shit ass unrealistic ridiculous expectations to themselves.
Your SD treats you like crap because her mother puts her up to it. I think that it is only natural to be afraid that BM will also put her up to being equally as crappy to your baby - you know, "just because."
So no, I don't feel like you are a P.O.S. Not even close. You will have to mitigate how that fear manifests itself when SD is around your child, but it's ok to be afraid. Your experiences in your situation have taught you that you have to be afraid.
(((HUG)))
I definitely try to tell her
I definitely try to tell her that if she were in my shoes she wouldn't be able to have the same loving feelings for her. These women are delusional! Not only does this little girl look just like my husband.. she also looks just like her mom.. this is extremely horrible to see all of the time. The fact of the matter is my husband had a baby with another woman.. the BM thinks and usually does control alot of aspects in this custody arrangement.. my husband pays well over 500 a month in child support and I feel like it is unjust because she got the same amount when she was a baby.. he BM uses that money to buy drugs and lord knows what else.. 3 years ago I found out the BM was still harboring feelings for my DH.. how could my sister-in-laws really expect me to love SD5 as much as my own? You are completely right and they are full of crap! No matter how many of these reasons I tell them as to why I feel negative they still come down to saying "you should love her the same because she is a part of your husband!" What the f ever!
^ AMEN! ^ I've said it before
^ AMEN! ^
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean that I love all children regardless.
I also call 'em like I see 'em and a brat is a brat is a brat.
LOL and AMEN! Could NOT have
LOL and AMEN! Could NOT have said it better! hehehehehe
Either way, run away fast.
Either way, run away fast. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone.
I don't think you're a pos.
I don't think you're a pos. Far from it. However, I'd ask you to ask yourself if your feelings for SD stem from feelings you have regarding her mom. If you think that is the case, try to remember (I know its hard) that SD is her own person, and the person she lives with is a crappy influence on her. Despite the hatred we feel for these BMs, the fact is that they and their kids are not the same people. Sometimes, we just have to take a deep breath in, exhale and remember that, though it can be a real struggle.
(((HUGS)))) Congratulations on your baby! As for SD, all you can do is what I suggested above, and treat her with civility and kindness. If you're doing all those things, you're doing all you can and that's all anyone can ask of you.
Take a stand
That baby inside of you is yours. Don't let a 5 year old dictate what will be done with your baby. Take a stand!
Quit allowing this little
Quit allowing this little turd in your head. Your baby is not even here yet. She can't do crap until you give birth and then .... she still can't do crap because you will be there to prevent it.
Once your baby is born keep the little shit Skid away from your son. That solves even the chance she will do any of the things her undeveloped evil little mind is cogetating. People can say just about anything and few of them actually ever do anything they say they will do.
So, when your son is born and the SD starts to interface with him, you control that interface. So control it.
You are letting this little shit steal your bliss and you haven't even had your kid yet.
Stop that.