My DH's Strange Behavior
So this weekend was a bad!! We met with the SS22 and SD16 to find out why they don't clean their rooms and that was a nightmare. My DH basically told them that I pay bills here and they need to expect that I want things a certain way -- clean rooms. SD16 responded,
"They are OUR rooms."
Okay folks, do you think if the kids have their own rooms they're free to do what they want in/to those rooms?
SS22 said he pays the cable bill, so why does he have to do anything else? OMFG!!!!
After pulling an attitude with Dad, she starts pouting and he turns to babying her! come here baby, come here. At first she ignores him, he continues to request and she slowly approaches him. THIS IS A 16 Y/O GIRL WHO SHAVES EVERY PART OF HER BODY AND HAS HAD THREE BOYFRIENDS!! WTF -- is it just me??
The night ended with a lot tension. I haven't spoken to SD and have said a few words to SS. Monday he asked me if I wanted to be here (in the house with him) and I FINALLY ANSWERED HOW I REALLY FEEL. I told him it's hard for me to be here. I don't like supporting his kids who can't even clean their rooms without a Hollywood Production and Congress passing a bill! But then I told him, BUT I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! THIS IS MY HOME AND WHETHER WE'RE HERE FIGHTING OR NOT, I WILL BE HERE. THIS IS MY HOME! So now he knows. Granted, I also told him that I do Love him and I do.
Last night, my DH was acting weird. He came home from work and I asked him to take me shopping. Before we left, he told SD we were leaving and I just kept walking out the door and waited for him at the car. While we're driving, she calls; I didn't ask him what she wanted. He later told me what she wanted; I didn't comment. I ignored that part of our conversation. I notice that he's unusually quiet, pensive, and not as affectionate. He said nothing was wrong.
I get a phone call from his sister-in-law. She was asking how SD16 was doing; she'd been thinking about her for some reason. LOOK LADIES, sister-in-law has never called me. Why is she calling me about SD instead of calling my DH or the SD??!! VERY WEIRD!!
I thought maybe my DH asked his Sister-in-law to call me. I checked his phone for outgoing messages - all recent calls have been erased.
Hmmmm............I don't know what to think. It's time for me to be confrontational again!!
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Comments
If it is "her" room then she
If it is "her" room then she needs to start paying some rent/part of the house payment or something. I always tell my kids that they technically own nothing-I own it all and it is just because I am so kind and loving that I let them utilize my things!!
The room issue is a big one
The room issue is a big one for me, but I deal with it. Most recently, I have been cleaning rooms for them when it is really bad, and charge them a fee to do the job (told them if they do not clean I will and charge), after all this is the real world. If they live on own, they still have to keep some things clean or will lose a security deposit, or if they want others to clean for them, it costs money. That is what solved my issue--just don't bring it up anymore and if it gets to be too bad after a week or so, I just do it and leave a bill
Okay, HISMINEANDOURS, I
Okay, HISMINEANDOURS, I totally agree with you! That's how my ex and I raised our boys: I pay the bills, you use that room as your living quarters and keep it as we wish.
PRAYHELPS: Are you kidding!!!??? These idiot kids think that because they don't take drugs, stay out late, drink, steal or whatever, that they deserve a free ride!!! I try to tell my DH that the fact that they behave doesn't excuse them from cleaning their rooms! Aren't they SUPPOSED to behave!? Why does he reward them for that? I can walk into those rooms and clean them. But these are the kind of kids that would say, " I don't owe you anything. You cleaned it because you wanted to." That's exactly what they would say.
My DH is such a fool. He really is. I'm so sad over this situation. I pay bills for young people that aren't mine, I watch them come and go and do nothing to help their dad -- much less me. The attitude from his daughter is ridiculous. Then DH tells me I have to try because I'm the adult.
He's so scared to lose these kids that he's probably gonna end up losing a marriage with me.
The room thing is hard for me
The room thing is hard for me as well. I like a clean house - all of it. However it's a battle I have desided to let go. My kids, bios and steps are not great at keeping their room clean. I shut the door and LET IT GO.
I do however have some general rules that must be followed:
NO FOOD IN BEDROOMS.
NO WET TOWELS LEFT IN BEDROOMS.
NO ELECTRIC APPLIANCES LEFT ON. (flattening irons, electric blankets, etc.)
But when they ask to have a friend over I always say, "is your room cleaned? If you want to invite people over you have to clean your room."
The strange behavior of your DH sounds to me like he is hurt that you are finding his kids not as enjoyable as he thinks you should and he is trying to round up people to help you 'see the light'. I would call him on it but that's just me.
I would say if they want to
I would say if they want to be pigs then take anything you see of theirs sitting on the floor, throw it into a garbage bag and do this everyday. They would think you cleaned up after them. They will get the hint when their stuff is missing. Then sell it back to them. As for SS, he pays for cable, I would take his tv and leave him the box. Then tell him he can go and get his own tv to watch the cable that he pays for since the tv is yours.
I agree with the rest of the comments. I bought this house, your bed, your pillows, your clothes and everything else you can see. It's NOT yours. You did NOT buy it so you will learn to respect my things. Find something that they both bought and trash it and tell them "oh, well I thought it was mine". They wouldn't like it at all.
I would say DH def. called your SIL. He prob. doesn't want to get in the middle of the fight and would rather have someone else step in. Just call him out on it like you already know he called her and he would probably admit it anyway thinking you already knew.
I am dealing with this right
I am dealing with this right now, although I'm a bit luckier in that I only have 1 skid dirtying up my house. My SS18 has been living in our basement for the past 2 months now. DH and I have repeatedly asked him to clean the room, but I'm sure you can guess how that turned out. SS was visiting his GF last night and DH disappeared while I was making dinner. So I went looking for him - he's in the basement vacuuming and picking up laundry! :jawdrop: I told him I thought SS was supposed to be doing this. DH said he's going to charge SS $10 for cleaning his room. Really? How's that gonna make SS more responsible?
If it's your house, then you get to set the rules - regardless of who pays rent or utilities. If they want a place of their own where they can do whatever they want - then they should get a place of their own! Paying rent is your compensation for providing a roof over their head, food on the table, electricity for all their gadgets, etc. It does not buy a free pass to have a messy room.
Pick your battles gurl. Their
Pick your battles gurl.
Their rooms are no reflection on your house keeping abilities. Just as long as the room itself is not being damaged.
DH pulling away is a clear answer that he doesn't want to hear it anymore. I have a formula that works for me in these situations; "#1fix it. If you can't fix it, get rid of it. If you can't fix it or get rid of it, stop complaining because it aint fixing the problem it's just pissing people off."
Sounds to me like the Skids have made this into "your the problem". I wish I could learn how they do it, not to do it back, but to keep it from happening.
I never clean my kids room.
I never clean my kids room. Ever. Occassionally I have helped them when they were younger go thru their clothes they have outgrown, etc and when occassionally feeling generous-I will on my day off make a sweep thru their rooms and pick up any dirty clothes and do laundry. I am fortunate in that my bs, 11, keeps his room pretty neat all the time. Even if he has things on the floor or whatnot-it takes him about 5 minutes to totally clean his room. My girls, 8 and 13(tomorrow) are another story. At times I can't see their bedroom floor. They still clean it at least once a week. Before they are allowed to have any guests or go to any friends house they must clean their room. Those crazy girls spend hours cleaning their room each week because they throw things around the other days-I figure its their choice-they can spend 5 minutes a day putting stuff away like bs or throw it on the floor daily and then spend 3 hours cleaning it on the weekend when they could be having fun time.