What does your husband say about these things ? I mean, she just walks in while he's in the shower, that is very disturbing. The only thing I don't find creepy is buying training bra's.

None of ur business if she shaves, when she shaves, if she poops in her pants...seriously ur not the parent ! u really sound like u hate this skid...because these our not serious issues! and btw,,,shes allowed to cuddle iwth her dad...He's HER dad!!!!!!!!! dont get urself sick with this,,,,;)

her Bm is fucked...we all know that...but its her problem not urs...my SD has been doing disgusting things since shes 12...and u know what i dont break my head with it anymore...except for the fact that shes a bad influence for my 8 yr old daughter...but then again, my kid has more common sense than SD16...its all the mother's doing!!!!!!! dissengae, it feels great!

Generally I am in agreement with the majority of the other's who have said that every topic is appropriate for SD to speak to her father about. Taking your SD to buy bras and razors is what a dad should do with his daugther.

IMHO she is going through natural progression of pre-puberty or early puberty and generally there is nothing abnormal or wrong with what she is doing. Though I do agree with you that some of the stuff has a creepy feel even if it is primarily normal behavior for a child at this stage.

However, it is absolutely YOUR business what SD does in your home, in your family, with your husband and as an equity parent to SD on parity with your DH and with BM you should be completely informed on what is going on with YOUR daugther, step though she may be. I insisted from day one on equity parent status to my wife and damned sure insisted on and inforced superior parental status to the SpermIdiot. My family home, my spouse (wife), my kid (though step), my money, my call and I was and always will be fully informed and participatory in all family decisions. PERIOD!!! Of course all of the above applies to my wife also. We are a team.

End of story.

The pooping thing is not relevent to the shaving/bra topic IMHO but is definately something that should be addressed. A pointed discussion with SD and some application of the effective "rub the puppies nose in the pee/poop then swat it on the rump ane toss it in the back yard" house breaking philosophy is in order. Of course you do not physically rub SD's nose in her crap filled panties but you do put them in a zip lock and place them on her pillow. You have a discussion with her indicating that she is growing up and young women do not crap their pants. Only very young children do that and if she continues you will buy her very big and noticable diapers/pull-ups and she WILL wear them. Her choice. Then follow through if she makes the wrong choice.

I believe in accountability and high parental expectations for children. Part of that is not downplaying things like 10yos crapping their drawers or behaving inappropriately. It also requires similar expactations and accountability for the parents to parent appropriately and effectively.

I suggest that you do some reaseach of SD's behavior re: the bra and shaving thing as well as the incroaching on DH's/the families shower time. I think you will find that it is all withing the bounds of normality. Tweak your parenting philosophy appropriately.

All in my layman's opinion of course.

If she is freaking out calmly walk over to the sink, fill a glass with cold water and walk back calmly and throw it in her face. When she is spluttering you tell her FIRMLY without yelling that she is NOT to behave like this again. It works. She will not drown and get a little wet.

Pooing her pants... ziplock thing. Take her to Dairy Queen for an icecream and have a little talk to her. Tell her that as girls grow up they want to try grown up girl stuff. However girls who shave their legs or other places and girls who wear bras do not poo their pants. In future if she craps herself she will obviously be overtired and has to go to bed 1 hr early. If she has a tantrum she is not getting enough sleep and goes to bed another hour early. Also point out that she will scar herself if she cuts herself too much. And she could get a nasty skin infection if she doesn't practice good hygiene and wash her hands before and after shaving.

My mother actually told my sister that if she didn't pick up her dirty underwear off her bedroom floor she would hang it on the front fence with a notice saying whose underwear it is. The thing I can remember is thinking "And Mum has REALLY neat handwriting and everyone will be able to read it!"

It's hard when a SD's BM is such a bad influence. My SD is only 4 and has already asked for a bra, which my MIL got her this past Christmas when she was 3 years old. I agree with the poster who said I think it's appropriate for the father to get her things she NEEDS, like when she starts her period and NEEDS pads/tampons. Not that she should be going into detail but just to be able to say "hey dad, I need a box of tampons"- I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's his job to provide for her needs. HOWEVER, you said this girl does not need a bra yet so no, I do not think she should have one and the razor when she has no hair to shave is just crazy. It seems like she is trying to be grown when she is not yet (especially still pooping her pants!) & that only means trouble- in a few years, imagine how much worse it could be if your DH doesn't put an end to it now. She will be 13 years old having sex.

I just went back and read a few more of the responses and have to say, I think it is time there is a consequence for SD pooping her pants. She is way too old and at 10 years old, she has full control of her own bowels (you stated there is no medical issue). It's definitely time to put your foot down (and for your DH to put his foot down) because that is just disgusting. I would not be washing a 10 year old's crappy underwear. Yuck! :O

1. If she is 10, I think she is old enough to learn how to wash out her own underwear when she poops in it. Don't do it for her. I have a feeling there is something going on with her in regards to this, so I bet reading those posts listed above might help. Does she get a lot of attention from you when she poops in her pants? I wouldn't give it any attention at all, I'd just make her wash the panties out though. You'll need to teach her how to use the soap, scrub, etc., but I bet she can learn. She might hate washing the panties enough to stop. If she doesn't stop on her own, then maybe she's having a problem you're unaware of.

2. If she cuts herself shaving, then she'll regret it and will probably stop shaving on her own. It's called logical consequences. She'll learn on her own. OR maybe you're wrong, maybe she'll actually learn to shave appropriately and do a good job. Let her figure this out. It's not a big deal, so don't sweat the small stuff like shaving.

3. Your husband should take her to do ANY of the errands that she needs done, when she is on her scheduled time with him. Since he's not living with the bio-mom anymore, he has to now take over as both parents when the child is with him. It's not weird for a girl to talk openly with her father about female issues. What's weird is that society tries to tell us to keep these things private and secret. Being more open is a good thing, not a bad thing, so long as it is handled respectfully. I wouldn't worry too much about what she talks to her Dad about; let her feel open with him.

4. She can call him Dada for as long as she wants. Some kids still say "Mommy" down here in the South even if they're grown! It's a family thing. But she shouldn't talk baby talk to him, so the dad should just gently remind her to "use her normal voice" whenever she does this. Or you could gently say that, too, but try to let the Dad be the primary corrector and lecturer in her life. You'll be glad you did.

Simple you remove your 2 year old from sd's company and watch your 2 year old - which by they way you should be watching at ALL times anyway.

I think Buzy, you came to a point with this girl that anything about her feels odd. You didn't really get a break after your baby was born and now have to be so careful to make sure SD doesn't hurt the younger ones.
From what you describe SD is not like a normal 10 year old.Besides the pant pooping SD is already in therapy, isn't she?Having to cope with all this is not easy and there are still critics here who make it sound as she does do something wrong in not liking this kid.
Let me tell you, in Buzys situation I would easily come to a point where I would dislike that child very much and actually, if I think about it , I would even dislike my very own children somehow if they would give me such a hard time and be mean to a two year old.
Sadly it sounds like you are so exhausted from her by now that it is hard to see anything positive happening at all, if there was.
Your DH buying her bras and razors sounds once again as if he is so helpless in dealing with his child that he simply copies BM and her weird behaviour.I believe that kids should be kids and should be trained to enjoy their childhood, making little adults out of them before they are ready is not the right thing to me.
My Sd 7 gets styled by her BM , eg gets her hair straightened and wears silver heels and as much I think that dress up is an important play for little girls I find that goes too far.But she is her daughter so I try to keep my opinion for myself , except when she asked me how I like SD's straightened hair.My response was that I personally like her natural , curly hair much more:))) I believe that preparing kids for life should be more child appropriate than getting them ready for night clubbing.

yeah, know what you mean....since my son 9 asked me nicely for a footy ball today i went to the shops and because SO and I always try to be fair for our youngest ones I got a Barbie for SD7.Although she was happy when she received it she started instantly to find out which was more expensive, the ball or the doll....geez.I would have been grateful to got anything, but obviously many kids these days get far too much and still don't know about gratefulness.

I know what you mean about entitled skids! My SD4 HAS to get something EVERYWHERE she goes. Even if DH or I is just running to the store for milk or something small, she still HAS to get something. It's out of control. We have SD every other week & every time DH picks her up, they stop at the store & she comes home with a bag full of toys/candy/whatever she wants. It's sickening.