BM's: Want to know to be a good Biomother so the Stepmom won't hate you?
Do no try to to undermine the stepmom.
Do not talk badly about her
Do not get your husband or your partner to attack the stepmom in any way
Do not mouth-off to the stepmom at any time, especially in front of your kids
Do not undermine the relationship between the stepmom and the children EVER. They will resent you for it.
**Stepmoms are people that Biomoms are lucky to have. Because they chose to care and love children, when they didn't have to.**
Be thankful for her in your children's life, and thank her for things she does for your children (that means driving them to things, watching their events, cooking for them, being involved in any way, crafts, anything really - would you thank a teacher a neighbour or a friend? Yes. So don't be catty, be normal and good person).
If a Biomom is a good parent, she will approach the stepmom at the beginning of the relationship and say 'hi there, I'd like us to get off to the right start. I don't have any problem with you and hope that you will love my children as I love them. I'd like to work together and co-parent as a team. Thank you for being in my children's lives'.
Anything else will not only cause resentment and huge problems down the road...but is indicative of poor mothering on a massive scale.
This is making me laugh. I am
This is making me laugh. I am just picturing one of us actually SAYING this to BM, and then BM punching her square in the face. Because that is what she would do.
I'd punch her right back.
I'd punch her right back. HARDER
LOL @ BS
LOL @ BS
I think it's hilarious that
I think it's hilarious that anyone is actually so full of themselves that they wouldn't be kind to any person caring for their children. Seriously now, at least in my case, no woman should have the right to birth children if they think that they can treat others like sh*t that care for those children. SHE should thank those people.
Or keep your legs closed.
Wow okay so this helps...you
Wow okay so this helps...you have a bad situation with your ex. But that's not how things are with most of the people on this website. I'm sorry that happened to you
Really I am. You're posting as a biomother. One who is very hurt. 
I think maybe you should disengage from the topic.
I'm a BM and a SM. I
I'm a BM and a SM.
I actually DID get together with my ex's new partner before she met the dd's. I did say welcome to my family, I would like us to all work together and get along for the sake of my children.
We get along well (we aren't friends, most comms and get togethers are solely about the kids) but I like her, I respect that she cares about and loves my children and does a good job of looking after them when they are with their dad.
So I DO thank her in fact, she doesn't have to be involved as much as she is.
She chose my EX, the children are in a way incidental to the adult relationship and her degree of involvement and caring about them are entirely down to her.
I don't think any SM EXPECTS to be thanked by the BM, I don't think any of us are doing this for kudos or credit. But it would be nice for the effort to be appreciated instead of bitched about and undermined don't you think?
Just because the BM didn't invite you in to her kids lives doesn't mean she should be ok with treating you like shit when you have done nothing wrong either and are in fact working to create a good life for HER kids. I appreciate anyone who makes an effort to make my kids lives richer and happier.
I so agree with u! im a BM
I so agree with u! im a BM and a SS and i wish i could have a good relationship with my ss mother but shess so difficult.
Yeah, THAT'S the problem I
Yeah, THAT'S the problem I have LOL - the BM *I* got stuck with is a nutjob psycho bitch. She has zero interest in making peace with my OH for leaving her (get the fuck over it already and move on!) And would prefer to use and PAS the skids in her efforts to punish him for leaving - again, after nearly 3 years GTF over it and do what is best for your kids woman LOL
I guess though, having her in my life makes me a better person towards my kids SM if that makes sense LOL - I so do not want to be like her...
HOW COOL ARE YOU!!!??? oh my
HOW COOL ARE YOU!!!??? oh my gosh you are the role model for biomoms everywhere. Good for you.
Be very proud of who you are to your family!
Love this.
Nope - just one of the rare
Nope - just one of the rare sane ones!!
I guess it all depends on how the BM feels about the marriage breakup and the OH moving on...
My breakup was amicable, we have no unresolved issues so it was easy to keep my mental health about him moving on.
Also, I am not the golden uterus and my kids are not saintly in any way shape or form.
I guess what I am is realistic LOL
I love you. Are you single?
I love you. Are you single? haha JK. xo
LOL - you want to pass that
LOL - you want to pass that on to the BM for me
Now there's your classic crazy.
There is no working with
There is no working with BM's.... (well except me I'm pretty damn cool LOL) I tried at the beginning with BOTH BM's.... got me nowhere. There is too much to deal with. BM's want all the control therefore it will never work....... NOT EVER.
Well then biomothers need to
Well then biomothers need to get off their high horses, REALIZE they HAD SEX to make a child (or CHILDREN) and BE KIND TO THOSE THAT CARE FOR THOSE CHILDREN.
Most of the time they suck as mothers so maybe try to look good in your kids' eyes for once.
That's great!!! you're a good
That's great!!! you're a good person for thinking this way. I applaud this!!!
WAY TO GO!!!!
Being a SM does not
Being a SM does not automatically elevate you to the rank of saintliness, as well as being a BM does not automatically make you the devil. Those are roles we play in our lives - sometimes more gracefully, other times less. Sometimes simultaneously. We are all human and make mistakes... My story is this: I am both a BM to 2 teens and a SM to 2 young adults, 1 teen. I am cultivating a working relationship with my kids' SM even though i do not really like her at all. I like my SK's BM even less. I have no relationship with her.
As a BM my advice to SMs would be, do not thrust yourself into every detail of the kids' lives if you do not have to( my kids go over to the SM's house EOW). There are things we do the way we do because there is a reason for it, and even if you do not understand it, you should respect it. The SM in question wants to have things done her way or no way - which is fine when it is on her turf but not if it is on some shared ground or my turf.
I do not tell her how to celebrate holidays, for one, whereas my SK's BM tried to tell us what to do for Thanksgiving when her kids are with us. I find it ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as my ex, who does not celebrate Xmas (we do) picks the kids up every year on Xmas eve or Xmas morning to take them to a house where there is no tree. Go figure! However, I am ok with that... dumb as it is. It is none of my business how they celebrate or what.
It is my business, however, how i raise my kids and even though my ex and SM have a vote in the process, they do not get to overrule me. They are too infrequently involved. So it was quite a shock when last week my kids' SM sent me an angry email saying that she is furious and so is her husband that my 13yo works for a pizzeria in our town, and the owner is obviously exploiting him, and how can it be that a child is delivering pizza without his parents' written permission and she is certain that i will be on board when she hires a lawyer ( a friend of hers) to start prosecuting the pizza place owner, reporting him to the IRS, bringing him to court, etc. On top of that she throws in my face other accusations of being a hypocrite and allowing my son's grades to suffer while he is working without authorization. I almost dropped the phone when i saw this message. Has she gone mad? I am not sure my son is actually delivering pizza, he sort of helps around after school for an hour or so. But to think that she can start legal actions on behalf of a child who is not her son and has 2 bio parents alive and kicking?
I wrote back to say that i am immensely proud of my boy who at 12 showed initiative and entrepreneurial spirit that are the backbone of this great country. He will go very far, and she needs to call off her attack dogs. The last lawyer she used in a different matter was disbarred shortly afterwards. She responded with a nasty text and i am now reconsidering our whole BFF status.
My takeaway: people need to respect boundaries of others even if they do not have any of their own.
Early on, when DH and I were
Early on, when DH and I were dating, I approched BM during an event for SD6 (at the time). DH and I had decided to move in together. I said to BM: "You will always be SD6's mother". She was kind, and said "I'm glad its you".
Fast forward 6 years. She has shown herselve to be a lying, manipulative, narcissistic woman who, I've learned over the years, has no interest in actually parenting her child (beyond the times when it suits her) and assumes no role in actually being responsible, financially or otherwise, to her child who very quickly has come to prefer me over her own mother.
Was this the outcome I wanted. Never. I've always felt it is important for all children to have a loving relationship with both parents. Unfortunately this woman isn't interested (unless someone is watching).
Sad.
I tried over 50 times and the
I tried over 50 times and the woman has always been unbelievable. If her husband heard what she has said without him there (well I think he would go along with it - he's a marionette in my opinion) - so scratch that. She is unreal with no witnesses. It's all out of jealousy. get over it. If I'm not the cause of your divorce and didn't even know the guy until 2 years later, get over it. Its not my fault you chose to cheat and marry someone else! Like F-0ff woman! Not to mention you were so selfish that you couldn't take care of your own kids for YEARS, they had nobody to help out as their biofather was working to pay CHILD SUPPORT to your sorry self - so I took them on my own and cared and loved them, taught them things for over 3 years. And all you have to do now is another smear campaign?
Hating me won't make you prettier. Sorry. You're still ugly inside and out.
Now that I am reading through
Now that I am reading through all of this. I guess I forgot that BM does thank me for loving SS. She thanks me for everything I do for him.
Of course this is only when she is on the "up-swing" of her bipolar.
In all seriousness though, she has thanked me several times. She is still an idiot though.