BM is out of jail, What that means for my skids.

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So here is my story... I have been with my DH for 6 years now, we have a blended family his, mine, and ours. I have 2 skids who my DH has full physical and legal custody of. BM has no rights of any kind as of right now. I have been these children's "mom" since they were 2 and 3, not trying to take anything away from BM but she chose a life of drugs, men, and crime instead of her children. I stepped up to do the job she would not or could not, so yes I am their mother in every sense of the word except for the fact I did not push them out of my body. I have raised them, loved them, provided for them, protected them, and sheltered them for the last 6 years, I love them as I do my own. BM mom has been in and out of jail since before I came into DH's life. She has never provided an home for them or been their main caregiver (heck she has never even been a mother to them) She has felony arrests for drugs as well as robbery and a whole slew of misdeamenors for other things. She comes out of prison stays out for a short period of time messes up and then has to go back. I am concerned that now that she is out she will try to input herself into their lives. This is not me being jealous, although I am having some thoughts of if she is in their lives is there still a place for me? My concern is for the skids, She has seen them a very few times in the last six years. She has no stability or stability to offer them, she has been like a very irregular yo-yo in their lives. They are happy, loved, well taken care of, and provided everything they need. She has no home, no job, and nothing to offer them aside from being their bio mom. Which she likes to throw in our faces the few times we talked to her after she got out of prison last time. For the last year or so she has know our phone numbers and our address, even though she was in prison she could have tried to communicate with them. However she made no attempt to talk to them or have any contact, she has missed so many holidays, birthdays, first days of school and so on. I am so fearful that she will try to insert herself into their lives and create nothing but havoc, she can't keep herself out of trouble long enough to create anything else. In the last 6 years she has not helped out in any way financially or any other. We are not interested in her money, we just want her to stay away. Has anyone else been in this situation? What was the outcome? Am I just being selfish and not wanting to share their time or lose their love? :?

I definitely don't think

I definitely don't think you're being selfish.. I think you're putting your kids first and worrying about what's best for them. I don't have any advice as I've never been in a situation like that, but I can tell you that my mother wasn't around much for me and that I look at my aunt (my mother's sister) as my mother and nothing can ever change that.. even if my mother suddenly decided to change and wanted to be back in my life, that wouldn't change the dedication and love I have for my real mamma.. she's one who's been there for me when I needed, the one who waited by my bed when I had surgery, the one who still comes with me to doctor appointments when I'm worried I'll get bad news, the one who gave me a key to her house and lets me come over just to sit next to her and rest my head on her shoulders, the one who lets me cry on her shoulder, the one who has always had a place for me at the dinner table. THAT'S my mamma, not the woman who gave birth to me.

No matter what their biological mother may or may not mean to them, it won't change how they feel about you since you've been there for them. If they're young kids, they may get confused about who's who and what's what, but when they get older and look back, they'll always know who their real mom was and is.

Thank you both for your

Thank you both for your thoughts, it is nice to read that I am doing the right thing for them not just for me. She does have her paternal rights but she has to petition the courts for any contact or rights at this time. We have not pursued terminating her rights because we feel that it would force her to come out of the wood work, same reason we have never pursued support. DH thinks she is all bark and no bite and if she actually has to work at something she won't make the effort. Which up to this point has been true, also in our state if you are faced with having your rights terminated you will be given a court appointed attorney. If we go to court we want her to have to get her own attorney.... she can't afford it, but we can. Again I am not trying to be ugly, I just want what is safe and stable for them. I really fell for the I have changed, I am not the same person crap last time she was out of prison. So I convinced DH to let them see her. Big mistake, she tried to run with them. I will never question DH again when it comes to her, he knows her... I don't. He thinks if we do nothing, she will do nothing as well. She will get out and get back into her life, and it will be out of sight out of mind. However I can't help but worry, I would take a bullet for any of my kids and they know I am their "real" mom.

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