If he doesn't like how you handle it then he needs to make other arrangements. I am an early riser so this was not the issue. In our house it was nap time, when the bios were babies I loved to have my 2 hours in the afternoon while they napped. So when skids came I insisted that even if they were too old to nap that they have 2 hours quiet time in their room. DH didn't think it was fair since skids were older (5&8). I said then find someone else to babysit when you work weekends. Of course he didn't do that.
When you are left with skids it has to be under your rules. If DH doesn't like it, he needs to make other arrangements.

Tell DH to prepare her food the night before, for example, he can pour a bowl of cereal and leave a pre-measured container of milk in the fridge. Tell him to give her clear directions on what she can do while she waits for you to get up-ex. tv, at a certain volume, computer, drawing etc.....can she tell time? He could tell her this is the time when "she" gets up and you can talk, play whatever with her. If she can't tell time, or you don't have a set time, then he needs to provide her with her options....but he needs to clearly lay them out, and the fact that she is not to wake you unless there is an emergency.

Either way, he has to do the work to figure it out. It is HIS kid, and you are doing him a favor by taking care of her, and you do have a right to say I will help under these terms. He can take it or leave it.

She might be old enough to do it herself, but I don't know her maturity level, but I do know that you are saying there are abandonment issues, so your husband's responsibility is to let her know she is safe!!!! Whatever you do, please don't get annoyed with her. It is clear that your husband's aware of her issues and making it your problem...he is the one that needs to be handling it....not you, and not the child. He can't just get up and go and leave you two to handle the problem.

Being a new mom is exhausting, and I know when my youngest was born, I had two other kids getting up at the crack of dawn. I would do things the night before to prepare them for morning and when they did come to my room, I would remind them of their options and tell them if they didn't choose, I would put them on the floor next to my bed to go back to sleep until I got up. It eventually worked. Hope this helps some at least.

Are you kidding me? 8 years old? My 2 year old and 5 year old love to get up early, and BOTH of them have learned how to get their own cereal and turn on a cartoon until we get up (usually 30-60 minutes later!!). There is no reason AT ALL that an 8 year old can't do this.

Seriously, my 2 year old does it.

Oh my goodness. Maybe my SD and your SD should be best friends. Then can wake up at the crack of dawn and make eachother cereal. I can not stand this! I have woke up at 6 am and she will be just standing in my doorway starring at me, creepy! The minute she sees me move she's up my butt about breakfast. Geez. I've told her to get a bowl of cereal. She whines and complains about it. Now because she will do anything to get out of being self sufficient My biggest problem is she gets her 4 year old sister in on it. She will literally pull her sister out of bed at 6 am. I wake up every morning to 4 years old crying. Then guess what, I'm out of bed and sd8 wants food. Oh my goodness!

If he doesn't like how you handle thing then he needs to make other arrangements. That type of shit is what caused me to say that DH kids can only be at our home when he is there.

baby abandonment issues, fuck that...she's plenty old enough and capable enough to make her own damn bowl of cereal.....