Unsure Next Step To Take
I have 2 kids and 2 step kids, all 4 live with me and my husband. My kids and my oldest step daughter are amazing kids and our life as a blended family is going pretty smooth. My husband is a truck driver so Im the one raising the kids all week. He allows me to be a stay at home mom so I dont have so much on my plate and Im grateful for that. Ok lets get to business now. My other step daughter is almost 9yrs old. She is a constant issue. Always in trouble no matter where she is or what we do. At school she gets in trouble for lying, cheating, stealing, forgery, along with screaming, running, not following rules. Just generally doing the oposite of what shes suppose to do. At home its not as bad concerning her behavior except for LYING. Thats all she does....lies lies lies about any and everything. When she is at church, choir etc (anywhere her father or I am not right beside her at) she acts just like she does at school. The other day a group of us women took girls from our church shopping to buy items for Christmas Shoeboxes and she was in another ladies group. At the two stores we went to the manager came out at both because my step daughter was screaming and running thru the store. Climbing up the shelves. Pulling tons of items off shelves and throwing them in the floor in another isle. She also ran out in the road when leaving. Her behavior is utterly terrible.
We have tried anything and everything we can think of. Punishments for bad behavior, rewards for good behavior etc. Nothing works.
She have learnign disabilites and a physical disability with her feet so she wears braces now. Also with speech issues and very awkardness with her body movements. I have her going to a neurologist, physcologist, and now genetics dr due to these issues plus the fact that she has NO feelings. No remorse, love, hate, sadness, conscience, regret, anger, etc. Nothing...shes just happy all the time smiling no matter what is going on or what she has done. Needless to say she is verbally crule to others daily due to this. Also shes is very desensitive to pain feeling almost none physically.
The doctors have gave me no diagnosis yet, mostly seem stumped and chalk it up to drug and alchol use by her bio mother during pregnancy. I hate so bad my feelings toward her. Everytime I try to soften my heart regarding her she doesnt something else that just fustrates me so badly. I resent how her bad behavior (not physical and learning issues those do not bother me at all and I actually enjoy helping her with those because I like to see her make advances in those areas) I want her to become a productive adult on day. Ok so as I was saying I resent how her extremely bad behavior takes away from my time with the other three children. I resent that I have adults blasting at me every single day over her behavior. Iver never met a child so difficult in my life. When we ask her why she does these things her response is a totaly blank stare at us and then always "I dont know" or "Cause I want to".
I just dont know what to do. The other kids are sick and tired of having to listen to everyone complain about her and tired of listening to me and her father trying to deal with her. Even her bio sister has said before cant she go live somewhere special. Thats breaks my heart that she has them feeling this way. Yet I totally understand because the thought "i cant do this anymore" has passed thru my head more than once. Im just at my ropes in and clueless what to do next. IDK if anyone can give me advice on what to do that i havent already. But I just really needed somewhere to let it all out. I feel like a horrible person for fussing over a child and letting her affect us all so negatively. Im just emotionally and mentally lost concernign her.
Lets assume that her
Lets assume that her behaviour Is because of bm's drug use..why has there not been a dr to prescribe this hellion some meds? My dh is recovering from his disease and he has had several dr's tell him he needs to be on ADHD meds because that is how his addict brain works. Part of it is hereditary too though as Both of the sshits need to be on meds and neither dh or bm were using drugs when she was pregnant.
Try finding a dr that deals with pediatric drug addiction. The normal childrens dr will not know how to deal with a child that has had that kind of a tramatically addictive start to life. You just have to think and look at things alot differently with her medical if there really is a history of drugs in her young life.
Best of luck to you!
Just a guess but you can look
Just a guess but you can look into it if you like.
oppositional defiant disorder I suggest checking out the Mayo Clinic link.
Much of the behavior listed was how my SD seemed at that age too. When you open that link, you will see a box saying symptoms after you scroll down the page just a little bit. If it sounds like what your going through with her, there is further information of getting a diagnosis, treatment, & what not.
That is great that you are here & asking. Don't give up trying to find the answer even when doctors do not seem to be of help. You might be her only chance she has.
Keep me posted if you don't mind & good luck!!!
Doctors misdiagnosed my SD
Doctors misdiagnosed my SD with ADHD but they don't like to diagnose kids for some reason, so it will take you playing the doctor too. ADHD meds messed with my SD's head & her real problem went untreated.
Sorry I meant to add that in the first reply to you.
She takes medication of ADD.
She takes medication of ADD. The doctor says she has that and not ADHD. That her other behaviors are just the result of her wanting to do them not her being unable to do them. Her OT therapist told me she now believes part of my SDs problem is Aspergers Syndrom so Im currently reading up on this. Ty everyone for the support. It nice to be able to vent and not be judged. I had an IEP meeting yesterday with her school they wanted me discuss her lieing and behaviors and how it affects her grades. So now I have paperwork from them also to take to her next dr apt with the neurologist at the end of Nov. Praying daily that once a final correct diagnosis can be made they will be able to help her more.
Thank you for clearing up the
Thank you for clearing up the ADD vs ADHD, I do get them to mixed up. My brother use to knock himself out running into a wall being his mind was on the other side of it. That is where I misunderstood the hyper part.
Yes Aspergers seems to be more & more common. My SD is diagnosed with it & it appears like a form of Autism. Does your SS go on & on about any one given topic even possible really smart with that topic? It is so hard for them to relate with others & they seem to act up more. There are therapists that work with Asperger patients which I'm certain you may already be aware of. If not, its not only good for the child but for the parents/step parents too. They work on giving them tools & teaches the family how the persons mind works. Apologies if you already knew all of that!
I'm still trying to figure out if people who have Aspergers also have another condition. My SD seems to have a conduct disorder along with Aspergers. The conduct disorder has yet to be diagnosed. According to the therapist she is seeing, she claims that role playing can really help the child understand & see the picture easier. They will even draw like a comic book then role play to that.
Not sure if that helps or not but hope that you share stuff that you learn as you go too
shes doesnt talk alot about
shes doesnt talk alot about any one topic and is not into any special thing. When I first met her two and a half years ago she baby talked all the time and I just thought it was attention getter of a still very young child. However she will be 9 soon and still prounces her words babish and can not say an entire sentence correctly or all together. Example if she was trying to say "I went trick or treating last night and go a lot of candy" It would be more like " Twrick Treatn (long pause) went I (long pause)candy lots I (long pause) got lots candy at" She speech is sadly lacking and I have her in speech therapy at school with no improvement. I really have began to hate the school system here they just pass any child along no matter what their educational level is and they do not offer a strickly special education class. You stay main streamed with intervention classes twice a week for an hour. The closest school that offers suchs programs if about 2 hours away so thats not an option.
Yes is has major problems socializing with anyone over the age of 5 (shes almost 9). I have an actual list of all her issues behavioral, mental, emotional, educational, physical etc and take it to every single dr we see. No one really seems to care. They just send her to the next dr. Her neurologist just says to me when shes acting up in his office "dont let her do that". Well...I dont want to let her but aside from putting her in a straight jacket ive tried everything else lol.
Yesterday I got a call about her from a the teacher because some of the parents that came to the school for halloween activities questioned if she is medicated due to the fact that she rarely every blinks. However that is her totally normal behavior always has been. She can go minutes without blinking very strange. I have another requested by the teachers meeting with her school on Nov 9th. They expect me to be a miracle worker and change her behavior...if only lol. I demanded retesting of her progress this school year so im anxious to see what level she is at now.
A lady at a place we were eating yesterday mentioned a doctor that she said was a huge help to her son and had correctly diagnoised him when no one else could. So i called there this morning and they said once all my genetics testing is in and she sees her neurologist later this month to call back and set her an apt to come see them. Maybe they can shed some new light on things.
I worry not only that i will not be able to handle and deal with raising her pretty much alone. (husband has chosen to stay out on the road for two more weeks straight without coming home) I feel like he is doing this because when he is home is tolerance level is quickly met by her and he ends up irritated and not getting to enjoy time with the other kids. Then is guilt ridden as I am for being so mad and fustrated with a child. Anyway as i was saying I not only worry about my ability to care for her long time (mentally feeling like having a breakdown yet knowing there is no one else to help her). But im very worried about what she will do as an adult.
I have to watch her take a shower and tell her each part to clean or she only washes her arms and top of feet and just wets her hair. Then pours all the soap and shampoos down the drain. Its like this in all aspects of her life. How will she ever be able to live alone and hold down a job. I know its years off but these worries rattle my brain already.
Last night trick or treating my daughter and other sd became so upset because she was ruining their night. Running off into the road. Grabbing other kids stuff and grabbing candy buckets from people handing the candy out. She knocked over several smaller children also. I dont want to make her miss out on a childhood so I always included her in everything. Yet part of me feels like making her sit events out just so she doesnt ruin it for the others.
Please i really need advice
Please i really need advice now!!! I got called to the school because my SD ive been speaking of got into MAJOR trouble at school today.
1. She was asking people in class to let her cheat from them during a spelling test
2. She was using the F word like crazy in the gym this morning while waiting on the bleechers to go to class.
3. She told a child she hated them and i going to stab them with a knife and kill them.
I know normally people would say shes just playing or doesnt mean it but, this child has gotten in trouble several times at home for hiding knives and scissors. We have everything here put up because it scared us. She walks around in the dark and just stands and stares at us in bed. Yes ive told the doctors about it, they say just keep them put up. Ive also told the school. They gave her detention and set a meeting on Nov 9th along with her IEP with a psychologist. I have asked for her to be sent to the alternative school here for her and everyone elses sake. The cheating is normal behavior, cuss..never done that before we raise her in a christian (southern baptist) home and done have an issues with anyone in the house cussing. But its the threats that worry me...Im just so confused i wanna lay down and cry.
You are explaining very
You are explaining very similar behaviors to what we have observed from my DH's daughter. My SD is now age 15 & these behaviors have continued to worsen as time has gone on. It gets worse, the violence/anger increases when she hits puberty. Most doctors have not dealt with such cases in their practice. They have a tendency to underestimate the severity of the child's symptoms.
DH & I strongly suggest that you go through social services to have her evaluated for psychological disorders. It seems that your SD has more going on then Aspergers/ADD. This would require you get a case worker & you may end up having someone come into your home to work with her on a daily basis. Also, this would provide you with an advocate to help deal with the school.
I know that a lot of people don't like to get involved with social services but appears that you have an extreme case & social services would be able to help you. You would need your husband to go with you for the purposes of consent.