My Stepson is such a baby at 11
My SS11 thinks his dad is always correcting him. He said "You seem to focus on the bad, not the good that I do." Well, most of the time, we try our hardest to keep our cool but he is completely annoying in almost everything he does. We wouldn't have to get on him if he behaved appropriately which it seems like he rarely does. He is sooooo obnoxious and thinks he has to be the center of attention all the time.
Now just today, our Bio daughter (19 months old) was simply playing with her new dolls she got for Christmas. My SD6 has learned from her big brother to take over every situation too so I was watching her try to take the baby doll (there are two identical babies but she was trying to take the one that my daughter was playing with). Then my SS comes in and sits down and takes the other baby and starts twirling it and throwing it around. He's always saying "Watch this!" and doing something very underwhelming like spinning around or some crap. I never know what to say when he wants me to watch him do something like toss a pencil in the air and catch it. I'm like "OK!" Apparently his BM is impressed with everything he does and tells him how awesome he is all the time. Anyway, my daughter is starting to get upset because they are playing with her dolls. I try to see if it works itself out before I have to say something yet AGAIN but finally I have to correct the situation. My SS says, "We never do anything right." I said, "I want you to play WITH her, not take over her play. She clearly doesn't like what you are doing and she was simply trying to play with the doll herself." I let them try again but they still overwhelmed my daughter by rearranging everything she was trying to do so I finally told them to play elsewhere. Boohoo, they pouted that the other one was the one that did it. They both had very nice Christmases and hardly play with the toys they got. They want to play with some silly toddler toys the minute my twin toddlers try to play with them. I hate how they do that!!
Is that normal for children so much older to constantly have to take over such little ones toys? My SS has always done that to my SD and now she is doing it to our twins. I try to stay consistent and not allow that to happen but it's like they don't hear it. My DH does too. It drives him crazy and we don't want our toddlers to play like that with others. My skids don't have many friends either and I think it's because they don't know how to play. I have two much older children that never really did that to each other. They had their own toys to play with and left each other alone for the most part. It just wasn't an issue.
Do you think part of it is
Do you think part of it is because they don't get much positive attention? Or at least they perceive they don't get much/any? We're going through a phase with SS10 where it seems like he's always making interesting choices. We correct what needs correcting, but we do work really hard to point out good things - even if they're small - like picking up his clothes out of the bathroom after taking a shower. It can be kind of like the little old lady at the slot machine. They need lots of small rewards. We don't reward everything - like the idea of getting a trophy for existing, but it is important to replace the negative with positive to switch behavior.
I feel like we do point out
I feel like we do point out the positive and try to see if the negative can work itself out before correcting....otherwise I would be correcting constantly.
I AM going to try harder though to set up more situations where he can be the "big" brother. It just seems like more of an effort than it needs to be. When the skids are here, it's absolutely exhausting mentally and emotionally. They are very immature socially and very very demanding.
It's hard when steps are
It's hard when steps are annoying. When they are your own kids, you teach them to NOT do what annoys you, but someone else's kids have parents with different things that annoy them. But what they are doing would probably annoy anyone, except for absent parents who are distracted by whatever... One thing you might try is asking the skids to put together a talent show for the family. Or doing a skit that they make up. This will keep them busy for a while and give them the positive attention when you clap at the end.
Let me state it this way if
Let me state it this way if ANY of our 4 kids ages 9-14 took a babys toys from them, not only would they get a lecture and a half but they would also NOT have anything to be playing with for quite awhile with nothing to read but a bible or something boringly educational so they could WISH for their own crap...and just cause we aren't into stealing things from babies and upsetting them along wit being firm believers, of once you are old enough to know better its NOT tolerated PERIOD , they'd take their Christmas money and buy her another doll to give her with an I'm sorry to a T....poor baby...These kids need their butts kicked.