Received a nice Text from BM.... What is she up to???
I received a text message from BM (who I DO NOT get along with!) and she was thanking me and showing appreciation for me being in the girls' lives. She admitted that the girls care about me a lot and also admitted to being jealous that another woman is doing her job. Then she ended the text with "we are praying for you and the truth to come out on its own."
I wasn't quite sure how to respond..... So I just said "I appreciate your words, and I am in no way trying to take over your position and the girls know that."
I want so badly to see good in her. I really really do. But every single bloody time I start to think "maybe she's not that bad...." she does something that is COMPLETELY out of left field that doesn't make any sense whatsoever! i.e. throwing a fit about DH not wanting to sign over joint custody, and then accusing him of "not getting along for the sake of the kids" and claiming "the girls are too scared to open up to you, and they are so home sick when they are away from me" (DH has full custody and BM gets them every weekend and for 5 hours on Wednesdays... she sees them A LOT!)
i just don't know how to feel about this. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm kind of hoping this will open the door enough for me to gently intervene and attempt to mediate in situations where she's flying off the handle. If you want me to believe that you're sweet and kind and SANE, prove it!
Thoughts??
Honestly? I would recommend
Honestly? I would recommend that you just stay out of it.
There's no reason you can't be cordial or polite when she's around. You can say "thank you" to a nice text. I wouldn't engage, I wouldn't get involved, and I certainly would not try to mediate in any situation between her and DH.
Thank you for your feed back.
Thank you for your feed back. Sometimes I just feel like DH does have a tendency to be a bit abrasive, and I would be able to handle the situation a bit more gently. But You're right, "stay out of it" is probably in the best interest of everyone!
If your BM was otherwise
If your BM was otherwise reasonable, rational, and willing to work together; then I would agree with you. If you are generally easier to talk to than DH, then your presence wouldn't necessarily be a problem.
But you're on this site. And you've said that she flies off the handle at random times. This indicates that she's not always the easiest person to deal with. If you can't rely on her to be consistent and level-headed, then I personally wouldn't want anything to do with her directly.
It's true, she is a very
It's true, she is a very difficult person to talk to. Even SD10 says with a completely serious face "She doesn't listen when I try to talk, and then she interrupts me when I'm trying to talk, and it's just so frustrating!" Which makes complete and total sense because that's why DH gets so frustrated with her. She's all mouth and no ears.
I told SD10 that BM reminds me of my ex husband when she talks because of how she likes to interrupt and go on and on and on. SD laughed LOL
I agree with this and I would
I agree with this and I would not trust the woman no matter how nice the text appears to be. If it is coming out of left field and for no reason on your end, you can almost guarantee there is a reason on her end. BM's like she sounds, do not usually do anything unless it will eventually benefit them or stir up drama, so I would ignore her and not get roped into believing she is trying to just be nice to for no reason.
I completely agree. I want so
I completely agree. I want so badly to believe she has good intentions, but she never seems to. And that's just how I am: I want to see the best in everybody. But allowing her to take advantage of that isn't a good thing.
I used to be the same way. I
I used to be the same way. I tried to get along, tried to form my own opinions of BM outside of what I was told by DH and his family, tried to give her some benefit of the doubt because she was young and stupid. All it did was cause me a world of grief, sorrow, anxiety, trouble, and drama people would not even believe if I were to elaborate. I know there are probably some good ones out there, but in my personal experience, BM's are not to be trusted.
Just take it at face
Just take it at face value.
Jealously seems to destabalize a lot of women, some permanently, others for lesser terms. Hopefully she's coming to her senses.
Eh, I say the relationship
Eh, I say the relationship between you and BM can be slightly separated from the relationship between her and your DH, just because she's a harpy to him, doesn't necessarily mean she can't be cordial to you.
Although the whole "truth" coming out thing just makes me think she's psycho, and probably had a lucid-not-so-lucid moment.
LOL!!! She's fixated on a LOT
LOL!!! She's fixated on a LOT of things that aren't true, and she has worked very hard for many years to convince herself and EVERYONE around her of these untrue things. (DH is abusive, kids are scared of him, he lies in court, so on and so forth). The problem with those allegations is that the girls are already starting to see their mom's behavior and witnessing these lies. So yes, BM, the truth will come out on its own, you're right about that!
She has many sociopathic tendencies, IMO.
mehhhh, I'd just say thanks
mehhhh, I'd just say thanks to be polite but stay out of it. I don't deal w/ BM, I tried in the beginning to be nice but she only wanted to talk to me when she wanted something from me any other time she was trying to tell fdh how much she wanted me to die... your dh needs to stop arguing with her, keep it to text/email and only address issue about the skid. I dont like the last comment she made, wtf does that even mean?
LOL!! I just responded to a
LOL!! I just responded to a message above your about it
Long story short, she has sociopathic tendencies and has tried very hard for many years to convince everyone around her that DH is a horrible awful abusive monster. Kids know different seeing as how they live with us 
But yes, I think staying out of it is probably for the best. Thanks
True. That's exactly what
True. That's exactly what she's trying to do.
I read your post and thought
I read your post and thought that you are the girlfriend to my boyfriends BM. She has 3 kids 2 are my SK and 1 is another guys kid. But you have described her in EVERY WAY....The BM sends me a message saying the same things, then when my SKs get home they tell me all of the nasty things that their mom says about me. We have my SKs full time during the school year (9) months and she has full custody during summer. The kids are not happy about it. But that's what she wanted. She gives them up but gets upset that they have another mother in their lives. I've told her the same thing. Its harder being a SP then it is a Bio. We have harder work understanding that we are not taking the bio mom's place. But it becomes hard when we have the kids full time. Its kind of like how do you not cross that fine line. My SKs call me mom and have for a very long time now. She is a pain in my A** she can be as sweet as ever and then turn into the devil all at the same time. At first when ANYONE meets her they think, awww she is so tiny and cute, how could any one want to be mean to her. She comes off like a little mary poppins. You should have seen her in court. It takes about a month of consecutive interactions with her that you truly see her TRUE side. You ever heard a judge tell someone in FC to shut up,..LOL...well the judge got tired of her and that's what he did. Yelled shut up while she was talking. But like I said it takes a while for her true colors to come out. I dont want to fight with her, but she hates the fact that I am in her kids life. I would honestly stay out of it. Only because the court system would frown upon that, The fact is it is between the BM and your husband or boyfriend. Not to mention that would make things worse if you got involved first you have her kids now your trying to play mediator. I can just see her looking at it like that and making things worse. I dont EVER get involved between BM and my boyfriend (unless it involves me) for example if I plan a trip and we need to pick up kids early or something like that but if it has NOTHING to do with me I just stay out of it. She even put in the custody order that my boyfriend has to make decisions with first then tell me. We dont do it that way of course simply because I am a major factor in my Sks lives I pick them up from school I do homework with them I take them to their doctors appointments so discussing it between the two of them without knowing what my schedule is wont work. I have to be kept in the loop to make sure that I can help and it can be done. Not to mention we have FULL CUSTODY!! so what she needs to be involved in is beyond me. She can worry about the kids when they are with her. If she were that worried she wouldnt have let them go.!!...but best advice stay out of it, until it involves you!! that's for your sake your SKs sake and their dad!!!...good luck and let me know how it all works out, I am sure we will have similar stories (we could even be talking about the same women) that is to close to what she just did to me with the text, same words and EVERYTHING!!!
Her last sentence sounds kind
Her last sentence sounds kind of devilish.
The nicer our BM was (rare), the sharper the knife that she planned on sticking in our backs. Just sayin'.
Something I didn't
Something I didn't mention..... She was baptized this weekend, so I have a feeling that's where this overly niceness is coming from. Now, I am not one to judge anybody's religious beliefs and faith (I am a Bible believing Christian myself) - HOWEVER!!!
I have seen this woman use the line "I'm a good Christian" in court to make herself look better. She has told DH when he doesn't give in to her wishes "You really need God in your life."
And she also forced (i.e. threatened to ground her if she didn't do it) SD10 to get baptized as well :O :O :O But that's going to require a completely different thread!!
Kids are smart. How do you
Kids are smart. How do you know they aren't playing her? Maybe she isn't making things up per se, but being tricked.
They could very well pretend to be scared of their dad around her or tell her that they miss her in response to her saying she misses them. I doubt she's pulling it out of thin air. It's probably an exaggeration of real events she's witnessed. Her acting scared and making a big production of seeing them again could make them more anxious when not around her. Things like that could increase separation anxiety in the children. It sounds like they are fairly comfortable in your home though?
It is possible that when the kids live with you guys they pretend she's someone they don't like that much because they think it is what you want to hear and it gets them on your good side.
Kids will play both angles and can learn how to be two different people very quickly, especially if their happiness and stress levels depend on it. She might be crazy but there might also be some feeding of the crazy by the kids.
At least she was sane for a minute or long enough to write you a nice text, although it's probably just an attempt at manipulation.
agree with this 100% kids,
agree with this 100% kids, even very young ones that have lived this life, know how to manipulate big time, and parents, because they WANT to believe the other parent is bad and they are better, bite it hook line and sinker without ever thinking their precious little angel might be lying.
Which they have before, and
Which they have before, and it has been nipped in the bud big time. But BM spent YEARS obtaining restraining orders, and making false allegations to DHS. Last summer she called DHS about a small bruise SD7 had on the back of her leg and tried to tell them that their dad spanked her with a belt. BOTH girls were quite upset that mom called DHS and even SD10 said "This is so stupid!" And even when they complain about things over there (this happened last night even) DH is very quick to say "If you show your mom and your step dad the same respect that you show me, I bet you wouldn't get yelled at as much."
DH is just a very strong willed, straight forward man that doesn't allow BM to walk all over him and gives it to her straight, and it is very easy for a woman in her position to twist things around and make him out to be this horrible awful scary person. And it doesn't help that DH went to prison for 2 years after SD10 was born, that's another thing she likes to use against him. She gotten him thrown in jail on false allegations TONS of times. And the judge that awarded DH custody after she violated the court order saw all of those documents.
That's why it says in the court order "Mother has engaged in a pattern of abusing her status as the custodial parent to the detriment of the parties' children." 
The feud between those two is so bad, the judge finally wrote them a letter saying "the two of you appear to be beyond help and there is nothing left I can do for you."
HAHA, this makes me laugh
HAHA, this makes me laugh because my ring tone for BM is the sound of crickets. It has two meanings #1 Dh refers to any kind of STD as "crotch crickets", and that suits BM. And #2 Because DH never answers her calls... she gets "crickets".
Very true doormatnomore. no
Very true doormatnomore. no contact means no drama. I also totally agree on the mask of religion. My MIL is this way.
I would not trust her for one
I would not trust her for one second. These BMs always have an ulterior motive, it seems. My SD’s BM used to send me all kinds of nasty messages calling me every name in the book and threatening me, all that good stuff. Then 2 Christmas’ ago, she randomly called me and asked me if I knew anyone who cuts hair because SD had cut her own hair. But she was being soooo nice. I figured it was just because she needed something and what do ya know, I was right. After that conversation, she went right back to her nasty old self!