" daughter changing the wedding date
So.. I have been dating the love of my life, my soul mate and the best man in the world for over 5 years. When I met him, he was legally separated for 10 years, but once his "ex" realized I was around.. the war began! After 2 years of a legal battle in a divorce, including a trial... yes, an actual trial in Michigan, he was divorced and we became engaged. During that time, his 22 year old daughter found out she was pregnant, and while I am not a biological parent, I immediately stepped up to the plate.. baby showers, birthing classes, 5 am worries and through the labor, I was there.. Now that I have a beloved 3 year old granddaughter and we are scheduled to be married, I thought my life couldn't get any better......
Enter the ex back into my soon to be SD's life.. enter my hell!!!!! I let this lovely girl into my life, her partner into my life, their daughter into my life.. oh, and ALL of them into my home. They stayed with us for the first 2 years of our granddaughters life only to leave accusing me, and even calling the cops, stating that I was drinking and smoking around her child. Yes, I smoke (cigarettes, never, ever even remotely around my grandchild) and almost every night, I have my 4 oz glass of white wine, but outside (smoke) and late (after the 10 o'clock news for my wine), and well after I put my grandchild to bed.
My ex torn apart and many months of counseling with ways to cope later, we are weeks away from our wedding. everything perfect and my sd already to stand up, but... Today, 9 months after our plans were set, I was informed that the 14th of February was her first date with her sig fig and therefore, the 14th of July is insensitive and unacceptable to have our wedding day. After paying for almost everything, including the SD's dress, her "sig figs" tux and our granddaughters outfit (I'll not even go into picking out the styles and colors).. , , I AM OFFICAILLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not taking this abuse anymore.. the wedding date was officially moved, my parents cannot attend, my wedding place will not be available, the reception hall will not be available, but my SD will now try to be able to attend...
I need help!!!!! My ex keeps telling me that he is being put in the middle. I keep telling him I would never get in between them, but this is our wedding and that is what they are doing to us!!!
is there anything I can say or do, or at this point, is it my decision to take this awesome person and his baggage or be done with all of it???????
Am I missing something? What
Am I missing something? What do February 14 and July 14 have to do with one another? If she had a problem with your wedding date, she should have said something nine months ago (not that her opinion should matter in this case, anyway). I cannot believe you changed the date for her, canceling the ceremony and reception sites. I never would have done that, and I would never agree to have my wedding on a date when my parents could not attend just to appease a selfish girl who had already spread lies and called the police on me once. I know you love your granddaughter, but it sounds to me like your only real option in order to stay sane is to completely disengage with your stepdaughter. Stop treating her as anything other than an aquaintence. Have your husband deal with her himself at all times - you should never have to deal with her or even be around her after the way she has treated you. This is if you even end up marrying him, as you referred to him as your ex a couple of times in your post. It sounds like you are a very forgiving person, but she has already screwed you over once after you forgave her the last time she betrayed you. I probably wouldn't give her another chance after she did all she could to ruin your wedding. "Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me."
I am so sorry you are going
I am so sorry you are going through this.
It sounds like your future husband is agreeing to change things out of fear of losing his daughter.
You need to sit him down and tell him how heartbroken YOU are over what she has done, that this Feb 14/July 14 date of her sig fig is just a smokescreen for her to exert power over your relationship and I would not even consider changing it.
If he cannot tell his daughter NO - that is the date we are getting married and you are being ridiculous (yes, at the risk of her withdrawing again from him) then I wouldn't be marrying this guy.
I know you have invested a lot into this relationship, and I am betting that apart from this little bitch things between you are great?
Tell him he needs to put YOU first, this is YOURS and HIS wedding day. After what she has already put you through do NOT allow her to do this to you as well.
Welcome to what your marriage
Welcome to what your marriage will be like.....drama, drama, drama.
SD doing exactly what she is doing now..
Is this how you envision the rest of your life?
Are you satisfied with how your future husband interacts with his ex? His daughter? Because it very likely will not change just because he is married to you..
My guess was significant
My guess was significant figure.
Doesn't really matter as it's all BS designed to control and destroy.
I appreciate all of the
I appreciate all of the comments.. thank yo so much! I do love him, and what i was looking for when i posted this was some verification that my feelings are justified. I am speaking with him tonight, but as for the date, I did change it as I do not want to even think about her or this fight as it is OUR day. I appreciate it, and it sounds like a lot of you have been through this. Its a very delicate dance that I have to do. This is his only child, he does not have any other family, and when they got into it during the holidays, his heart was truly broken. I hate seeing him like this and that is probably how I am going to approach this tonight.
Thank you all
No, I agree and that will be
No, I agree and that will be at the crux of our conversation.
First off, LOVE the name.
First off, LOVE the name. Chelios was a great in the hockey world and I'm glad we had him for as long as we did.
Second, as a fellow Michigander I have to say one thing: Get your DETROIT attitude and stand up for yourself. We all possess this quality to tell everyone else to fuck off and do as we need to do to be happy. Doesn't matter if you grew up in the thumb, up north, the UP or in Detroit city itself. You have this quality whether you know it or not. Dig deep, find it and stand your ground.
DO NOT let these people rule you or tell you what to do.
Your fiance is not in the
Your fiance is not in the middle he's so far her his daughter's ass that he'll never get out.
It's your life and you can live it anyway you choose. But I could never tolerate being with such a man.
When you say how "perfect" he is for you it's like saying he's just great and he only beats me once a month.
Your SD is making a game of this to see how much she can screw with you. And he is letting her. What a pathetic excuse for a man.
Sorry to be the one to tell you but he doesn't care about you at all or he would never tolerate your being so abused. Words are just words, his actions (or non-actions) tell all.
Stop this B.S. now. If I
Stop this B.S. now. If I could turn back time I would take tha advice of the other posters. Give your DH the choice of making your marriage the main priority in his life and allow his daughter to grow up - or tell him to take a hike. I went through this for over 20 years - it only got worse. I know you love him but with every year that goes by that he does not insist his daughter respect you, your respect for him deminishes to the point of disgust. Then there are financial issues to consider. Nip it in the bud - now.
Change the date back or get
Change the date back or get out of this wedding all together. You are going to regret this for the rest of your life if you let her get between you and your soon to be husband. It will grow like a cancer.
You have to put a stop to this ridiculous nonsense now. She can not dictate when you two marry for any reason let alone this lame excuse! It is nothing but a game she will play with your husband's head for the rest of his life.
Obviously , everyone so far has told you the same thing. We are just trying to save you from the hurt and abuse we all experienced for years.
We all have "loving, soft hearted, wonderful , best in the worlds husbands" . We also all had spouses who have a lobe missing in their brain. It contains the part where they cannot say no to their dear children who are now adults. It contains the part that contains vision as to just how absurd their children act.