The same relationship that I have with the brat now...NONE!!! }:)

SS27 was a long-term alcoholic by the time I met him as an adult. He started drinking at 13 and had been to countless rehabs, juvie, jail, etc by 20.

I have very little to do with him. He did come visit us in another city for a few days because DH's brother brought him. I love my BIL but he had not seen him in years so did not realize what he was like.

It's probably only a matter of time until the drugs and alcohol kill him. I'd like him to clean up but then I wouldn't have an excuse to not be around him. Can't imagine he'd ever be anyone I'd want to spend time with.

I have a large extended family and like Hypovic's family it is very inclusive. One more is always welcome. But I have never included SS after I realized that he would show up high/drunk and possible cause a scene.

I met my SD20 when she was 17, I hoped for friendship first and that more would come of that later, boy was I wrong. SD was never interested in being my friend, much less to ever care for me in anyway. In her eyes I was competition, taking away Dadddeee's interest. She sat in my house on our 2nd meeting and informed me, "I don't want my Dad to have anymore kids, I'm too jealous and I won't share him" my mouth dropped open. Did this kid just say this to me, was all I could think at the moment.

But as days passed and I got to see more of what she's really like, I realized, I don't like her, not because she's DH's kid, but because of her. In my regular life I wouldn't be friends with her, so why should I pretend for DH, I won't live a lie.

I talked with DH about my feelings and he understood, he even told me, she's my kid and I don't like her that much. He does not expect me too tolerate her BS, when she pulls any tricks we call her on them, together.

Maybe as she ages & matures things will change, and we can be some sort of friends. I'll always hope, for DH's sake and happiness, not for my own, I was doing just fine before meeting SD and I'm doing just fine still, without her in my life.

What my relationship with SS will be like when he reaches adulthood?

I am not sure but if the pattern of SS's behavior is to run it's mythological course, I suspect that SS and I will have to clash swords over who gets to sleep with DW. SS will probably win because by then he will be well versed in swordplay whereas I only know which end to hold.

Hmm...Maybe I should pick up Kendo?

I hope I never have to see stepdevil14 again, frankly. I don't care what type of relationship she and DH have and I told him I'd support him no matter what, but after all that little shit has put us through and continues to put us through, yeah, I'm in no hurry to have ANY relationship with her at all, ever.

In the beginning I hoped sincerely to have close happy relationships with both my husband's children. I worked really hard at it and like so many others on this site soon realized it was not to be, that is with dh's eldest daughter. As far as my younger sd, she tells me often how much she loves me, reminds me that I've been in her life for 3/4 of it and recently made a point of saying to me for dh to hear, that I have always been so good to her. Sometimes after many years it does work out!

Like others, I never had expectations that we would be tight-knit in any way but figured that with time we would at least know each other better. I've given up on that. While the skids have never been outright rude to me, they have never expended any energy to get to know me as a person either. Even now that they are adults and "on their own."

Over the years, I've given them space yet included them when I thought it important, and encouraged my SO to maintain his own relationship with them that didn't always include me in every activity.

None of it made any difference. They are polite and when in each other's company we get along OK, but it is superficial. They are very distant/disinterested in me as an individual, and that's the way it will always be. I have frequently commented here on steptalk that after almost a decade with their father, my skids still wouldn't be able to tell you my last name if you asked them.

However, I am thankful that I don't have the terrible adult skids issues others here have to deal with. At least not yet. Who knows what will happen if/when (God forbid) something serious happens to their dad. I do not look forward to dealing with either of them. Likewise, if something happens to me I don't think they will offer much comfort to their father, since I have no value in their lives and am pretty much invisible unless I am in the same room with them.

So to answer your question, I quote the Rolling Stones and say you should have NO EXPECTATIONS. Don't expect it to be good, don't expect it to get better, don't expect it to get worse. Expect nothing. Take it as it comes. That's what I do.

When we married SD was still in High School. I tried exta hard to be nice and to ignore her rude, obnoxious behavior. I had hopes she would eventually mature into an adult and we could be at least be cordial to each other. Never happened. In fact the abuse got worse as time went on. Now I have no hopes for relationship with SD and am much happier without her in my life.

Reasonable expectaions include mutual respect of both SD and DH. This means DH demonstrates to SD that when she is a grown woman his focus is on his marriage. If your DH can not do this, and SD is disrespectful of you, you need to put your foot down. I am sorry it took me so long to do this.

Let's see.......I have known dh 6 years and seen his daughters all of 3 times.. Last being over 3 years ago.. However, their presence in my husband's life and his family has had a major impact on our marriage. My door is shut to their physical presence, but I realize they will continue to be in my husband's life forever, and I think that no matter what you choose......it is not up to you, ultimately. I would have hit the delete button years ago on them, but dh will not. Even if one of them ends up killing him for his money, he would likely die still not believing it was her.. And I say this in only half jest..

Let's see.......I have known dh 6 years and seen his daughters all of 3 times.. Last being over 3 years ago.. However, their presence in my husband's life and his family has had a major impact on our marriage. My door is shut to their physical presence, but I realize they will continue to be in my husband's life forever, and I think that no matter what you choose......it is not up to you, ultimately. I would have hit the delete button years ago on them, but dh will not. Even if one of them ends up killing him for his money, he would likely die still not believing it was her.. And I say this in only half jest..

It varies. All my sk are in their 30's now. The youngest one and the one that spent the most time with us we are not on speaking terms. DH refuses to attend her wedding. She's done a lot to create that rift. The middle one, we have a pretty good relationship, even though we aggravate each other sometimes, he really thinks of me as mom. There have been times when we didn't speak to each other, usually when he's doing stupid stuff. The oldest, we have grown into an ok relationship. I now have her oldest son living with us while he goes to college. I have much more fun with the grandkids.

It all depends on the kids and 18 is just a number.

Sometimes they do grow up and begin to understand, or actually truly love you, and that would be my younger sd. When she was in her teens I never would have believed that would happen, especially after living through all I have from her elder sister!

Ysd and I have a very good relationship...she is appreciative and acknowledges all sacrificed for her, and her sister, she actually apologizes for her sister's terrible behavior to me. Ysd once told me that dh became a better father to them when I entered their lives.

Now dh's eldest daughter, she doesn't even acknowledge me. She has recently come to a level of 'tolerance' and it makes life easier but she never ceases to make it clear how little she values me. She has zero appreciation for all the sacrifices, and there have been many, she appreciates nothing.

You just have to go with it. I am loving and gushy right back to ysd and I appreciate her so very much. Her elder sister ceases to matter to me anymore...

I had hoped that we would be friends. That I could be someone that he could come to. I didn't even get invited to the HS graduation. I am not someone he wants in his life (and I have been since he was seven). I am his brothers mother. It's really sad and disappointing. I am pretty hurt. I guess that I might as well know now but it's hard to give up the idea of ever being part of his life. I had the deck stacked against me. His BM's favorite hobby is hating me. Honestly. I met him five years after they broke up. I have no idea why but she has made sure that her son would never build a relationship with me so that's what we have. None.

Runner brings up a very important point on this issue: "... [BM] has made sure that [skids] would never build a relationship with me.

How true. We all have to face the fact that no matter what we do, didn't do, or tried to do with skids, the BM's influence and alientation tactics have mighty consequences on us and our relationship with skids.

I am convinced that had an impact in my case - I am quite sure BM "instructed" them to never be rude to me(overt bad behavior perhaps reflecting poorly on her as a mother) BUT she sure as heck probably told them to never be close either. I am sure that for every nice thing I did that they mentioned, she had some sort of soft-sell negative comment to make.

So she got exactly what she wanted - keeping her kids from developing any kind of relationship with the woman her ex now loves.

Wow...sure glad I (we) don't have stepkids after hearing all this!!!!!!!!!!!!