11 yr old Daughter with Nightmare is it ok to sleep with her father and I ??????????
:sick:
I tried to get her back to bed three times when she told me she has a bad dream, then it got to the point where she was too awake and couldnt sleep. Dad invited her into OUR BED!!!!!
1. Our Intamate space
2. Habits will form
3. Mental Health- she is going into 6th grade all her friends have boyfriends not healthy to sleep with dad
4. WHat would her mom and step dad think, or the school or CPS if they heard.
5. I dont feel comfortable she is too old!
Is it my business? Am I wrong? In bed he usually never wears clothes, but had underware on so did she no top, I had pjs and she slept facing me with his arms around me, still I fled as soon as the sun came up it felt weird to see her in our bed. She had a nightmare but....
THIS GIRL HAS NO RULES, NO BOUNDARIES, DOES WHAT SHE WANTS AND USED TO SLEEP WITH HIM NIGHTLY BEFORE I CAME!!!!HAD HER CLOTHES IN HIS CLOSET, TOOK A SHOWER IN HIS SHOWER. AGE 7-9 1/2
No, it's not OK. Not much
No, it's not OK.
Not much more to say, really! I would be very careful, especially if there is a BM around. If social services got involved, courtesy of a resentful BM, it could get very uncomfortable for him AND you. I refused to be alone with my SDs for many years for this very reason.
Maybe Dad's a nudist.
Maybe Dad's a nudist.
Cuddling in our bed is just
Cuddling in our bed is just not cool, I have been with him 2 yrs, lived together 1 and this is hte first time,,, but what would her mom think or step dad?
Her school or CPS... ? Nothing happened but it seems bad, dad sleep with his 6th grader?
EMotional incest at the least! He treats her like she is 4 anyway, so I know he doesnt see anything
wrong its his daughter. But, she is too old. Isnt this the forbbin zone? I hope this wont happen again I am
worried now. She used to ask alot to sleep with us, and I kept her out. WHen he takes a bath I lock the
door and she knocks I tell her he is in the bath and she says she wants to see him! I literally told her NO, he is naked!
No sense of boundaries! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ONE MORE THING HE IS NOT A GOOD LISTENER AND WILL PROBABLY TAKE AFFENCE WHEN I APPROACH HIM ABOUT THIS. SHE CAME IN RECENTLY WHILE HE WAS IN THE SHOWER AND I TOLD HIM IT WASNT APPROPRIATE, HE ARGUED, AND SAID SHE COULDNT SEE HIM, I STOOD RIGHT WHERE SHE DID AND SAID I SEE YOU HEAD TO TOE! I HAVE A PROBLEM HERE
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your comments. He thinks she is 4, she looks 8 talks like a baby and is grossly under developed wears a childs size 5 clothing. tiny thing many people thinks she is 3rd grade, he does too. how do i wake him up.
I think he is in denial. His
I think he is in denial. His daughter is growing up and as long as she is treated like a helpless child she will remain a helpless adult.
What he did was VERY wrong but then you have a problem with his liberal attitude and it is unlikely he will understand. What you COULD do would be to tell SD that the next time she has a nightmare she is welcome to watch TV with the volume no higher than "6" until she is sleepy again. Give her an alternative. Then tell DH that as comfortable as he may be with his daughter sleeping in his bed how would he feel if his daughter was co-sleeping with her mother and SF/Mums BF?
Encourage her independence. Right now her life is far too comfortable to change. Unfortunately being teeny tiny doesn't help. She LOOKS and sounds little so Daddio is emotionally convinced she is 4 yrs old.
Sorry, you cannot freeze time and this is what he wants. Eventually she WILL grows up and as a father it is his job to advise her of what her boundaries should be.
And if she tries to come into your bed again, turn on the light and read. Tell her to go and watch TV or read herself to sleep. If DH insists tell him that this is crossing major boundaries and not normal for partially clothed father and daughter to sleep together. And once people hear about it they WILL assume the worst.
She came to me at first, I
She came to me at first, I tried three times to help her back to sleep including tv until she feel alseep again. She came in our room turned on the light and dad woke up and said whats wrong, immediately told her come to bed next to me. She climbed in on top of the covers, he told her to go under them!
He turned towards me all night, I was gritting my teeth, screaming inside, I thought as soon as its daylight I will run out of bed.
Its almost 9 am and there still in bed together, alone, it makes me sick.
He will fight me, he will take offense and say I am jealous, and its innocent what do you want me to do she was having a bad dream. This will turn into a major fight. He is very closed and narrow minded.
He controls you with anger.
He controls you with anger. You let him do it.
This is just happened last
This is just happened last night, it was the first time, she had a nightmare. It not a habit. She used to sleep with him before I came in the picture a few years ago. So when this happened last night I thought oh my gosh I hope this is a one time thing because of a nightmare. STILL Like all of you are saying I DID NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE.
I am his wife, I know he was
I am his wife, I know he was just trying to console her.
I am not trying to make excuses, I am listening to all of you and told you the facts thats all you need to
consider everything I told you. I need to help him transition to teen from child with her peacefully and respectfully.
I would flip out if ss were
I would flip out if ss were in my bed. That is such an invasion of personal space.
your right, as I am now, it
your right, as I am now, it wont happen again, I just need to learn how to make changes in these peoples life. I have been here 2 yrs its an old habit having no boundaries. I have trying to a disengaged but now its in my face. I was taking a bubble bath and she walked in on me. RUDE The door will be locked even to my husband when she is visiting. I lock it now when either of us change. He didnt do that either. She was showering and bathing in our bathroom, I stopped it. Her mother has no boundaries either she told me she keeps her tooth brush in her mothers bathroom! Tried to keep hers in mine. I put it in hers even the dad asked where was it? I said in HER bathroom. He keeps inviting her to take a shower in my bathroom, I get up at the same time and always make sure I use it. I by the way have three children, one in college, the two at home DONT COME IN MY ROOM EVER!!!!!!! I told him that he asked why I said THIS IS OUR PERSONAL SPACE AND I AM PRIVATE AND EXPECT PRIVACY! THIS IS OUR INTIMATE SPACE. THE 11 YR OLD HAS WALKED IN ON US EVEN HAVING SEX! He just said close the door. omg
HE IS A POWER BULLY I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW I MAKE CHANGES ... SLOWLY. BUT I AM MAKING PROGRESS THIS PROBLEM THOUGH IS AN EMERGENCY! I AM MAD AS HELL
He's not your boss or your
He's not your boss or your dad or your king. You do not have to be careful. You are choosing to be careful so you can keep him.
Without self-honesty your ship will sink.
This is so fucking disgusting
This is so fucking disgusting I want to head butt my screen.
Google "mini wife" on this site and read up on the nightmares you'll see.
If your moronic DH is such a bully, you'll have to play it smart. Maybe try sitting him down and explain how inappropriate it is. You should find lots of info about boundaries and raising an entitled child. Might be a good idea to copy and past some of the comments and experiences on a page, print it out and give it to him to read. If he still objects, ask him to go to counselling... and if he keeps it up - I would get the authorities on his ass and then I'd pack my shit and leave.
Fuck living like that.
Playing it smart isn't trying
Playing it smart isn't trying to educate and raise a grown man.
"I tried to get her back to
"I tried to get her back to bed three times"
Why isn't dad doing this?
"Dad invited her into OUR BED!"
Is he a lazy fart, or just a naked drunk?
"Is it my business?"
You made his daughter your business when you got out of bed for her.
"Am I wrong?"
Yep. You sound like you have taken the role of powerless nanny. Are you getting paid for this gig? Better file a complaint with the labor board.
"THIS GIRL HAS NO RULES, NO BOUNDARIES"
Don't blame the girl. The problem is her dad.
I am a little confused with
I am a little confused with the shower and toothbrush thing... I guess I dont really see bathrooms as being certain ppls. We have an upstairs and downstairs bathroom right now one is used by all and the other not used at all just makes for less cleaning.
11 and sleeping in the same bed... out of line! Someone also said do some research, my suggestion... tell him your unsure of the psychological consiquences and encourage him to do it. If he wont make it a double effort. In my past my bf has done a complete 180 after seeing what pops up google, I am still unsure why it is more educated then me but hey pick your battles i guess. If that doesn't work tell him he can make a choice you or his daughter... I recently told my bf if he continued the need to have his toddlers baby monitor on full blast I would have to sleep elswhere. I respected that he was worried but I couldnt sleep through it and on a work night I needed sleep. It came down to me sleeping in the spare room or him letting go... he let go.
To me this looks like a red flag it seems excessive... that is just me though!
^^^^ exactly maybe if it
^^^^ exactly maybe if it looks bad to others it is bad.. "if it looks like a sheep and talks like a sheep chances are it might be a sheep"