If your DH doesn't want his precious princesses to do anything tell him it is HIS job to pick up after their skanky asses.

Stop cleaning up after them, leave the mess (even if it annoys the heck out of you) and let the DH see it. With you cleaning up behind them he never has to see the mess or realize how bad it is getting. He needs to man up and tell the girls they need to shape up or ship out. That is unacceptable. You need to let the laundry sit, the toothpaste hang on the bathroom and the towels on the floor. Let them run out of clean clothes and leave the doors hanging open. You need to retreat to your bedroom for a couple of days when home and pretend to NOT notice. Let them run out of toilet paper and see how they like it (trust me, that will only happen once). Good luck to you.

Either DH cleans up after them or DH pays for a live in cleaner and cook to take care of them. If you do it, why should DH change anything. Things are running well for him and his kids aren't they. He needs to suffer the consequences of HIS kids actions. He may have created lazy selfish children, however, your supporting their laziness. Stop picking up after them.

Do we have the same step kids?? Not that my own kids are even better. I know your frustration...it's easy for people to say don't do it & I honestly wish I could. But you're right, you can't leave milk out to rot. I do make them come back in & pick the stuff up (or clean it up), but it never seems to sink in. Toothpaste all over the bathroom sink, emply toilet paper roll, retainers on the counter, dirty tissues on the bedroom floor, half empty cups on the counter hours after they're finished with them....it's endless.

At 17 and 14 they are way too old to be doing this. Are they deliberately trying to get to you. Are they enjoying your reactions. As for the fridge. You could have closed it sure. Running that all day you ran the risk of burning out the motor setting fire to the house and costing a fortune n electricity. The milk. I would have let it spoilt
Had a hidden stash for myself and let my DH and skids go without.

You are your own worst enemy here. You are not helping yourself. Are you afraid of standing up for yourself with your husband for fear of causing an arguement. Because if that is what's at the root of this, you need to address that problem before you worry about the skids.

Allowing yourself to be treated like Cinderella, makes you feel like Cinderella. The power to change this lies within you, not the skids. Until you change what your doing, they won't change what they're doing.

Yep, you have to be the heavy because these kids don't have a mum OR a dad who knows how to parent their children in order to bring them up to be self sufficient., self supporting, independent, well adjusted, employable adults. So you have two choices here, live with it. Or be the heavy. They have to live in your house YOUR WAY. The power really is all yours. But mum and dad aren't changing here. Another irresponsible adult in their lives is not what they need. So decide what you can and cannot live with and do it your way.

It is plain not right for parents to hand over the responsibility for teaching their children how to be independent, how to live with others, how to respect other people's feelings and property. It is irresponsible on the part of the parents, it is unfair to their kids when parents fail in this duty they have towards their children. It is even more unfair when they hand this responsibility over to someone else. It is unfair to the kids, no child needs 3 parents, and it leads understandably to resentment on the part of the kids towards the person who is left to teach them how to function in the world. It is unfair to the stepparent who is forced to become the pseudo parent in order to keep their own sanity. In order to protect their property from damage by these kids, and in order that they can live in a neat, tidy and odour free home. It sets stepparent and child against each other. The child resents the stepparent, the stepparent resents the child. Given enough resentment, hate soon follows. Why parents feel sitting back and allowing their children to grow into ferral undisciplined dirty pigs that people don't like and don't respect is beyond me. Why they are too selfish and lazy to bring their children up to be the best people they can possibly be is something I will never understand.

That being said as the outsider what do you do. Mum and dad are fine with this, they are too busy trying to be the parent the kids like best to worry about the appalling childish behaviour of their children impacts on others, and to be honest, they do know, they just don't care. They want to be the most liked parent at all costs. Even if it means emotionally crippling their kids and making sure NO employer would want them,. Given they care so little about their own flesh and blood, their children, why would they care about you. They don't. All parents like this care about is themselves. You need to look after yourself, your sanity and your home here. No one else is going to. Your husband is a lazy, like me best parent, and his kids, well lets be honest, mum and dad let them do nothing, give them no responsibility, and expect nothing from them, why would they give that up. Nice life. Well so they think, and it probably is in the short term. But in the real world, getting an employer who wants to employ your unable to think for yourself lazy bum, or a partner who wants to live with it, that is not going to be the easy ride mum and dad gave you. So, in doing what's best for you here, in expecting a basic standard of manners, personal hygiene and cleanliness in your home, you are actually helping those kids.

My husband and his ex were both lazy useless parents. They lived in filth, their children were not even taught to see please and thank you. The consequences of this. He has three children in their thirties who are living with people they don't want to live with but have to because they don't know the difference between an invoice and a receipt, the truly cannot live independently. They stick with each other, they as adults have been unable to form friendships with other adults because no one, myself included, likes them. They are users and takers, they were raised to be this way. Well done mum and dad, great job.

My husband blamed his ex wife for the filthy living conditions. But the truth is, he wanted his kids to like him best, so he to allowed them to be filthy and lazy, he too didn't teach them manners, he too gave them everything including cars, and expected nothing in return, not even a thank you (seriously), he raised them to be lazy, selfish, and rude. He turned them into spoilt brats with an over inflated sense of entitlement, who think everyone else needs to do for them, they to this day have not a clue how to do for themselves. They grew up with two parents who had an unhappy marriage, but stayed for the kids they claim. Well that's not true, I know my husband stayed till his kids grew up, well reached an age were they SHOULD have been grown up, because his Italian, catholic guilt made him, and he wanted to look good, stuff the impact on his kids growing up in a dysfunctional home where mum and dad hated each other. Mum I expect stayed because dad was getting good money and she was too lazy to work. She too had been raised as a do nothing, get everything lazy spoilt child. Raised as an only child by an elderly aunt and uncle.

All the drama, frustration and heartache that flows through this site could easily have been avoided if parents realsed they arent supposed to be their kids BFF, took on the responsibilities that go with making a baby, did their jobs, and weren't selfish,

Now all you have to do is stick to it. See, the Power To fix this does lie with you, and you don't have to even lift a finger. Just leave it long enough to impact on your DH. Bet he wouldn't want his friends to pop in for a visit and see the house looking like this. Sometimes you just have to let people fall.

Wow. Déjà vu. I recently 'recovered' from that very same situation. I did all of the suggested comments. I disengaged and left the cleaning up to DH and the teenaged SDs. We ended up with bugs (gnats & ants). I have pictures of what they considered to be acceptable cleaning standards (food in drawers for weeks, etc.). I offered to help teach proper cleaning habits but I merely became frustrated to see our (my) hard-earned money being thrown away with fingernail polish on VERY nice furniture/bedding and a new laptop (that was also missing keys after 2 months). I ignored the problem but then I was unable to allow my parents/friends from out-of-town to visit because I was embarrassed to put them in a smelly, bug-infested, arm pit reeking, fungus multiplying bedroom or bathroom. I was NOT raised to live that way.

I honestly believed DH would eventually step up but he did not. He was very neat and clean with his/my living areas though. I'll never forget the time our next door neighbors visited and used the front bathroom (the one used by the SDs). I later walked in and nearly vomited when I noticed the phenomenal growth in the toilet and shower. DH pooped in there every morning and apparently the fantastic science project went unnoticed.

At one point I simply stated that I was going to hire someone to clean the SDs bedrooms and bathroom and it would have to come from DHs over-inflated church tithing budget and he nearly came unglued. The situation improved briefly. They all went away one weekend and I made it my mission to get that bathroom clean. I was absolutely mortified when I noticed petrified poop smears on the toilet seat. I took a picture to send to DH and his response, "Did you smell it? I'm sure it is just chocolate." Really? :jawdrop:

Nope. It never did get better. Finally last February the clan again left for the weekend and I went to tackle that bathroom and I just couldn't face it anymore. I packed some clothes and left. A couple of weeks later when I came in to retrieve the rest of my belongings with friends, they could not stand the stench. The older SD NEVER took a bath. The entire house smelled of musty armpit. Gross. I didn't even want my furnishings I brought with me into the marriage - too polluted.

It got worse if anything in my situation. I rarely said anything so maybe that was the problem but I didn't want to become a nag. Early on DH and I made up a chore chart and the next thing I knew the SDs were calling BM crying child abuse. I chose to travel a lot for work instead.

Sorry to vent or hijack. I used to come on this site to 'figure out what I was doing wrong'. Problem solved. I hope you are able to find a better solution. But if DH isn't willing or cooperative I don't know that you have many choices. You'll probably just get thrown under the bus.

Don't give up on teaching the kids and I wish you the best on being the heavy. Ironically...I dressed as Cinderella for Halloween. Nobody knew it was symbolic. lol There are definitely days when I really feel like it too. Try to make it light and fun when you can so you don't drive yourself crazy.

Just stop! Stop doing all those things for them. Don't get them clean towels, hide your own for you and whatever else you don't want to share but let them figure it out. When they leave a mess in shared spaces grab it all and put it in their room. Make it their problem.