What's mine is mine...hands off!
So, I had a football function to go to tonight, and DH was at a friend's house, so SD14 was home alone. I really didn't like this idea, but couldn't do anything about it. Our front living room is set up as a workout room, as I'm a personal fitness trainer. The equipment in there is not cheap, and SD14 has been told on multiple occasions to leave it alone. I come home tonight to find my equipment moved! I remind her again that under absolutely no circumstance is she to mess with my equipment, and asked her what in the world she though she had to move it for. She claims she needed room to dance. However, no one was home, and there was just as much floor space in the TV room without moving anything around. What's worse is that she didn't even ask! It is my stuff, she has been told not to mess with it, and she doesn't even bother to text or call to ask if it is okay to move it AND doesn't even bother to put it back! I have to put everything back in it's place when I get home while she is in her room messing around on her tablet!
Sorry for the rant...but little miss princess needs to realize that she can't just do whatever she wants around here. My stuff is my stuff! My equipment is not cheap, and is part of my livelihood. She surely doesn't have the money to replace it or fix it if she damages it moving it around all willy nilly, and I surely don't have money just laying around to replace or fix the equipment. As it is, I'm still making payments on some of that stuff! UGH!
It is not just "stuff". It is
It is not just "stuff". It is specialized equipment that you use to do your JOB. She is interfering with your ability to make a living.
You need to talk to DH about this and there needs to be consequences. These kids need to learn that there are consequences for their actions.
Bad thing is, talking to DH
Bad thing is, talking to DH about this sort of thing doesn't work. He says that when he was growing up, he never had to ask to use anything that was in the house...if his parents had anything that was of limits, they kept in their room. Yeah, I'm supposed to keep an entire set of weights, etc. in our bedroom? I'm supposed to train clients in our bedroom...the one spot in the house that is supposed to be my sanctuary? I don't think so! Sorry, but when I was growing up, I was raised with a different philosophy...the TV, the stereo, etc...all of that belonged to my parents unless they specifically bought me my own for my room. They worked hard for it, they paid for it. Now, I could be granted permission to use it, but unless that permission was granted, it was off limits for my personal use.
I am so tired of SD14 walking around this house like she owns everything. My portable DVD player was found broken and I couldn't find the case to the DVD that was in it for months. SD14 finally found it under the sink in the hall bathroom one day when she was forced to clean up in there. How it got there, who knows. And DH wonders why certain DVDs I now keep in the bedroom instead of on the DVD shelf in the TV room (mainly ones that are important to me that are out of production). I don't even leave my car keys laying around, because with her history, I don't trust that she won't sneak out and take my car for a joy-ride! I put them in a drawer in my bedroom when I'm not using them.
I don't go digging through her stuff, she needs to learn to leave mine, and anyone else's in the house, alone.
Love the line about the paint
Love the line about the paint color...thank you for making me smile.
This makes me crazy as well!
This makes me crazy as well! But having learned that neither biological parent is going to instill any respect in the kids, I have made my closet a safe for things I do not want broken or taken. Wish I knew how to stop the infringement without either a lock on the door or a big blowup with their dad. And tit for tat won't work (like borrowing their ipad)cause then the dad acts like you've just committed the crime of the century! I think this is the place called "between a rock and a hard place" and I am so tired of being here!
And you hit the nail right on
And you hit the nail right on the head...it is about respect...and these kids don't have any! The leaving the hallway bathroom a wreck, not putting her dishes in the dishwasher, leaving her trash in the living room, etc. and the biological parents are letting them get away with this crap! Last Thursday, DH decided to get fast food for himself and SD14 while I was at the gym. I guess I was too tired to notice when I got home, but SD14 left ALL of her trash in the TV room...french fry container on the floor, empty drink and nugget box on the end table. Oh, and let's not forget her dirty socks on the floor! I noticed this Friday morning as I walked through there to the wash room. I mentioned it to DH that she needed to pick up her mess as soon as she got home Friday night...he didn't say a thing to her. I mentioned it again Saturday...again, he said nothing. The SECOND time I say something about it on Sunday, he finally gets around to telling her to clean up her mess! Then, just Monday, she came home from practice and had a sandwich, then just left her plate in the sink. She tried to make the excuse DH does that she didn't know if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean or dirty. Here is the problem...I had emptied the dishwasher Monday morning, and when SD14 came home there was ONLY one small plate and a fork in there from my lunch. She didn't even bother to open it to check!
Oh, and get this...the last week of summer, SD14 went to the coast with BM, and she got a couple of hermit crabs. They both died. SD14 was complaining that she didn't have a pet and everyone else in the house had a pet, etc. This discussion has been had before. DH had the nerve to AGAIN try to tell SD14 that she could consider my little black cat her pet! I immediately jumped in and was like no way! She only wants a pet to have in her room to sleep with her, etc....but she doesn't want to do anything to help take care of the animals! She complains if she is asked to take the dogs outside, and they can be right there next to her scratching at the door that they need to go out, and she will totally ignore them because she doesn't want to do it! A litter box? Oh, it is too much work to scoop that every day as it should be. Let's not forget how much of a chore it is if she is asked to ever fill a water bowl (she could be in the kitchen getting water for herself, and one of the animals could be bugging that they want water because they managed to drink it all and we didn't notice, and she will totally ignore them instead of filling a cup with water and pouring it in the bowl). She's one of those people who wants a pet just to have a pet, but doesn't want to do the real work involved with having a pet...so no way will she ever get one of my cats! Then, she tried to claim my daughter's dog that we are taking care of for her (the dog did not adjust well after she and her fiance split, as they worked two different shifts and the dog got used to someone being home with her all the time). Really? You are just going to try to claim someone else's pet because you are that selfish?
And this is the attitude I have to deal with every single day, and DH does nothing about it!
so much for wanting pets.
so much for wanting pets. ads threw our dogs out into the cold for barking into the house. she was hungover and the barking was ruining her sleep. it was noon.
I need to piggy back off of
I need to piggy back off of the last post w a little me vent time. SD 15 and her Dad moved in w me (into my way much nicer, larger, comfortable lovely home that i have enjoyed living in and taking some pride in for the ladt 17 years). 19 year old BD is at college and 14 year old BS lives here. Theories about child raising and chore assigments aside, I can only say that as a rule Ive asked very little of my kids in regards to chores. They also have in me a mom who's first impulse is to say yes not no so theyve enjoyed a pretty relaxed environment. In return I expect that they do w out constant reminding or any lip, the very Few things i do ask of them. I also expect that my random requests of "hey son, please go grab mom a. Coke" or "hey, run out to my car and..." Small stuff...done promptly. As they were growing up they learned that tvs and lights get turned off when u leave a room and hows about putting your dish in the dishwasher? I mean damn, i do it all (for my own w joy, for my SD often w resentment). Their laundry, clean everything but their rooms and sometimes even them. I give rides abd buy iphones, allow sleepovers and try to remember their faves at the grocery store. In return, from my bio's, i get sincere thank you's and "aw mom, my room looks great, thank you". Sometimes I get the surprise present from the school trip or the candy bar when they run out to wawa. I get hugs..i want to do for my bio's and, here's the pisser,
Hey dumbass SD15, i want to do for you too. I mean i cant buy you the 83 things you bypass your father and ask me for (um hes ur financial support and after having learned the hard wAy that you ll never stop asking and he's a little not telling u to stop that w enuf force,,,i finly got the "ask ur dad" mantra down...
But that doesnt mean i cant surprise w things i know ud like or want. I didnt expect cartwheels but how about a slightly more enthusiastic thank you for the 100 dollar Doc Martens uve been wanting? How about sticking to the shampoo u asked for instead of the 80 things u tried to scam once we got to the store? How about appreciating that you never lack for clean clothes by once in a while actually putting them in the hamper w out having to be told or better yet by putting aAway the folded laundry instead of picking and dropping all over ur shithole of a nice room you were allowed to paint and decorate to your tastes.
Man seriously turn off the tv in your room or whatever room youve been watching it in? No not just hitting the cable button off, actually walking the two feet and turning the tv off? How about rinsing ur dish and putting in dishwasher. Why is it u cant do something like that for more then two days after ive had to say it ;if at all). I really want to do for you kid but i have pride and you are the laziest mother f$;6& i have come across. Dont just say yes. Tomoro she loses the tv for a week first time she leVes one on. Oh itll be tomoro. Dishes. I gave over to her dad as soon as he got a lil offended so whatever, they really are just hers. He ll blow up on her soon. Idc. Lazy child for all i do and for the much more you could have had from me i expected just a modicum of respect. Good luck w that ride u wanted. Good luck w getting me to soften poppy for u. You ll get cleAn clothez. Maybe but only if theyre in the hamper. You ll get what you give kid. Ok no one but u can give so little but ima smile like u do and send u to daddy. Too bad, im a softy. You are a dumbass.
Oh and stay outta my shit
Oh and stay outta my shit too. God how bout some boundries you weirdo!
Man i feel better.
Man i feel better.
Yes, getting out does feel
Yes, getting out does feel better!! What is worse, is when DH doesn't clean up after himself, either. Just recently, he left his dinner dishes in the sink overnight. His excuse was that it needed to soak. Really? We ate the exact same thing, and I was able to use the scrubby sponge to easily get the food off the bowl, and you couldn't take the time to do the same? I flat out told him, "I expect _____ (SD14) to pick up after herself...I'm tired of her leaving her mess everywhere...but she will never do it if she sees that you don't clean up after yourself, either!" The rule is that NO dishes are left in the sink overnight...we have had a pest problem in the past (ants and the like) and I've found that making sure the sink is cleaned out before bed helps keep the problem at bay, as they tend to look for food and standing water. When DH doesn't follow the rule, I don't have a leg to stand on with SD14!
I let DH have it this past weekend! See, the one thing that used to annoy the crap out of me with my own mother was her "do as I say, not as I do" attitude. I've always made it a point to be the example of what I expect from my kids...I don't expect them to clean up after me, so they shouldn't expect me to clean up after them. What started the argument was that DH was texting and driving! I told him, "How can you expect that _____ (SD14) will not text and drive when she sees you do it all the time?" He figures, he will simply tell her to keep her cell phone in her purse while she is driving, and he better not ever catch her with it out or she loses her driving privilege. Really? You are just going to tell her and she is going to do it? The girl that cannot ignore her cell phone for 2 seconds (of course, unless it is DH or myself trying to get in touch with her)? I told DH, "Oh, and what are you going to say when she does it anyway because she knows you will never know, and she ends up stuffing herself underneath the back of a bus like those kids in ______ (next town over)?" He then accused me of being all negative. I told him, "No, I'm being real! I was a teen with a parent who had the same attitude as you, and whenever she told me something, the first thing through my mind was 'yeah, right...you do it'!"
And I'm sure that is exactly how she thinks! I know this because whenever I tell her something, yeah, I get eye rolls...but DH gets even bigger eye rolls because he doesn't practice what he preaches!
I think some of these parents just refuse to assert themselves! Even the dogs...DH is always complaining that they listen to me, but they don't listen to him. Um, it is because you don't assert yourself...you don't show anyone or anything that you are the boss and what you say goes! The dogs sense the exact same thing that SD14 does...you aren't going to do jack but let words come out of your mouth! There is no follow up, no consequences...and therefore, no respect, no reaction, and they are going to play you!
My theory is the SD17 is very
My theory is the SD17 is very territorial. I wonder if yours is too?
They mess with what is yours because it is yours and it is important to you. Apes do it too. It's because noone taught them boundaries and they are trying to get one up. That's my theory and it seems to apply for all my friends who are step parents.
SD14 has a problem with
SD14 has a problem with rules...period. Everything she it told to do, she simply disregards. Why? Because DH does nothing when she disregards the rules AND I'm not allowed to do anything. The rule was no music during showers, because SD14 would take 45-60 minute showers...only getting out when the hot water ran out. She is still taking her music into the bathroom and taking long showers! I had to go bang on the door last night after 30 minutes and tell her she was done, the whole while her music is blaring! And yes...the shower had been running the whole time! This morning, I had to tell her to get her butt out of bed 3 times, with her arguing with me that she doesn't need to get up as early as I'm telling her to get up. (I know, why am I getting her up...because DH sleeps through alarms himself, and I have to pretty much physically drag him out of bed). When I get upset about it, DH tells me that she doesn't need to be up that early, and that I need to just leave her in bed and let her fail on her own. Oh, so then I'm stuck driving her to school every morning just so that she can sleep in? Oh hell no!!! And her claims that she doesn't take that long to get ready are bull, as whenever we need to be somewhere, it takes her at least an hour to get ready, and she is STILL complaining that she is being rushed! But she doesn't need to get up 1 hour before the bus arrives?
I don't think it is so much territorial as much as she is just going to do things her way, and she doesn't care what anyone says about it! We are supposed to serve her...it seems that in her mind that is what she thinks our purpose is. Sorry...I am not her servant! I'm not here to pay her bills so she can use and have whatever she wants...I'm not here to clean up after her...and my things are my things. I work to provide a home for my family and have those things that I want...I don't work to serve her! I'm not even required to provide her needs...her parents should be doing that! Anything I provide should be out of the goodness of my heart...not demanded or expected!
Warn princess that the hot
Warn princess that the hot water tank will be shut off if she goes past ten minutes, then follow through.
Oh, trust me...I've been
Oh, trust me...I've been thinking of that! DH thinks it is cruel, but he water main switch is right above the washing machine in the utility room. I have been soooooooo tempted to just go in there and turn the water off, and hear her screech that she still has stuff in her hair or what not, then tell her, "Well, I guess you should take shorter showers, because that is what will happen from now on!" I do know for a fact that next time I'm stuck alone with her, and she tries to pull that crap, I'm turning the internet router off. Since she streams her music, that should get her attention....hehehe! I've already told DH that if she doesn't start getting up when I tell her in the morning (because I'm pretty sure she is skyping on her tablet and stuff until all hours), I'm going to start turning off the router at 10 p.m.! If she has nothing to do, then I guess she will go to sleep!
Unfortunately, DH thought it
Unfortunately, DH thought it was a bright idea to give SD14 a tablet. Yeah...let her have totally unsupervised internet access with her history of talking to (and lying about her age with) older guys online, posting pictures of herself smoking pot on instagram, etc. Great idea, dad! She takes that thing EVERYWHERE she goes...never lets out of her sight basically. Only time DH ever gets his hands on it is if something isn't working right, and she wants daddy to fix it. Even then, he refuses to lock anything down, and if he sees something on it she isn't supposed to have, he just tells her to remove it, and takes her word that she will do it. UGH! So, yeah...the router is in my bedroom closet out of her reach. Mess with me...bye bye access! You want to play games? I can play them, too...and I'm way more experienced!
Hope it goes well, though
Hope it goes well, though knowing how mine would react...
Anytime I try to put SD14 in her place, she tells BM that I'm being a b***h, then I get these wonderful texts from DH's ex. Haven't gotten any in a while...since the last time I told DH that he needed to get both SD14 and BM in check, because I didn't need to deal with that crap during my work day simply because I wouldn't put up with SD14 being a brat to me!
Good luck on your little "talk" tonight.
Last night was my gym night.
Last night was my gym night. Like I have said before...in my case, DH is very much part of the problem! He doesn't provide the example! I get home, and DH had made some eggs for dinner...I'm guessing that SD14 had a sandwich or something. The stove was still greasy, pan still on the stove. I look at DH and simply say, "Really?" This was at 9:30 p.m.! DH reluctantly gets up and starts cleaning his mess, telling me I'm way to uptight about the whole clean thing. I AGAIN tell him that I'm tired of SD14 not cleaning up after herself, and him not cleaning after himself is part of the problem...he isn't providing an example, so when he relays the message that I want the crap cleaned up, it isn't taken seriously by SD14!
Then, this morning, after I'm more awake and the TV room is lit up more with the daylight, I see that SD14 left a fast food cup on the end table again, and her boots and dirty socks on the TV room floor...AGAIN! I picked it ALL up and put it in her room...cup, too! That is what I plan on starting to do with all the trash she leaves laying around the house...lets see if she notices when her room becomes the trash dump she has been making the rest of the house! Doubt she will, but at least I won't be looking at it!
Oh, and she was late from color guard practice again yesterday. Usually, she is home before 5 p.m., but I left the house at 5:15 for the gym, and she still wasn't home. The last time, I waited around, and some boy brought her home (she is 14, and the boy had to be at least 16 as he was driving alone). I called DH to tell him that she still wasn't home, and I was leaving for the gym! I was not waiting around for her. I talked to him later, and he said he got hold of SD14 on the phone, and she said that practice didn't let out until about 5:30. I'm calling BS! I seriously think this girl is seeing some older guy, and she is using after school as a cover, because she knows my son is on the football field and will not see her! He has been so busy this week with football and work that we haven't been able to sit and talk, but I do plan on asking my son if he had caught wind of anything. If he hasn't, that will surely cause him to do some investigating. We will find out the truth!
Oh, and AGAIN...no one took the trash can to the curb this morning. By the time I noticed it was pouring down rain, and I wasn't going out there to take it in the rain. Thank goodness it is only half full, unlike last week when they didn't take it out. I had to take it to the curb or the trash in the house would never go out. They don't take it to the curb, then when I ask why the trash is piling up in the house, they say it is because they can't fit it in the trash can! I wonder why?
Yeah, I have a feeling it
Yeah, I have a feeling it will be a long weekend here, too. I haven't heard of any plans of SD14 going to her mother's, and the kids are off on Monday. I'm pretty certain they are still going to have band practice Monday, and guess who is going to get stuck taking her and picking her up because DH has to work. Well so do I, but because I work from home, I get to be taxi! I'm really praying that she begs to stay at her cousin's or something, and my mother-in-law ends up taking SD14 to band practice!
I'm waiting for the "bring me food" text, because tonight is game night at home. I'm going to the game to watch my son play...I could care less about the little color guard routine, especially since we will get to hear all day tomorrow about how the captain is an idiot, and how much they sucked because of her, etc. SD14 has a problem with people at school, too, because she doesn't keep her mouth shut, but in her case, it is because she thinks she is so much better than everyone else. When she first came to live with us, SD14 told me about her going into the gym during PE and being like, "So, who here can do the splits?" and then was bragging on herself that she was the only girl in there that could do them and stuff. Really?
We are also at the end of a pay period, so we are on strict budget until payday on Tuesday, which means I'm going to have to put up with SD14 not wanting to eat anything and pouting about it because we aren't going out to eat. She thinks we have a money tree growing in the back yard or something! Sorry, I don't eat that crap...and we can't afford to go out to eat this weekend in a way where I can find something healthy to eat! No, we will stay home and eat healthy for much less by me cooking, and I don't care if she eats or not. She will be bored, hiding in her room the whole time...when she finally gets up tomorrow sometime around 1 p.m.! While I'm vacuuming and dusting, SD14 and DH will sit on their butts in front of the TV as they always do. At some point, I'll just hide in my room and study for my NCSF exam and work on my son's game film...that will keep me away from them. Wonder what excuse I can use once I'm certified, and football season is over? Guess I'll just have to get back into reading.
SD14 just took off to her
SD14 just took off to her cousin's, and will be there through tomorrow...thank goodness! Yesterday was a little bit of a blow up. SD14 had to go to competition earlier in the day for band/color guard. I made sure that DH was the one to get up at 5 a.m. to take her happy butt to the school. We were then over at my sister-in-law's for dinner, when SD14 said that we needed to go get makeup wipes on the way home because she was out...yeah...the long battle over the makeup wipes AGAIN! She claimed she couldn't get waterproof makeup off without them. She starts this argument right there in front of everyone, and of course my sister-in-law and mother-in-law back her up that you can't get waterproof makeup off without makeup wipes. Sister-in-law then takes SD14 into her bathroom to get a wipe to remove the makeup. I left before DH, because we took two cars since we had to meet there. SD14 left with DH. As I was leaving, DH asked what was wrong, and I told him that I am tired of SD14 arguing with me about everything. Well, apparently after I left, my MIL and SIL got on DH about the whole makeup wipe thing...saying that she NEEDS the wipes, as there is NO way to get off waterproof makeup without them, etc. So naturally, I get yelled at by DH when he gets to the house. I tell him AGAIN, she DOESN'T need expensive makeup wipes to take off all that makeup she insists that she must wear...she can do the same thing I do...use oil! You know, it simply amazes me that MIL and SIL don't know this secret...especially MIL who has been around since before makeup wipes were the thing! Oil is natural, will not burn the eyes with chemicals, and is way, way cheaper! I handed SD14 some coconut oil from the pantry, some cotton balls, and said, "There's how you remove waterproof makeup. I will NOT buy you wipes!" Told her to wipe her eyes with the oil, and then wash her face with soap and water...and a washcloth! Funny, as much time as she spends on Pinterest, and as many DIY things they have on there, she hasn't come across this herself...or she did but just scoffed at it because she would rather people buy her the expensive stuff.
I also had to tell her yesterday that she needed to back off the hair products...as when I walk through the hallway after she has done her hair, I literally choke on the fumes. She argued that ALL she uses is the heat protector with her straightener, and I told her I'm pretty sure that there is something not right about her heat protector...that some things create poisonous gas when heat is applied. Again, she started arguing with me, "It is heat protector...it is supposed to be used with heat! They wouldn't say that you could use it with heat if it were dangerous!" I told her that they sure would...there are lots of things they talk people in using that are actually dangerous. I then looked it up on the web. Many heat protectors, and the one she uses was on the list I found, produce formaldehyde gas when heat is applied to it! THAT is what has been burning my eyes and throat every time I walk into the hallway in the morning. I told DH, and he also told her that she needed to stop using it. She said, "Well, I don't notice anything!" He then had to explain to her what formaldehyde was used for, how poisonous it was, and what it does over the long term, especially when breathed in daily in an enclosed space like she does. He then asked me why I even bought the stuff for her, and I told him straight up, "I didn't buy it for her! I don't know where she got it...it just showed up!" We will see if she stops using it...doubt she will...just like I'm pretty sure she will end up with wipes after her visit to her cousin's, because she will cry to my SIL that I told her to use oil instead!
Oh...and color guard! So, I've been hearing for weeks how the color guard captain sucks and she shouldn't be captain, etc. SD14 says she is SOOOOOO much better than the captain, and the captain is just an idiot. Well, Friday night was the first night in weeks that I've actually been able to watch the performance...we've had mostly away games where I was stuck watching from the back, so I didn't bother to record her, and was looking from afar. Friday night, DH wanted me to record her. She was a total mess on the field! And it wasn't jitters! She was totally lost...didn't know where she was in the routine...was constantly looking backwards to try to copy the other girls...always stopping to fix her hair (because the wind was blowing), etc. Again, makes me wonder if she really is attending practice, or hanging out with boys or something...let's just say the performance left me wondering even more. Luckily, DH told her that she needed to leave her hair alone on the field, and she needed to quit looking to everyone else trying to figure out what she was doing. She got all huffy, "Geez...that's a bit mean!" I told her, "What? Are we supposed to say 'Oh honey, you did great, you were the best one one the field'? No, that wouldn't do you any good!" DH added that he was only telling her these things so she knew what needed to be worked on, so she didn't go out there thinking she was doing good and having everyone around her say otherwise...that it was better to hear from us than someone else. She just got all butt hurt over it, and then blamed the captain for the bad performance, "Oh, well, she only gave us the rest of the routine like a week ago!" Okay, I could get that if EVERYONE was messing up like that, but SD14 was really the only one messing up on the field! Oh, and the whole night, we kept noticing this punk hanging around her...obviously older guy, hat turned back, muscle shirt and saggy pants. SD14 CLAIMS he is just a friend that she just recently met, but he was following her around like a puppy the entire night...sitting next to her as she was obviously flirting with him. I asked my son about him...and once I described him, my son said, "What? I know that kid...she needs to NOT hang around him! He was supposed to graduate last year...he's a 5th year!" So SD14 is flirting with a guy who is about to be 19?
Ugh! Right now, I'm so thankful for quiet in the house! On a good note, my son called me yesterday after he finished watching the football tapes from the game to see what I was doing while I was out running errands. He didn't have to be at work until 2 p.m., and wanted to eat lunch with me, so I got to enjoy a mother/son lunch yesterday with no one else. I don't get those very often any more! He didn't have to be at work until 5 p.m. today, so he went to church this morning with us, too. SD14 didn't want to go, but wanted to stay at her cousin's last night. I don't know why DH forced her to go with us...she just sat there with an attitude the whole time. It is one thing to not really want to be there but just sit quietly and respectful, it is quite another to make it perfectly clear that she has no respect for the service and she feels she is being drug there. I seriously wanted to smack her about the 3 time she got up during Pastor's sermon to "go to the bathroom". We are a very small church...everyone can see, including the pastor, every time she gets up!
Oh, gosh...these girls could
Oh, gosh...these girls could be sisters! Seriously! SD14 does the same thing if she finds out we went out to eat or picked up food without her! She did that just Friday night...if the game is at home, we go to the Chinese restaurant in town before the game. On the way home from the game, she was like, "Why haven't we been to _______ in a long time?" I told her we were just there that night before the game, and she was like, "Without meeeee???" I asked her why she even wanted to go there...she didn't like Chinese food, and whenever we go she always gets the chicken fried rice (which is like $8), picks out about 6 pieces of chicken, takes the rest home claiming she will eat it later, and I end up throwing it away untouched after a week!
And on the subject of food...it has gotten even more obvious to me that SD14 has an eating disorder! The other night, when DH and I were talking to her about the toxic gas coming from her stying products and stuff, DH asked her if she had any questions. She said, "Yeah...when will my period ever get regular!" (I was shocked she asked this in front of DH). DH promptly said when she starts eating right! I think he suspects she is starving and purging, but he is in denial. He mostly just gets on to her about no variety in her diet (pizza every day at school and a ham and cheese sandwich every day at home...if we don't go out to eat...as she always claims she isn't very hungry when I cook). After church yesterday, DH had to stay for praise team practice, so I went to lunch with my son and SD14. Where we were sitting, you could see the bathrooms (which is only a single person bathroom in this place) and there was a line because the place was very busy. After SD14 finished her two little tacos, I noticed she kept nervously looking over at the line of the bathroom. She never said she had to use the restroom, just kept nervously looking at the line like she wish it would go away so she could just get in there and do what she needed to do. Yesterday morning at church, I also noticed she had terrible smelling breath after she went to the bathroom when we first got there...we picked up breakfast on the way and ate it in the car. I've brought it all up to DH many times...we've even had friends and family bring it up because they have noticed the fowl breath and her disappearing to the bathroom right after eating, but he won't do anything about it. I guess she is just going to have to end up in a hospital before he will ever believe that his princess has a problem!
It is nice and quiet today for a school holiday. I got a bit of extra sleep not having to fight with SD14 to get up for school. She spent the night with her cousin. She texted us last night that they do have color guard practice tonight, but my brother-in-law is going to take her...I just have to go pick her up because DH has to go help prepare for an event he is helping with on Saturday. He tried to cancel the event, because the princess was begging him to go to the band contest this coming Saturday (he had committed to this even a month ago, and we found out about the Saturday thing Friday night...though I'm sure that SD14 has known longer). Because he can't go, he is trying to talk me into going. I really don't feel like driving by myself 200+ miles round trip to go watch 8 minutes of performance that is going to totally suck! Not to mention, we don't have a specific time when they are going to perform, so I would basically be stuck sitting outside for hours waiting for them to perform! My daughter was in the marching band for 3 years, and I didn't go to her contests! I went to games on Friday nights to see her perform. DH is like, "But you make it a point to go to ALL of your son's games regardless of the drive...why can't you do this?" I point out that my son plays football, which means there is a risk of potential bad injuries, and I'm not going to get stuck some 100+ miles away getting a phone call that my son was just taken to X medical center by ambulance because of a bad hit! Totally different thing! I told DH, "Now, on the flip side of that, I don't get to all of my son's track meets, now do I! Why? Because I don't have to worry about him being hurt in those! He goes to throw shot put, and then he just hangs out the rest of the day...so you see, I'm NOT treating them different!" I'm holding my ground...I'm NOT driving to the band competition on Saturday! $50 worth of gas and a waste of a Saturday that I could spend studying for my certification exam to get sunburned and dehydrated only to watch SD14 mess with her hair and not have a clue where she is in the routine?
Yup...an eating disorder is
Yup...an eating disorder is very serious, but I can't do jack about it because I have no authority to sign her up for any kind of help! SD14 was involved in cutting a while back, too. That was while living with BM. Both BM and DH just "talked" to her. Just like the eating disorder suspicions. Every couple of months he will ask her if she is purging, she says no, DH believes her and life goes on! I try to bring his attention to the warning signs...the bad breath, piling on blankets when it's 80 in the house, sleeping too much, skin tone has gotten paler, hair is thinning...it is also obvious if you just look in the bathroom she uses (won't go into details about that...just say it's gross). DH just says it is because she isn't eating right, but he won't even do anything to enforce her to eat anything healthy! Like everything else with regards to SD14...a little talk, and that's it. SD14 is still using that hair styling product even after DH told her to stop using it because of what I found on the internet about it. She is going to do what she wants regardless of what anyone says!
I sometimes wish I could tell DH that I am going to move to an apartment until she leaves. Only problem is that most of this stuff in the house is mine...I had a whole lot before we got married...nice stuff that I worked hard for. I don't feel I should be forced out of my own home by this situation! I know if I leave any of it behind, it would be destroyed!
Hope you were able to get
Hope you were able to get some rest!
Yesterday, I had to pick up SD14 from color guard practice. The SAME color guard captain that was a moron and an idiot just a couple of days ago is now SD14's new bestie! Why? Because she gave SD14 a small solo at the pep rally! Yup...that is all that it takes to get on SD14's good side...put her in the spotlight! SD14 was just beaming, "She actually likes me!" I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "It's probably because you are a 'mini me'!" SD14 then TELLS me that we need to go to her cousin's to get her stuff, because she didn't feel like taking it all to practice with her. Her cousin's house is 15 miles away from our house! I told her, "Call your dad...he is still out that way, and I still have laundry to finish at home." So, the poor princess had to deal with an evening without her precious tablet computer...OH WELL!!! Of course, DH went and got all of her stuff for her. When he got home, SD14 started laying it on thick to get sympathy, because she busted herself in the face AGAIN with her flag in practice! Didn't say anything about it hurting when she got home...didn't ask for ice or advil or anything...but as soon as DH gets home, she starts pouring it on..."It's gonna be a big bruise tomorrow...it's going to be so ugly!" In other words, "Please don't make me go to school tomorrow!" Her happy butt went to school...bruise and all...of course after she piled on the makeup.
Miss Princess was full of
Miss Princess was full of attitude last night...giving lip to everyone in the house. DH called her on it once, but only once, and she kept doing it. Before bed last night, I overheard him telling SD14 that the FIRST thing she was to do when got home today was clean her room. What did she do? Come in and plop her but down in front of the TV! Yup, that is where she is right now. I reminded her of what DH said about her room, and she just gave me the "oh shut up already" okay. Still sitting in front of that TV. Seems it's time to put a password on that thing! I'm serious...time to start locking all the crap down in this house!
DH came home right about the
DH came home right about the time that I was going out to tell SD14 to get off of her butt and clean her room, AGAIN. I was telling DH that SD14 obviously "forgot" that he told her last night that she was supposed to do her laundry AND clean her room as soon as she got home today. He asked when she got home, and I told him about 30 minutes before he did. He said, "Oh, about when she texted me and asked if she could go to her friend's house, and I told her after her laundry was done and her room was clean." So, that means he basically told her AGAIN at the same time I was "reminding" her, and she STILL plopped her butt in front of the TV! Now, she is cleaning her room, but only because DH has now plopped his butt in front of the TV and she doesn't like the programs he wants to watch.
I dread those days off from
I dread those days off from school, but luckily ours was Monday, and SD14 went to her cousin's!
Before I left the house, I noticed that SD14 had left her slipper boots and trash in the TV room AGAIN! I told DH very literally, "Go throw then at her! I'm tired of her leaving her crap everywhere. She does this ALL the time!" DH actually went to SD14's room with them, and tossed them at her, telling her she needs to learn to pick up after herself.
I tell you...girl was FULL of attitude last night when I got home from my son's weekly football dinner! Apparently, she couldn't find her pep rally hair bow for color guard, and was having a huge fit about it! DH told her to check his car since he picked her up the other day. She was out there for 5 minutes before she came stomping in, "I can't get your stupid car to let me in!" (DH has a keyless entry system...very easy, just have the key on your person and push a button on the door.) DH had to go out there and help her, but the bow wasn't in the car, so she was even in more of a mood, stomped off to her room, and didn't talk to anyone else the rest of the night. When DH went to tell her to go to bed later, she started complaining again that her face hurt and wanted Advil (and boy, that bruise is huge). I asked DH if she even bothered to ice it, and he said no...that she hadn't said anything about it all evening until now. I asked if she had eaten anything for dinner, because taking Advil on an empty stomach causes ulcers. His response was shocking! "She had A hot pocket around 6 (it was now nearly 11). I really don't care any more if she eats right! If she wants to die of malnutrition, oh well!"
DH seems to have been in a mood himself last night, too. Wonder what went down while I was gone. I'm sure it is only going to last for a day or two, then he will be right back to bowing down to his princess, as is always the case.
It is crazy how much alike
It is crazy how much alike our SDs sound! UGH! How could there be more than one of them? I get so tired of SD14 always turning every conversation about her, and if she can't turn it about her (or the people involved aren't even talking to her), she will find some way to interject herself! She gets more attention than most kids, and it is never enough! Like my MIL said last week...SD14 loves to perform. She will do anything as long as she is center stage! She has been in theater, choir, dance, cheerleading, and now color guard. She just flops back and forth between them all constantly, and talks about how great she is at all of them.
I am SOOOO glad that DH could not get out of his prior commitment this weekend so that he can't go to the band competition and watch the princess in color guard, especially since I know I would get drug along. I can't see spending $50 in gas and an entire Saturday sitting outside just to watch her play with her hair on the field and look to everyone else in the guard to figure out where in the routine she is supposed to be for 5 minutes! Bad thing is, we are stuck with her the rest of the weekend, because the competition means she isn't going to her mother's. I'm really hoping she goes next weekend, because if this current attitude of hers keeps up, I may have to smack her! I don't know what is up, but she has been super snooty and snippy these last couple of weeks.
And I can so relate with the pets, too. SD14 keeps complaining that she doesn't have any pets, and tries to claim MY little black cat as her own...yet...she doesn't ever want to do anything for the animals. We have two dogs and 3 cats...we live out in the country as well. One dog was a rescue...found him on our porch beaten and bruised and we took him in...the other is my daughter's dog that didn't handle apartment life very well after she and her fiance broke up. Then, there are the 3 cats...two of them were strays that my daughter and I took in years ago, and one is from one of their litters...the runt, as they were both pregnant when we took them in (all are fixed, now, of course). She wants to claim one of them as her pet, but she ignores the dogs if they are scratching at the door to go out, ignores if any of the animals are asking for water, and if asked to feed any of them, it is a huff like it is some huge chore to pour some dry food into their bowls. Sorry, but with that attitude towards these animals, she doesn't deserve to call any of them her pets!
CRAP!!! My husband's
CRAP!!! My husband's commitment got moved, so now he is pressuring me to go to that band competition. I DON'T WANT TO GO! Seriously! The competition is 150 miles away...will cost a full tank of gas and waste my whole day, just to watch the princess screw up more on color guard because she is not all that! We are talking the girl who has a bruised face for the 3rd time because she hit herself in the face with her flag pole! Oh, and there was drama surrounding that last night again, too. She was so worried about the bruise and being able to cover it on the field, I ended up GIVING her my color corrector just to make her shut up! And I say give, because I know she will never return it!
I seriously don't want to go to this thing, but I know if I flat out tell DH that it will end up in this huge fight, which I don't want to have to deal with, either. We are going to the football game tonight...he can see the performance there! WHY do we have to go to the band competition? WHY? Oh, and he is already saying that next year, after my son is graduated, we need to go to ALL football games...home and away...to see her perform. Um, we never went to away games for my daughter when she was in band! We didn't go to the competitions, either. She understood completely...as even she thought it was a waste of money to drive all that way and spend all that time to watch an 7-8 minute performance. She was fine us just watching her at the home games, and going to her concerts. Like I said, going to the games for my son is different...as he is risking injury every time he goes on the field, and I'm not going to get the word he is being taken by EMS to some out of town medical facility and I'm stuck 100+ miles away from him.
I've even tried to tell DH that the money just isn't in the budget to make this extra trip, and he is like, "I just won't eat lunch this week" Really? He just asked last night if we had an extra for $40 for some gadget he wanted to buy just to play with...not something he needed, but just a toy! I keep reminding him, Christmas is coming up, we are trying to build a savings...but he completely ignores this, and whatever the princess wants, she always seems to get! Oh, and I got the water bill...highest we have EVER had in this house, and because we live in the country, we don't water are yard. We pay a flat rate for the first X gallons, and we have always been well below that first X, but this month we were over that, paying the higher rate for every gallon used over X because of SD14's hour long showers EVERY night!
I don't know how I'm going to
I don't know how I'm going to get out of going. I'm probably going to get stuck, because DH keep pushing me to have a relationship with SD14. Problem is, she ONLY wants a relationship with me if she can get stuff out of me, and since I won't just buy her anything she wants, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She doesn't want me to go, DH wants me to know because he doesn't want to drive it alone, wants to use my vehicle, AND has this grand dream that SD14 and I should be close. Sorry, I can't be close to someone who uses me, lies to me, thinks I'm her maid, and can only talk about herself! Every time I'm around her, the muscles on the back of my neck tighten up as I resist the urge to slap her or tell her to just shut up!
It is supposed to be cold and rainy tonight at the game. Probably the only time I wish I would wake up with a splitting headache and a cough so I have an excuse to not be out in the chilly air all day tomorrow! Make him take his car and figure out how to put gas in it. Personally, I think he should arrange to split gas and go with his mom...that would be the better choice, because I can promise you that SD14 would rather my MIL be there than me, as MIL still gives her most of what she wants, too.
Great news for your son! I know how it is to not be happy in your job, so it is always a blessing to find something that gets you out of a place you aren't happy.
Uh oh...that isn't ever
Uh oh...that isn't ever good!
Well, go stuck going to the performance yesterday, and was so ticked when we got there! We got there at 1:45 pm only to find out SD14's band didn't perform until 6:30 pm! So we are stuck away from home in this town where there is litterally nothing to do! Seeing as none of the other parents showed up until around 6:00 pm, it is obvious that the band director informed the kids with this information, though SD14 swears up and down that he didn't give anyone a schedule! I've been telling DH for over a month now that I seriously doubted that the band director was neglecting to provide the kids with information to pass on (as SD14 keeps claiming), but that SD14 isn't paying attention when this valuable information is being shared, thus we are always left in the dark because she never knows when asked!
And of course, we saw her flirting with older boys all day yesterday. DH just teased her about it a bit, and then complained to me how much he was bothered by it! Don't tell me! Tell her!
This morning at church was another repeat of last week, and her excuse was she was tired from two nights of being up late and having to be up early. Um, sweetheart...I had just as much sleep as you, AND I seriously feel like I'm coming down with something...had a fever since last night...and I can still participate in church and at least act pleasant toward others!
Maybe it's the DH's that are
Maybe it's the DH's that are separated twins, and they just happen to create similar spawn...LOL! DH is the same way...blaming the band director, saying he needs to get his act together, etc. My daughter was in the very same band program while the current director was assistant director, and I never had the problems we have now with SD14 and the schedules. I also find it very hard to believe that the director isn't passing along information when all the other parents seem to be in the know as to what is going on. This is a small town...I know lots of people who have kids in both band and athletics, and if the band director were really the problem, I would have surely heard the grumbles from the other moms by now! No, this is a case of either SD14 not paying attention or being absent minded about things.
Yesterday, SD14 started picking on BS18 like siblings tend to do. Now, this doesn't bother BS18...he and BD22 have been picking on each other from the beginning of time...still do. When BD18 picked back (and he didn't say anything inappropriate or terribly mean...just mentioned that maybe she should stop hitting herself in the face with her flag), SD14 got all mad and bent out of shape! I just looked at her and told her if she can't take it, don't dish it, to which she got even madder about.
I'm feeling a little better after finally getting a good-night's sleep, but I'm still feeling run down. Luckily, this week is a 3-day work week for me, and I get to enjoy Thursday and Friday doing my own thing with no one else around!
Well, there goes any hope of
Well, there goes any hope of SD14 getting out of my hair this weekend! DH informed me yesterday that the band has a fundraiser from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturday...the third Saturday in a row that band has something. That means that SD14 will not go to her mom's! Even worse, we are lower on money this weekend as we had the washer go out and I could only get approved for a portion of the replacement cost on credit...the rest I had to pay cash out of the account. Living in the country, not having a washing machine is a problem, and I'm surely not going to deal with SD14 coming to me at some 8:00 p.m. saying that she needs to go wash her uniform or something for the very next day...I'm not sitting in some washateria 15 miles away from home because SD14 couldn't plan! I'm still upset that the washer blew up while SD14 was using it Wednesday of last week, and no one said jack to me about it! No...I have to find out on Monday when I have two loads to do, and water comes pouring out of the bottom of it, and then when I bring up that the washer broke THEN I get a "Oh yeah...it did that the other night, too." If they had told me Wednesday of last week, I could have had a washer back in this house by my wash day on Monday...yesterday at the latest. Now, I'm stuck waiting until Friday to wash clothes, because that is the soonest they could deliver when I ordered on Monday, and I have too much stuff going on in the evening this week to take my laundry into town.
Oh, and the attitude this week has been awful! Every day she has come home and gone straight to her room. If DH tries to call or text her, she completely ignores him, and when he asks about it, she claims her phone never range, or she never got the text. BS!!! And anything that DH asks her to do she just goes into full attitude mode, like it is such a chore. SD14 again last night had music in the bathroom taking an extra long shower...right after DH got on to her about NO music during showers and 15-minute showers tops after seeing the last bill! When DH called her on it and "reminded" her that she is not to have music while taking showers, she got all attitude and try to argue with DH about what time she got in the shower...when DH has been keeping close track of this lately. I've also about had it with her attitude about food. Yesterday, I made a very good homemade chili...cooked every bit of it from scratch (including using fresh tomatoes instead of canned). When SD14 finally came out of her room to eat something, she looked in the pot, made a totally disgusted face, and then made herself a sandwich. Fine, chili is always better the next day, and that means more left overs for me...but still, she could at least say something like, "I'm really not all that hungry" or "I really don't like _____" rather than make the face of disgust! Yes, I'd rather her eat a crappy sandwich than waste my good food...just don't have an attitude about it like you are trying to step on my nerves on purpose!
I looked at SD14's grades yesterday while I was in the system checking up on my son's. SD14 is failing two classes right now...the grading period right after making A's in both classes...all kinds of missing assignments! I'm not saying jack to DH! He should be checking her grades himself. Let her have to explain herself when she goes from A to F in these classes! I'm pretty sure there are boyfriends and other bad influences involved distracting her from her school work right now.
I REFUSE to do summer school!
I REFUSE to do summer school! Around here, it cost $150 per HALF credit to take summer school, and I'm not paying that kind of money for her to slack! She has to make up the credits? Guess she can drop band and theater!
And why do they always have to slam things? Both speakers on the passenger side of my car are blown from SD14 slamming the car door every time she gets out of the car. Does she have the money to replace them? Oh heck no! So I have to drive around with a jacked up sound system because she can't simply close a door! And then, if she has to ride with me, she says how dad's car stereo sounds so much better than mine. Of course it does! You haven't jacked up his speakers yet because we always take my car everywhere!
They like to abuse our things, because they don't have a care in the world, or any respect!
Don't you just love that?
Don't you just love that? When they think they are entitled to YOUR family heirlooms, too? I'm like, "Honey, you have two parents! If they don't have jack to give you that you like, that isn't my problem!" DH got mad at me once because SD14 wasn't on my distribution for my life insurance benefits! Really? Sorry, all my stuff goes to my two kids, and that is that! My dad is in his 70's, and has already told me I get all of his horns (he is a musician), and gave me a list of their worth because the said he didn't expect me to keep them, but didn't want me to get short changed if I sold them. I'm not selling those horns! They mean more to me than the money they would get me! If something like that went to SD14, they would be sold off for sure, and she would take whatever for them, while my kids would keep them because they were something of grandpa's, and that would mean so much to them (especially my son who is named after my dad).
My new "once a week" rule with regards to the grocery store is killing SD14! We ran out of frosted flakes Saturday WHILE I was at the store, and no one bothered to text me that the cereal AND milk were gone. They told me when I got home, and I was like, "Oh well...the store trip for the week is done. Will have to wait until the next!" She is really going to love me when I get Cherrios this time instead of the sugary crap. She will come home from school and have 3 bowls of the crap, purge it out in the bathroom, then claim she isn't hungry for dinner because she had cereal. I buy things that I intend for my son, and she "wastes" it all...every time (I say waste, because she eats the crap out of junk food because she loves the taste, then purges to not get fat off of it). Then, when he comes home from work, he gets upset because he was really looking forward to a bowl of cereal or whatever. He has a fridge in his room that a buddy gave him. I have had to get to the point that I hide things in his fridge that I mean for him.
I always raised my kids to be
I always raised my kids to be giving. When they were young, we didn't have much either...and even though I was married to my son's father, I might as well been a single mom, as my ex would cash his check and barely give me enough of it to cover his car insurance and credit card...the rest he would spend on beer and who knows what else. I was scared about our taxes for years, because he got paid "under the table", and I had to guess at his income every year to try to keep the IRS off of our backs, knowing that if we ever got audited, I would be screwed! About this time every year, we would do fall cleaning instead of spring cleaning. We would go through their rooms and pack up all the clothes that were too small and the toys they didn't play with any more. I would have the kids help me and explain that Christmas was right around the corner, and they would be getting new things, so it was a great opportunity for them to give some things so that other less fortunate kids could have Christmas, too. It got to the point that they would actually get excited about fall cleaning, and start asking me when we were going to do it, because they were already making piles in their rooms of things they wanted to give away! If we had a bad year (like when my job did layoffs so they weren't giving out any kind of end-of-year bonus so there went most of the Christmas money), they would understand when I had to tell them, "Sorry, Christmas will be light this year...mom just can't afford it." I still remember one of the things they LOVED when they were little was going to the dollar store where everything was a dollar! It was something I could afford, and they loved being able to pick out 2-3 things to buy (because everything was only $1)!
SD14 never experienced this. DH always gave her what she asked for! If BM asked for extra money, or made a request for a Christmas present or birthday present for SD14, he would borrow money if he had to get the gift. Whenever SD14 didn't want something any more, it would just get thrown away...no trying to figure out what was in good enough shape for Blue Santa or Goodwill...just trash it! She was never taught to be giving...so all she ever learned to do was take, take, take...and expects that to this day! I hate to see her as an adult...I really do!
My kids? Very giving kids...one of my daughter's co-worker's husband was laid off and they had two kids, so the woman was the only one bringing any money to the home doing housekeeping (yeah, not much money there). My daughter would take her to lunch every day...sure, they both had to eat off of the dollar menu for my daughter to afford it, but my daughter felt it was the right thing to do. My son, whenever one of his friends needs help, he is right there...sometimes even "loaning" them money, and then telling the friend to forget about it when the friend tries to pay him back (of course, depends on the friend, as he will not be walked all over, either). I always here from other parents in town, "Hey, your son was over at our place helping clear out the cedars the other day...good kid" or something like that. I always get a warm feeling inside when I hear stuff like this, but this is the way they were raised! I don't EVER see SD14 doing anything like that!
Oh, and I know about big mouths! SD14 always has to tell BM EVERYTHING, so we can't mention anything around her. One of us gets a raise at work, and she is in the room when one of us tells the other, she runs to tell BM who then immediately asks for more money (at least, before SD14 moved in with us). We get anything new, SD14 runs and tells BM, and BM asks for more money...doesn't matter if it is me or DH...BM always seemed to think she was entitled to my pay, too. Sorry, sister, doesn't work that way in this state! I decided to go to school to get my personal training certification (because I desperately need a career change, I'm tired of the stress of IT), and she runs to tell BM that I'm taking classes, so BM immediately thinks we came into more money because I obviously can afford to pay for school! UGH! No, we didn't come into more money...I just know how to budget, and here lately, I've had to turn into the coupon queen because of SD14 running up bills (you gotta save where you can)!
SD14 came home yesterday
SD14 came home yesterday saying she needed more money...this time for drama club, something else she just joined without asking, and she is now saying that she needs $20 for "dues". I informed DH of the current financial situation, since we had to replace the washer. He says, "I don't get it! How is it that we seem to have less money not having to pay child support?" I then point out that every time we turn around, SD14 is asking for money for this and that or saying that she "needs" this or that, and he just hands it over without question! I also point out the lunch account problems, how much certain bills have gone up because of long showers and the like (water bill going up, and the need to get propane more often), etc. He still just doesn't get it!
On a plus, the new washer got here today, and it is SD14 proof!!! LOVE IT! See, the old washer would default to regular wash when you turned it on, which was a hot water cycle (which one only needs for sheets and towels), and the cycle ran for about an hour...you know, the default lazy cycle. Outside of sheets and towels, I always wash on a short cold water cycle...it makes our clothing last longer by not fading them out as fast or shrinking them. I keep telling SD14 to use this alternate cycle, but she is too lazy to change the dial and buttons when she does laundry, so I always catch her washing on the cycle that isn't as energy saving. NO MORE! This new washer has this feature called "child lock", where you program in settings, and that is what it uses unless you undo the lock and tell it otherwise. I have no problem unlocking it when I have to wash sheets and towels...I'll just do that first, then do the normal wash, setting it back to the preferred settings. All SD14 has to do is press power and go...it won't let her change the dial or any other buttons! She can be lazy AND I get her washing on the energy saving mode. HA! I'm almost tempted to try to get the matching dryer now, because that is the other place she is too lazy...she puts it on the default there too, which runs high heat (which doesn't really dry the close any faster than low heat...just uses more propane), and leaves the dryer running forever (because if you do not open it after the cycle is done, it does a "fresh up" every 5 minutes until it registers that the door has been open). I always run an hour on low heat, and my clothes always dry just fine, again, without shrinking or wasting propane! But she doesn't want to take the time to push the buttons, as that isn't a programmed cycle on the dial...she actually has to select the time and temp. That's too much work! I know the dryer has a "child lock" too, and I want it! Seems these folks are figuring out that us parents are dealing with teenagers who refuse to follow instructions!
I am so dreading after the game tonight. Every Friday night the same thing...she goes on and on in the car ride home how awesome she was and how much of an idiot her captain is. Hope DH realizes that he is taking her to her function tomorrow in HIS car...I don't have the gas to run her around this weekend (oh, the other thing that is causing us to have less money).
Oh, and get this one...DH told me last night, "______ (SD14) said that she has been praying that daddy gets rich, and God told her 'soon'." I'm sitting there thinking, "Really? And you believe that crap? The girl who sits there with the look of disdain the entire time she is sitting in church? Not to mention, if she is truly praying that, it is for her own selfish desires...you know, like you buying her a car and crap...and that to me sounds like the most selfish prayer in the world!!!" Oh, it made me a bit mad! I mean, I take my faith seriously, which is why her total disrespect in church and this supposed "praying" for her own selfish desires just burns me! Life is about doing for others, not yourself!
I simply LOVE how SD14 tries
I simply LOVE how SD14 tries to cover up lies by playing dumb! So last night after the football game, DH told SD14 to take a shower before bed, because she needed to be back up at the school this morning. I go out to get some water, and I hear music coming from the bathroom. I go back to my bedroom and tell DH, "I love how she just totally ignores what you told her about no music and no tablet in the bathroom while taking showers! There is music blaring from the bathroom right now!" When SD14 gets out of the shower, DH calls her into our room and asks her where her tablet was while she was in the shower. She immediately blurts out, "It was on my bed." DH looks at hear and asks if she was sure, which she replied, "Yes." DH then gives her the look of disbelief and says, "Really?" Here is where it gets priceless! SD14 gets this innocent, dumb look on her face and says, "Oh yeah, I forgot...I was listening to it while I was in the shower. Sorry." Really? You are going to try to play that game? Sad thing is, all DH does it tell her again not to have the tablet in the bathroom. I would have taken that thing away from her right then and there...for disobeying the rule AGAIN AND lying about it!
I'm so tired of DH letting her get away with this crap! Then, he will walk around here and say things, "I just love how everything I tell her is ignored!" or something like that. Every time he does that, I just sit there in silence, because I know it will cause a huge fight if I say what is on my mind, which is, "Because you are a pushover...you never do anything when she disobeys the rules...you never do anything when she lies to her face...she has no reason to fear you at all! She has NO respect for you!"
DH just left to pick up SD14
DH just left to pick up SD14 from her school thing. I could tell by what he said on the phone that she immediately asked if we were going out to eat, because I heard him telling her there is food at home. I think she then started to whine, because what DH said next was, "There is no money to go out." See, she thinks that because it is the weekend, that automatically means we are going out to eat for everything. Sorry, sweetheart! That ain't happenin', and I'm making a point to make that idea stop! DH is a big part of the problem there, because he really enjoys his junk food, too. He SAYS he wants to start eating better, but the whole idea of eating at home all weekend just kills him...you can tell. Well, it's going to kill her too! After SD14 found out we weren't doing anything this weekend, she suddenly wants to go to her mom's tonight! Better for me! I don't have to deal with her tonight (especially deal with her turning her nose up at what I've made for dinner and complain about it), and I don't have to deal with her attitude in church tomorrow!
It's funny...the other night, DH had to take SD14 to the dollar store to apparently get some stuff to make gift bags...this was after I told him we are on limited funds until payday, because I REFUSE to take money out of the savings account. I asked DH what that little trip cost us, and he said nothing...SD14 had money. I asked where the heck she got money from, and he said that she didn't spend all of her food money that we gave her the last two weekends (so, she didn't spend all her money the 1st weekend, but then asked for more the next weekend, and didn't spend all of that either?). This seemed strange to me, because I gave her just enough to cover two meals each Saturday (which means she didn't eat). DH says, "____ (SD14) is very frugal, actually." I just laughed at him and said, "Yeah, when it is money she has in her pocket...not with OTHER PEOPLE'S money!" This started this discussion about how SD14 always talks people in to buying her things, taking her to the expensive stores at the mall, etc. DH found he couldn't disagree with what I was saying. I'm hoping that little conversation, and the one we had the day after that (about "how can we have less money when I'm not paying child support"), DH will finally start saying NO to the little princess. Can't wait to see her squirm if he does!
Yesterday after picking up
Yesterday after picking up SD14 from BM's, she didn't feel like going home, so she convinced DH that we should all go walk around the mall. DH pointed out that we didn't have any money to spend at the moment, but SD14 claimed she was okay with that. Well, we walk into JCP (which ours happens to have a Sephora in it), and we were approached that they were doing a 20% off today if you applied for a new card. I mentioned I already had one, but then they pushed that DH could apply by himself, and instead of saying NO to yet another card, he applies. Long story short, what started out as "I need more foundation" ended in over $200 worth of makeup! I kept trying to give DH the NO look, but he just ignored, saying, "It's 20% off" (oh, and the over $200 was AFTER the 20% off). After we got home and were alone, I told him he needs to make sure that she understands this was a one-time thing, that when this makeup runs out, she is going back to the grocery store stuff...$8 mascara instead of $30 mascara, etc. At Sephora, I kept trying to push for the lower priced Sephora branded stuff, but SD14 would just make faces..."I don't like eyeliner with the felt tip...that eyeliner isn't creamy enough, it would get on my nerves...etc." UGH! DH after our talk had a talk with SD14 telling her that the makeup better last her a good long time, and better NEVER leave the house...no carrying it around in her purse where it can break...no taking it to BM's where her little brother can get into it and waste it all. Yeah, let's see how long it takes before she is saying she is out of something! It irks me that she got her way AGAIN! Now, with the points that we got (as I made it a point to throw my Sephora reward card out there to get the points off that purchase...wasn't going to let those go to waste), I got a nifty little kit for free. We got home, and I gave SD14 the grey eyeshadow, because I already have the same color in another pallet I have. As DH had called her in our room, she was already scoping out the rest of MY makeup, and asking me if I had anything else I wanted to "retire"! Really? I don't think so!
Oh, just wait...I will be
Oh, just wait...I will be reminding him the next time she asks for something or he asks for something that he has that new credit card bill to pay! The princess had to take the trash out last night, which she whined about, of course. DH reminded her how much he just got through spending on her, and says she had no room to complain about something like taking out trash! I ran the dishwasher this morning (because I didn't want to listen to it as I was trying to sleep). I think I will leave the dishes in there, and make sure DH has the little princess empty it tonight.
TEHEHE...I'm sitting in my room right now giggling to myself! SD14 came home from school, and I heard her open the pantry to look for the frosted flakes and/or chocolate syrup. Since I bought Cherrios when I went to the store this week, and BS18 took the chocolate syrup to his room (I bought it for him at his special request anyway), she didn't get anything out of the pantry...just sat down on the couch dejected to watch TV. HA! No after school sugar fest for you today my dear!
SD14 barely put the dishes
SD14 barely put the dishes away. She managed to find a hot pocket in the freezer later in the evening, and after she was done, just slid her plate into the dishwasher. The thing was FULL, she didn't even pull it out to check if it was clean or dirty (like I tell DH all the time...it is pretty obvious when it has been run, because all the cups on the top rack have water on their bottoms). I heard her just put the plate in and close the dishwasher, and I told her, "Um, I ran that this morning...those are clean. Now you can empty the dishwasher and hand wash whatever touched your dirty plate just now!". She was none too happy about that, but she did it.
Oh, the differences between bad parenting and good parenting...not letting your kids walk all over you or get away with crap! I still remember when SD14 was about 5...she lived with BM then. My kids were 9 and 13 at the time. I told SD14 to do something, and she gets this uppity tone in her voice and says something like, "Well, that's not how we do it at my mom's house!" The looks on my kids face were priceless! They looked at each other like, "Oh no she didn't! This is getting ready to get good!!!", then both plopped down on the kitchen bench to watch the show! I laid into SD14 about how this wasn't her mom's house, and in this house what I say goes, etc. Unfortunately, since I received no backing from DH over the years, none of that rant ever stuck or sunk in, but the looks on my kids faces! They KNEW you didn't disrespect mom, plain and simple. If mom told you to do something, you just did it, and then RESPECTFULLY ask questions later if there was something you disagreed with.
Saw the proofs of my son's senior pictures yesterday. Can't believe he will be off to college soon. I'm going to feel so alone in this house when he leaves.
SD14 waited until we were
SD14 waited until we were already in bed last night (around 10:30 p.m.) to knock on our door and tell DH she had progress reports to sign! I swear she waited thinking that if we were already in bed, DH wasn't going to grill her about her grades. WRONG! DH asked her why she had 0's, and her excuse was that the teachers forgot to put in the grades...that she turned all of that in. He then asked about the 50's on homework grades...again her excuse was the teacher, SD14 claiming that she was writing the last few things on her paper in class, and the teacher thought she did the whole thing in class and doesn't take any late work (though SD14 insists the paper wasn't late), so she got half off of the paper. Then, DH asked why her test/quiz grades were so low...again...back track city!
Oh, and SD14 had decided that she no longer wants gauges in her ears (though just 2 months ago she begged and convinced DH to buy her new gauges), and is trying to let the holes close up a bit. She is going more prep than emo now (girl can't decide what she is...ok...well, she is whatever will make her popular, and in our school, we don't have emos out in the country). She started bugging me to give her earrings out of my jewelry cabinet..."You have a lot of earrings, right?" Really? I don't think so! DH was even siding with her, trying to tell me I could give up a pair or two for her! I was furious, and didn't give her jack! I don't care if the holes in her ears close up completely! I'm not giving her my stuff just because! And I hate that DH seems to expect me to!
SD14 has hardly eaten anything this week now that I've cleared the house of junk food. She refuses to eat anything healthy...claiming that she doesn't like this or doesn't like that...or using the "I'm not really all that hungry" excuse when she sees there are no other alternatives. I am not going out and buying junk food just to make her eat, so she can just go to the bathroom and purge. She will eat what everyone else is having, or I guess go hungry. I don't really care any more! If DH isn't going to force her to eat, if he is going to ignore that she has a problem, then it isn't my problem! That bag of Cherrios I bought, yup...she hasn't touched it. It isn't that there isn't food available to her, it is that she is being so pig headed about what she will and will not eat. Not my problem! When she ends up in a hospital somewhere, then maybe DH will finally pay attention to what I and others have been trying to tell him. Oh, and the vitamins that she was insisting about a month ago that wouldn't last her a week trying to convince me to do a grocery store run? Yeah, she hasn't touched those since, either. The bottle is like 4 months old now...and it should have been gone like 2 months ago!
No, he still has not made her
No, he still has not made her an appointment for the dentist, and I'm not doing it for him. I want DH to do it...I want him to hear it from the dentist directly that her enamel is eroding, and explain to him what would be causing that. If I take her and pass along the message, it will only get ignored. 1) I'm not taking time off work to tend to his responsibilities...he has NEVER taken my kids to any appointments or made them for me; and 2) If there is any way to make him wake up to the problem, he has to be the one to hear it from the professionals directly.
Oh, and trust me, I'm not giving her any of my jewelry...no way, no how! She has earrings, or at least had earrings before she decided to start stretching her ears out. She can find those! Or, just let the things close up completely...I really don't care. You know, it isn't that she is wanting to change her style that bugs me...it is how fake she is. Just a few weeks ago she was talking s**t about the preps at her school...how they are all stuck up and need to get over themselves, etc. Now, she has decided to join them? The very people that just a few weeks ago she hated? FAKE, FAKE, FAKE! It is what she does all the time, conform to whatever will get her the most attention or get her what she wants. When she is around my MIL, she is the super Christian, wanting to pray for everyone, etc., as MIL is an ordained minister. When she is trying to get something out of me, she pretends to be interested in all the things I like. When she is trying to get something out of DH, she pretends to be into his stuff. It goes on and on! She's currently trying to ride my son's coat-tails in the popularity department...she makes sure she tells everyone she can who's sister she is. Yeah, my son is popular, but that is because he is a good football player and a genuinely good guy! SD14 things just because she lives in the same house, she has the same right to be popular as he does. He didn't ask to be popular...he didn't even try...he just did him! He has wanted to play football since he would walk, and he was raised to be a good guy. Sure, she may play it off this year, but when BS18 is no longer around next year, I see her falling flat on her face, because no one will care who's sister she is after he leaves!
What is bad is I really want to take a hip hop class once a week since they took the class away at my gym, and changed it to Zumba. Why don't I? Because if SD14 found out about it, then she would start bugging that she wants to be a dancer again, and DH will throw it in my face that I take a class as justification to allow her to take a class...the one I want to take I'm looking at $30/month (2 nights a month), but SD14 will want to take several days a week, which will run us like $250/month before having to drive her across town every evening to the class. She will claim to want to be a dancer, but she hasn't even done her stretches in 2 months. I'm sorry, but if dance were that important to her, she would be making time in her day to dance, even if she were not in a class! I dance as part of my weekly workout routine on my own...I'm not in a class, but at least once a week when no one is home, I will put the music on and go for it, because it is a GENUINE interest of mine! For her, it is just another passing fancy...like photography...DH got into it because I've been into photography since I was a kid, and he wanted something we could do together. When SD14 saw him playing with a camera, then she was suddenly into photography. She got a camera last Christmas, and I can't remember the last time I saw it. Yeah...she is really into photography! Again, just her being FAKE to get attention.
Wouldn't you know it! I go
Wouldn't you know it! I go into the kitchen to put something away, and I hear blaring music and water coming from the bathroom SD14 uses! She has been told some 5+ times now that she isn't to listen to music while she showers, and her tablet should NEVER be in the bathroom (as the steam will eventually mess it up)! I went back to the TV room and told DH, "Guess she really doesn't want a tablet! She has it in the bathroom again while taking her shower!" Let's see if he says anything to her, and if he does, what her response will be. I say it is time to take the thing away, since she obviously has NO regard for rules, especially those surrounding the tablet computer!
DH did mention it. SD14 said
DH did mention it. SD14 said that she didn't have her tablet in the bathroom...that she was playing music from her phone (BULL...there is no way her phone gets that loud...I've heard music from her phone before...that was NOT her phone). LIE! DH then told her again that the rule is NO MUSIC while she is in the shower, because she takes too long in the shower when she has music (and last night's shower was 30 minutes). She tried to play innocent, "Oh, I thought you just didn't want my tablet in there." Really? When you have been told numerous times NO MUSIC WHILE TAKING A SHOWER! How much plainer can that be said? DH did NOTHING but tell her again no music! It is so frackin' obvious that she lied, because when he muted the TV after I told him, you could hear her music at the other end of the house in the TV room from the bathroom!
Oh, I just love the "I was going to do that" or "she was going to do that" excuses! I get them all the time! Yeah, it is easy to say, "Oh, I was going to get that before I went to bed" or "I was going to roll the trashcan to the curb in the morning" when someone else is already doing it because it was sitting (and the trash is supposed to be rolled to the curb the night before). When I get fed up with something and go to do it myself, I always get the "I was" and then get yelled at by DH that I can't just leave things alone or give people the benefit of a doubt. Okay...so last night I didn't take the can to the curb. Guess what? Neither DH nor SD14 took the trash to the curb, as DH said would get done, and I didn't notice until I heard the truck and couldn't run to do it because I was on a conference call for work. I'm glad it isn't that full, or the trash would be piling up in the house this week. I don't care if the can is full or not! Friday is trash day...we pay to have the trash picked up every week...the can should be on the curb EVERY week! Yeah, I waited to see if they would do it, and it didn't get done! Point made! Oh, and why do I exclude my son from this? Because SD14 owes us a whole bunch of chores for the $200+ DH bought her in makeup last weekend! Not to mention, most of that trash is SD14's and DH's...his McDonald's cups that he brings home, and all the papers SD14 cleans out of her bag every week, etc. BS18 hasn't been home all week until bed time because of work, football, seeing his girlfriend, studying for tests with his friend, etc. He hasn't contributed to any trash this week, and I'm not going to make him clean up after everyone else, especially since he pretty much takes care of himself these days.
Tonight is he last home game of the season, and the last high school home game for my son, since he is a senior. It's parents' night! I get to stand with my son on the field as they recognize the seniors and their contributions to the team. I'm going to be bawling my eyes out tonight. SD14 better NOT start in later about, "How did I do in my performance?" or any kind of color guard crap when she gets in the car. Tonight is my son's night. My ex is supposed to show up, according to my son. May be a little awkward. I haven't seen or talked to him since about a year before DH adopted my son (as the law here says that the bio-parent has to be absent a year before termination of rights can happen), and that was when my son 9...so 10 years since I've seen or talked to my ex? My son went to see him last year to close wounds...as it was something that bugged him, and he knew he had to tell his dad how he felt or it would be with him forever...he need to get it out. Surprisingly, my ex acknowledged that he was a jackass all those years ago, and just asked my son for forgiveness. They have talked on and off since...my ex has never seen my son on the field outside of the news coverage, so he is planning on trying to come to tonight's game since it is his last chance. We will see...pray that he really has become more civilized!
The game was great! Amazing
The game was great! Amazing way to go with the last home game...clinching the district title! My ex actually showed...which kinda surprised me...and was very humble and civil! I think he has had a lot of time to think about things the last 10 years.
Of course, SD14 got in the car and instantly started talking about herself! Really? You could have talked about the game and how crazy it was, and how cool it is that we got the district title? No, the FIRST words out of mouth was how much the color guard captain LOVES her! You've turned into her "mini me"...of course she loved you, now! Then, she informs us she has to be at a church in town at 8:30 am for a color guard event...and tells us pretty much like that...didn't have any other details. DH had to make her text the other folks in color guard to find out the rest of the details. So for the 4th Saturday in a row, I have to get up early to get everyone else up, because neither DH nor SD14 can get themselves out of bed...EVER!
And it doesn't end there! DH asks SD14 if she is going to need a jacket before they leave the house while they are outside and she can see how chilly it was. She insists she doesn't need one. After DH gets back from dropping SD14 off, we head out for breakfast and errands...which we have to drive about 15 miles from our house to do living in the country. While we are eating, SD14 calls DH saying she is cold and wants a jacket! He tells her tough...we are already in town and he doesn't know when we will be back out to the house. She calls again after we just get to the grocery store asking for her color guard flag. When DH says no again, she gets all bent out of shape because we won't drive back and forth for her, and that we have thing to do that are more important that tending to her every need!
Oh, and at some point today, SD14 lost her phone (she was making all of these calls on other people's phone) and didn't feel like looking for it!!! She finally decided to go find it after DH yelled at her that he was NOT getting her another phone and she could go back to the Stone Age!
UGH! I got stuck running to
UGH! I got stuck running to the main office at 4:30 p.m. for something, and was stuck leaving SD14 alone (which I don't like doing). DH also got stuck at work late. I got home before DH and nearly every light in the house was on! Both kitchen lights, the table light in the TV room AND the overhead light in the TV room, the dining room light. I asked SD14 what on earth she was doing that she had to have every light in the house on. She said, "I was playing with the dogs and we were running back and forth." You need every light in the house on to do that? On top of that, she had the TV on while blaring music off of her tablet (so there was no way she was actually watching what was on TV).
I'm probably going to hear from DH because I came in the door and immediately got on to her. I admit, I raised my voice, because I am sick and tired of her wastefulness. I asked her, "If the electric bill comes in and is $400, do you have the money to pay for that?" After she said no, I told her yet AGAIN, "We are on a budget in this house! When you leave a room, turn off the light! When you aren't watching TV, turn it off!" When I went out to check the clothes I had in the dryer before I left, she was in a pouty mood on the couch messing with her tablet...probably telling her friends I'm such a b***h or something. I don't care! She doesn't run this place!
When I called DH to let him know I was now at home, I told him about all the lights being on. What did he say, "Oh, well, she not used to anyone actually caring about it." Um, how many times have we told her to shorten her showers to quit wasting money on the water bill? I know I've told her many times to turn off lights when she is no longer in that room. I'm getting really sick and tired of the whole "she doesn't know...she needs to be taught" excuse!
Oh...that excuse just makes
Oh...that excuse just makes my skin crawl! Like you said, it isn't like she hasn't been told over and over! At the very least, before moving in with us, 26 weekends a year for the last, well, since she could understand speech! And naturally, I went into the TV room this morning, and all of her trash is all over the place. Hope she enjoys finding that in her room later, but judging from the rest of her room, she won't even notice it.
I don't think these girls will ever learn to keep their mouths shut...even if someone beats the snot out of them! SD14 had the problem not long ago that some girl at school wanted to "kick her butt", but supposedly, that girl has since moved. SD14 tried to say that the girl was nothing but a troublemaker and stuff, but I know that SD14 is a big gossiper and trash talker. I'm certain at some point after BS18 graduates, her life will not be all that great at the high school. Like I said before...she tries to ride my son's coat tails in the popularity department. Once he is gone, they aren't going to care who's little sister she is, so using the sibling card will not work any more.
Wouldn't it be ironic if the
Wouldn't it be ironic if the hair styling product just "disappeared"? When she asks if you've seen it just simply state that you are not responsible for keeping track of her things and besides she isn't supposed to use that in your house anyway.
Just saying. When my kids would wear or have something offensive it would just get "lost" in the laundry.
Or you could take the direct route and tell her that since you and her father had already decided and told her that it was not to be used and was still being used, it is gone.
I know...right? I haven't
I know...right? I haven't smelled it in about a week now, so either she ran out or is finally doing what she was told (for once).
Wow she sounds like a piece
Wow she sounds like a piece of work! Bad parenting. Not your fault but you are wearing the consequences. I hate that we end up in this position. My SD17 is so ill prepared for life in the real world. When I met her she had never set the table, done a task, caught public transport, prepared food, cooked, cleaned, looked up the internet to figure out how to get somewhere and she was 15! So I am wearing the consequences too and will be for a number of years.
There is only one answer in my mind. Disengagement. I love that refuse to drive her to school.
A small blessing that your SD is not territorial. Mine is and it is quite aggressive and annoying. It's her way to also try to crack my disengagement.
Their parents are creating narcissistic tendencies with all this indulgent behaviour. More bad news is these are young women that will find it hard to form meaningful long term attachments. Hope and pray like me that some young man who is a sucker for punishment comes along and whisks her away on dates. SD17 is nearly 18 and so far not one date or tiny bit of boy interest. She says none of them are good enough. Hope you have more luck in that area.
Best wishes. Keep venting every now and then. It does help.
Oh, I feel sorry for the poor
Oh, I feel sorry for the poor victim who marries her! High maintenance is an understatement with this girl! She has learned the are of manipulation from her mother...and she has it down to an art! For the most part I have disengaged. These days, DH feels the brunt of my frustration with the child HE fails to knock down a few notches. He gets frustrated with me, but I just tell him, "Then do something about HER behavior!" I only tell her things if DH has to work late, or I'm stuck alone with her for other reasons. No, I will NOT take her to school! The bus comes to our house, and I already made that clear when she tried to get me to get up early to take her so she could have time to talk to friends! She tries to get me to make special trips to the school because she didn't think ahead to bring a snack or whatever, I always tell her no! I tell her and DH that me working from home does not change my work day, and that they are to act as if I'm having to drive to the office and can't just run somewhere whenever they call! Working from home is to my advantage, not SD14's!
It is sad I have to sneak things into the house, because if she sees I have new makeup, or a new item of clothing she gets all jealous that I didn't buy for her, and then gets an attitude when she gets stuck with grocery store makeup and can't get her stuff from Sephora, like I do! Last I checked, I had the job!
These days, she won't even go to her mom's unless her mom's friend is there, because SD14 can always talk him into buying her things. Right after we took her shopping for a few school clothes, she went whining to him that we wouldn't buy her anything (lie) and got him to take her shopping at all the expensive stores...she came home with several hundred dollars worth of things, and won't even wear what we bought her (now, we went to the mall, too, but I always shop the clearance racks, because I try to get more for my money, and we didn't have hundreds in the budget to spend on her).
Then, there's the drama...ugh! She is always complaining to DH that the color guard captain is an idiot and needs to have the position taken away...that the girl sucks and SD14 is soooo much better (in her mind, at least)...that she was robbed of the solo...and DH just feeds into it! I've seen how SD14 treats the captain at games! sD14 is the one causing the drama trying to turn the squad against the captain! But the way she tells it, she's the victim!
I'm having trouble posting my
I'm having trouble posting my own so hope no one minds me posting my story on here to vent too!
I'm not even sure where to begin...
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We are not married. There is a 19 year age difference between us and I am 31. He has a 17 year old daughter.
Lately - I feel like giving up all hope on this relationship. I want marriage and children. He says he wants those things too but yet there is always an excuse. I am pretty positive he doesn't want to disrupt his princess's life and is waiting until she goes away to college - although he will not admit that. Because of his age I feel like there is more of a rush on my part where I don't want my child(rens) father to be in a wheel chair when they graduate kindergarten (I am being completely dramatic with that statement but you get my drift)
When it comes to his daughter - I can no long stand to be around her and even typing that statement feels wrong and I feel completely horrible about my feelings. She is spoiled and feels entitled. She is emotionally immature and yet extremely manipulative. She does nothing for herself. He waits on her hand and foot. She whines like a 5 year old if he doesn't do what she wants when she wants it and if things aren't going her way she will start talking about how she feels victimized for "what Daddy did to mommy and I" (the marriage ended up taking the final strike due to infidelity on his part - they have been divorced for 6 years now) She is a picky eater so all meals are catered around her (even if I cook something according to foods she will eat she will tell him she feels like something else and he will get in the car and go get it for her) He does all her laundry and cleans up her trash and dishes. If she says take me the store he will stop whatever he is doing and get up and take her to the store. It's seriously horrible. I went to my parents house to help clean up the yard in the spring and he came to help and brought her (only because he promised to take her to a baseball game immediately afterwards) and she sat there never offering to help in a mood asking constantly if we were done yet. It was humiliating to me having my parents witness her behavior and her not even offer to help. She is VASTLY different than I was at her age. I worked for what I wanted and had compassion and appreciation for things AND my parents. She constantly disrespects her father by talking to him horrible and even hitting him. I can say she doesn't disrespect me but that's only because I keep my mouth shut and stay out of everything.
Lately I am feeling ALOT of resentment. I don't get a ring because of money but she gets a new car because she has to have one to get around.
I am treated like a child when she's at the house and like she is the adult - in the way that she chooses what we eat and what we watch on television and where we go.
The resentment has built so much that not only do I despise being around her and sit up in my room while she is over (her father and I live together) but now it's changing my feelings towards him as well. I'm starting to get disgusted by his behavior and I don't want to be around him either when she's around.
I have talked to him about this all several times and he basically says he's not going to change when it comes to her because "the damage is done and he only has a short year and a half before she leaves for college" I have tried to be very kind and tread lightly on the topic telling him that he hasn't prepared her for adulthood at all and what kind of adult is she going to be when she finally has to face the real world and realized she won't have someone to constantly wait on her. He says he will make an effort but does for her because for each thing she asks him he asks himself "why not? why can't I do what she's asking" I told him to try to ask "why can't she do what she's asking of him" but it was immediately shot down with him saying he just wants her happy and feels guilty that he broke up her home.
I love him more than I ever could imagine I'd love someone but I can not deal with this behavior any longer. I constantly feel angry and get mad over the tiniest of things. I don't like who I am becoming or how I am feeling and I do not know how to manage them in my head. He excuses most of his behaviors with me not understanding because I have no children of my own.
It's all so frustrating because in my head it could all be changed by just a slight adjustment on his part.
Any suggestions? What can I do to let this anger go? How do I deal with this when so much resentment has built?
Unfortunately, things will
Unfortunately, things will never change if your DH doesn't stop bowing down to his daughter. From my personal experience, that is unlikely to happen. I'm pretty much disengaged when it comes to SD14. Personally, I don't know how things are going to work out when my son leaves for college next year. I can't stand being around SD14...I try to do all I can to avoid her. Yes, I know that sounds wrong, but when you are dealing with someone who is lazy, manipulating, and full of themselves, there is only so much you can take of the person. I pray every day that DH will see SD14 for who she really is and WAKE UP! There are some days there is a glimmer of hope, but others...
I battle with myself if I
I battle with myself if I should attempt to disengage until she goes to college and pray for the best or get out now. It's a horrible situation and it makes it a million times worse that the DH's act like it's us and requesting them to step back and take a look at the monster they are creating is completely unheard of. It makes me feel like I am the monster when he acts like her behavior is acceptable!
I'm sick of being the bitch all the time!
I totally understand and I
I totally understand and I often find myself thinking, what's mine isn't yours. Wait until these kids have roommates and they learn that the rest of the world does mind and they should keep their hands off other people's stuff. It is totally disrespectful.
Oh...some of these kids will
Oh...some of these kids will be in for a very rude awakening if they ever have roommates! It is very tough to survive in entry-level jobs without a roommate...which is why my daughter has two jobs! She was living with her fiance, but when they split, she had to take on a second job to pay bills on her own...and that is with a crappy apartment with all utilities paid! So yes...IF they ever end up on their own, they will have a roommate! Roommates will not put up with their stuff being messed with, or leaving the place trashed!
Ahh yes the territorialism!
Ahh yes the territorialism! My step daughter was the same. Proving who belongs and who does not. Whose space it really is... In her opinion hers, not yours... My situation only improved when her father intervened and told her to stop it. It took years to get him to this point though. He was always to afraid of upsetting her or making her feel unwelcome! Heavens... It actually took her causing damage, with a threat of a lawsuit. she almost hit a neighbor when she was tossing my plant out of the window because it had a bug in it. Neighbor did not like dodging a clay pot, dirt and foliage. Literally it took, a lawsuit not my happiness to instill order. We are no longer married.
On a regular occasion I find
On a regular occasion I find myself looking for things that are mine. Both SD's are HORRIBLE about using things and not putting them back. No matter how many times I have addressed the issue, or their father has complained, they still continue the habit.
I am SO tired of having to look for things that belong to me, that I paid good money for! I don't do a lot for myself, so it irritates the crap out of me to find my belongings worn down, destroyed, or find that they're missing all together.
Daddy's little princesses need a taste of their own medicine!!! Grrrrr.