Thanks for the response! I honestly don't know how their relationship was before. He lived with his parents for over two years prior to us getting together, and money for him was incredibly tight so they didn't go out and do much. He's dated a few other women since his last serious relationship (the one with his youngest son's mother), but he's never mentioned her causing any problems with them. I'm guessing a lot of it does have to do with age. She is going through her "change" and it's probably affecting her attitude somewhat. But I just don't want to let it go and have it get worse, like you're saying it did for you. I want to talk to her, but I just don't know how to approach it or what to say? I'm afraid if I say the wrong thing, she'll run to her dad and act like I was being mean or something. Should I talk to him first, so he knows what's going on and how I feel?

It's just so frustrating!

I wasn't a fan of him asking about me being a stepmom, but I don't think he was asking for permission necessarily. At the time, it was clearly obvious that all of them liked me, and I think it was more his way of proving that to me, if that makes sense. Like trying to make me feel good about the situation and show me how much they all liked me. I was worried about what the response would be, especially when his five year old got upset by the question. But his reaction was more like he thought my b/f meant "replacement mom" and not just step-mom. His 5 year old loves me and is like my little buddy, so I took no offense to his reaction because he just didn't understand the question that wasn't really directed towards him anyway.

I do regret not setting his daughter straight about the money issue for that exact reason. I don't want her portraying me like I don't do anything and like he's the sole provider, but I feel like her mother would know that most of the money came from me at the time, given his situation prior to meeting me. She knew that he only worked part time and paid a lot in child support, so she would be an idiot to think he was the one paying for everything at that time.

I'm worried that if I bring up the issue directly to my b/f, he won't see it as a big deal like I do. Like I'm more dwelling on something that I should just be letting go of. I feel like I tend to do that sometimes, like I get worked up about little things that I shouldn't worry about. It's also hard because I battle with depression, and don't know if my feelings are a result of that, or if they're legitimate. I feel like maybe I'm over-sensitive about things sometimes? It's also hard for me because this is only my second serious relationship, and it's a complete change from my previous one. There were some unhealthy aspects to my last one, like his world completely revolved around me, and sometimes I feel like this new relationship is so opposite, that I don't know what a happy medium should be. But, this is getting into a whole other topic so I will refrain from that right now!

I agree that maybe his past relationships have affected her views of our current one. But the only thing is, she gets along with me very well a lot of the time still. And I think she still does like me to some degree. If she does think it's time for me to go, then she obviously doesn't realize what all that would mean? Maybe it's a bad way to look at it, but if she's trying to get me out of the picture, she's asking for her dad's life to be completely turned inside out. Maybe at her age, she doesn't realize that though. I don't want her to get the impression that he should only stay with me for that reason, so I absolutely do not want to say "if you make your dad leave me, he'll lose everything." And I don't want to sound like I'm praising myself as if I'm the reason he has a good life now. I just think it's a completely selfish opinion on her end if she thinks I need to go.

None of those really go wit my situation. The only reason she was watching TV with us was because she walked by the room to go to the bathroom, saw what we were watching, and we told her she could watch it with us for a little bit. It was the first and only time that ever happened. His 5 year old will sometimes come lay in bed with us in the morning, but it doesn't bother me. Usually he wants to come in to snuggle up to me and kick his dad out of bed.

As for questions 2-12, the answer is an absolute no. Especially to number 12.

I do know his financial situation. There is no marital debt because he's never been married. Like I said, the financial situation is more split now that he's working full time. If he lost his job, I would not pay his child support, and I know he wouldn't expect me to.

Thanks. That's pretty helpful. I have come to accept that while growing up, she and the other kids may decide to dislike me just because they can. I'm hoping it won't happen like that with all of them, but I know it could. It's just disappointing since we got a long so great for so long, and she seemed to really like being around me. I'm definitely going to have to step out of the "friend" approach and put my foot down more about the way she acts about things and start letting her know when her comments are out of line. I'd rather nip this problem now before it becomes a bigger issue.

I appreciate a lot of your opinion here.

I just want to clear a few things up:

SS15 - one mom, lives in another state.

SD11 and SS10 - one mom. SS10 isn't bio, but he treats him as though he is.

SS5 - one mom.

I have no kids myself. I won't be having any with my boyfriend because SS5's BM made him get a vasectomy after SS5 was born in order for him to "save" their relationship. She claimed she didn't want any more kids. Then, she left him anyways and had a baby with a different guy. :?

I realize me trying to be nice by buying them things and doing things has turned it into more of an expectation from them than a treat, like it was supposed to be. That stopped quite a while ago.

Financially at the beginning, yes I paid most of the bills. Now, he works full time and is the primary bread-winner for us. I do get financial aid for school that helps pay the big bills, but essentially his money is what keeps us going.

As far as the "ring" goes, I did get a promise ring from him a few months back, because financially that was where he was at. The topic of getting married has come up, and he even discussed it with my dad. My dad told him he wanted us in a better place financially (i.e. me out of school and working full time), so basically he's not going to pop the question for a couple of years now. Which is disappointing to me, but I understand he's respecting my dad's opinion and waiting until the time is right.

Honestly, when it comes to who pays for what, there's no definition. His paycheck goes into my bank account. The money is combined, and pays for everything equally. There's no "my money goes to this" or "your money goes to that."

I don't think that just because we aren't married means I'm not under any obligation. I'm in a relationship with him, and his kids are part of the package. If my boyfriend were to move on to someone else (which would mean he was an idiot ) then I would probably feel a little duped, but I just don't feel the need to think that pessimistically. I don't want to live always thinking "well is it worth doing this if he just ends up leaving me anyway?" I look at it as a long term commitment and what I need to do to make it work for the long haul, not what I shouldn't be doing just in case it doesn't last.

Very good advice here, thank you. I do know that some of my thoughts on my own SM were just my age and attitude at that time, and that's how I can see a lot of how my SD is acting towards me and pick up on stuff that my boyfriend might not necessarily see. But, I still have issues with my SM today, and it's more to do with her fake attitude and constant need to incessantly brag about her "perfect" grandchildren and 18 different sports each one participates in and their obsession with being the best at everything. :sick: But I did start to have those "jealous" feelings and whatnot with her when I was younger, so I understand what my SD is feeling. Although she isn't her dad's only child (like I was), she is his only daughter, so I can see where the "daddy's girl" kind of attitude will come in to play. I guess I just saw it as more that my SM did specific things that made me dislike her, so I've tried to avoid doing those same things. When in reality, it probably wouldn't have mattered what it was that she was doing, I still would have probably used it as some way to hate on her.

I try to find a happy balance as far as including myself and discluding myself with certain things, but I don't know where the line is. I don't want them to feel like I don't want to participate, but I also don't want the kids to ever feel like they can't have time with just their dad without me being involved.

My boyfriend will often refer to his kids "our kids", and while it doesn't bother me, I feel like it's wrong to think of them that way. I know he wants us to feel like a big, happy family, and make me feel like they're my kids too. But I sometimes think he does it as a way to compensate for the fact that he can't give me children of my own. Like instead, he will just try to "share" his with me, if that makes sense? I know he has worried, and maybe still worries, that at some point I will leave him because of his vasectomy, but I've told him numerous times that we will make it work and it will never be a reason for me to leave him. That being said, I do really wish at times like these that I had a child of my own who would actually accept my love and not treat it like it's nothing. Because I honestly do love his kids, and it's hurtful when I feel like my SD just wants me out of the picture. The whole thing just creates a whole whirlwind of emotions for me, because I truly love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, children included. But at the same time, it would be nice to have a child that we had here everyday, not just every other weekend, and one who actually wanted me around.

And there I go, getting into other topics that probably should be reserved for a therapist!

It's been incredibly recent, and so it's generally taken me by surprise and I don't know what to say to her in response. But, I did have a chat with my boyfriend just to kind of let him know what she was doing. More so to get his opinion on it than to have him talk to her. But as soon as I said that she was being rude and giving examples of some of the things she said to me, he immediately jumped up, went into the living room, and set her straight. His said it was completely out of line for her to say those kinds of things and to act like that. He told her that there was absolutely no excuse for her to disrespect me like that. He even told her that if she wanted to behave like that, she could stay at home with her mother from now on because it would not be tolerated. He told her that she is to respect me and listen to me, and not back talk or be rude. Then he told me later that she tried to tell him that her attitude was a result of a kid picking on her at school, and he told her that was BS and that even if that's the case, that's not an excuse to treat anyone else like that.

She didn't get much attitude the rest of the weekend. My boyfriend did text the BM about it, and surprisingly she said to tell my SD that if we continued to have attitude problems with her, she would start losing some of her allowance. So that was a definite plus for us that her mom backed us instead of trying to play it off like it was nothing. Anytime SD copped an attitude after that, I made sure to point it out and let her know. She got snotty with her brother because I made her give up control of the remote to him and ended up throwing the remote at him. I pointed it out and told her she didn't need to get attitude over it, and she apologized (on her own) a few minutes later.

It's starting to seem like maybe all of her attitude isn't necessarily towards me, but I still have a feeling that this isn't over and more problems will come up later on. However, knowing my boyfriend's response to her behavior, I will not be hesitating about calling her out or bringing it up to him again because I know he won't let it fly. I'm hoping that jumping on it sooner rather than later will help it not be so much of an issue. I don't think she'll be able to use the "I'm not coming over anymore" routine, because he already told her she could stay home if she was going to be like that, so hopefully that helped her to realize she needs to can it with the attitude.