SD 6 possibly lying to BM and us...
BM has been communicating with FH that SD6 has been telling her stories about me. Little things like lil lady hurt me BM "well what happened" lil lady brushed my hair and it hurt"... "lil lady threw toast at me" of course BM flew off the handle then SD6 admitted to FH that "well we where in a hurry one morning and lil lady threw toast on my plate". This was from a while ago I have since not had as much responsibility with the kids since FH has been home full time with the kids when he has them. That said SD told BM that I told her where babies come from and that we told SD6 she was allowed to be in the room when her little brother was born... Of course BM confronted FH when she dropped the kids off for a day visit. She is not supposed to be communicating any way other then through email at least that is what FH has requested of her. He is sick of the fighting and arguing and her inability to let him have his own life. Anyways she told him she was unsure if SD had just overheard a conversation we had had but that SD6 had told her "lil_lady told me that" when she asked how she knew where babies come from. SD6 has not been with us for 2 weeks all of the sudden she came home from school knowing where babies come from. BM said what she said then blamed me... I find it to be conflicting that SD6 could of over heard it and yet SD6 is apparently saying I told her this. We are not sure where SD6 is getting the whole her being around for her little brothers birth. She has asked us this several times as well but never blamed her mother for telling her she could be there, only me. When FH asked her about it casually she had no clue what he was talking about.
So is this BM trying to stir things up or do we confront SD6 about it? The only reason I am questioning whether SD is lying is because she has done it in the past. SD6 btw has never acted negatively towards me and has always been excited to have me around. We have a great relationship if anything I would think it would be an attention issue with her BM. BM has a new bf I am wondering if SD is getting a lack of attention right now.
I would have DH confront SD
I would have DH confront SD about it with BM & you both there. That way whichever one is lying will be exposed. If it is SD lying she needs reassured that she can get attention in other ways.
We cant have meetings with BM
We cant have meetings with BM that is not an option at all.... which is why it is so difficult. FH and I have talked about confronting the being in the room for the birth thing and only that because we know she has brought it up before and we are fairly sure this is true, since it has come up at our house. SD will ask if she can be there and we will say no she can come afterwards. So we know this is something that has been on her mind and she is most likely lying about. FH would also like to know where she learnt where babies come from.
your DH couldn't ask when BM
your DH couldn't ask when BM brought it up at exchanges? Like say it like it's no big deal... "SD, did you say that?"
We don't have meetings
We don't have meetings anymore you can see some of my previous posts... BM and FH do not have conversations together and that is the way it is going to stay. The problem with indulging in this is FH has had to make it very clear to BM that she is not part of our family otherwise she feels the need to be involved with our day to do day lives. Such as inviting herself to my ultrasounds and wanting to discuss my child with just FH and SD. Unfortunately a meeting would just be playing to her delusions that we have finally been able to confront and start to break down. They have also caused problems for SD whom thinks that her parents are still married and still talks about them getting back together. Completely confusing for this poor girl! So no not meetings if we gave this BM an inch she would take a mile and a simple question would turn into an hour long meeting.
Also this isn't a conversation that BM could have nicely. Usually these discussions end in a fight. BM did not bring this up nicely she got out of her vehicle without the kids and confronted FH with every intention to get into a fight with him.
I also keep my distance during exchanges I am pregnant and don't need BM yelling and trying to fight with me. My son does not need to be exposed to that or my blood pressure spiking out of no where.
Wait.... who was inviting
Wait.... who was inviting themselves to your ultrasounds? SD or BM?
If it's BM, that's wayyyyyy too many levels of creepy.
Yup... yup thats BM for you
Yup... yup thats BM for you she has this crazy delusion that they are still a family, without me of course!
Well first you only have the
Well first you only have the mothers word any of this was said. Or if it was said, was prompted by mother.
Mothers ultimate goal is to get you out of the picture. So she is trying to plant a seed that You are saying and doing things that hurt or upset Her baby. The more she cries and yells about some perceived harm she claims you caused the better. Remember, her delusion is they are a family and you are just someone he is playing house with until he comes to his senses.
As far as SD being there when the baby is born. It's not SD that really wants to be there it's the Mother. My suggestion is, don't let sd come to the hospital. She can meet her new sibling at your home. The hospital is a public place. Mother can and will show up. She thinks since this baby is sd sibling she is entitled to be there. Your home is not public. She has no rights there.
So you dont think SD is
So you dont think SD is really saying these things? I am reallt questioning it myself... we are unsure whether to address it or not.
I think part of this is,
I think part of this is, mother interrogating her about what happens at your home, and part that SD knows her mother has this animosity towards you and to make mom happy she is exaggerating things. And of course mother taking a crumb of information twisting it to put all the blame on you and blowing it up. Also mother planting ideas in SD head that You are the reason they aren't a family.
In our situation when mother would scream at my DH for something I supposedly did, We would tell SD very factually since she told her mother xyz, I would no longer do xyz with her.
(ie: mother decided she didn't like me driving SD anywhere. She asked SD how I drove, SD told her there was one time I had to stop fast because some blew through a stop sign and she got scared. She called screaming at DH that I was a menace and SD was not allowed in my car. Next PT I was going out and told SD she had to stay home because she told her mother I was a menace and she was afraid when in the car with me. BTW all conversations between our home and mother were taped so if mother denied anything we could pull out the tape. SD went back to mothers and demanded to know why she yelled and Lied to DH.)
There were also occasions when mother would call DH to yell about something and not realize SD was there and Dh could hear SD in the background correcting mother on what was said.
Our goal was to make SD think for herself. Get her to question what didn't make sense. To look at motivations when anyone was badmouthing someone she knew and/or loved. To be confident with her herself.