I cant believe im saying this but i actually agree with HRNYC for once. :sick:
youre trying too hard to get her and all your going to do is give this child a complex and grow up expecting to get her "rewards"
Whats next a boob job, and and a BMW????

Maybe SD11 is a RAD kid????

cheese and crackers you are looney if you think this kid is going to make ADULT choices maturely. She is ELEVEN. You are screwing with her head. Dangling the great money stuffs because she had ONE good week?

AND explain why you'd have an prepubescent child's hair highlighted and eyebrows waxed??? Are you trying to make her marketable for a suitable marriage? You won't allow your sons to have girlfriends before marriage but you're going to sexify the child?

Please, oh please let this be a joke.

Bribing kids to come live with you... no wonder people think step mothers are whackadoo!

None of the crazy crap she's posting is real.

Her son's can't date before marriage. (How in the hell are they going to pull that one off?)But she's slowly turning her11 year old SD into low key sex kitten.

If her son's are ever drafted(?????) they are NOT to kill the enemy. I guess her boys will be on the battle field passing out daisies, gummi bears and juice boxes. :sick:

DNA test? Yikes.

that's disgusting. no one should be pimping up an 11 year old child to look like a movie star. Gross. Reward good behavior with a trip to Barnes and Nobles..that's a bookstore. Or maybe just a trip to the mall to get a new pair of shoes. A date just for lunch with ice cream is awesome too. But your bribes should be age appropriate.

If you took my 11 year old and colored her hair, waxed her brows and crap..well, let's just say daddy better get his balls out of your purse.

Not the mama. You are not the mama. Regardless of what a pos the bm is this is wrong.

You either screwed up or you stated your post in the wrong manner. Maybe it is a fake. Idk. I just know it's not right and you're teaching the child something altogether as crappy as her real mommy.

As much as I hate to, I agree with HRNYC. All I see here is an invitation for crazy and BM drama, all of which will most profoundly and negatively impact the child in the situation.

As much as I hate to, I agree with HRNYC. All I see here is an invitation for crazy and BM drama, all of which will most profoundly and negatively impact the child in the situation.

BadNanny

I am usually very supportive of quality SParents who are trying to protect their Skids from the shallow, toxic and polluted end of their gene pools. I also do completely agree that you are as much a Parent to your Skid(s) as their BM or Bio Dad is. We are not Step-blanks. We are Step-PARENTS. Key word is PARENT. However, we have no legal rights as SParents so tempering how you present the entire blended family dynamic to your Skid to get the results you want without putting the kid under undue tension would be advised. At least by me. I have found that I had every right I chose to take until someone with stroke told me I can't but that never happened while my Skid was a minor so I did what I wanted when I wanted regardless of what the Sperm Clan had to say about it.

However, I cringe when I hear how you are seemingly being far more toxic and manipulative than even the apparently alcoholic crack head BM in your life is.

You and your Skid would be far better served if you continued as an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian to your SD without the 'buy her loyalty and affection' campaign.

You can be all of these things for your SD and keep her fully aware of the facts about her BMs poor decisions and behaviors without the overt manipulation.

When my SS would come home from Sperm Land visitation with some drivel he was infected with by his Sperm Clan (usually Sperm grandma) we would counter the toxic splatherings with fact and we would walk him through the analysis of the situation while letting him know that even though the Sperm Clan was not acting acceptably he needed to be respectful of them. He aged out from under the 16+ years of the CO 3+ years ago and has little to do with his Sperm Clan. When he does interface with them he is respectful but he has no respect for them. That is why he has little time for them in his life as a viable adult.

Give it a try. You will undoubtedly find that filtering your support and desires for SD through a less toxic application filter will likely get SD to engage with you much more closely than the overt manipulations and attacks against her mother. She will get far more out of the example you set if it does not include overt manipulation to turn her against her mother. As toxic as the shallow and polluted end of a Skid's gene pool can be, direct manipulation by a SParent is far more visible to a child than even the worst imaginable crap from a BM. BM is mom and mom cannot be attacked, embarrassed or disparaged openly. As SParents we can lead our kid to clarity regarding a toxic Bio Parent but the process has to be fact based and delivered professionally and calmly.

IMHO

Good luck.

I understand what you are trying to do. However, challenges to other parents should be made directly to those parents. You are using the daughter to get something, and that is never good, nor would you be ok if SD's BM did that. You want was is best for her, but are playing BM's games in order to get it (and the ends will not justify those means).

If BM is using booze, BF's and pills as her way of handling life, make the issue among the adults about that. You don't need to condone that behavior, but stooping to it also doesn't do any favors for your SD. Since you love her, know that an 11 year old should not have to choose between all of the adults she loves. It is not a fair choice for her to make. Let the adults handle adult situations.

And at 11, she is only in 5th grade. I, too, love to spoil and reward my children for good behavior sometimes. But think of what impact creating this habit of beauty care will have on her once she's in high school (which is when this usually starts for the majority of girls in the country).

I have got my 12 year old's eye brows waxed for over a year now. Her dad was shaving between her eyebrows! She's got one eyebrow that needs to be made into 2. Haha. As for as the 14 year old son, with the same eyebrow issue. He gets shaved & has since 11 months old!!! He looked like the baby Grinch. Big whoop. Now I see nothing wrong with highlights either. My 17 boy got highlights from age 8-13. He is very into fashion & likes the surfer look. He was not the only one in school doing it, by far. I have been trained in cosmetology, so it wasn't an issue of money. Again big whoop.

With my stepkids I don't do anything to their hair as far as cuts or highlights or waxing, etc. with the exception of cutting off a straggler. Bio mom would flip a bitch. In your case it doesn't appear that bio mom cares or would even notice. Ugh.

I hate how people on this site murder others for their posts. It's one thing to say "I don't agree" or "this is how I see it" but some take it to a new level, near abusive verbally, it's character assisination. Not everyone is the same. Sheesh.

In the original post I didn't take it as "bribing" but later in response to others you said yes it was. I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or if you just got pushed to place of brutle honesty. Can you tell me? I don't judge you either way. It's interesting to me. Of course the thought of bribing sounds harsh, but I think if we were all really honest with each other there are small scale bribes we fall into doing ourselves. Idk. It's a subject that makes me examine myself.

Just curious....why would even want to be an "equal parent" to a stepchild?? I'd rather let the world know that I did NOT spawn this awful child!!

"She is my daughter too! I love her just the same- actually, more!"

More than BM or more than your biological children?

Either way, I really hope this is fake or else this woman is very unwell.

Crewed maybe? If this poster is for real she needs to ask herself why she feels the need to be seen as so much better than the girls BM!!
Taking that kid out and treating her is a nice idea, but the way she is presenting herself as that perfect Christian mother figure with the high morals and the organised life comes across really weird.It screams "look at me how great I am" and sounds arrogant.
If you are real and such a great loving Christian, go and help BM , bet Jesus would have done that btw, instead of just trying to make her daughter your possession to show people how great you are.Sometimes people do that to present themselves in the best and better light.