Would you be upset?

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If you don't already know from previous posts I have your classic BM golden uterus... Has taken SO for wverything he has financially. Will not take her claws out of his family invites them to everything she can and also tries to get them to party with her as much as possible. SOs family has not seemed to understand what is wrong with any of this. Infact this xmas they had a family photo shoot with BM SO and I where invited but told that BM was going to be there no matter what. She was invited before us. We keep getting told why cant we just put our differences aside. Even after they know BM has anger problems as well as violent tendencies. We have told them we have concerns of fights that might occur. I would have understood a few months of this behaviour but we are going on over 2 years now.

I believe every one has their own choice and being loyal to your family is an important value. Maybe that is why this makes no sense to me I don't pretend to like someone family or not. SOs parents have recently come around the bend... to the degree that they send him emotion ridden texts saying how proud they are that he is such a loyal person and how amazing he is to have such supportive values. How they obviously did something right with him for him to see and fight for his family and see such a clear picture. This has been a constant battle for SO since the day he left BM. Recently they have bonded with me making me think that maybe they where finally getting it!

Today I find out his entire family is going over to BMs for SDs birthday... would you be upset? Would consider cutting ties and keeping family interactions to somehwere out of your home? I am at this point.

When I say a few months I

When I say a few months I mean that from what I know SO hasnt not seen his family so much as taper down their interactions with BM. They seem to have the same relationship they had as before the divorce from what I have heard.

Also SO has always had his own birthdays and such for the skids.

I'm sorry. This is a

I'm sorry. This is a disrespect to you as the new wife. I would not have anything to do with them.

This is how I have always

This is how I have always seen it as well. To be fair I am not wife yet. We agreed we would rather wait until we can spend the money we want to for that special day. We do both wear bands though and see ourselves as life partners. It just seems as though she is still being treated as his wife. Not his exwife. The only thing I can think is that I would invite my friends to my kids bday party so maybe I am over reacting with a bday? I was sooo ready to start treating his parents as in laws now because of this bday I am not sure. His parents where not in the family xmas photos.

Yes exactly and this is where

Yes exactly and this is where I struggle. In the same token I dont think I would respect any individual whom has acted like BM has. Nor would I choose to respect anyone who felt that behaviour was ok. I cant imagine going as far to support and be close with someone whom saw these things being done to their family member but turned a blind eye.

Currently I know a couple going through the same struggle I am friends with both of them. The second I see one of them treating either one bbadly. To the degree that BM has treated us. I will have no problem cutting one of them out of my life.

That said I dont understand how someone could stand by and watch a family member go through this. I have no respect for it and I dont pretend to like people I would rather just not have them in my life.

I guess my question for you

I guess my question for you is would you be upset if your fsmily remained close eith an ex husband who ditched you and refused to pay cs and made a peactice of screaming at you routinely infront of your children...? im not saying this is what BM does but it is close to the level of what she has done to my SO.

We do have our own parties...

We do have our own parties... this is why I dont understand thr drive behind going to BMs.

Yes exactly... this story

Yes exactly... this story would be entirely different if BM had treated so with respect I dont want to type it out agai but my reply to the post above is my also my answer to yours! To add to that this woman not only picts fights with SO she has been known to do so with me aswell not something I am willing to do pregnant. And yes she has done it during my pregnancy aswell.

Doesn't your boyfriend have

Doesn't your boyfriend have two small children with his ex/wife? Maybe his parents want to ensure they maintain a relationship with the grandkids, sometimes they are scared of the BM taking the kids away from the paternal side of the family, which often happens. Maybe they feel bad for her. Maybe they like her. Maybe they want to see the kids as much as possible. Maybe they don't want to rock the boat...who knows, but if it is who they are and they have been that way since their son left the woman, I wouldn't expect there to be any real change.

I would just like to thank

I would just like to thank you to ladied for your opinions. It wasnt what I wanted to hear. Am I going to put my trust and actual effort into a close relationship well no... That is the part that sucks. But in the same token I think I birthday party is different from a family holiday. Anyways thanks for helping me see the clarity. Your right if I get my panties in a bunch it just reflects on me. Especially when its a day for SD not a family day.

This is why I am thinking

This is why I am thinking maybe I am over reacting with the birthday issue. Like I said I dont get it. There will be a birthday party they can attend. That said would you continue having a relationship with your partners family if they had no respect for him? I guess I am unsure as to where to draw the line. Would you not be upset if your parents continues being friendly with a man who left you in a financial hole and was physically/emotionally abusive to you and your children? Would you be upset if they not only remained friends but included your ex in family affairs instead of yourself? This to me is beyond wanting to see the kids. If I didnt knoq better I would think that that his ex wife was the family not him.

That said I realize I may be over reacting with the bday party being the thing to push me over the edge.

This is why I am thinking

That said I realize I may be over reacting with the bday party being the thing to push me over the edge.

SD is their

SD is their grandchild/niece/etc?

You can't erase that relationship with BM...well depending on how old the kid are. My ex and I had kids right out of high school and after we split I was still spending a lot of time with his family and of course they attended the kids events and parties. Not for me but for the kids. Eventually he expressed that it was weird that I was always invited to family events and he felt like he couldn't bring a date so I stopped attending.

I would NEVER join in on their family photo shoot! That's insane!

I suppose I am just so sick

I suppose I am just so sick of it all that it is hard to ignore even the slightly reasonable situations. SO has told BM aswell as all of his other family he is uncomfortable with family holidays that has not seemed to change anything. Last summer on his birthday she was camping with HIS family. No found anything wrong with it because apparently big plans werent made. It just seems to be going so overboard as of late.

Every part of me is screaming

Every part of me is screaming this from the bottom of my heart. I am coming to terms that this is just not how his family works. Like I said I dont get it. Maybe if there hadnt been a billion other things I wouldn't feel so strongly about the stupid bday. I guess my biggest concern is that if his family wants to act that way then fine I dont have to be close with them. But when my DS gets to be old enough to see how they conduct themselves I honestly cant see me wanting him around them. That is no way to teach young ones how to treat family. I am hoping by the time this is a concern things will have worked themselves out.

EXACTLY what Ripley said!

Thinking of myself if I were

Thinking of myself if I were in that position I think I would absolutely want to keep the ex on side. I cannot imagine your husbands parents find this ideal, but to them it would be all about their grandchildren. Well for me it would be all about my grandchildren. I know my grandkids live both their parents, I know it would hurt them if nana didn't like and didn't talk to one of their parents. So I would absolutely try and be on side with the ex.

I would make this very clear to my son/daughter though. I would not force him or her to have a relationship with the ex that they couldn't stomach, and I would not invite the ex to family functions if my son or daughter requested that.

If your husband has made it clear to his parents that HE does not want the ex at family functions, then your Inlaws are really being totally disrespectful towards him.

However, if your husband has said or implied in anyway that YOU don't want the ex at these functions, that YOU are uncomfortable with it, or mentioned YOU in those conversations with his parents, trust me, they are going to think stuff you, who are you to try and cause discord in the family when everyone else is prepared to get along. Eg: your husband and his ex are happy to be in the same room. It wouldn't take much for your Inlaws to have the impression this is all your fault. All your husband had to say, Lil_Lady feels uncomfortable with the ex being invited just once, and you will get the blame forever. What they would hear is lil lady is uncomfortable meaning he's fine with it himself, he's only saying it because you are getting on his back about it. They would naturally think the ex was doing the right thing by their grandkids by attending functions and she was making it easier for them and their son to see the kids. You however, well they would see you as trying to divide and conquer and stop these children from attending these functions because if they are held on mums time, she naturally won't send them unless she's there, anymore than your husband would send them to a family function of her family's on his time.

If your husband has never, not once, mentioned you in this, then his parents have no respect for their own sons wishes, so why would they care about you, they are rude and selfish. But you know what, I'd not be surprised if your dh at some stage told them you felt uncomfortable with this. He could've said, I, I, I, I, I a thousand times, but just saying you once, would cause them to hang it all on you hence this total disregard for your feelings.

I see your point however he

I see your point however he has made it crystal clear its about him... and honestly if they have that much disregard for my feelings if once it was brought up about me... then I guess they will have a difficult time know their grandchild which I am pregnant with now. Im sorry you dont get to treat someone like that then decided you want a relationship just because I have a baby. I have told my partner from the get go if all of the sudden they want to be my best bud because I get pregnant... not happening. Doesn't mean I dont intend on having my SO in charge of letting them visit and know our son but I will not be attaching myself emotionally to a relationship that is completely fake.

I guess what bothers me and SO is that they continually tell him we dont have a relationship with this woman, they just want to see the kids. Which we totally understand btw! I realize the bday party shouldnt be that big of a deal. I am upswt about it but I know I have to get over it. But to go and do family photos and invite BM out camping the weekend of SOs bday and not invite him. Im sorry thats not about the kids. All of these things btw have been his grandparents. His parents have been amazing! They have evwn statted calling me their daughter in law his mother tells me she loves me... so yes rhw bday party felt like a stab. Im sure it wasn't but it did.

Ok. Well I was just hoping

Ok. Well I was just hoping you hadn't looked at it from a grandparents perspective. Not that I think it's right because I
actually don't. Just hoped that if you saw it that way your feelings mightn't be so hurt. But your reply well. Don't get hurt they're not worth it. Just stay away they've crossed a line well and truly. There is more going on here than the kids.

Exactly our point! They keep

Exactly our point! They keep saying he doesnt get them enough. And he keeps saying YES thst is the problem. Among other things BM with holds access. We have a vague co that BM uses to her advantage. we are in the midst of trying to get changed.

So then this is your SO's

So then this is your SO's GRANDparents (which side ~ Mom or Dad) or PARENTS?

I will tell you what my SO has said to me about his parents.....They are old, They are set in their ways. YOU can not change them.

But YOU decide how your kids are treated. And when the time comes for your child to have a bday party, make it very clear to the GRANDParents and/or SO's Parents that BM is not invited. In case they want to bring her with them.

Also, if they came to the event and treated my SO badly, that would be the LAST time they were invited.

We have seperate bday

We have seperate bday parties. They are very clear on the reason behind having 2 seperate parties. Although SOs grandparents did complain once about having to buy 2 gifts. We didnt even bother adressing that. If they didnt want to then no one is twisting their arm.

I agree - my husband's mother

I agree - my husband's mother still goes out of her way to visit his ex-wife. She claims that it's only because she wants to see his kids, but since we share them 50-50 and she never asks us for special time with them.... That really just seems like a lotta bull to me!!!

And it didn't matter that we have told her how rude and hurtful it is to my husband, there's always an excuse. That had a little something to do with my decision to disengage LOL

I know, right? MIL even

I know, right? MIL even knows all BM's sick stuff. It's really hard to understand how she still seeks her out despite this, since she hurt her son and her grand kids. My loyalties would be to my own child, I think!

It used to really upset me but now I just shrug and talk less. I never seek them out. Kind of sad, but these in-laws push us away, and we take our husbands and our lives with us.

I agree with this we dont

I agree with this we dont have 50/50 we did now are fighting for it again. To me that is still not an excuse they should care more that the kids are being taken from their father! BM went to court syaing she was going to move for school so she got primary caregiver with him getting generous access... BM DIDN'T MOVE! We are headed back to court but regardless I am about done caring which really sucks for my soon to be born son :(.

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