is my dp in denial or is it me?
We were talking about when we have children and i said to dp how different it will be once we have our own and what a shock he will have. (dp has had his dc part time one night a week since dsd was 1.5 and dss was born)..and he says no it won't as I've already got kids. Seeing them only once a week (due to distance and his work pattern) he only had limited time and things he can do. He's missed out on a lot of day to day things and never had the chance to do any real parenting. We get very much the novelty time. I said to him once we do have dc how he'll see how very different his relationship to our children to his existing ones. He denies this but i think its due to the fact hes had anything to compare it to. He's not a real dad in terms of bringing the children up and living daily with them. Is it me or is he just in denial? Ive spoken to step mams in real life that their dp is much more closer to their resident children than thw ones they see part time. How is your dps relationship between your dc together and his older ones?
I would talk about this more
I would talk about this more with him & figure out what each of your expectations are. It sounds like he expects you to handle all the major parenting.
Not at all. The last thing he
Not at all. The last thing he wants is another broken family. He obviously koves to see dsc as he genuinely loves having children. He hasn't had the chance to say be a real parent cos of the limited time he has with them. Hes had them once a week since very young so i don't think he has any real understanding of being a true parent as in living 24/7 and bringing the children up. I don't in any way expect him to love the children we have together more but itll be a whole different experience and relationship to what he's used to. I think the difference will shock him and maybe make him feel guilty. Ive tried to talk to him about it but he gets on the defensive.
Defensive and guilty about
Defensive and guilty about what? What is "dp" and "ds" I think others were "dear step son" and "dear step daughter" right?
My family was intact when i
My family was intact when i grew up but it didn't make my dad a hands on parent. God love him, I think his favorite phrase was "I don't know; go ask your mother."
I think your expectations are far different - Talk to him. Does he expect to take midnight feedings? What are the house rules? Discipline style?
Yes my dp had his dd for full
Yes my dp had his dd for full time for a year and half but he admittedly was not involved as much as he should have been. Some of it exs fault some of it his fault. He did not change dsd diaper and admitted to bathing her only once. He left before dsd was even potty trained so he has missed out on a lot of the important years. I know he is still a father and if he sees his children once a year he is still a father but i would not consider him a parent. In the sense he has done no real parenting. I think women on here who do the brunt of parenting and hand them off over to their ex partners for weekends of'fun' will know what i mean when i say theres a difference between a mother and a father and actually being a parent.
DP? DC? I assume you are
DP? DC? I assume you are referring to your husband (DH) or significant other (SO) and your Skid(s) with DC?
I think the love your SO has for any of his children will be roughly equivalent. However his parental experience will be somewhat different between his nonresident kids and his kids that are resident in his home and family on a full time basis.
I do not think this has anything to do with denial since neither of you will know how it will be until you are actually raising joint children. Rather than continue to put any time at all in to this artificially constructed issue you are building I would not waste my time with this nonexistent issue were I you.
There is no need to inject drama or any more tension in to your Step Life or your SO's experiences with his children.
IMHO of course.
I think the most thing i am
I think the most thing i am worries about is how different it will be for my dp. I've heard so many stories on websites qnd in real life of how different it is for fathers who have a closer relationship and have a different kind of kove for children they bring up and children they have acccess too. This worries because guilty dads make walk over dads .. That is something which is very common it seems with non resident dads and don't want any experience he has with any dc we have cos he hasn't had to the chance to do it with dsc.
Im sorry to hear that
Im sorry to hear that needhelp. Dp assures me he will help and would like to do things properly this time round. I think he is determined this time. My dp already has told me he isn't good with babies especially when there newborn and to be honest most men aren't. Its not until they start walking and playing interacting that men get truly bonded with their dc. It doesn't come straight away like it does with us who have carried them n given birth. A year from now things might be very different.