In your experience has...
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A non disciplined child grown up to be unruly and rude?
If just one person doesn't discipline the child from a young age, have they carried on treating that person badly as they've grown up?
I'd be very interested to hear from those who have seen this as the child/children have grown up.
My bride and I raised my Skid
My bride and I raised my Skid to be polite and we held him accountable for his behavior. He turned out to be a young man of character and at 21yo is a self supporting viable adult. His mom and I are proud of him.
My Skid's three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs (G17/B15/B13) by two other baby mamas are the products of free range parenting and feral childhoods. They are regularly in trouble at school and with the law and sadly are a product both crappy parenting and of the shallow and polluted nature of their gene pools.
My Skid is definitely solid data supporting nurture over nature and the importance and result of behavior and accountability based parenting.
I do have my parents vs. my
I do have my parents vs. my aunt and uncle. My parents raised us with rules and boundaries, and my brother and I are quite functional adults (granted I married the most absolute WRONG person first time around, but we all make mistakes..and that was fixed). My cousin on the other hand were always defended to teachers and babysitters, everyone was out to get them, and everything they ever did was super funny. They are now in their 30s, still living at home on and off with significant others, on and off, and their children and step-children, on and off. So, yes, I strongly believe there is something to be said for rules and boundaries.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments.
There is definitely a pattern showing with all of you! Seems that undisciplined children really are affected by lack of parenting...
Just last night I was at a
Just last night I was at a funeral service of an old family friend. Also present at the funeral were several adults my age that I had not seen nor spoken to since our elementary school days (34 years). These adults were, 34 years ago, the young kids who had frequently lived at my home during the summer as my parents' friends were irresponsible parents and irresponsible step-parents, and my parents "helped out" by allowing these undisciplined/ignored kids to spend summer vacations with us. We were no substitute, but the best "fix" at the time for parents/step-parents who didn't care enough to parent their own offspring.
And what did I learn? I saw every one of these adults were either recently released from extensive prison sentences, parents who lost custody of their own children, chronically unemployed and unable to care for themselves, or currently addicted to some chemical. Truly sad. There wasn't a happy story in the bunch.
So to answer the OP, no - none of these "grown kids" were unruly or rude to me. But none of them seemed to have enjoyed the things in life I take for granted like gainful employment, satisfying relationships, custody of my kids (and step-kids), stability, and no arrests or trips to jail. I considered myself lucky last night for parents who disciplined me, gave me boundaries, and taught me respect.
my SD was and is being raised
my SD was and is being raised similar to yours, texas - she is the queen of manipulation and begs and whines until her parents give her what she wants. he mother was raised exactly the same way.
she has not learned the value of a dollar, has not learned anythign about hard work, discipline or structure. i dont see her being a productive adult, but rather following in her mother's footsteps and relying on others to support her financially and fight her battles for her. she will not amount to much of anything, but hey, that saves us on CS and college tuition.
we are fortunate in that the
we are fortunate in that the language in the decree states that he only has to pay 1/3 of COLLEGE tuition (not other kind of tuition like trade school, beauty school, etc.) and then its capped based on the state rate so if by some miracle she goes to harvard he doesnt have to pay 1/3 of harvard, just 1/3 of whatever the state school tuition is that year. and she must be enrolled full time in order for her mother to get CS, and regardless of where she is in her academic pursuits, the CS ends at 23 as does any tuition payment.
her mother has now flunked out of an associates degree program twice.
My SS could have kept his
My SS could have kept his Sperm Idiot on the hook for CS until age 22 if SS had been a full time college student in good academic standing with the college or university. CS would have gone directly to SS instead of to by DW.
The Sperm Clan guilted him in to not nailing their worthless POS asses to the college CS wall. We made SS a deal. Apply to the college or university of his choice, get in, attend with grades of C or better and we will cover all costs as long as he keeps the Sperm Idiot on the hook for his court ordered CS during college years which would be his monthly spending money.
SS succumbed to the guilt and would not hold the Sperm Clan accountable for their obligation to him.
To avoid the drama and tension with his mom and I over letting the Sperm Clan guilt him, he decided to forego college and enlisted in the USAF. Much to the delight of his mom and I he is also a full time college student. He scored in the top 2% on the ASVABs and the USAF put him in dual credit (Technical training/college credit) training for his specialty. He has finished his 3 years of USAF training and now the USAF is paying for most of his college tuition and he is accruing the usual service associated college funds.
Sadly rather than just letting the Skid live in peace the Sperm Clan now targets him with the guilt "We can't afford to feed your (three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs). Send money!!!!" bullshit. He called his mom and me for advice. We suggested that he send them a copy or the CO with the college years CS section highlighted and inform them that he is contributing $385/mo to the support of his half sibs since he is not requiring the Sperm Clan to pay him CS but that if they continue to bother him he will invoke his right to CS since he is a full time college student as well as a full time Airman in the USAF. He mailed them a letter and the relevant sections of the CO. The Sperm Clan has crawled back under their rock .... for now.
Since SS chose to pay for his degree studies by enlisting his mom and I bought him a new car instead. That gave him safe and reliable transportation and gave his mom and I some peace of mind. Of course the Sperm Clan keyed on the new car and resurrected their usual "You are spoiled, you don't need ........" toxic bullshit.
He is on track to graduate with his BSCS in 2016 or 2017. Due to his job he may be delayed due to mobilization or duty station transfer. No doubt no representative from the Sperm Clan will attend his college graduation just as no one from the Sperm Clan came when he graduated from HS. They are interested only in manipulation and do not want to expose their status of poor dental health (toothless morons) to people of character.
His mom and I are fortunate that raising SS to be a young man of character and to viable adulthood has worked and has protected him from the bullshit of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool. For the most part.
All sounds very complicated
All sounds very complicated but good on him for going out there and doing well.
You should both be proud that your hard work is paying off. I look forward to the same in the future!
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your insight. Sounds like my SS is going to be a nightmare for BM and MIL as he can do no wrong in their eyes and is constantly bad. I won't have that behaviour in my home. My children aren't allowed to act that way, so I don't see why he should.
'Children with no boundaries grow up to be adults with no boundaries' pretty much seems to sum it up. Thank you for that Texas!
its great that you want to
its great that you want to not allow it in your home...the problem comes in when your partner doesnt agree and/or is just as lenient as the other parent.
ive been fighting with my fiance about rules for our home...we established a very small set but he often doesnt want to enforce/follow through with them.
Hi Calypso. I've fought.
Hi Calypso. I've fought. We've argued and argued. I've got stressy, I've hidden away. I've refused to deal with SS, then I've got annoyed and just disciplined him anyway.
What really turned OH's opinion round was when I stopped all that and started telling him what was going to happen before it did. This forum really helps for that and I'm very grateful to have found it. Also, we have a daughter together and I have made it quite clear that I will not tolerate that behaviour around her. I am not having his influence put on her. I guess it helps because I have 3 grown up children and he can see that - for all their faults (let's face it, we all have them), they are pretty good kids. All have jobs and are settled for the most part. My older daughter is the fairest, most stable person I know!
It was deal with your son or lose us, really. We're still in early stage phase of it but I'm hoping he continues to keep it up. I've fallen out with OH's mother over this but refuse to back down. I'm very happy not having her in my life. It's either fight or flight. For your own sanity. Best of luck with them both!