Quick question for all the EOW step moms..... how often does your DH/SO call his kids between the weekends you guys have them?
Daily? Weekly? Not at all?
I'm interested to hear this....
My ex calls the kids every freaking night. The kids hate it and silence the call on my phone. BM calls stepson 1-2 a week. That seems to work much better.
Watch the phone calls on your custody time. We ran into big problem with BM doing calls and text constantly to interfere with our time and to create emotional responses and drama and she would call and say "I miss you" and "I love you" over and over and over. GROSS that the BM is in the conversations. YUCK!!!! That is ridiculous.
Most agreements foster one call a day cause it is hard on the kids to be pulled by other parent when they are trying to enjoy custody time with parent on duty.
I have a 10 yr old son (will be 11 this summer) and I split w/his Dad when he was 4. We worked out our custody so that we share him every week. We each get him 1/2 the week and we both love it. Since we live in different towns, we have help w/grandparents for driving to school & back. Even tho I have him 1/2 the week I miss him like crazy on the days I don't. When I don't have him, I call every morning before school. He calls or txts me after school and I usually call to say good night. e usually calls my DH, his step-dad at least once a day too. My ex calls him on the days I have him before school and before bed each night. We actually get along very well. He gets along w/ my DH and I am friendly w/his girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, my DH has 2 grown daughters and that's where i get all of the DRAMA in my life and its really bad! I am just thankful that me & my ex co-parent w/no issues. It is so much better when all parties get along. I think my bio son should be able to talk to either of his parents whenever he wants too.
We have SD Thursdays and EOW. So SO sees her at least once a week and calls once a week usually and texts whenever. BM thinks this is completely unacceptable and that SO should be calling SD13 every day. She says he's a terrible father because he doesn't call her enough.
Any thoughts or opinions on this?
All i can tell you is that when kids become teenagers I know things change quite a bit. Did your SO ever call her more than once a week? If not then I would assume he thinks this is normal for their relationship. My son is almost 11 and i can't imagine not calling and talking to him before school or before bed. I imagine as he gets older, it might change, but I hope not. I personally feel that co-parenting is just that. Just because it is not my day with my son, that doesn't mean I don't want to know how he is, how his day at school went, what he has for homework. It's not that we talk a long time, maybe 5-10 minutes to see how we are each doing. If for nothing else, he knows that I am thinking about him EVERY day even when he is not with me.
Yes he used to call her more. When she was little he called her every morning before school until she was about 10. This was mainly because she refused to go to school so he had to call her to force her to call. There was never a set amount of calls he would make in a week. Sometimes she would call him, sometimes he would call her. Sometimes neither of them would call.
I don't think it hurts to let a child know that their parent misses them and wants to talk, even if just to say "hi" or "just calling to tell you goodnight". This is how i am with my son.
I however, have 2 grown SD's who only call their Dad when they want money!
It's not of the BM busines what you SO does. If he wants to call her, he should, and whenever he wants, but he shouldn't call her just because someone else is telling him to do so.
At 13, your SD is old enough to call her dad if she wants to talk.
My husband did not talk to his daughter much between visits. She has always been very quiet, with very little to say, even now that she is 22. They talk quite often now but it's very superficial.
I don't think phone calls make a person a great parent or the lack of them make a person a terrible parent.
Our thoughts exactly! If she wants to talk her dad more then call him! She has a cell phone and can call or text whenever she wants! He texts her every couple days just to say hi. What more does BM want? Geeze!
My own three children spend about 40% of their time at their Dad's. I pretty much NEVER call them or ask to speak with them unless there is something going on - which there never is.
ExH and I may occasionally text the other parent, ask if we can say hi to the kids if we've done a schedule switch and we've gone more than 5 days without seeing them. Very occasionally my 9 year old will ask to call his dad or he'll text me. (He's a bit more clingy and lovey dovey with both of us though).
Now BM. If we didn't have the RO against her that specificallly stated that she is allowed one phone call with SS on Mon and Wed at a specific time, she would call and text non stop. I actually insisted that SS not have a cell phone anymore because all that was going on with it was she would want to ask info about me and DH or try some drama-mama stuff with SS. Nope. Buy him a cell phone of his own... or heck - why don't you give him one of your "cheater" cell phones that you give to your latest affair.
I also don't call my BD when she's with her dad, about 40%.
BM is also a different story, and I'm gonna feel so bad for SD when she gets a cell phone because she'll never get a break from BM. Two and a half years ago, BM accused us twice of denying SD access to call her. Sh said that SD told her that we said she couldn't call. My theory is, that if SD said that, that BM was guilting her about forgetting "mummmmmmyyyyyyyy" and thought she could just throw us under the bus. After the false abuse allegations, BM demanded twice a day text messages. Major encroachment. DH put a stop to that. SD calls her nightly from our house phone, but BM has been warned to keep the conversation about herself and/or SD and to not question SD about us.
I feel that forcing a kid to talk daily isn't appropriate. If they WANT to talk, then cool, but for crying out loud, let them enjoy their time with their other parents.
I remember my SS telling my DH and BM BOTH to lay off the calling when he is with the opposite parent. He told them he likes to enjoy that time with the parent he is with. He had a cellphone then, but rarely used it. It never stopped BM from texting my DH constantly, "How is the baby?" I'm sure now that the wording was just to get to me (he's nearly 13). The texts at that level stopped when my DH stopped acknowledging them. He would hand the phone to SS and have him answer, or take his sweet time in answering. Now, it is a non-issue, as SS has a cellphone he uses; both parents can call or text whenever. My DH likes to talk to SS at night before he goes to bed when he is not with us, and seems to enjoy doing so more now that he doesn't have to go through BM.
"The baby"... *eyeroll* ... My DH and the BM still refer to SD10 that way or as "my baby". She's pre-pubescent. Let's grow up the words we use, shall we?
SD is here EOWE & all of the summer. DH calls a few times a week. Usually doesn't call but once on weekends that aren't his.
When SD is here for her weekend (she gets here at 8:30 on Friday & leaves at 3:30 on Sunday) BM calls everySINGLEday. Even on Friday night, after she saw SD at 5, she calls at like 9 to talk to SD & tell her she misses her soooooo much.
She use to try to call SD 3/4 times a day. SD hated it. DH quit answering all calls but one a day.
I still think it's extreme if you aren't going to really talk to the kid. BM doesn't ask how SD's day was or what she did, she just tells her over & over how much she loves her & misses her & how she is going to have her a 'big surprise' when she gets home. Every time.
QB- we have the same BM. Ours does the same , the puts infant brother on the phone to 'talk' to SD. He's 5-6 months old.
BM will call SD within an hour of pickup, and about every hour after that. DH has now implemented a no phone rule when she's with him, which is usually about 2x a month for 6 hours. The two times she has slept over, phones are allowed, and BM took advantage.
DH texts his kid (14) after school- like a 'Hi skid- hope you had a great day at school, love you, bye!' kind of thing. She sometimes answers, sometimes not.
She will call him if she needs something though...
My ex calls the kids every
My ex calls the kids every freaking night. The kids hate it and silence the call on my phone. BM calls stepson 1-2 a week. That seems to work much better.
Watch the phone calls on your
Watch the phone calls on your custody time. We ran into big problem with BM doing calls and text constantly to interfere with our time and to create emotional responses and drama and she would call and say "I miss you" and "I love you" over and over and over. GROSS that the BM is in the conversations. YUCK!!!! That is ridiculous.
Most agreements foster one call a day cause it is hard on the kids to be pulled by other parent when they are trying to enjoy custody time with parent on duty.
I have a 10 yr old son (will
I have a 10 yr old son (will be 11 this summer) and I split w/his Dad when he was 4. We worked out our custody so that we share him every week. We each get him 1/2 the week and we both love it. Since we live in different towns, we have help w/grandparents for driving to school & back. Even tho I have him 1/2 the week I miss him like crazy on the days I don't. When I don't have him, I call every morning before school. He calls or txts me after school and I usually call to say good night. e usually calls my DH, his step-dad at least once a day too. My ex calls him on the days I have him before school and before bed each night. We actually get along very well. He gets along w/ my DH and I am friendly w/his girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, my DH has 2 grown daughters and that's where i get all of the DRAMA in my life and its really bad! I am just thankful that me & my ex co-parent w/no issues. It is so much better when all parties get along. I think my bio son should be able to talk to either of his parents whenever he wants too.
I call my girls every night
I call my girls every night they aren't with me just to say goodnight and my ex does the same...
We have SD Thursdays and EOW.
We have SD Thursdays and EOW. So SO sees her at least once a week and calls once a week usually and texts whenever. BM thinks this is completely unacceptable and that SO should be calling SD13 every day. She says he's a terrible father because he doesn't call her enough.
Any thoughts or opinions on this?
All i can tell you is that
All i can tell you is that when kids become teenagers I know things change quite a bit. Did your SO ever call her more than once a week? If not then I would assume he thinks this is normal for their relationship. My son is almost 11 and i can't imagine not calling and talking to him before school or before bed. I imagine as he gets older, it might change, but I hope not. I personally feel that co-parenting is just that. Just because it is not my day with my son, that doesn't mean I don't want to know how he is, how his day at school went, what he has for homework. It's not that we talk a long time, maybe 5-10 minutes to see how we are each doing. If for nothing else, he knows that I am thinking about him EVERY day even when he is not with me.
Yes he used to call her more.
Yes he used to call her more. When she was little he called her every morning before school until she was about 10. This was mainly because she refused to go to school so he had to call her to force her to call. There was never a set amount of calls he would make in a week. Sometimes she would call him, sometimes he would call her. Sometimes neither of them would call.
I don't think it hurts to let
I don't think it hurts to let a child know that their parent misses them and wants to talk, even if just to say "hi" or "just calling to tell you goodnight". This is how i am with my son.
I however, have 2 grown SD's who only call their Dad when they want money!
It's not of the BM busines what you SO does. If he wants to call her, he should, and whenever he wants, but he shouldn't call her just because someone else is telling him to do so.
At 13, your SD is old enough
At 13, your SD is old enough to call her dad if she wants to talk.
My husband did not talk to his daughter much between visits. She has always been very quiet, with very little to say, even now that she is 22. They talk quite often now but it's very superficial.
I don't think phone calls make a person a great parent or the lack of them make a person a terrible parent.
Our thoughts exactly! If she
Our thoughts exactly! If she wants to talk her dad more then call him! She has a cell phone and can call or text whenever she wants! He texts her every couple days just to say hi. What more does BM want? Geeze!
My own three children spend
My own three children spend about 40% of their time at their Dad's. I pretty much NEVER call them or ask to speak with them unless there is something going on - which there never is.
ExH and I may occasionally text the other parent, ask if we can say hi to the kids if we've done a schedule switch and we've gone more than 5 days without seeing them. Very occasionally my 9 year old will ask to call his dad or he'll text me. (He's a bit more clingy and lovey dovey with both of us though).
Now BM. If we didn't have the RO against her that specificallly stated that she is allowed one phone call with SS on Mon and Wed at a specific time, she would call and text non stop. I actually insisted that SS not have a cell phone anymore because all that was going on with it was she would want to ask info about me and DH or try some drama-mama stuff with SS. Nope. Buy him a cell phone of his own... or heck - why don't you give him one of your "cheater" cell phones that you give to your latest affair.
I also don't call my BD when
I also don't call my BD when she's with her dad, about 40%.
BM is also a different story, and I'm gonna feel so bad for SD when she gets a cell phone because she'll never get a break from BM. Two and a half years ago, BM accused us twice of denying SD access to call her. Sh said that SD told her that we said she couldn't call. My theory is, that if SD said that, that BM was guilting her about forgetting "mummmmmmyyyyyyyy" and thought she could just throw us under the bus. After the false abuse allegations, BM demanded twice a day text messages. Major encroachment. DH put a stop to that. SD calls her nightly from our house phone, but BM has been warned to keep the conversation about herself and/or SD and to not question SD about us.
I feel that forcing a kid to talk daily isn't appropriate. If they WANT to talk, then cool, but for crying out loud, let them enjoy their time with their other parents.
I remember my SS telling my
I remember my SS telling my DH and BM BOTH to lay off the calling when he is with the opposite parent. He told them he likes to enjoy that time with the parent he is with. He had a cellphone then, but rarely used it. It never stopped BM from texting my DH constantly, "How is the baby?" I'm sure now that the wording was just to get to me (he's nearly 13). The texts at that level stopped when my DH stopped acknowledging them. He would hand the phone to SS and have him answer, or take his sweet time in answering. Now, it is a non-issue, as SS has a cellphone he uses; both parents can call or text whenever. My DH likes to talk to SS at night before he goes to bed when he is not with us, and seems to enjoy doing so more now that he doesn't have to go through BM.
"The baby"... *eyeroll* ...
"The baby"... *eyeroll* ... My DH and the BM still refer to SD10 that way or as "my baby". She's pre-pubescent. Let's grow up the words we use, shall we?
skids are in their 20s and
skids are in their 20s and one still texts/calls about three times a day. they need to grow up.
SD is here EOWE & all of the
SD is here EOWE & all of the summer. DH calls a few times a week. Usually doesn't call but once on weekends that aren't his.
When SD is here for her weekend (she gets here at 8:30 on Friday & leaves at 3:30 on Sunday) BM calls everySINGLEday. Even on Friday night, after she saw SD at 5, she calls at like 9 to talk to SD & tell her she misses her soooooo much.
She use to try to call SD 3/4 times a day. SD hated it. DH quit answering all calls but one a day.
I still think it's extreme if you aren't going to really talk to the kid. BM doesn't ask how SD's day was or what she did, she just tells her over & over how much she loves her & misses her & how she is going to have her a 'big surprise' when she gets home. Every time.
QB- we have the same BM.
QB- we have the same BM. Ours does the same , the puts infant brother on the phone to 'talk' to SD. He's 5-6 months old.
BM will call SD within an hour of pickup, and about every hour after that. DH has now implemented a no phone rule when she's with him, which is usually about 2x a month for 6 hours. The two times she has slept over, phones are allowed, and BM took advantage.
DH texts his kid (14) after school- like a 'Hi skid- hope you had a great day at school, love you, bye!' kind of thing. She sometimes answers, sometimes not.
She will call him if she needs something though...