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Could this be child abuse?

Momma1987TC's picture

Submitted by Momma1987TC on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 9:04am

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Just found out HD's ex just hacked off about 5" of SD's hair. This isn't the first time this has happened. I haven't seen it yet or spoke to SD about it. But I was wondering if you would consider it child abuse if it was not what the child wanted and was a horrible choppy haircut that BM did nothing to fix? Last time BM did this SD was 3 and it looked like it was cut with a steak knife. Seriously, people would ask her while she was with us if she had cut her own hair!! Ofcorse she hadn't because she knows better and those kind of comments absolutely crushed SD. I tried to get HD to take her to get it fixed but he didn't want to start a bigger fight with BM and we only had her for a few hours at a time during that time of her life. (that's another story) Anyway, Im not a beautician but was raised by one and did what I could to straighten out the cut. BM noticed the new cut that I had put on SD and had SD tell me like a little parrot that her mom wanted me to stop cutting her hair. I told her I would stop when her mom would get a good cut put on her hair. Finally the last few hair cuts have been good. So good that I haven't even tried to put scissors to her hair. Then this week I was sent a picture of my SD from a mutual friend on facebook. BM cut SD's mid-back length hair up to just below her ears!! I not only got this picture from one mutual friend, but 5! All 5 people were like "OMG she f***ing hacked her hair off!! WTH!!" I even had a very good mutual friend (that is really close to BM) call me last night to forewarn me that BM had cut SD's hair and that it was a bad hair cut.

I know BM is a lazy ass that is looking for the easiest haircut possible so that she doesn't have to do anything but pull a comb threw it, but I personally consider it child abuse if it is a bad choppy haircut and you don't care enough to go get it fixed. If your going to put the easy hair cut on your kid, atleast make it a nice cut not one she will be ridiculed for. SD is in school now, who knows how much she is being teased. Her wardrobe with BM is bad enough without looking all choppy haired.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 9:16am

Could this be child abuse?
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You are kidding right? lol. Just curious who you think you are to say when and how BM can cut her DD's hair? Maybe I missed some back story here. Like you adopted the kid or something.

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:45am

this this this^^^^^^^^^^^^^....FFS.......

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 9:29am

I think I would prefer a bad choppy short haircut to an SD coming around with dirty, tangled and un-kept hair that ends up being traumatic for her when you try to brush it out/detangle it. If the BM is lazy, the SD is probably better off until she is old enough to do this on her own.

As for weather or not it's child abuse... no.

As a BM myself, I have to say that this is a ridiculous post. I would be completely offended if someone tried to argue abuse because they didn't like my decision as my child's mother on something as trivial as a haircut. Sheeesh! Please don't waste any of your city/state's time and resources because you think you have better style than the BM.

Accordn2L's picture

Submitted by Accordn2L on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 9:31am

BM sounds lazy and annoying and obviously doesn't care if her daughter's hair looks like sh*t but it's by no means child abuse.

Patsy's picture

Submitted by Patsy on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 9:39am

I know BM is a lazy ass that is looking for the easiest haircut possible so that she doesn't have to do anything but pull a comb threw it,
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If that is the definition of a lazy BM then I guess I am too! My DD's hair was always short when she was little. I thought it was more important to teach her how to wash and comb out her hair than to worry about looks at the time.

You haven't even seen the cut yet - Go take a deep breath. It is just hair.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24am

My BM would brush my hair VERY WELL when she was pissed, which was most of the time. She would pull clumps of my hair out with her brush. I think that's more abusive than a bad haircut (my mom got sick of "chasing me around" to brush my hair so she chopped it off to ear length and I got teased and bullied unmercifully by my classmates when I was in 2nd grade). But I still wouldn't consider THAT abusive. Not like REAL hell abused children go through.

Patsy's picture

Submitted by Patsy on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:08am

Good for you for not crying in front of her. When BM gave SD then 5 a perm and half her hair was falling off when I washed her hair I couldn't hold back the tears. It was coming out in clumps. I had to leave the room I know she saw me cry. Called the BM and let her know what was going on and asked what I should do. BM said I was exagerating so I put all her fallen hair into a bag and mailed it to her.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27am

BM decided to chop my SD's hair short right after an Xmas where I had gotten her a kit for her long, gorgeous hair that had all sorts of hair ties, combs, brushes, everything. Jealous much, BM??

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:34am

Agreed. I get that your upset, I even get why - you love this child and want her to be happy and look her best. That's to your credit. But no, not even CLOSE to abuse. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that 1) you love her, but she has a mom and 2) hair grows.

Also, for what it's worth, you might try to NOT judge BM's parenting skills. (Soooooo hard, believe me I know!) It'll make YOUR life so much easier if you don't get tangled up in knots over every parenting decision she makes that you would have done differently if it were your child. As long as she's not hurting SD (and this really doesn't), let it go.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:41pm

If cutting a kid's hair is child abuse, then making kids eat vegetables, brush their teeth, take baths, go to bed at a decent time....is as well.

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:44pm

lol...I know right!!!!...damn, I abuse my Bios ALL.THE.TIME...... :?

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 2:44pm

Lol Actually, if giving a bad haircut is abuse then I need to leave my DH. Our 2 year old son threw an absolute screaming hissy fit when we took him to have a hair cut, so DH did it at home. Oh it is AWFUL, I can't even tell you. It does look like the 2 year old did it himself! I'm thinking of buzzing it, except that I do so love DS2's hair and it should grow out soon enough if I leave it alone!

Karis's picture

Submitted by Karis on Fri, 05/02/2014 - 4:04pm

I'm just curious, but why couldn't her father take her to get her hair cut, if it was that difficult? Like, a lot of the posts on this particular topic say stuff about how the BM can have their child's hair how they want it, etc. Why couldn't the dad take their child out for a hair cut?

Thank You,
Karis