Week-ish long stays this summer?
A little bit back DH asked what I thought if we had SS12 a few weeks over the summer, or maybe just a week or 2, ...something like that, for an extended amount of time.
I said yes without a thought ......and then I started thinking about it and was like oh what did I just get myself into??
So, DH works 12 hour shifts at night. If he gets good sleep, he gets home at 6:30am and can sleep until 2pm-ish, but usually not the case since he plays a game on his phone once he gets in bed then about 7am the parrots kick in. SOoooooooooooooo..........Who's stuck with the SS12 all day and all night??? (I recently quit my job to focus on my last 2 quarters of school since I dual majored) so now I will be home this summer, focusing on the wedding in August ........................OMG
Now this hasn't even been discussed with the BM ....in fact futureDH needs to talk to BM and make sure he can get SS12 the weekend of the wedding because he is our ring bearer and it's his weekend with his mom. LOL!!!!! I swear I didn't plan that!
Don't worry, I won't cry if she shits her pants and says they have plans already, would she do that to him?? I don't know...she's been so unpredictable this past year....extremely unpredictable.
I mean I don't see the point of him staying over for a longer period if he's just going to be with me....hopefully I can talk futureDH out of this thought? I am so not a babysitter and I don't have any of the same interests as this kid to even begin to imagine keeping him happy for an extended amount of time. I have an xbox, a dog, 2 bunnies, and three parrots which he is scared of. That's all I got. Oh I know, he can help me clean the fish tanks all weekend. That 100 gallon gets pretty dirty fast.
Guess I will be getting a part time job right after the honeymoon!!!!
Not really, he does have 3
Not really, he does have 3 days off a week, then 4 the next but that still leaves too many days with me as the cook, maid, and entertainer.
I moved in with fiance in March and it's my first time living with a man, or a 12 year old every other weekend for that matter, so I am really disliking being the maid and cook. I have so much to do with our pets, I don't have time to entertain and be a maid for SS12. This is all very overwhelming. So I need to get out of my summer maid/nanny duties for sure.
My mom told me it was karma when I complained to her about ss12 because she had to pick up after me for all these years. Well mom, not really...because it's not my kid? Sure when I have my own demon spawn that sprawls barbies from one end of the room to the other, then we can talk about karma. I was told things would get better with my mom once I moved out but the differences of opinions and on the wedding and how much I complain about ss12, we just aren't communicating. It wasn't until just TODAY that she finally got it in her head that I was having a stroke that SS12 plays on three different teams and TWO different sports. For some reason she thought he was playing all the same sport but on different teams, like that has much difference? It's still the entire weekend and Friday. So he will still be playing some sport during this time that I was asked to have him over...........guess who gets to drive him then to practice or a game 1.5 hour away???? OMG the more I think about this the more problems I have. AKKKKKK!!!
I will just show futureDH this post and he can see that this cannot and will not work.
Have dad enroll him in day
Have dad enroll him in day camp. At that age my son wanted to spend his summers running around amusement parks and water parks with his camp buddies. Hanging around the house with me would have been torture.
I've been advising for years
I've been advising for years that the purpose of visitation is to be with the non-custodial parent. If Daddy only has a few days a week then the kid can visit during those days.
How about if Daddy takes vacation if he wants the kid for a full week?
Don't play cook and maid. I
Don't play cook and maid. I would hope even his BM doesn't do everything for SS at her home. At 12 this pre-teen can do many things for himself and should be...what parent wants a 18yr old who is helpless? I would hope your 2bDH wants his son to learn some basic skills of feeding himself, picking up for himself, and doing a few chores.
You need to discuss with 2bDH the expectations you'd have if SS were to visit this length of time (especially as 2bDH is working/sleeping during a huge share of it). No reason Dad can't teach kiddo how to do laundry and how to clean his own bathroom and if someone fixes a meal, how to clean up the kitchen afterward. Have 2bDH go to store and stock up on kid friendly fixable food that Jr can do himself for breakfast and lunches. Perhaps Dad and kiddo can cook the evening meals together (and clean up) on Dad's 3 and 4 dys off. 2bDh should perhaps look into a couple day events at the Y like a swimming pass to entertain SS.
The 'plan' shouldn't be '2bDW cooks,cleans and babysits/entertains SS for two weeks except for the 3 and 4 days I'm home and not sleeping'. You need to truthfully lay this out to 2bDH and it needs to be discussed and agreed to prior to issuing the extended stay. You don't want your new marriage to start off with 2bDH thinking you'll be substitute Mom/caretaker 24/7...as you said, it's not your child and SS is not your responsibility. Sure, you're an adult in the household and you'll be sure kid doesn't burn the house down and be around in case an adult is needed (and supervise from afar), but no, at 12 the kid doesn't need a cook/maid and nonstop entertainment provided by you.
I did this last year with.
I did this last year with. SD5.... It was a Nightmare! I'm a teacher...so therefore it equated to me so conveniently available to be babysitter so DF can utilise his summer visitation rights.....I don't think I will be doing that again....maybe a day here and there but not a week at a time...I think the kid is uncomfortable and we are uncomfortable. What is the point?
If DH wants to take some days off and be home with the child...great...if not....not your responsibility...it's hard on everyone!
Thank you for all of the
Thank you for all of the wonderful ideas! We just moved into a new community that was built in the last 5 years and they are just now finishing the highschool in the area and the preschool, elementary and Jr high are done so surely they will have a camp or activities during the day we can look at. There are a lot of kids in this area.
I have started getting a tad evil with cleaning up after him. He left his plate of desert on the island in the kitchen, I made this like pudding/icecream cake thing and he didnt finish it so there was a sticky mess in his plate with lots of left over. He also left his cup in the loft where the console games are. So....Monday roles around, plate is still there. I told DH2be that I wasn't cleaning it and I was leaving it out for two weeks so SS12 can clean it when he comes back. DH wonders off .....Tuesday comes...it's still there. So I start walking upstairs with it to put it on SS12 nightstand or bed, I hadn't decided. I get caught (lol) and DH washes it. It only took two days!!!! The cup is still up there though.
I have spoken to DH2b numerous times that he needs to wash his dish and put it in the washer. Last weekend he also took off his baseball uniform and just left it on the floor in the washing machine room for Dad to spray with oxyclean and then wash for him?? That also was on the floor all weekend. I just stepped on it and did my laundry....then Sunday after it still wasn't done I gave in and sprayed it down then washed it. Ugh. SS12 always leaves his plate on the table or just brings it to the sink, he never finishes the job. He takes out multiple cups over the weekend instead of reusing so then I have a top load just full of his cups that he only either has water or tea in.
There is a park across the street with basketball courts that he goes and makes friends there and plays, but that doesn't last all day. I would have to look things up online to see what activities are going on. I would have no problem going to the oakland zoo or something low key, throw him to the lions, etc HA!!.......it's honestly the cooking and cleaning up maid service that I can't stand. And it's partially my fault because now after three years I am just growing the ovaries to begin to ask him to do things for us as a "famiily" What I've done previously is clean/do everything, then bitch about it later to DH2be and yea it's gotten slightly better but it's a work in progress and I just need to stand up for myself and tell him to wash his plate. Because the weekend is over so fast since its smothered in baseball games and basketball games, and he didn't have to do anything that I would have liked him to do, and then DH tells him Sunday night, "okay you need to put the seat down on the toilet, you need to not leave toothpaste all over, flush the toilet....., your dish needs to go into the sink, etc etc".....well he forgets or seems to forget it all when we see him again 2 weeks later and it's the same 'ol kid. His BM is a teacher and she has health problems, she just doesn't look like the type that lets him not lift a finger around the house. Although one weekend, FutureDH asked if he could take him to school in the morning instead of bringing him home Sunday night, and BM was like I needed him home early todau to clean up dog poop before the sun goes down. DH gets mad because it's still his time with him and didn't want to bring him home early to clean up dog poop LOL!!! My future mother inlaw says that ss12 eats a lot of frozen meals that he just microwaves at BM's house, which on further investigation is true. I wondered why he begs us to make soft tacos when he's over. He is thrilled when he sees the frozen ground turkey thawing out.
Okay...phew sorry I'm so blabbery!
Oh and OC, you asked if DH could take time off, he took the month of August off for the wedding and honeymoon. With his job they take long block vacations and he took that time off a year ago when sign ups were out. Maybe at the end of August, but I don't know how long we're going to be gone for because we haven't setup any flights yet *cringe*
I just def need to talk to DH2be about this some more before the BM is asked about it.
Thank you so much!!!!
hahaha Will tomorrow be ok, I
hahaha Will tomorrow be ok, I do that look too!!! DH2be is slowly getting it! He must have more chores than just dog poop, but this kid is spoiled rotten. Age 10, gets a cell phone...... he's got an xbox, playstation and wii, plus a tablet, laptop, itouch ....I am shocked DH2be hasn't ran out and bought a PS4 yet .....I'll never see them again!!!! Although I posted in another thread that the cellphone is lost and he hasn't told his mom yet and so is the itouch that he broke almost immediately and the laptop won't turn on anymore from all the virus'. I could wipe his hard drive clean but he will just do it again so whats the point?
SS12 did pull weeds last weekend when DH was mowing ...I think we are the only people here that don't have a gardener lol. He has no problems doing things when Dad asks him to.
money for chores...I would have to ask DH2be about this, I heard SS12 saying he had 200$ sitting in his room last weekend so I don't know. I think he's saving for a bike. I could use help with the birds and fish tanks.
Yea unless DH and I are back at the end of August and he's on vacation, I think it would be giving BM a vacation more than the SS12.