First Mother's Day....
I don't know what I was expecting. I really don't. Maybe to for once feel like a normal mom having her first Mother's Day.
Last year, I spent it a newly wed, pregnant, and my DH telling me not to tell anyone for fear of his ex freaking out. So what did we do? We had my SS over last Mother's Day. The four year old looked up at his dad and said, "Daddy, can mommy come over for the cookout tonight? It is Mother's Day." I nearly walked out right then. Instead I shut my mouth, heard my husband say, "that's a nice idea! That would be great." I gritted my teeth, put on a smile and had a cookout for my husbands ex...when I was nearly 3 months pregnant...
This year. What did I get? I got some discount flowers, a balloon, and a card. No cookout like his ex got lol
Just like my pregnancy, no one seems to get this is my first time going through all this.
All I got was reminders all the time that I was second place.
I forgot to mention the icing
I forgot to mention the icing on the cake. MIL calling my dear husband saying how his ex and my SS was over at their house. And how she wishes his wife would be willing to agree to sharing holidays, "Afterall, if I was a stepmother, I wouldn't have a problem having combined holidays. The more the merrier!"
I feel you! My MIL has a long
I feel you! My MIL has a long history of this. She has told me numerous occasions how she would do things differently if she were me. For example. My DH and I have been planning a family vacation to the beach for months. Her response; " Why isn't SS going with you? That's not a family vacation. I hate to say but he is the FIRST son... I would never throw him out like that... It's ok I'll take him on vacation with me."
In the summer we have SS EOW. Why can't I plan one vacation with just my little family? We pay CS every month; and we give him a lot more than we are able to do for my DS. We took him to Disney world last year? When is it okay for wanting to get away from it all for just a few days?
Yep. He needs to grow a pair
Yep. He needs to grow a pair
Wow that's really neat!! Hope
Wow that's really neat!! Hope everything is going well with the little one!!! And congrats honey!!! You go mama
!! HAPPY (belated) MOTHERS DAY!!!
Welcome Graymm. You are in
Welcome Graymm. You are in the right place. This is a place where you can lay it all out and no judgments. It's really freeing. Nobody understands what you're going through like other step parents.
My DH didn't do jack for me today. Didn't even tell me happy mother's day. I realize I'm the step mother of his children, but I loved on those kids and did everything for them -- more than their own mother. "I" was the one there for them -- not bio mom. She abandoned them years ago, and now she gets the benefits of being a mom now that they are 18? Wow.
I came upstairs this am and had to empty the dishwasher and make breakfast (like I always do). I had been downstairs laying and resting and could smell DH cooking HIMSELF breakfast, but do you think he did his own dishes or emptied the dishwasher? No. I did let him have it. He says "but you're not my mom." No duh. BUT I am the step mom to your children even though they are jerks to me, I continue to do things for them (well, not so much anymore).
Then at church our pastor said happy mothers day to ALL the mothers (including step mothers) -- and I gave him a look and said "see even HE acknowledges me." Sigh.
Not one text message, phone call or anything from his kids. Par for the course. They can't even remember my birthday -- why should I expect anything less?
I'm so sorry your first mothers day was this way. If you can talk to your husband and tell him how it made you feel, maybe that would help?
I don't expect my skids to want to be with me on mothers day because they have a mother, but they could at least send me a pity text or something. She is a crappy mother, btw.
Glad you're here, but sad you're here too. Big hugs.
Thank you so much!! I
Thank you so much!! I actually stumbled upon this forum again (as I have before when I felt alone in all this) and decided to join. Being able to freely vent is amazing. It's a beautiful thing to be able to say how you truly feel without judgment. If I never hear, "Well you KNEW it was a packaged deal" again in my life I would die a happy woman.
And I am so sorry! That is not right at all. You raised HiS kids. At least he should have got you a Mother's Day card, or AT LEAST acknowledged you as a mother on Mothers Day...
As for the SKIDS ... That's just poor genes. They can't help they are ungrateful brats, Afterall, have you seen BM? I'm so sorry that they didn't at least give you a call!
Well I know your a wonderful mother for doing all you did for them. After becoming a BM , I can honestly say, being a SM is a thousand times harder. You are not programmed to feel the need to care for them, but because you did, that makes you a wonderful loving person!!!
I've been where you
I've been where you are--always getting reminded by all of DH's friends and family that I was SECOND. One of his friends kept telling me I came along too late so I missed out on all the good times they all had. SD came to live with us full-fkn-time while I was 4 months pregnant. It was a horrible way to experience my pregnancy!
I would tell DH's friends and
I would tell DH's friends and family that obviously the "good times" weren't too good or he would still be with his ex.
Shit like that pisses me off.
I am so sorry Frustr8d1 !
I am so sorry Frustr8d1 ! That is uncalled for and rude. Your pregnancy should be a special time, and all about you, your DH and the baby. Sadly, I'm becoming aware, this is a common trend.
I am so sorry that happened
your DH has pretty heartless friends. That was uncalled for
You need to rip your DH a new
You need to rip your DH a new one for that one. I would ask him why did he give his ex a cookout but didn't give you one? Then watch him stumble and stammer for an answer. Sometimes people are clueless, and they will stay clueless until you point it out to him.
Also, I would've put my foot down about the Ex coming over in the first place. No way in hell would I allow my DW's ex anywhere near our home for Fathers Day.
I tried to tell DH when we
I tried to tell DH when we had a private moment. He took it as me being selfish or jealous. Anything I do, I'm the selfish one? So I bit my tongue like an idiot and entertained for his ex. She ended up getting drunk, trying to sit on DH lap, and not leaving until 1130. It was terrible. I never felt so left out and awkward in my own house
oh Graymm that is awful!
oh Graymm that is awful! Does he not see that this is wildly inappropriate!?? and your MIL's comments - -wow. Just wow! Yah, she needs to walk a MILE in a SM's shoes before she cracks off with that kind of comment. Sheesh! 11:30 PM on a Sunday night? Again, wow.
Yah, my skids don't appreciate anything that I've done for them. His girls simply just hate me. They haven't hid that fact. One SD had an entire journal that she left behind when she moved out that was completely dedicated to how much she hated me. Really? Wow. It's okay because I hate her too.
Being a SM has been the absolute hardest thing I've EVER done. Being a BM is much easier I think because you don't have other family members trying to sabotage your relationship. My skids' maternal grandma and their mom have done what they could to sabotage my relationship with the kids. They have been successful. Unfortunately. Well, their loss.
I disengaged probably two years ago-ish, and probably the best thing I've ever done. I stopped trying AT ALL with all of them. What is the point? They absolutely don't appreciate anything that I do. So my thinking is if my DH wants to celebrate their birthdays -- he cooks the dinner, he gets the card, he writes the check. I'm not going out of my way to do special gifts for them ever again.
Oh the stories I could tell! haha
Yah in the future, I think that pointing out what the BM did at the party (sitting on hubby's lap and getting drunk) -- not a good thing to do at your ex-husband's house!! Wow.
The only thing I've done with my ex-husband is celebrated our daughter's graduation. Sure it was a little awkward, but my daughter wanted that and I was willing to do that for her. I think the next get together will be my daughter's wedding. That's it! Who would want to spend mother's day with their ex? Not this girl! haha