Counseling today! The day I've been waiting for all week

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Well SS14 had his appointment with the counselor yesterday. According to DH it went well, and SS14 came out of the room smiling. I will admit this slightly concerned me as he was not at all happy about going to counseling and I have to wonder if it wasn't the smirky smile I've seen sweep across his face when he feels he got his way or bamboozled someone. DH of course gave the counselor some "background". I said, "Oh? like?" DH's response, "well I told her about the divorce and the selling of the house and the new marriage, etc" All the things that SS14 cconveniently "opened up" and told Grandma after getting told he needs counseling and will not be allowed back in our home until then. Nothing about the most recent issue with his lies about his stepsister12. UGH...STILL making excuses for him. Always has to make an excuse for the kid when he does something wrong. He's had excuses made for him his whole life, which is WHY we are in the place we are with him!! Why can't DH see that???!!!

So we meet with the counselor this afternoon. I'm hoping she will be able to help DH understand his minimizing and excusing SS's behavior is not doing SS any favors, and in the process ruining our marriage and family. At this point, I'm ready to be DONE with SS and if need be DH. I can't live like this anymore, and I can't allow the little bastard to continuously disrupt my Biokids lives and mine!!

I am hoping the best for you

I am hoping the best for you !

I bet you are just sitting on the edge of your seat with curiosity of what was discussed. I know I would be. I would wonder if that issue of his lying about your daughter was ever brought up. If not I am sure, if you bring it up it will open some eyes are to how your family issues are hidden secrets.
I do wish you well ~

Why wouldn't he bring that up

Why wouldn't he bring that up if he knew you were going this afternoon? Does he think YOU are going to forget about it??

I can't wait to hear how this

I can't wait to hear how this afternoon's session goes. I want to know if *anyone* mentioned to the therapist the lies SS told about your daughter!

The session went well for the

The session went well for the most part! I did bring up the issue as we were discussing the trouble this boy has caused and the tension in our marriage because of ALL the things he has done in the past that DH tries to make excuses for. She asked if he admitted to us he was lying. I said he said it but not straight out I lied. Just "stretched the truth" or "maybe I made it into more Thant was when I was telling gf". The therapist said "well I will not discuss most of what I child says in therapy unless it is a immediate subject that is causing issues or an issue of child hurting himself or others and I tell the child I will have you in the room for most cases. However, I WILL tell you that SS did admit to me it was a lie, that he made it up, and we are working on why, but it does have a lot to do with his sexual curiosity at this point". I can't tell you how relieved that made me feel! Because if psycho BM gets wind of the situation, he did not only allude to that he was lying to us, but he straight out told the therapist he lied also.

On top of that we discussed how I feel and my BD's feel and how it is affecting us. And how I feel like DH is looking for ways to minimize the situation and make excuses for SS but that he is 14 and knew damn well what he was doing, that his "letters" don't mean jack and that I don't want him around me and my children at this time. The counselor AGREED!!!! Told DH that right now, time and space is needed. A "cooling off" period and that SS does need to take some actions on his own accord. That it may not happen for awhile but in the meantime he should stay away from the rest of us. Also told DH that our son is "a troubled teen, with a lot, a LOT of issues, including anger issues, moral issues, and emotional issues. That this isn't going to get better overnight, or in a week or even months. He NEEDS help!"

I know it shouldn't be so satisfying to hear her say that, but I won't lie...IT WAS!!! I thought "do you hear her?? This isn't just me "picking on him, having it out for him, being the mean evil stepmom. This is a PROFESSIONAL validating and concurring with the things I have said".

We go again next week. Although she asked to see me privately first. I'm sure she could read my body language and face and that I am at the end of my rope with that kid. And I didn't exactly hide that fact....in fact I came right out and said it.

Also discussed how DH puts it on me and I look like the bad guy instead of it being US united. She emphasized that too

So all in all, successful in some respects. It will be an ongoing thing for quite some time, however for the first time in a LONG LONG LONG time I feel hopeful.

Side note- she asked what we fight the most about. I said SS. DH said external people meaning exes. I made a point to say "when have we fought about MY ex? We don't agree with him but we don't fight due to his behavior nor does he try to destroy our life. We argue about you not standing up to you're ex wife and the bullshit she plays" in my head I was thinking, and one of the BIGGEST OUTSIDE INFLUENCES IS YOUR MOTHER!!!" I kept that to myself...we were almost done with our hour and THAT topic is a WHOLE NEW conversation that needs to be death with. In due time

Hanging ~ I am positive you

Hanging ~ I am positive you feel validated now. You are not living in a circus world , there other intelligent people on this earth !
Sounds stupid to say but you had to have some sort of peace.

Curious as to your hubby's reaction to all that was brought up ???

When therapist said "can SS14

When therapist said "can SS14 stay at your mother's house. Since school is almost done and then he will be at his BM for a week , i think the extra time gives everybody some time to calm down and work through their feelings. And gives SS14 some time to take some action" DH said okay I can understand that. I asked therapist about SS12 because it kills me that I felt he couldn't be here either. SS12 has come home. Therapist said it was alright and that if SS14 feels like an outcast from the family, well that's what he is because of what he has done.

DH was in agreement even though I don't think he was thrilled to keep SS14 out of the home. It was our weekend this weekend to not have the kids, which means lots of alone time with each other. Apparently DH has really been thinking about the things the counselor said, and how I said I feel during our session because last night after we climbed in to bed and were laying there, DH apologized for his behavior. Said he understands how I feel and he is going to do better to try to see the whole picture without being so defensive. That he realizes he hasn't been the best husband to me and he is sorry and wants to be the husband I deserve. I have to say, it was nice to hear this and to see that he must have been going over the session and things discussed in his head over the last couple days. However I'm not getting to sucked in, because actions will speak louder than words and we have a long road ahead of us.

In addition, SS14 has STILL not made an efforts to face his family and apologize and own and acknowledge what he has done to this family. So I am prepared for this to get harder as he continues to go along his merry way and thinking it will blow over and how that will affect DH and our relationship.

Hang ~ So your weekend was

Hang ~

So your weekend was an emotional roller coaster of feelings !

Actions do speak louder than words ~ I hope he can continue to see things through your eyes and your children. I hope he stops his parenting out of guilt ~ I know this is how my kids are ~ what they wouldn't do to spend five minutes with their Daddy ~ kids who take things for granted need to be humbled. This morning I was wiping tears from the 10 year old who misses her Daddy. This is such a difficult time of the year ~ with his angel day just passing and Father's Day. I seriously hope your hubby continuous on the path of seeing what really is going on.

Your step son is toxic and he needs to be away from your girls. I wonder what is going through his head ~ guilt, deflection or anger of does the SS get it.

How's your daughter ??? My heart goes out to her ~ how is she dealing with everything ???