When you have 2 already, who needs a 3rd
7 weeks into the toughest early pregnancy ever (all day sickness, achy, migraines, etc) and it looks like I'm having a miscarriage. Because I'm lucky, it happens on a weekend the SK are here and on Father's Day.
I was in my room alone when I found out and DH was downstairs with SD12 and SS13. I texted him because I couldn't handle myself in front of the kids atm. He comes into the bedroom, sits with me for 3 minutes, tells me he's sure it will be alright and that he has to go check on the kids. Leaves, comes back 15 minutes later, stays for less than a minute, reminds me he has to go check on the kids again!
I feel like a selfish bitch but I can't help but feel that he's had 13 years to parent these kids and this is one of the shittiest moments of my life. (Sad that I can't even honestly say our life) I guess when you already have two you don't really need a third. Why can't his 12 and 13 year old be alone for more than 3 minutes? Why do I have to be alone right now? Why am I on some forum telling strangers this instead of with my husband?! I've never hated the existence of those children so much.
No honey, no, this doesn't create any resentment whatsoever.
I'm so, so sorry for your
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))
I am so sorry you are in so
I am so sorry you are in so much pain, physical and emotional.
You are not selfish. You are in crisis.
Tell your DH you need immediate attention and have him take you to the hospital.
The skids are not babies and can take care of themselves, or go back to BM.
Do not seethe in silence, get his attention and state your case firmly.
I hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted.
My condolences on the asshat
My condolences on the asshat husband.
Take care of yourself.
I feel silly going to the
I feel silly going to the hospital and I feel even sillier not knowing that everyone would think I should be at the hospital. :O Maybe the hormones have me more confused than I knew.
Its more than spotting, less than a period. Hospitals scare the shit out me. I'm the person that doesn't go unless I feel like I'm dying. I feel like crap physically and emotionally but I'll live. This could be miscarriage #3 and I never went before so I just assumed I'm supposed to wait it out. Contacted my midwife already and am waiting for a reply.
Thank you all for letting me know I haven't lost all of my sanity yet. We'll have to discuss this soon. Any ideas on how to bring this up to a man who will not see it coming? Sometimes I have trouble getting the words out right.
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, on top of a husband who doesn't seem to care that his wife is going through one of the worst things a human being can experience. Leaving a 12 and 13 year old alone for more than 3 minutes? I'd be leaving my kids alone for an hours at a time with the explicit command that they be quiet and understanding during this difficult time. To go play in their rooms if they cannot. I mean, they're teenagers for goodness sakes!
I don't know if it's a guy thing, or just a douchey husband thing, but I know when I was having bad contractions at 14 weeks due to dehydration (and chasing after a canadian goose all day) DH rushed me to the hospital and stayed with me all through the night even when I told him to go home because he had work the next day. If we had kids at the time, he would have asked his mom or my parents to watch her.
I think it's a good idea to ask him, non-threatening, why, when you really needed the support given that this is your third miscarriage, that he doesn't try to provide the support to you. Ask him if it's because he feels awkward, like he doesn't know what to do, or if it's because he feels like it's not a big deal, because it makes you feel like he doesn't care. Remind him that, to you, each miscarriage is losing a child, losing a hope, a dream, a future, and that you would like him to be truthful if it isn't such to him. Then tell him that you would like it if he could take the time you let you grieve with him for a bit, even if he doesn't feel it, because part of being in a relationship is being a rock for the other person during hard times.
If he fights with you about this (mind that you don't ask in a confrontational or accusatory way), then I would suggest couples counseling because he evidentially doesn't know what being a husband means.
I've not had a miscarriage so
I've not had a miscarriage so maybe you know better than me, but wanted to share that I bled a LOT when I was 11 weeks pregnant with my daughter. We were out of town at the in-laws for Mother's Day, I believe. Perfect timing, huh? Called the doctor and he told me that 50% of pregnancies include some sort of bleeding. He said not to worry unless I started cramping. I even had some clots, but no cramping. I pray that you are wrong and this one's a keeper! And I agree that you need to tell your dh what you need. Men are stupid and can't read our minds!
not2sure.... Great advice!
not2sure.... Great advice! Thank you! Your words are just right in a way mine never are.
Just so everyone knows, I don't literally blame the kids. I know intellectually that this is not at all their fault. Its their dad's fault. Its an emotional thing though that I think we all experience to some degree at some time. The "If only they didn't exist..." thoughts go flying around my head. And I think its easier to be angry at two kids who I don't love and who leave than DH who is always in my life and is supposed to love me.
Thank you for the compassion and sharing your own stories. Still hoping I'm wrong and this one is a keeper. I've been ready for this baby for 3 years now and I'm losing hope.