NOOOOO! Tell me this is a bad dream!
Forums:
Have been tolerating latest visit from SS knowing that he goes back to BM for two weeks on Wednesday. Then on Thursday, DH and I are going out of town with BD for ten days - stepkid free! Well, SS found out we're going somewhere without him and now wants to go with US. DH says how can I tell him no, he'll be pissed. I'm going to throw up. I have been looking forward to him being gone for two weeks with his mom. Taking one trip with no stress or drama from him, that's all I ask. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach when DH told me. I am NOT going out of town with SS and all his rude attitude. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 
HELP!!!
This is my life every day.
This is my life every day. Every week. I get sick when SD11 is going to travel with us. I can't handle her rude mean self just taking advantage of DH's generous trips and nice dinners. I resent that SD gets to experience our life while she treats us like complete crap in the meantime.
The only time I'm at any sort of peace is when SD is gone.
I know. I cannot STAND when
I know. I cannot STAND when he is here, at all. And can't say a word about how he acts to DH, he defends everything the golden child does. I have been looking forward to this trip for months. If DH only knew...but his kid's feelings come first. Always. I don't know how to survive this anymore. :sick:
Tell him the trip is
Tell him the trip is cancelled. Why go when it is just going to be miserable? Tell him how you feel and how unfair this is to you.
Thank you, that is about all
Thank you, that is about all I can do. It's a lot harder than it sounds...DH will go off about it, but I'm going to have to live with that. He won't care much about how I feel, the SS is the priority. Sad but the whole situation is extremely volatile.
Yes I am going to tell him I
Yes I am going to tell him I cannot do it. Basically I refuse, but DH doesn't have a clue how far at the edge I am in general, and that's my fault. I have detached so much from it all, and always want to avoid a blow up on the topic of the SS. But in this case it will have to be done, there is no other choice. Yes, BM is expecting him to show up and she's usually a B* about this kind of stuff and saying no to him, especially since she lobbied for the two weeks coming up. We have him the two weeks after that, so that would mean a month with us ( :jawdrop: ). SS said he doesn't care, he's going to tell her he's not coming and he's going with us. Kind of hard when they're 16, so not sure how this is going to play out.
As far as I know you and your
As far as I know you and your husband are not Siamese twins attached at the hip. Tell him that he is welcome to take his kid anywhere he wants to take him while you and your daughter do the same. You and your husband will have decades to take vacations together after they're out of the house so quit worrying about taking vacations together.
Remind him that visitation is all about him being with the kid not about you being with the kid.
We had to get to the point
We had to get to the point that it's ok to do stuff with bio child, skids only and bio child plus skids. I cannot make everyone happy. Life isn't always fair. It will sound mean or unfair to SS, but this time SS can't go but plan a trip with him next time. Or use my favorite line, perhaps BM can plan a damn trip with him.
As someone who just
As someone who just experienced a vacation from hell with SS, I feel your pain. I wish I could impart some words of wisdom, but I have none. Just support from afar. I hope this works out for you where you can go without him.
Lots of great feedback here.
Lots of great feedback here. It is so appreciated. I know all of you understand, and regardless of how this turns out, I just appreciate the support.
OP is screwed. if she tells
OP is screwed.
if she tells her husband the trip is off, he will probably tell her he will take his son alone. so then the damn kid gets the reward of HER trip while she stays home.
Easy. The trip is planned
Easy. The trip is planned and paid for. He goes to BM on schedule. End of issue.
I so understand what you
I so understand what you feel! Last cruise DH and I went on, SD15 was all whining about how we never take her anywhere. DH tried to explain to her that sometimes the parents need to get away for the sake of their own relationship...spend time with other adults, have adult time, etc. She still whined. At that point, DH said that we would take her on a cruise before she graduated high school! OH HELL NO! I'm not being stuck on a boat with that girl! She may disappear overboard!
So what was the outcome? The
So what was the outcome?
The winner is Calypso: "if she tells her husband the trip is off, he will probably tell her he will take his son alone. so then the damn kid gets the reward of HER trip while she stays home."
CORRECT. DH said if BM said kid can go, he's going. He "will not do that to his son, make him stay home when he really wants to go. He is at an awkward age (16)." WTH!!! I don't know if SS has asked BM yet and what her answer was.
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that really sucks. sometimes
that really sucks. sometimes i do hate being right.
if you do stay home alone at least you will have peace and quiet with both of them gone!!!
Go and let DH entertain his
Go and let DH entertain his kid. Do your own thing and ENJOY.
DH says how can I tell him
DH says how can I tell him no
Is he serious? How does a parent tell their kid, "No"? Um, let's see, "No". It happens all.the.time.
he'll be pissed
And.......?
Haha, in the world of these
Haha, in the world of these moronic fathers "no" does not happen all the time...far from it in fact, which is half their problem!
It is a little ironic that
It is a little ironic that you are worried about your DH being pissed. That's the same reason why he doesn't want to tell SS "no," right?
Do they both have anger issues or something?
The problem many of us face
The problem many of us face as stepmothers is that there is tons of irony in most everything our husbands do. And I cannot explain the entire background of the dynamics of my house in a forum post. In my house, there is never the word "no" to stepchildren. And my feelings, opinions, input etc. are secondary. Some of you may have it that way, some of you may not. As irritated as I get with the stepchildren, I know that DH is the blame for not parenting, setting limits, and never wanting to tell them no. He will go to great lengths to avoid being the bad guy. When these are the circumstances, nothing rational or logical will ever apply. If your situation allows you to discuss matters about the kids openly and fairly, bio or step, then that is ideal and you are fortunate. Thank you all for your feedback.