I think she is lying, but of course I will be the only one!
Just got a call from the high school (still don't know why they call and bother me). One of the other band members, a girl, got caught with pot in her possession. When the assistant principal talked to the girl about it, she said that SD15 had asked her to hold it for her! Of course when SD15 gets hauled into the office, she denies that it was hers, claiming that she knew the other girl had it, but that she had nothing to do with it. So at this point, the school is not taking any further action. The other girl was charged with possession (yes, the school has a 0 tolerance policy, and the local PD were called).
I can't help but think that SD15 is lying based on her history. SD15 has been caught smoking pot twice already while she lived at BM's, and I'm sure she has done it more than twice. She was never really punished for it, because both times she got shipped to our house! The first time, BM didn't even say why until months after SD15 moved in! So, in both cases, DH's stance was "she didn't do it while living here, so I'm not going to punish her."
Unfortunately, we will be heading out before SD15 even gets out of practice. MIL will be picking her up while we head up to BS19's college for the orientation weekend that starts at 8 a.m. tomorrow! DH will call SD15 and confront her about it...she will give the same story that it wasn't hers, and he will believe her! Again, I'm leaning more toward the other girl's story, but that is because of SD15's history of pot AND lying. I should have asked who the other girl was, though it seems obvious the way the assistant principal was talking that he probably wouldn't have given me the name (or couldn't). And because DH will deal with it over the phone, I will not be able to see her reaction (sure those eyebrows will be all over her face) to know for sure if she is lying.
I'm seriously getting sick of this crap! If this starts up again, I'm going to have to tell DH that SD15 really needs to go back to BM, as there would be no reason for her to even live her if she is going to be doing the exact same crap! I'm not dealing with this crap in my house! I have half a mind to go take a peek in her room and see if I can find anything.
i have no doubt it was
i have no doubt it was hers.
but the girl was an idiot for "holding it" for her and she too deserved to be punished.
the story will get around, and your SD will be further alienated at school. no one wants to be around a liar/troublemaker. this is actually a GOOD thing.
^^^^ Plus if I find anything
^^^^
Plus if I find anything I would call police. You don't need permission to do that, it's your house, your liability.
Check her room big time but
Check her room big time but be a ninja n make it look like you didn't search.
I wouldn't call her or text her at all while away ~ let her stew on that.
When you get home have a meeting of the minds.
I did a quick check in her
I did a quick check in her room. Can't dig deeper without making it obvious, which will cause a huge blow up. I didn't find anything, but that room is such a mess. There was an old purse of hers there, and I peeked inside. Saw some dried something on the bottom of it that looked like herbs or something, but the purse only smelled like perfume, so really can't tell if that is just grass/weeds that she picked up somewhere on something or not (it was a very small trace).
I called DH and told him about the call, and the first thing he said was that there was no way the pot was SD15's! Really?! He said, "She isn't even out of our sight long enough to get pot?" Um...hello? She is at band camp all day! I'm pretty sure they get a break for about an hour for lunch...plenty of time for her to leave with someone and come back. Not to mention, as I told DH, there are plenty of drug deals done right on school campuses!!! Oh, and let's not forget that here every Wednesday, she has been "going to church" with some friends. No real proof that she has been to church...and they bring her home around 9 p.m. (no parent, it is a friend that drives).
DH is still sticking to his guns that the OTHER girl has to be lying. You want to know what his biggest concern is? That the other girl is going to go tell her parents that the pot was SD15's, and the word is going to get around town and people will look at HIM funny! OMG! Are you freakin' kidding me? That is the least of my worries!
I'm already thinking this is going to be a really interesting school year!
Don't you think that the
Don't you think that the other parents will contact you to discuss ???
Possession is 9/10 of the law right ??? I wouldn't be so quick as to deny her part in all of this. She isn't innocent ~ but there is no hard proof for him to think differently but I'd still light her ass up if she were my kid.
You know, it would be
You know, it would be different if SD15 was an otherwise okay kid...if you know what I mean. Like if it were BS19 and some kid said that BS19 told him to hold drugs for him. BS19 has always been straight forward with us, has never gotten into any kind of trouble...so in that kind of case there would be reasonable doubt to believe the other kid. I would have to wonder what other thing is going on? Does the other kid have some kind of jealousy, a grudge, etc.? Don't get me wrong, I would still want to get to the bottom of it!
However, SD15 has this history! She lies about everything. The first time she was caught smoking pot she was 13, and this was after she was caught with alcohol at school! Since then, she has been caught drinking or smoking a couple of times. Also, just toward the end of the school year, she got caught with an e-cig at school (which from what I understand, kids are starting to use to THC oils/juices in to get the same kind of high without having to worry about smelling like pot). There is plenty of reason for one to believe that she really did ask the other girl to hold pot for her. Yeah, if the other girl really was holding it for SD15, she is just as much an idiot! But personally, I believe the pot was originally SD15's. I can't help but feel that way.
My comment was from your
My comment was from your hubby's view ~ he won't believe until he sees it with his eyes men have this uncznning ability to be in freakin denial.
My SD was caught by me ~ asking when the kids came home ~ are you high ??? Answer Yes ! Told my DF n he sat on that information for 5 days before he decided to tell BM. I called him out on it ~ n that was when things changed for the better for me but not her. When you bring home estacy I have a major problem with that. I will not tolerate that shit in my home ~ I had a 4 yo in the house at the ~ not willing to sacrifice my kids for your ill mannered wild child.
Trust me those other parents
Trust me those other parents are going to be calling....It was hers and I would ransack the room. Why be nice? It is your house and it is illegal.
yeah, id thoroughly search
yeah, id thoroughly search her room too. let her pitch a fit. maybe she will get so pissed she will go live somewhere else when her precious "privacy" is violated.
teens have no privacy. period.
but even if your SD was caught with the pot herself, im pretty sure your husband would be in full on denial.
Toss the room. Then take her
Toss the room.
Then take her to the ER and have them draw blood or pluck a hair for a drug test (if she dyes her hair, dont bother with the hair test).
Time for SD to pee in a cup.
Time for SD to pee in a cup. When she tests positive take the results to the school and show them so they know that not only is she a liar she is a pot head. Let the consequences commence.
Yeah, I'm thinking it is time
Yeah, I'm thinking it is time for random drug testing around here. Did we do that with my bios? No, but they weren't into this crap!
I can't help but wonder if MIL picking SD15 up from practice today would be a reason, if it was SD15's (which I think it is), for her to ask a friend to hold it. My BIL is a cop, and the guys in his squad tease him that he is a human drug dog. Why? Because my BIL is allergic to pot, he can always tell if someone has it in their possession! You don't know how many people the man has busted because of it...it is way too funny! And because my BIL is documented to be allergic to pot, the courts allow the probable cause search when my BIL has an allergic reaction at a stop. Just too funny. But since there is a high chance he will be around SD15 while we are gone because my SIL is about ready to have her baby, so MIL is at their house all the time (which means SD15 will also be there), SD15 would have to get rid of the pot! Why not just leave it at home? Well, how else would she be able to get on her morning or afternoon high if she left it at home?
Have BIL come over and check
Have BIL come over and check out the purse then! Maybe he could tell you if it was grass or "grass".
I'm with you, I think she's lying, but even with rock solid proof I'm not sure you'd get DH to deal with it...
I am wondering if even with
I am wondering if even with all his "there is no way it was hers" words, DH is doubting. We were supposed to already be on the road north to where BS19's college is (6 hour drive). But, DH thought it may be best if we left late so that HE could pick SD15 up from band practice and talk to her face to face...see how she reacts. Now, that doesn't mean that anything will really come of it...he may still buy her story hook, line, and sinker (because either he is blind to her tells when she is lying, or he just doesn't want to admit when she is lying). However, it is a small step, though very small. And it tells me that somewhere deep inside he has his doubts, especially when he said, "I want to trust her." Yeah, you may want to trust her...we all want to trust that what our kids are telling us is true...but we have to face that reality that it may not always be the case! Especially when you have a child like SD15 who has a history!
Sad thing is, I almost KNEW that this kind of crap was going to start up as soon as BS19 left for school! He had eyes on her...not so much that he cares what SD15 does or that is takes pleasure in getting her in trouble...but BS19 understands honor. He knows that everything SD15 does soils our family name in this town (and yes, we are the ONLY family in this town with our last name). BD23 wasn't a saint...not as bad as SD15, but still not a saint (I've talked about the kind of stuff we dealt with). BS19 made sure that when he left the school, people wouldn't say "Oh, those _________ kids! A bunch of bad apples there!" I think in 4 years of high school, BS19 got one...ONE...referral, and it was for something totally stupid...not bad, just silly stupid! I can't even remember what it was for it was so stupid...was one of those things where you just say, "Really son? Why?" and the response was, "I don't know, but it was funny!" I mean, it was something he probably wouldn't have even gotten a referral for had the teacher not been in a bad mood that day.
But now that BS19 is gone as well as his "brothers" (you know...all those kids that were over at our house all the time and call me mom), SD15 is going to test the waters...and very possibly get back into her old crap because she thinks we will not find out about stuff!
yea, i think you are in for
yea, i think you are in for one hell of a year with this kid. But maybe, just maybe, this will be the year your DH finally wakes up.
or maybe he doesnt. i hope he does tho.
focus on your son...this is such a happy time yet im sure a sad one for you, seeing him go. ill never forget the day my parents dropped me off at college. i cried when they left but soon was off exploring.
Not going to put myself in a
Not going to put myself in a situation where SD14 has the opportunity to lie to me. If she lies it will be to DH. In my eyes she's guilty until proven innocent and her lies are HER lies, not mine. Too many times have I been burned but I've learned my lesson. Going to lick my wounds, allow the scars to remind me of the mistakes made, and hold my head up high for the world to see.
My new tagline: She is so not worth it.
Most people who say someone
Most people who say someone gave them contraband don't name the person. They just say "someone" and refuse to give a name so they can't be called a snitch. Naming a name adds a level of truth to the other girls story.
Taking everything apart in the room isn't feasible without Dad's OK and lets face it, her stash is now with the school principle. You might find some smoking stuff, pipe, lighter, but hey she's been guilty in the past so "it's the stuff I used way back when. I'm not using it now".
Giving drug tests is bad since you really have to test all the children in the home - at least I'm sure that's what Daddy will tell you. Someone - meaning you - will have to stand at the door and make sure warm yellow liquid is in the cup when she comes out. Don't give her warning and time to get a friends untainted pee. If its been a few days since she used the stuff she'll pass the test. Best time to test would be morning after her Bible study group. (Daddy really believes she's Bible studying)? lolol
I'd wait until she screws up and there is nobody else involved then tell Daddy she's out.
At my work we have annual
At my work we have annual drug testing, random, and reasonable suspicion testing for both drugs and alcohol breathalizer. As a director I make sure that I am prominently participating in the random testing. When the random number generator pulls my number, I pee in the cub and blow in the tube. I do it with the other people pulled for randoms so that the folks know the rules apply to me too.
You may want to do a group test, you, DH, the other kids, etc.... Of course SD is the reason for the testing but if you do it all together then SD can't reasonably claim that she is being targeted.
Just a thought.
So...here is what SD15's
So...here is what SD15's story was....
She told DH the name of the girl who got caught with the pot and tried to say it was SD15's. SD15 then went on to say that everyone in the school knows that this particular girl is a pot head, and so is her mother. At that point (though I didn't say it) I was thinking in my head, "Oh, so the REAL story is that this girl was getting pot for you, and you told her to hold it until later because you had no place to put it. In reality, you just let your dealer take the fall?" Like I said, didn't actually say it out loud, but that is what surely came to mind. When DH asked why this girl would try to lie that the pot was SD15's, she didn't have a clue. Through the whole conversation, arms were crossed and eyebrows going all over the face. I'm thinking that SD15 was actually upset because her dope got confiscated before she could even get her hands on it!
I don't know if she was
I don't know if she was paying for it or not. I did look up the girl on Facebook. Based on her profile, she seems nice enough...though I know appearances can be deceiving. But oh look at how many pictures she is in with SD15! Yeah, they look to be pretty good friends, so I'm thinking there is something more to all this than SD15 is letting on.
Oh, yeah...I'm leaving it. I
Oh, yeah...I'm leaving it. I just looked the girl up out of curiosity. I expected to see the obvious pothead persona...the way SD15 told it...but that doesn't appear to be this girl at all.
Yeah, the truth will come out! When it does, won't DH's bubble be burst!
He would never go for it! He
He would never go for it! He wants to believe SD15...he wants to trust her. So if she says this is the way it is, well then, that is the way it is. It is going to take something really big to get him to see otherwise! It almost sucks that the new high school doesn't have lockers...they make students carry their stuff around all day, and most of the books are available online these days. Yeah, it saves money (they keep their book in the classroom so it doesn't get lost, and they access the book online if they have homework). But when the kids had lockers, it was much easier for the administration to bring in drug dogs randomly while students were in class. What will they do now? Disrupt class to have the dogs come in and sniff every student and their belongings? Doesn't seem likely that that will happen.
From the sounds of it, it fell out of the girl's bag or something, and that is how she got caught with it.
im trying to think of how i
im trying to think of how i would have felt as a kid on the straight and narrow if my parents asked me for a drug test.
i think i would have been ok with it because i already obeyed my parents, did what i was told and was a genuinely good kid.
what is that expression someone on here used at one point? "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing".
if your SD15 is clean she shouldnt get pissy about the drug test. and if she is indeed clean, it will further instill in her that her father could test her at any time so she better stay clean. i think you are right - if she's not into drugs at this moment, this school year wherein she will be "unsupervised" by way of your son's absence will be filled with trouble. better to cut it off at the pass now.
Now that she has a camera
Now that she has a camera connected to the internet again, I took a quick peek at SD15's Instagram. She is back to the daily selfies (girl is so self-absorbed it isn't even funny). Out of curiosity, I looked at the people who were responding to SD15's pics. You wouldn't believe how many stoners that girl is connected to!!! Folks that have all kinds of pictures of drug paraphernalia...bongs, papers, etc...with captions talking about getting high. So, yeah...she is still "in the community" so to speak. I am certain once the school year starts, she is going to see what she can get away with while BS19 isn't around to look over her shoulder.
Hold down the Control button
Hold down the Control button - press Print Screen = Gives you a screen shot.
Then you post it (Control V)onto a plain word document page and save the file. On a flash drive. Yes, could come in handy. Wow, she is with the wrong bunch of kids!
~ Moon