The Incubator...
Here is my history and background, Married 9 years, DH has a 10 year old son with BM. We gained custody in 2006 when child was 4. BM did get visitation of 2 weekends each month and order to pay $50 a month in CS. BM lost medical rights, child had serious issues with legs and did not follow through with care, child has had 2 surgeries as to date, with more to go... BM has been late, forgot, can't find a ride, consistently 80% of the time to pick up my SS. Including forgetting 3 mother's day in a row. BM has a right be come to school functions, parent teacher meetings, and all doctor visits, has yet to attend one! Her CS has never been paid, since she does not work (does babysitting in her home to avoid the state knowing of income). Few weeks ago, we planned a family vacation to Florida, beach house rental ready for out family of 6, including 7 year old twins, and my son 13. SS told BM about vacation, he over heard us talking late at night about the activities we planed to do with the kids. Told BM, who called at 10:30 @ night to ask when we were planning to go, and when we were going to notify her about taking her child out of state! I told her that we have 14 says to notify her in writing of our plans, and that we still had 40 days to notify her. She than told me, that she would NEVER interfere with her son having a vacation and that she just wanted to be able to tell her son when his dad was picking him up "because he is excited". I sense trouble, BM had always created issues if we do "fun" things as a family. Since this conversation, she has taken my SS to the hospital over a blister, a splinter, 3 mosquito bites and racked up emergency Co pays of $100 each visit. My DH provides the insurance, and spoken to BM about paying the co pays, she says " you pay them, I took him, I don't work, you neglected to take care of him"
One bill the insurance will not pay. It's $383.. reason was " not an emergency situation" which none of them were. She did not call dh, or even let him know she took him. SS told me about the visit and I called BM who proceed to tell me " I'm his mother, I took care of him, you guys did nothing, and it all happened in your care I took pictures as well" So, let me get this sstraight, you didn't give two shits about his legs, haven't shown up for a damn thing, never payed on support, but you want to all of a sudden act like mother of the year.
Any advice, how do you deal with these people!
They were never married.
They were never married.
They pretty much had a few
They pretty much had a few sex sessions while they were both single, of course we meet when the child was 10 months old. We actually didn't get married till 2 years later, but we had lived together for some time before that. I should have been more detailed about that..
Oh I feel your pain! We
Oh I feel your pain! We picked up ss from visiting several time covered in flea bites! So bad that I had to take him to the doctor right away, he had a secondary infection from scratching, Staphylococcus infection! !! But the State refused to get involved, saying" She is not able to afford the appropriate chemicals to vacate said bugs out of home, therfore, custodial parent should provide them to the other parent party involved"!! Are you flipping kidding me right now? Try getting rid of you're gd animals and start taking care of your kids and house!
The only way to handle people
The only way to handle people like that is a strict court order and unfortunately you may have to ask that yours be modified to make it clear that non-emergency trips to the ER are not to be paid by the custodial parent.
Meanwhile Daddy's response to her would be that if she's not paying her child support Daddy is considering filing a motion to find her in criminal contempt of the courts order. Daddy can explain to her that further such doctors visits and interference with your vacation scheduling and anything else bothering him can be included.
Unfortunately she is a slow learner and he may have to actually do it. Perhaps the threat would go down more effectively if he had an attorney write the letter. Best $100 he ever spent.
Really good advice there!
Really good advice there! Thank you. I know we have called CS Enforcement before, tried to get them to enforce the court order as far as cs goes.. they said there was nothing to enforce because she has income that is "we are not able to garnish". Does this mean disability or some sort of government payments? I'm not sure and the will not disclose it. Seams very unfair that she was given that amount while not having a job, the judge said "you must be capable of making at least something each month to support 6 our own flesh and blood". Oh lord, it's just a mess. We live in constant fear she will try to contact Social Services and try to pull stunt, she has in the past, she also took off with the child for 11 months breaking the court order and a case was started with The National Center For Missing and Exploited Children and the Highway Patrol to bring him home. Now if a man had done these things he would be in jail! I don't see why she is any different.
Sounds like she is gearing up
Sounds like she is gearing up to try taking custody back. She wants a nice, fat CS check.
Seriously. Prepare for battle. She's trying to build an abuse/neglect case against you. It's ludicrous, of course, but know that it's coming. Probably going to have you served right before your trip to try ruining it for you.
You know what, it's almost
You know what, it's almost predictable with her! She had tried in the past, failed, tried again and again. Funny how she tries the neglect and abuse game, I'm almost positive the courts don't believe her after the first 5 times, and her abduction of him during her claims. We were investigated several times, all the allegations were unfounded. It's just the hassle of layering up, and dumping money till they see she is such a liar. Sadly she uses this ploy to get a free attorney to represent her because she has no means to pay for one. I keep a calendar, every time she calls I document it, every visit I document it, it's saved my home a lot of grief in court and with social services. I jjust find it awful that if she was really a good mother, why only create drama when he has a blister or splinter, why aren't you at school for functions and parties or conferences? Wtf aren't you at his doctor appts foe his legs? She gets to easily point fingers, while we pay massive amounts of money to prove otherwise and it takes money from ss, and our other children!
Start suing her for the court
Start suing her for the court costs.
Start filing to have CS enforced since she's not paying.
Start making her life hell until she sees it's better to crawl back in her hole and leave you alone.
I think your right! I've been
I think your right! I've been saving up for something big, just figured it would be more like a new car or vacation... lol ill have to keep everyone posted on the Motion to Mod and how it goes.
Your DH also needs to file to
Your DH also needs to file to force her to pay for at least 1/2 of the co-pays since he provides the insurance...that might help cut down on the ER visits...something along the lines of she has 30 days to submit for 50% reimbursement of any co-pays she pays and he has 30 days to pay her after getting it...something like that could work?
That's a novel idea, but she
That's a novel idea, but she won't even pay her cs so why would she pay this? She has never paid for school supplies, but this kid comes home with $200 tennis shoes! I just don't get it. In my state, any cs over $5000 is a felony. She owes more than this. Enforcement won't do shit about it! In the mean time here we are working our tails off to continue paying these bullshit expense. Before we had physical custody, my DH paid his 1200 a month in cs, provided insurance since the birth of this child and payed all co pays, but.... she used medicare so she didn't have to pay the co pays. We got sued by the state for 32 thousand dollars, went to court and showed he had coverage since his birth, and that he had paid his cs support ever time and on time, and our proof of western union wire transfers to pay for Tylenol and diapers and formula.. and even because she was broken down and stuck 4 hours from where she lives with this baby, DH paid for a tow truck for her car and the parts and fixed her gd car and picked them up! But this bitch can't pay her cs or be an active parent for this child. Ughhh makes me so angry that a uterus can get away with it
We have already decided not
We have already decided not to go on our vacation, simply because it's too much of a hassle.
Also, I forgot to add... The
Also, I forgot to add... The past weekend after picking up ss from BM place. SS asked what's going on with you and mom, to dh. DH explained " I think mom is mad at me because she text me and asked if you can stay an extra two days, since your off school due to the holiday" dh also said, I have paperwork I have to follow, it's the rules, and I can get in trouble if I do t follow the rules. SS then said," I think it's cause she wanted me to go to Joey ' s house to stay the night" now to explain, Joey is Bm's boyfriends son with his ex wife, so wtf! Who the hell send your kids to your current Bf's ex wife's house! Further more she is supposed to notify us with a phone number and address of where he goes, but never has! Not to mention, ss was bit by a dog during summer visit, at some one's house, not taken to the doctor, she didn't call us, didn't check the rabies vacancie and make sure it was good! BM just took their word for it! The bite was 10 inches across and black and blue the skin was broken! Seriously, I'm ready to go to court. I don't know a judge that would listen to a damn thing she said. Across the board she has pushed the limits and crossed the line.
Most places won't hold "the
Most places won't hold "the other parent" accountable when a parent brings a child in for medical care. Even when the insurance premium is paid by the other parent. I'm a bm, and because I have full custody of my kids, I ask, because otherwise my ex will never pay his part. Sorry you have to deal with a crazy person. My ex is too and it's driving ME crazy.
From what I've been told by
From what I've been told by the billing dept each place she has taken him, is the guarantor of the insurance is responsible for the rest. That would be my DH. They don't double bill both parents, and if he pays half, they send the rest into collections in his name...
so it seems a never ending
:jawdrop: so it seems a never ending battle. I have tried to show them our court order that shows she has no medical rights, but they say if the child needs attention then he will receive it regardless who brings him in. They really don't give a shit about court orders...