NCP BM visits SS at school
Just recently, NCP BM has begun visiting SS8 for lunch at his elementary school almost weekly. This is outside of her court-ordered parenting time schedule and has been occurring for the past month or so.
She never asks DH if this is okay.
Just yesterday, this happened again and she told her son that she came for lunch because she "doesn't get to see [him] that much". He repeated it right to us using her voice and everything.
So DH and I are pretty irritated, but on the other hand, I wonder why we care so much?
The main issue is that she's not respecting DH's parenting time with the child and shows up while it is not her scheduled time. She never has lunch with her son while during her parenting time. And also, it feels like she's trying to make SS think we're keeping her from him. I feel like it's the duty of a parent to put on a happy face and enjoy your child, not direct it back to what BM doesn't like about the arrangement. Bottom line, she signed over custody years ago when facing various charges from the Dept. of Family Services; bottom line, she has continued to mess up which has kept her on EOW+one overnight/week parenting time.
I'm conflicted. I have these feelings and irritations, but at the same time, why should DH and I care, really, if she stops by for lunch? It's irritating and violates the parenting time but it's not like she's really doing anything BAD....I don't know. It's hard to sort out.
Any input would be appreciated! 
Is her invasion of school at
Is her invasion of school at lunch time causing behavioral or school performance issues with the Skid? If so, shut it down. A judge will not tolerate interference in the kids education from BM or anyone else for that matter.
Not that I know of. But
Not that I know of. But parent-teacher conferences are coming up, so DH could ask then. But BM is probably going to be there, so email may work best. Good thought! Thanks!
I agree with the others, if
I agree with the others, if its not disrupting his performance at school-- let it go. It's not a hill to die on, and it may make you guys look petty to say something if it's not negatively affecting SS. Now if his teachers say that SS is having problems on days when mom drops by for lunch; then feel free to shut that shit down
I agree. The double-standard
I agree. The double-standard is awful.
In some schools it is normal
In some schools it is normal for parents to do this. When we livec in NC, it was very common. As a matter of fact, our school had TWO tables set aside in the lunchroom just parents and their kids. Fridays and Wednesdays were the most popular parent days at our school for all grades (preK-5th grade).
Once we moved back to NYC, that was unheard of.
ExH goes up to the school to
ExH goes up to the school to eat lunch with BS9 once a week. He stopped doing that with the older ones once they got in Jr. High, but since kinder he's been doing it with BS9. It actually makes BS9 feel good that his father took the time to come and sit with him for 20 minutes and talk to him about his life. He did it with the other two when they were in Elem. when we were still married.
It has never caused any problems, the kids are always happy to see him, even if it's "my time" he's still their father. So, yeah it's not that big of a deal.
Ipeedinyourcornflakes, I feel
Ipeedinyourcornflakes, I feel like you're making lots of assumptions, here...
The parenting time was dictated by a judge, not me or DH. And the parenting time arrangement is in place because of her mistreatment of her son.
We don't yet know if the lunches are "interrupting anything" and we will find out.
The issue I was discussing is respect for DH.
Actually, I said "she's not
Actually, I said "she's not respecting DH's parenting time".
I try not to assume things, like possible disruption, I was just stating the facts and how we feel about what's happening.
THIS ExDF had this battle
THIS
ExDF had this battle with BM when exSD9 started school. Shec complained about it in court once and the judge basically told her to go fly a kite.
Also BM is being basically
Also BM is being basically babysat with SS during these lunches.
So I think the flight risk thing might be a stretch. Can bm pick him up? if not, so she's spending what 20 minutes once a week with him, so what.
I usually don't side with BM on anything but I think this is truly a non-issue.
Agree, I think her having
Agree, I think her having lunch with him is a GOOD thing. When a NCP goes out of their way to spend time with a kid, that kid is going to be happier and better adjusted than the one who's parent never has time for him. Good for her for making the extra effort.
And the flight risk thing is RIDICULOUS. Seriously, the original post says Mom gets at least one *overnight*. She's not on supervised visitation for god's sake, she's just the NCP.
If her parental rights have
If her parental rights have not been terminated and there are no issues at school stemming from the visits, you and DH should let it go.
Anything a BM does is going
Anything a BM does is going to annoy the hell out of you. Especially if she's messed up that many times. I don't see anything wrong with her having lunch with her son. Maybe she is trying to get in some exta time with him, but that should be looked at as a good thing. As long as she's not trying to check him out of school or take off with him that is. If she is trying to stir the pot about the CO then your DH should probably have a talk with her about that. Let her know if she's saying these things to the kid then your DH will be forced to turn to the courts again because no child should have to hear about the feelings the parents have towards each other. Just tell her to keep it about spending time with her kid.