I had that same situation. Between the constant demands for money and the constant texts and calls from the BM...the visitation all of it...nearly ended my relationship.

I made it clear that I didn't care if he had kids or not but if he didn't block the BM on all fronts and stop giving in to her demands ALL of the time I was out. Talk about drama.. I couldn't take it anymore. I have no kids and came into the relationship with no ties, no credit issues and no drama. His ex life was causing me wayyyyy too much anxiety and I was about ready to have a breakdown. I made it really clear that regrettably I did not care for his daughter at all and that his son was constantly babied and was just a holy pain in the ass to be around. I was done.

He did a lot to fix his shit and things are much better and quieter. Haven't had a BM episode in about 5 months.

Mare your boundaries known. Make them important. Go with your gut.

Hello and welcome! Yours is a common predicament: the relationship is good, but his kids and money issues drag it down. Can you give us some details? How many skids/how old/what kind of money demands do you deal with? Do they cover needs or wants? Some things get more expensive as kids grow - college costs, car insurance. I have teenagers, I feel they are costing me more these days - but they are also able to work and make their own money.

Are you and your DH on the same page when it comes to money: are you both spenders? Savers? If your money managing styles are different then kids or no kids things can get heated.

If his kids are adults, wny does he need to be in touch with BM? Is she high conflict?

Welcome to the fold. I'm with you - these forums have helped me so much.

And I get the same thing: "You don't have kids, you aren't a parent so you don't know what you are talking about." That's when I disengaged. Basically, the parent doesn't like to ever be told that A) they are terrible parents or their kids are jackwagons. So they try and drag YOU down.

Disengage, completely. That will fix your money issues, and will save your sanity.

Welcome, I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and pick up some useful perspective and advice from others who are living the blended family adventure.

Here is the deal from my perspective which I am sure is not in alignment with most people these days. Your DH is the man. You are his wife. He needs to step up, man up, and support his marriage and his home. That is a man's job. Yes, I was raised in a traditional marriage and home. Your money should be supplemental to DH's income and provide things that his income does not. His income should pay all of the marital bills and his CS obligation for any minor spawn. Once his Spawn are adults then 100% of his income goes to supporting the marriage and 100% of yours does too. Once the spawn have aged out from under the CO then not one penny of marital funds (and all sources of income are marital funds) should in any way benefit the BM. Not one penny of marital funds should benefit adult Spawn unless both you and DH agree regardless of who in the marriage earns the money. His minimizing your value and opinion because you were too smart to spawn with an idiot X just bares his ass at that of a true dipshitiot. He is the one who spawned with and married the toxic BM and spawned adult spawn who apparently are too stupid to support themselves. He is the one who allows himself to be manipulated by them all and what is really disgusting is that he continues to tolerate it. :sick:

Like you I have no BKs. SS-22 is an only child in our marriage. We met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. My income was our only marital income for 3 years until SS started Kindergarten and my wife decided to get a part time job while she continued working on her undergrad degree. Her income was always supplemental. We did not need it but it did provide a much nicer life style. Even after she completed her MBA and became a CPA her notable and increasing income was bonus. SS is doing great, is nearly entirely self supporting. His mom and I bought him a car and pay his car insurance but that is about to stop in April. We are putting his car in his name and he will step up and pay his insurance.

I think it is time for you to give your DH clarity. Step up, be a man, support his household and marriage, cut his adult spawn loose to sink or swim on their own and give him clarity that if one penny of his income goes to adult children not one penny of your income will be spent on anything to do with the marriage.

Separate your money and spend it only on things for yourself until your DH mans up, cuts BM off completely, cuts his adult spawn off completely, and recovers his balls from his XW and adult kids.