What to do about Easter?

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DH assumes I am going to SIL's for the annual Easter visit tomorrow. SD19's campus is right near SIL's so we will pick her up to take her, and most likely her BoyF, too. I can't fathom the thought of seeing SD19 without laying into her about the hedgehog. I don't want to be a disrespectful guest at SIL's because she is a gracious, kind woman.

I haven't seen SD19 since the end of January when she went back to school. This was after she threw a tantrum about cleaning her room. When she had nowhere left to go at the end of spring break, I went to a hotel for three days when SD19 came home with the rodent. I did not want to see SD19 and I wanted some peace and quiet.

I'm thinking of telling DH that I am spending Easter with my parents. That way he won't take my car to drive the teenagers around in, either. I am really starting to make some strong boundaries for myself. I don't want to tolerate anymore shit.

All the while, DH is flirting with me, doesn't mention SD19 or the hedgehog, wonders when he'll get more nookie.....? Makes me want to gag. Happy Easter, everyone.

~ Moon

What OSJ said. Except I'd

What OSJ said.

Except I'd probably stay home and determine which red wine to pair with each kind of Easter candy. Jelly beans though seem to need a white wine, maybe Riesling.

Red Red Wine

Go see your parents. Tell DH

Go see your parents. Tell DH you'll think about spending time with him when he prioritizes your feelings.

I agree, wholeheartedly,

I agree, wholeheartedly, Moon... Go to your parents house and avoid the drama... while you push your points home with DH.

Send your sil a sweet note

Send your sil a sweet note telling her how much you appreciate her beautiful Easter dinner and are so sorry to miss it but just can't make it this year. Give no reason. You just can't make it. You can even make it a beautiful Easter card or a lovely hostess gift. Tell her you hope to see her soon for lunch or whatever is appropriate to your relationship. Make sure the note is nothing but consistent with the spirit of Easter and graciousness and good will. Do not allude to any resentment or anger of any kind. Keep her out of that. Just focus on your kind feelings toward her and the effort she went to and the spirit of being a good guest.

Then go to your parents for Easter. Have a SPLENDID time.

When dh asks you, "Huh? what the-?!" Just smile and say you want to go where you know you will feel loved and valued and have a great time. Since he's a man and in denial he may actually take this as a dig at sil. So this is where you put your Tallulah Bankhead on and moan grandly about the only thing is you will miss dear sil and her wonderful festivities and you are so fond of her but it just couldn't be helped and you certainly plan to make it up to her. Add that you are sending the gift and you're going to run out to his car right now and put it in the trunk to make sure it doesn't get forgotten.

Then call sil and say "I've only got a minute but wanted to tell you how sorry I am I won't be able to be there tomorrow. I do want to wish you a happy Easter and I'm sending you a little something, I've just put it in Dh's trunk so make sure he gets it to you. Gotta go!" Do not give her a chance to ask why you can't make it. Let dh be the one to stutter and stammer and come up with something gracious to say about explaining your absence at the dinner.

I would even consider leaving the house right then and there and spending the night with your parents and wake up with them on Easter morning. Bring them Easter baskets, surprise them with them in the morning, make it a riot! just the best Easter ever! Don't think about DH or sd or heeeeeedgehooooooog at all.

One thing I would certainly not do is sit there seething in the presence of HedgeHog Girl. Just seeing her would ruin my day, not to mention my holiday. Plus everything else you said about how ugly the dynamics of the dinner will become. Plus, where's Hedgy going to be? In the living room while you eat? Maybe he'll be on the linen table cloth surrounded by ceramic bunnies and chicks and he'll be the star of the centerpiece. You. Will. Go. Mad. Don't give her the chance.

Also, Moon, really want to

Also, Moon, really want to applaud you for not dragging sil into this and respecting her as a hostess. You're an A-1 white glove lady. Good on you.

Truth is, I'd rather be home

Truth is, I'd rather be home alone with my pups in a QUIET home. FOR ONCE. SD13 just walked past me downstairs and I truly got my first EVER whiff of her stinking. Not BO, but she reeks of the dirty sheets she sleeps in. She hasn't washed them since the first week of March when I bitched her out. There is no way in hell DH is taking my car tomorrow for Easter!

Mom called earlier to see what I was doing for Easter. Mom and Dad are going to crazy aunt's tomorrow. I just want to be alone. I don't want to sit there and lie when people ask how I've been? I also don't want to vent about my F'ed up StepHell all day on Easter. I will tell DH tonight that I am meeting my parents at my aunt's late tomorrow afternoon for Easter. That way I have my car and can just fly under the radar.

Then I will sit home and relax with my dogs. I will try to groom them some, since DH is too lazy to help me do it. They need their nails trimmed and they need their tick meds applied to their backs. They are my babies and I will take care of them on my Easter. That's what makes me happy. My choice. When DH returns and asks how the family was, I will simply tell him I changed my mind and didn't go. I haven't seen aunt since 2011 when she charged everyone $20 a head for Christmas dinner at her house. DH and I hardly ate anything and we were the only two who paid. It's too bad, my aunt used to be really cool and level-headed. Oh well.

As far as SIL, we don't talk at all. She is DH's closest living relative aside from cousins, etc. DH's parents died years ago. I see SIL twice a year for Easter and Christmas. Nephew is back in town getting ready to go into rehab and with SD19 being there, my blood will be boiling. Hedgy is undercover at the dorm. When DH tells SIL I am going to be with my family, that will raise some eyebrows.

Mom told Dad I may want to stay with them this summer. Mom says all Dad did was laugh. He knows what shit I'm going through and he wouldn't tolerate it either, if he were me.

~ Moon

Easter with the pups is

Easter with the pups is fantastic. That is true communing with Nature and being a custodian of sweet creatures. Do it.

Now. Your aunt. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: Dropped a check on Christmas guests????!!!!!! Auntie needs some emotional skills. Calendar flips approximately April: Oh, family, (probably to her sister or whoever is her closest fam member) I love having you all so for Christmas but I'm finding I just can't afford it any more. Who else would like to host it this year? OR Sis, let's start doing pot luck. I'll have the dessert ready at my house. Let's organize a sign up sheet for the other major dishes.

That is one for the record books. Unbelievable.

What sucked was the fact that

What sucked was the fact that ever since the late 70s, my mother hosted Christmas. Bigger house, more room. Aunt would bring a ham or something, but my parents would foot a shit-ton for the guests. I just couldn't believe it after my aunt hosted in 2011. My much younger cousins, all in their 20s, drank all of the booze and didn't pay a dime. My parents also refused to pay as they left. So, aunt's house full of 20 FAMILY members and I was the only one to give $40 as DH and I left. We don't even drink, so it's not like we had all of their alcohol. Aunt has married a lazy guy with very rich parents, yet wanted to charge us. She actually looked embarrassed as I gave her the money. This is my Dad's sister and even he has said that aunt has changed over the past 5 years or so.

Is everyone whack except for me? I mean, I must be whack as well, but in my own special way, so as not to annoy anyone around me. You know, like bringing a hedgehog into my home. }:)

~ Moon

After pups are groomed spend

After pups are groomed spend some quality Easter time painting a little cute Tole sign with your home's new motto:

"If you're old enough to buy your own rodent, you're old enough to buy your own house."

Have it hanging over the door by the time he gets back. }:)

I think you have the right

I think you have the right idea with your plan! Maybe if you start avoiding things where you know SD19 will be, DH will get the hint! Yeah, SD19 may feel some sense of victory in that you aren't around, but if your DH is anything like mine, he will start "feeling" your absence!

And what is it with these guys thinking we can even think about nookie in the midst of skid drama? Oh yeah, they are blind to the BS. Just like DH last night wanting to be frisky after bowing to HHB and promising he would bring dear princess her dress...seriously? Doesn't that kinda require you to have your manhood? I'd like to feel like my man can stand up for himself and not tolerate being treated like crap! Helps me know that if the situation called for it, he would stand up for me! Right now? Yeah, I feel like I'm on my own...probably much like you feel, Moon!

You do whatever you want to

You do whatever you want to do, honey. DH and I are doing our own thing and going out to eat, just the two of us.

I feel kind of bad not going to my dad's but my sisters tag teamed me a couple of weeks ago and I just don't want to be around those bitches.

I am done doing what I "should" do or what's expected because I'm the "responsible" one. I don't have to be around people that I don't want to be around.

You guys are right. I am old

You guys are right. I am old enough to know I don't need to be around toxic people. If SD19 weren't around, tomorrow might be different. I have done enough Easters at SIL's even before DH and I were married, probably for the past 6 years. I just heard nephew call DH on the phone to say hello. Turns out niece and her new hubby are here from out of state, so the entire gang will be at SIL's. Niece's hubby is one of 5 kids and the entire gang goes to SIL's every year now. And with nephew (SIL's son) being in town, a lot of people from DH's family will want to see him. He comes home maybe once a year from the west coast.

So......Can't is right, DH will be feeling my absence. I don't feel right telling a little lie to him about going to see my parents tomorrow, but in the grand scheme of things, my little lie is just that (and also a way to keep the SDs OUT of my car). LITTLE compared to the hedgehog crap. I've already started looking around my bedroom and figured out how to organize my clothes and things so I can just box up stuff and GTFO at the end of May. DH won't even notice. I am Ninja-like. LOL

~ Moon

This morning DH commented

This morning DH commented that we would stop and get gas in my car on the way to SIL's. I looked at him and simply said, "I'm not going with you today."
DH: What?
Me: I'm going to see my parents and Grandma.
DH: (shocked look) You're SERIOUS.
Me: Yes. (sipping my coffee, stomach in knots)
DH: (Looks out window, wheels are turning...) So you're going to do this every time SD19 is around?!
Me: This would only be the second time. Until I get respected in my own home and until I know what is going on with that hedgehog, I don't know what else to do.
DH: ::crickets::
Me: (I go upstairs for awhile, DH comes up to talk later...that's a new one. He initiated it.)
DH: (sarcastically) So what are we going to do to work this out?! And you know, you picked on SD13 AGAIN!
Me: How?
DH: You told her she STINKS!
Me: SHE DOES STINK! I don't need that stink at my dinner table! She's 13 years old!
DH: STOP picking on her!
ME: Tell her to shower then! She can't remember anything on her own, so you have to remind her and help her!
DH: Well, she's going to shower this morning!
Me: I thought she showered last night? We discussed it at dinner.
DH: (Can't even remember if SD13 showered last night because it was an NCAA AND an NHL night.......) Uhhhhhhh......You know, I don't know if this is going to work out!
Me: (calmly) If you don't like it than you can leave!
DH: I put down every last nickel on this house! I'M NOT LEAVING!
Me: Well, I'm not leaving my dogs!
(Paused for a moment....)
Me: The source of my frustration is this hedgehog situation with SD19. I have been uncomfortable for MONTHS not knowing what is really going to happen in May. I can see SD19 just coming in here when the semester is over, bringing the hedgehog with her, and she was already told NO. By YOU.
DH: Well......
Me: And SD19 isn't going to "figure something out" on her own. She will do whatever she wants. She doesn't listen, even when you tell her NO.
DH: (gets up and walks away, bitching at me about my weight and how much I eat?........It's not about ME, DH.....)
Me: (aka RAGS STYLE!) WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR BALLS BACK IN YOUR HAND AND QUIT WALKING AWAY EVERY TIME WE TALK? YOU CAME TO ME, SO LET'S TALK ALREADY! :jawdrop: :jawdrop: (Yes, I DID!)

I have never seen DH move so quickly to get back and sit next to me. He did NOT like that comment, but it sure got his attention. }:)

I told him I was willing to respect his daughter but she needs to respect us and this household FIRST when she is here. I reminded DH that she likes to live on her own terms and it's unfair to the rest of us.

Oh it went on and on......DH came back later after he had calmed down and he listened to me. He kept blaming himself. I told him to blame his daughter some, too, who is old enough to know better! SD19 worked and worked on him after DH initially said NO. I asked DH if he was really THAT afraid of SD19 and her behavior, so much so, that he can't even tell her NO? I told him that if SD19 wasn't going to part with the hedgehog then at least she has the means to live somewhere else, near school. DH whined that he wouldn't see her. I told him he could GO see her. And what was he going to do in two years when she graduates? She has one foot out the door, get her ready to launch already FFS. He's feeling the empty nest thing and/or he fears she won't be able to take care of herself. SD19 can't save money or budget anything for shit. She is very spontaneous, and gets that from DH. They want what they want. At least DH has a FT job and can afford his luxuries. That's a good thing because I transferred a shit ton of money into my savings today after doing the budget. It was the rental income money that I got for my old place this past week. BTW, I don't consider SD19 to be a luxury.

My parents called to wish me a Happy Easter and my Dad said that the hedgehog should be left outside on the porch. }:) I told my parents that even I would worry about the stupid thing out there, because I love animals. My Mom said I could just check it every day to see if it was dead or if a fox ate it. LMAO }:) My mom's sister asked my mom, "Don't those things really stink?" Which reminded me that DH says SD19 washes the hedgehog every week. WHERE does she think she's going to wash it here? In the bathroom sink where SD13 (sometimes) brushes her teeth? Full of toothpaste? Six feet from my bedroom? I wonder what the roommates at school think about their sink being used for a hedgehog bidet? Ew. SD19 should have NEVER adopted this "baby" of hers. She didn't think things through for shit. Of course not, because she just thought Daaaaaaaad-Deeeeee would come to her rescue. Daddy is teaming up with evil SM more and more these days. I'll bring him around. Yes I will. DH is going to call SD19 later in the week to work on solving this problem. Again. For the hundredth time. FML.

~ Moon

Moon- I've been following

Moon-
I've been following your story for quite some time. This hedgehog thing has me feeling so upset for you. I ran across your story and looked up what hedgehogs need in order to be properly cared for. Well, I learned a lot but what got my attention is this YouTube video I just saw that was made by a hedgehog breeder. He talks about all sorts of stuff and then he got to the subject of bathing. He said that bathing too frequently with too much soap will dry out the hedgie. He said to use water only and if you use soap to use only a little and make sure you rinse well. He said hedgehogs should be bathed no more than once a month! In fact he said even waiting longer than a month is perfectly ok. So, SD does it once a week? Well, she obviously didn't research how to care for her little "baby" now did she? From what I read, it sounds like these little creatures require special care. I read that if you use the wrong type of bedding that it will become toxic when the hedgie urinates on it and can cause death. From what I was reading it sounds like they don't like to be bothered much and shouldn't be handled for more than a half an hour each day. Now, I may be wrong or didn't interpret it correctly but it sounds like these little creatures just want to be left alone to burrow most of the time. You have to be careful what you feed it or it will die. They ball up and hiss when they are scared and the spines can hurt. They said to handle your hedgie a little each day to get it used to you. How long has SD19 had her little "baby"? I bet she can't even pick the damn thing up let alone bathe it every week. I bet she gets tired of providing special care for the little thing or will accidentally kill it. After all, if she's claiming that she bathes it weekly then we already know that she is making a mistake and has done no research on proper hedgie care. May just be a matter of time before the poor thing dies from pissing on the wrong type of bedding. I hope the poor thing doesn't suffer and if SD19 does inadvertently kill it that it doesn't die a painful death. What a selfish little bitch; parading this very sensitive creature around. Makes me sick. It's all for show.

Good idea! We have about a

Good idea! We have about a dozen vets within a mile of our home. SD19 can go spend quality time with Hedgy ELSEWHERE!

Bwahahahah! }:) }:)

~ Moon

I agree, telling SD13 she

I agree, telling SD13 she stinks because she needs to bathe is not picking on her! I can't help but wonder what kids at school say either to her or behind her back! They are aleady cruel come middle school. When HHB would stink up my car with her nasty breath, I would say something. Yeah, she tried to claim it was picking on her, too. I'm like you, I'm not going to stand for stink from bad hygiene! When BS20 hit about 11, his stink started to change...from the typical little boy stink to the more manly stink. I wouldn't hesitate to tell him after he came in from playing hard outside,"Dude, you smell! Go shower!"..."But I'll take one before bed."..."No, you will take one NOW as I'm not putting up with that stink through dinner!" BS20 never once said that was picking on him! When he started football in 7th grade, he began to understand what his hormones were doing to his BO, and he would shower 2-3 times a day if he had to...depending on practices! When he worked at Lowes, he would shower before and after work!

I really hope your DH starts taking this hedgehog thing seriously, and makes sure your home is respected! I hope he isn't just trying to smooth things over with you for today by saying he will talk to her about it. And yeah...TALK..gotta love those Disney Dad talks!

Just chillin' now until dinner at my SIL's. Hope I don't have to hear too many times how much HHB is missed...I may just puke! Can't miss someone who treats me like crap, and don't see how anyone else can! Otherwise, I'm sitting here imagining how crappy HHB is acting today, because she didn't have a dress for Easter when the one she made DH bring her didn't fit...or how uncomfortable she is because she stuffed herself into it!

It was funny last night at

It was funny last night at dinner because YSD13's initial reply to the stink comment was, "I do NOT!" LOL she has allergies and doesn't always take her meds so what can she smell? She doesn't have BO, she just has that stale, unwashed sheets STINK. What gets me is DH chimed right in AGREEING when I told her she stunk. I REALLY am trying to do this skid a favor because they will bury her when HS starts in the fall. I have always tried to teach her good habits. DH just doesn't like my delivery. I am harsh and to the point because when it's something that asinine, I get frustrated. Take a shower already! I'll have to remember to tell her next time, "We're doing you a favor by telling you that you need a shower." She is a dork. I could repeat myself until I'm blue in the face and five minutes later she'll forget, so I let DH handle it. I just giggle to myself when I realize they have both forgotten. SD13 drinks the Kool-Aid and goes to Fantasyland while DH is tuned into sports.

OSD19 is going to go ballistic when DH tells her she can't have HHog at our house. I asked him if pets were allowed in the campus apartments, because that is where SD19 will be staying in the fall? (Different than the dorms.) He started walking away and I said, "You know she's already breaking the rules. It may be small time, but she thinks she doesn't have to listen to anyone." I remember when my college roommate freshman year brought a hamster in. It was in a small bird cage, about 12inches square. It smelled like piss in our room to high heaven! She actually put a Stick-Up under the cage, and still didn't clean it. She left a cereal bowl with corn flakes and a little bit of milk in it in the room over Thanksgiving break. She left her underwear on the floor. I kicked it under her dresser. Even though she was already planning to be in a different room in the spring, I yelled at her about what a disrespectful, messy spoiled bitch she was the last week there before finals week. I remember her saying that I didn't have to raise my voice and be so mean. I had months of frustration built up inside of me! I had never yelled at anyone in my life. I screamed so loudly that I thought I would pop a blood vessel and my throat hurt later. The girls on the hall thought I was yelling at my boyfriend, we all had our doors open to the hallway back in those days. This girl was a spoiled little rich kid who was very nice and sweet, but she couldn't take care of herself for shit. Daddy gave her everything, hundreds of dollars in pocket money (this was in 1987). She was a slob in our room.

I imagine that I'm not the only person with their blood boiling in SD19's world. The difference is that no one has gone off on her yet. Yeah, I had forgotten how utterly pissed I was at my freshman roommate. Scared the fuck out of her that day. I was 18 years old and I yelled at her like she was an undisciplined child. Because she was. I yelled at my boss in 1992 because she was extremely rude and cuckoo and I wasn't going to take her shit, either. I tried to help and offer to lend a hand at work and she rudely shot me down with a snot remark. I was 22 and she was 35. So she got my fury unleashed on her as well. That was the last time I yelled bloody murder at someone until DH in the mall parking lot the last weekend in February, when I found out that the hedgehog had been purchased.

So, I don't really go off on people a lot. It's not me unless I REALLY get pushed and really feel strongly about the subject. It hurts my head too much. LOL Time to look for rodent boarding and spa services. This will be on SD19's dime. Good life lesson. }:)

~ Moon

I have thought about this

I have thought about this snoopystep. I would love to have her get busted.....BUT! What if they decide she can't stay on campus anymore? There's a chance she would move back home and commute to school. It's 45 minutes away and with traffic, it's still doable, as these kids never take early classes. They start at 11am.

I am keeping this info in my back pocket. Perhaps for the fall semester, but I'll use it sooner if I need to. }:)

I loked at Hedgies on a website today. They are kinda cute, but then again they are rat-like. Not my thing. I'm a dog person.

~ Moon