You are here

Is this normal :( feeling overwhelmed

Elle-Cee33's picture

This will be my first post here. Husband and I have been together for 4 yrs. I have a child from a previous marriage, husband has 3 children (ages 7,9&13)from previous marriage. Now we have one child together and another on the way. (BiggggFamily) so here's my dilemma he works out of town and comes home every weekend. Because of that he wants his kids with us every single weekend!! It's starting to frustrate me especially now that I'm expecting -.- my child goes with his father every other weekend and sometimes he even goes more when they have special things going on. I hadn't brought it up but was so mad a couple of days ago that I finally did! I said something like my child will be gone and were gonna be by ourselves Smile he's like no as soon as I get home I'm going for my kids! I told him we always get them lets just take a lil break I'm really tired from work and just being pregnant! He flipped out saying we always have my child here and our own baby why can't we have his kids too! He kept saying his kids bothered me and I was being unfair! I got real emotional because my child does leaves with his father how it's suppose to be. So I just gave up and dropped it Sad I love his kids and they do me but now I don't even care to be with them. I hate how I tried to tell him how I felt and he brought my child into the argument. He married me knowing I have my child but I didn't know we were gonna have his kids so much and on top of that pay so much child support. He buys them clothes shoes schools stuff plus whatever they want thankfully he has a great job but this is too much for me sometimes. How can I bring it up again without him getting all crazy. He's a extremely loving dad but how can I make him see the kids mother needs to be with his children too!!

FrackturedBradyBunch's picture

I know how you are feeling and there is no right or wrong feeling.

But....just because you are tired doesn't mean he stops loving ALL his kids and wanting to see them.

I only say this because I have a similar problem in my home, I have my Skids 100% of the time and we have 1 together. I do favour our/my child together and he is forever saying it is not fair, which it isn't, as to him they are all his kids...to me his kids are a pain in the behind.

You will never ever be able to bring this up with him, because you are sort of being unfair. He loves his kids as much as you love yours.

TwirlMS's picture

Your DH sounds like a wonderful father. You should appreciate that and not try to change him.

My first husband was so unreliable picking up our kids for weekends at his place that it really made the kids feel insecure and unloved.
Sometimes he would cancel at the last minute because his girlfriend dropped by. What kind of father does that?

Yes you are needy right now, but so are his children and they didn't choose this situation, but the two of you did.

silversong's picture

We have my SS every weekend. I understand your frustration. I struggle with this as well, because my logical adult brain tells me that it's not unreasonable for a father to want to see his child every weekend. But then my emotional side gets tired and sometimes I don't even look forward to the weekends.

I think it's because you get into a routine during the week and then it's constantly being disrupted on the weekends. I know a lot of people won't like using the word "disrupted" but that's what it feels like 90% of the time.

katielee's picture

No, no, no!!! You have a right to expect time alone with your husband away from his kids! And you have a right to NOT want to put up with his kids while you are tired and pregnant. If he doesn't start putting your marriage first, things are not going to go well. One can only swallow so much shit before they start to spew it everywhere.

FrackturedBradyBunch's picture

So all the kids, including their bio kids together, should leave home every weekend so she can have alone time with her husband?

He loves his children, all of them, she's not being lumbered with them while he goes out golfing or anything, he just wants to spend time with them.

And the BioMother does spend time with them, 5 days a week.