Ugh, I would feel bummed out too, but Sally is right. You're in a weird place and telling MIL to stop gabbing about other women will HAVE to happen. I've gone through some doubts with my DH and love, but the longer we've been together the more I know he truly loves me. If you've been confident up to this point, then you probably know that you're the only one for him. If he had REALLY loved that lady he would have done anything to keep her. My vote is that it wasn't love and there is some weird romanticized version of the past happening here.

Tell him to kick rocks and MIL to throw herself into a lava pit because the chick from across the country got really fat and now has an incurable disease that gives her boils and makes her smell realllly bad! OK, now that I got that out of my system, it is true we men sometimes "know" by virtue of sitting next to you, you know by osmosis that your are the best woman we ever met and through that same osmosis realize the other woman obviously wasn't worth it. Sometimes, we're just dumb like that. Also I agree that being blunt with MIL every time she starts to gossip is the best course of action. I might suggest instead of telling DH what MIL said. Have a direct conversation with MIL and be honest. Tell her, respectfully, exactly how she made you feel. I think you'll gain a lot of respect in the long run by both MIL and DH...... if MIL has the guys to even mention the conversation to him:)

Has the guts I meant:)

Everyone has a past and everyone has a love story or two or four for some of these BMs LOL. If my past love had not died I would have probably married and divorced him not my ExH and DD would not be who she is.

Do not feel insecure. MIL was stupid of the remark she made. If MIL tries to bring up DH s past love life again I would hold up my hand and tell her, "The last time you did that MIL you put your foot in your mouth and from what I know DH is VERY HAPPY WITH ME so no need to bring up any old baggage".

Talk to your DH let him know you are feeling insecure because of these two conversations. I bet he will make you feel treasured.

My MIL does this and I actually think it's to ruffle feathers. There is no good reason to mention her son's past to me. It's very annoying and I usually change the subject. Just let it go and avoid her if possible. MIL who feel threatened by their sons wife are often passivly aggressive malicious. They use it as a way of hurting you without coming right out and being a bitch. But surprise, she's still a big bitch!

your mil is an idiot. pure and simple.

i had this issue with my mil when she sided with skid when skid told me to go to h%ll to my face. skid was college age. wtf? mil and fil then ORDERED me not to call them any more.

fast forward. mil and fil are now very old, ill and frail and want to ask advice on health issues. (i am a health professional.) what should they eat, etc. dh said i never talk to mil and fil by phone.

wtf? does he remember the message he was asked to relay to me? the h%ll with both of them.

i am sorry for your loss of job. your self esteem should not hinge on your marriage and skids. you will find a job in time.

I have totally disengaged from MIL, FIL and SIL after I refused to apologise to them. They requested I apologise for being upset with them for bad mouthing BM big time then secretly having her stay for Xmas. I found out a year later. I said I would not be apologising for being upset and I chose to stay away from them and their two faced antics.
Big BUT, hubby cannot disengage from them. For a while he had contact with them on his own, then they all arranged a trip together, I found out months later just before event was to take place. All blew up and he promised me no more, was sick of manipulation by them etc etc. Now, 3 months later he tells me he cannot live with this alienation from them, we had a big argument, where does he go - Mummies!! He said I need to get over it, to me he is condoning their actions by what he is doing.
One day I think, I love him and I have to love the good and the bad - the next I think he is a gutless mummies boy!
Any thoughts welcome please. We had split up over this issue 3 months ago and he had sweet talked me back with nice words of no more.

i have disengaged from mil and fil since they sided with skid on a matter where skids told me to go to h&ll. they did not want to hear my side of the story. at least dh did not lose his balls and the skid to move out.

The comment from MIL was certainly hurtful, although I'm sure in a socially-unaware/fundamentally lacking consideration but not actually bitchy way. The one from DH, I can see why it comes up in your mind from time to time.

The most important thing about any hurt or conflict in a close relationship is to fully heal from each episode. That's why, as a parent, I use time-outs with my kid. I need the break so I can come back and start fresh. It's no use holding onto that anger or frustration when dealing with a toddler - same goes for husbands.

What he said was thoughtless. And you were hurt by that. And now MIL said something along the same lines. Assuming your relationship is otherwise great, go ahead and tell him that. Tell him you're feeling fragile, were hurt by what was clearly an off-hand comment by someone who's opinion doesn't matter much because it was similar to an off-hand comment from someone (him) who's opinion matters the world.

Ask for a little cosseting. We all need it sometimes. Especially after spending time with MIL. (Ask me how I know. Sigh.)

I've had to disengage from MIL too for similar reasons. Please do not for one second think this is about you. This is her problem - and we give WAY too much credit to MIL's (they can be GUBMs too, you know!) Mine says stupid hurtful things now and again and so I just shut her out now. We only speak of totally polite stranger stuff now. I keep the conversations light and simple and NEVER speak to her outside of family dinners.