Appropriate father/daughter behavior?
I never had a really close relationship with my father growing up I mean we have a good one but not lovey dovey as he worked all the time so I'm unsure if this is normal or not. My SD11 is very very very clingy on her father. I also don't know the appropriate 11 year old behavior. I have a 5 year old boy. I understand loving your child and your child loving you. I show my son love all the time. I hug and kiss him and snuggle with him before bed. However, she is 11 and starting to become a woman and hit puberty yet she calls him "DADA" and says it in a baby voice. She will snuggle up in between his legs when they are on the couch. She almost constantly has to be touching him. Like she doesn't just hug him or kiss him she will hang on him. Last night on the couch she tried having her face on his and he told her stop thankfully. This morning she had to sit next to him on the couch when he turned the news on and throw her arms around him. There have been a couple times I have seen her crawl on her knees across the living room to get to him and say DADA and throw her arms around him. Once I was sitting on the couch and he decided to lay and put his feet on me so I'd rub them and she came over the back of the couch and laid on top of him. I got up and he asked why and I said I sat here first and now I'm crowded to which he got the point. I find it rather strange. I told DH once that it bothered me and it was weird about the crawling on the floor thing and calling him DADA to which he just stood up for her and said she just misses me and loves me. Shes home 50% of the time. Its getting to the point where I don't want to be in the same room as them when shes home because it gets annoying. I fear as she gets older it will get worse. Is this normal 11 year old daughter/father behavior? Am I just over reacting?
No not yet but with the way
No not yet but with the way she acts like moodiness wise I'm sure its coming soon
No not yet but with the way
No not yet but with the way she acts like moodiness wise I'm sure its coming soon
And what can I do to make
And what can I do to make this better? We have been together a year now and living together since last April. He blames some of her behavior on me being around and that it was just her and him for 8 years now. And he says he told her this is his life and I'm not going anywhere and he deserves happiness. I came home a few weeks ago to her teary eyed. And him stand off on kissing me hello after work. She even gave me a couple of dirty looks. When I asked what was up he said she had been following him all over the house and when he asked her why she said she misses him and blah blah blah and I get more attention than she does. I told him about the dirty looks to which he stood up for her and said she was crying maybe her eyes looked that way but she didn't give you a dirty look.
It is crappy. And it makes me
It is crappy. And it makes me feel bad like I'm doing something wrong for being around. We have talked about it 2 or 3 times and it goes nowhere because he just starts defending her and I end the conversation because he won't see it and I get frustrated.
no that's creepy as hell.
no that's creepy as hell. This is from a mom of an 11 year old girl and a 1.5 baby who does call her father dada. If my 11 year old called her dada and was acting like my infant I would lose my mind
Thank you. I think I am
Thank you. I think I am starting to lose my mind. It seriously makes me sick to watch.
I agree that he is allowing
I agree that he is allowing it and I don't blame her at all. He is the one who needs to stop this behavior. My problem is he doesn't see it as wrong and I don't know how to get him to see it. Maybe like you said say well would she act like this is front of friends or in public. Worth a shot.
Someone other than you needs
Someone other than you needs to point out to him that this behaviour is not normal . It sounds as if the step daughter is doing this all for attention -which I assume you already figured out. She feels jealous and replaced by you, however even if you are not around I garangee this behaviour would still likely happen. ANY women would be creeped out by this, actually most people would think this is very odd. Referring to her father as 'dada' is resulting back to a toddler stage. Often older siblings will do this when a new sibling is born too. Attention seeking. Some how she feels she needs to be a little baby a little girl to have his attention. You can suggest some ideas to your boyfriend such as, she is becoming a teenager soon enough and a young women shortly and he needs to support her to be a strong young girl to think for herself, and to act her age. She is showing a lot of immaturity. You can pull up some articles off google that discusses appropriate behaviour for a eleven year old girl meaning what is immature and what is mature behaviour, what to expect such as mood swings , hormone changes, puberty, emotions, and how to deal with these life experiences in an appropriate way. Also I agree with the person who said to ask him if he would let her show this behaviour if his friends were over hanging out. If he says he wouldn't mind, then invite his friends over several times, and let his and his daughters actions show for themselves, ,maybe one of his close buddies will make a comment. I have friends who have eleven year old daughters and they are daddy's little girls, and they show effection by snuggling up to daddy's arm on the couch if they want some attention, they also do this to mom too. It isn't anything out of the ordinary, but there is a limit I would be weirded out if I seen this or the way she is talking. She probably would not do this if her friends were over either. Also point out to your boyfriend that this behaviour could lead to other inappropriate behaviour, that she has a need to be cuddled, snuggled, super close to her father, a male role model that she possibly could become like this with other boys once she hits early teen years that it is his job as a father to show her these boundaries and show her what is appropriate behaviour.
Why does your son hear you
Why does your son hear you having sex???
We've seen similar stories on
We've seen similar stories on this board, both with male and female children. I remember one poster was advised to video her SO and SD during one of their cuddling on the couch sessions. She showed him the video and asked him how it looked to him. The light bulb switched on. Maybe you could try this?
I did seriously think about
I did seriously think about doing this however, he says that he does sees it and notices her clingyness but he says shes my little girl and I want her to say this way and she just loves me and misses me when shes at her moms. But maybe I will try this and show him how her laying that way or hanging or touching is the part that I find nauseating and inappropriate. Then maybe when he sees what she sounds like when she says dada or how it looks with her laying on him like that. She only does it when its just me him and her or me him her and my son. Never when other family is over or friends.
Yeah, this worked for
Yeah, this worked for me.
When my SS was 8, HE was acting like this Yes, you read that right, my step SON acted like a little baby girl around my husband. He walked on his tippy toes, and said "Hi DADDEEEE" in a high pitched voice, batted his eyelashes at him, and hung on him like a little girl. He used to sit on his lap a lot, competing with our then toddler. He would ask for help with silly things, like he was handicapped. DH would run to his rescue.
Neither one saw anything wrong with this.
So I started emulating SS10's behavior, the tippy toes, the eye lash batting. I engaged the his older sibs to mock it too. The older SKID loved it. We started saying "Hi Daddeeeee" whenever he did it.
I also showed DH how SS10 was trying to sit in the baby stroller, steal the baby bottle to drink from it, and steal the teething snacks.
It worked, daddy didn't find it cute anymore.
OMG sounds EXACTLY like
OMG sounds EXACTLY like Chef's youngest, YSS!
Oh my gosh that is terrible!
Oh my gosh that is terrible! I thought my spouses biological son was clingy. Yes your step sons behaviour is very inappropriate, thankfully your husband see's this, not only is it unhealthy in your home but a,so would be if chi,Daren at school or friends seen this behaviour. My spouse would of never stranded for this, so I am fortunate that my spouses 12 year old son tries to be clingy and only gets so far.
God I'll never forget when we
God I'll never forget when we dropped off SS14, and he must have been 12 maybe almost 13. DH went to hug him goodbye and SS kissed him on the lips. I think my body jumped out of it's skin. Now I had a big long post about this or I shared it on someone elses post wanting to know if this was normal because in my family it is not. It was so creepy as SS14 is taller than DH and growing his little mustache and it just looked so gross. I believe he did this because it was shortly after the wedding and he was feeling like he was losing his dad to me.
Some posters told me their families are kissy like that, and DH's family is kissy on the lips, which I give them my cheek and only DH's grandmother and great aunts lay it on my cheek. So I felt that some responses were basically trying to minimize my feelings that its okay if it is a normal thing in DH's family. But the reality is the MEN in DH's family don't lip kiss, only the older women do. Then I think once people reread it, saw it was a 6 foot tall boy in puberty kissing dad on the lips, they changed their mind.
After I flipped out on DH about how inappropriate that looked, DH pulled a switcheroo on me and told me just because my family doesn't show affection to each other doesn't mean I get to lash out if SS12 or 13 at the time wants to kiss goodbye.
He basically told me I had daddy issues because my dad and I aren't affectionate? I hug my dad goodbye every time I go to their house, and we have a fine relationship that doesn't involve lip kissing.
I've read a lot of posts here about the skids hanging all over and snuggling dad when they are just at the age where it's not really okay anymore. I think the spooning post lately was frightening to say the least.
Moving forward SS14 takes up the couch so that only DH can sit with him on it so I am stuck in the accent chair alone. But most of the time SS14 takes up the entire couch, and DH sits in the accent chair, leaving me no where to sit, so I retreat back to our bedroom.
Then DH has the nerve to come into our bedroom, ask me why I am not being a part of the "family" and it's always the same thing....sorry you allow your son to spend the weekend on the couch and all that is left is the floor for your pregnant wife to sit on. No THANKS!!!!!!!!
It all just comes down to
It all just comes down to animal behavior, doesn't it? Territory - claiming it, marking it, fighting over it. Love has little to do with it.
Omg I have the same problem
Omg I have the same problem on the couch. We just moved and bought a sectional couch. I come out of the shower last night and DH is lay across one side with feet on end and head towards middle and her the same way on the other side. I went and had a smoke and came back in and tried to retreat to our room and DH goes where r u going? Come sit with us and I go yeah where? And he goes here I'll make room and put his feet up so I could squish barely by his feet while she had the whole other side of the couch. I will not let her think she rules him or this house. I need to start standing my ground and making it known.
I feel really sorry for you,
I feel really sorry for you, first off your pregnant? Your spouse lets you sit on the floor while his 14 year old son sprawls on the couch. That is extremely disrespectful. He should of told his son to move his feet or get off the couch.Even if it wasn't you pregnant and aunt Hilda was or to visit and pregnant, I would hope your spouse would make his son MOVE to let her sit down. If he doesn't there is a serious issue here between father and son. I might be old fashioned, not culturally updated in our society, but I think fathers are responsible to teach their son how to be men. Respect women, take care of family and most importantly, respect women end of discussion. He is enabling his son to disrespect you !! I would like to meet this person and give him a piece of my mind. I would hope his family would take notice in this and say something!! Pregnant wife -on floor -son sprawled across couch. I assume if his family accepts kissing from women, to women, and it is a gentle gesture, respectful manner (not I want to have sex with you ) and that is okay however men do not display this behaviour, they would not be okay with a teenage boy displaying this behaviour. Unless he is homosexual, and is attracted to men , then that would explain a lot more. I don't know any teenage boy who wants to kiss another boy/man on the lips especially his own DAD? (Even if he was gay) Serious boundarie crossing here. Either I am stuck in old times, or something is wrong with society .
I am surprised your step son
I am surprised your step son doesn't sleep in the same bed with you guys. Please don't tell me he has tried
Yep, it is territorial. SS10
Yep, it is territorial. SS10 wants my spot, my food (well, all of our kids would eat my food, I have to hide to eat a bagel, lol), my room, my bed... and he keeps trying, it's been 5 years. I just calmly tell him "shooo, this is my spot, bed, room, etc." I now have his older brother protect my spot in front of the TV, because I can't stand to have SS10 pick his nose on my spot. He does his nose, then his toes. Makes my stomach turn.
Ewwwwwwww....no....not
Ewwwwwwww....no....not normal.at.all. Ewwwwwwwww
I don't know. He gives her
I don't know. He gives her one on one attention and she gets time alone with him so it's not that he doesn't give her attention which is why I'm having a hard time understanding it all.