I have read a lot of horror stories of Exes so I think my situation may be pretty minor compared to some. I empathize and feel sorry for many of your situations, and after reading so many experiences I feel like there may not be hope for my situation. My spouse and I have been together for almost 5 years, and I have two younger children of my own. 7 and 9. My spouse is great with them, he is a good "step father" even though we do not refer to him as step father as my ex spouse is very involved with our kids and we just have a mutual respectful agreement. My spouse and MY EX get along great! Actually- to great sometimes as he has even invited my ex to come play on his baseball team Monday nights. Needless to say, a healthy situation at the least. I am not friends with my ex's girlfriend due to infedility on their part- hence why our relationship ended, but I am very civil, and polite and I don't feel I cause any problems between them as I was bitter at first but over time I forgave them and I have completely moved on with my life- their life is none of my business is how I feel, just my kids are. This is were it gets complicated..

My spouse was re connected with his son13 last summer(9 months ago) My spouse was not dating BM when son13 was conceived, it was a short lived fling that lasted about two weeks as per my spouse said he was young, 19 and he was in party mode. However they agreed to terminate the pregnancy, BIO mom left town and came back almost 2 years later with a baby boy and said" This is your son". My spouse was currently in a relationship with a women at that time which lasted 8 years, and during that relationship BIO mom tried to cause all sorts of problems. She ended up getting really mad and stopping access to my spouse when their son was about 2 years old, and she ended up dating two men during that time which she had their son call DAD, and she eventually got pregnant with her boyfriend and had his baby, and they got married and she took bio son and moved far away leaving my spouse with absolutely no access for over 8 years. He tried to go to court, but really they just slapped bio moms hand and she lived 12 hours away that my spouse just got fed up and stopped trying.She sent him emails stating he was a terrible father, his family was dysfunctional and she wanted her son to have no contact with ANYONE. My spouse is bull headed, and he told the BIO mom he would support his son, but would not follow her ridiculous expectations which in the end left him without contact. My spouse ex girlfriend who he was with for 8 years, had two children of her own 5 and 6 who my spouse helped raise. One of the reasons bio mom was furious was she did not want her son around step kids. To this day my spouse still cares for his step kids, who are not 18 and 19, and step kids mom is very kind and friendly(even to me) there has never really been any issues with her she moved on maturely. Once Bio mom has come back 10 months ago, she has tried to get my spouse to be with her in mischievous ways, wants him to feel sorry for her as her marriage fell apart, hence why she asked my spouse to reconnect with his son-she financially needs the help and she even admitted this to my spouse one time during an argument. She does not want my children around bio son. She does not want me involved. She does not want my spouse dating she even said" you need to focus just on your son not any girlfriends or your exes kids, your son needs to be top priority and when he is there nobody else should be at your house unless its YOUR family". My spouse and I live together, we were just MARRIED BEFORE she and their son waltzed in. She was angry to know we were trying at one point to have a baby, which fell through, I ended up becoming pretty stressed out so it obviously was not meant to be she said " well I hope you know what your doing and your not going to shove your son to the side now, you shouldnt be having anymore kids anyways" and she said it very rudely. She also has contacted all my spouses siblings personally and has asked them to see her son regularly as she states she wants ALL of my spouses family ( brothers, sisters) to have full contact with her son and for him to be apart of the family as much as possible ( I found it ironic she wants this now, after she spent 8 years putting them all down and said they were no good drunks to be around her son) BIO mom even has her own mother calling my spouse and my spouses mother to complain. Complain about not enough child support (400$ a month for several years) and that my spouse is not being the greatest dad, to her expectations, and also that my spouses step son and daughter are often over to visit and stay during spring break and christmas break, BIO mom hates that, she states that my spouse only needs to focus on their son and nobody elses children. My spouse takes his son every weekend, he puts him sports which his son ends up quitting after the 3 rd time, and he takes him camping, we went on a little mini family vacation which bio mom was pissed about, but my spouse said, "well everyone is coming and if your going to keep son13 back its your fault, not mine but were still all going" she did end up letting him go in the end but pretty much because the son really wanted to come.
Bio mom wants her sons last name changed to my spouses last name. Which is obviously no big deal. My spouse is thrilled. Here's the odd thing about it though, My spouses last name legally is his MOTHERS maiden name per his parents not being married when he was born (1983) there fore he has his mothers last name which starts with a " W" My spouse and 3 of his siblings all have their mothers maiden name, and after the 3rd sibling was born- the parents got married and the last two (sisters) have their fathers last name which starts with an "H". However, my spouse and his 3 brothers in highschool used both last names, "W" and "H" but more H during their sports - all three brothers were pretty popular in highschool ( all one year apart) and they played on an all star team for several years with baseball which used fathers last name"H", and when they played sports in school such as football. Basically everyone in highschool new them as the " H BOYS" so BIO mom also knew my spouse as "H" but did not know his legal last name is actually" W", and as all the brothers are grown adults they use " W" last name, both brothers kids also have "W" as last name, and our baby would also be a "W" and I am a "W" and so on. WELL when son13 said he wanted his last name the same as his fathers, my spouse automatically expected "W", his legal last name, OUR legal last name, our unborn childs last name ect..but BIO mom told son13 its "H" and thats what hes changing it to, son13 even went on Facebook and changed his last name to "H" and bio mom was telling everyone (her friends) their last name is "H" just like his dads. I chuckled when I found this out because here is this big deal to have "dads last name" yet it isn't even his last name legally, so here all of us have "W" and his bio son is going to have "H" all because "H" is more popular name back in the day and she wants her son only aknowledged as "H". It completely beats the purpose in my opinion, anyhow all this info just happened like 2 weeks ago, so my spouse said he was going to tell her that his legal last name is not "H" its "W" and he has no plans on changing it. BIO mom is going to be surprised. Which got me thinking, when she registered their son at birth I wonder what last name she used for my spouse on the fathers info!?!